1 00:00:54,886 --> 00:00:57,252 Ah, there it is. My house. 2 00:00:58,156 --> 00:01:01,558 And good old Cleveland Street. How could I ever forget it? 3 00:01:02,227 --> 00:01:05,128 And there I am, with that dumb round face and... 4 00:01:05,191 --> 00:01:07,028 that stupid stocking cap. 5 00:01:07,866 --> 00:01:10,835 But no matter. Christmas was on its way. 6 00:01:11,136 --> 00:01:13,935 Lovely, glorious, beautiful Christmas... 7 00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:16,868 around which the entire kid year revolved. 8 00:01:40,702 --> 00:01:44,502 Downtown Hohman was prepared for its yearly bacchanalia of... 9 00:01:44,639 --> 00:01:47,234 peace on earth and good will to men. 10 00:02:37,197 --> 00:02:40,895 Higbees' corner window was traditionally a high-water mark... 11 00:02:40,968 --> 00:02:42,959 of the pre-Christmas season. 12 00:02:44,238 --> 00:02:48,538 First nighters, packed earmuff to earmuff, jostled in wonderment... 13 00:02:49,076 --> 00:02:52,444 before a golden tinkling display... 14 00:02:52,781 --> 00:02:55,909 of mechanized, electronic joy. 15 00:03:40,499 --> 00:03:42,296 Wow, there it is. 16 00:03:43,369 --> 00:03:45,803 The holy grail of Christmas gifts. 17 00:03:45,871 --> 00:03:48,773 The Red Ryder 200-shot range model... 18 00:03:48,842 --> 00:03:50,002 air rifle. 19 00:03:50,911 --> 00:03:52,879 And there he is. 20 00:03:53,380 --> 00:03:54,870 Red Ryder himself. 21 00:03:55,315 --> 00:03:59,616 In his hand was the knurled stock of as coolly deadly-looking... 22 00:03:59,687 --> 00:04:03,680 a piece of weaponry as ever I had laid eyes on. 23 00:04:08,396 --> 00:04:12,390 For weeks, I had been scheming to get my mitts on one of these... 24 00:04:12,501 --> 00:04:15,197 fearsome blue-steel beauties. 25 00:04:15,404 --> 00:04:19,636 My fevered brain seethed with the effort of trying to come up with... 26 00:04:19,708 --> 00:04:23,577 the infinitely subtle devices necessary to implant... 27 00:04:23,647 --> 00:04:26,844 the Red Ryder range model air rifle indelibly... 28 00:04:27,150 --> 00:04:29,516 into my parents' subconscious. 29 00:04:29,786 --> 00:04:30,753 Ralphie! 30 00:04:31,289 --> 00:04:32,256 Randy! 31 00:04:32,423 --> 00:04:34,254 Down here in two minutes! 32 00:04:34,659 --> 00:04:36,627 And I mean two minutes! 33 00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:39,162 Come on, Ralphie. I got here first! 34 00:04:45,437 --> 00:04:46,802 Cut it out. 35 00:05:12,566 --> 00:05:15,798 My mother, grabbing for her copy of Look magazine... 36 00:05:16,204 --> 00:05:20,504 would find herself cleverly trapped into reading a Red Ryder sales pitch. 37 00:05:23,345 --> 00:05:25,745 They traded Bullfrog. I don't believe it. 38 00:05:26,381 --> 00:05:27,542 What's that? 39 00:05:28,050 --> 00:05:30,848 Well, for Christ's sake, the Sox traded Bullfrog... 40 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,047 the only player they've got, for Shottenhoffer. 41 00:05:33,189 --> 00:05:35,749 "Four Eyes" Shottenhoffer, a utility infielder. 42 00:05:35,991 --> 00:05:38,984 Got a whole goddamned team of utility infielders. 43 00:05:39,062 --> 00:05:40,461 That's nice. 44 00:05:40,630 --> 00:05:42,530 Ralphie, on the double! 45 00:05:44,167 --> 00:05:46,397 Did you hear about this guy who swallowed a yo-yo? 46 00:05:46,503 --> 00:05:49,166 - Swallowed a yo-yo? - On a bet. 47 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,765 Some clodhopper down in Griffith, Indiana. 48 00:05:53,111 --> 00:05:55,841 They write the silliest things in the newspapers. 49 00:05:56,247 --> 00:05:58,875 What do you mean, silly? I mean that's real news. 50 00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:01,077 That's not like that politics slop. 51 00:06:02,187 --> 00:06:06,851 What is the name of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse? 52 00:06:07,559 --> 00:06:09,356 Victor. His name is Victor. 53 00:06:09,762 --> 00:06:12,755 - How the hell did you know that? - Everybody knows that. 54 00:06:14,434 --> 00:06:17,062 That's another one of your silly puzzles? 55 00:06:17,270 --> 00:06:19,602 Yeah, it's another one of our silly puzzles. 56 00:06:19,672 --> 00:06:23,040 Could be worth $50,000. 57 00:06:24,178 --> 00:06:25,941 What kind is it this time? 58 00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:29,508 Name the great characters in American literature. 59 00:06:30,284 --> 00:06:33,743 Victor? The Lone Ranger's nephew's horse? 60 00:06:33,989 --> 00:06:37,254 Meanwhile, I struggled for exactly the right BB gun hint. 61 00:06:37,325 --> 00:06:38,758 It had to be firm, but subtle. 62 00:06:38,994 --> 00:06:42,020 Flick says he saw some grizzly bears near Pulaski's candy store. 63 00:06:47,937 --> 00:06:51,771 They looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. 64 00:06:52,842 --> 00:06:56,609 I could tell that I was in imminent danger of over-playing my hand. 65 00:06:57,448 --> 00:06:59,348 Casually, I switched tactics. 66 00:07:00,017 --> 00:07:01,109 Hey, Dad! 67 00:07:02,419 --> 00:07:05,684 I'll bet you'll never guess what I got you for Christmas. 68 00:07:07,225 --> 00:07:08,556 A new furnace. 69 00:07:10,395 --> 00:07:11,953 That's a good one, Dad. 70 00:07:13,364 --> 00:07:16,595 My old man was one of the most feared furnace-fighters... 71 00:07:16,668 --> 00:07:18,432 in northern Indiana. 72 00:07:18,804 --> 00:07:21,534 Hurry up, you're going to be late for school. 73 00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:24,207 Yeah. I'm running late already. 74 00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:26,001 Round one was over. 75 00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:28,005 Parents, one. 76 00:07:28,147 --> 00:07:29,206 Kids, zip. 77 00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:33,617 I could feel the Christmas noose beginning to tighten. 78 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,923 Maybe what happened next was inevitable. 79 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,584 Ralphie, what would you like for Christmas? 80 00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:41,922 Horrified, I heard myself blurt it out. 81 00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:46,056 I want an official Red Ryder carbine action 200-shot range model air rifle. 82 00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,235 No. Shoot your eye out. 83 00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:53,070 Oh, no! It was the classic mother-BB gun block. 84 00:07:53,509 --> 00:07:55,033 "You'll shoot your eye out." 85 00:07:55,277 --> 00:07:58,906 That deadly phrase uttered many times before by hundreds... 86 00:07:59,014 --> 00:08:00,982 of mothers was not surmountable... 87 00:08:01,049 --> 00:08:03,075 by any means known to kid-dom. 88 00:08:03,253 --> 00:08:07,053 But such was my mania, my desire for a Red Ryder carbine... 89 00:08:07,156 --> 00:08:10,421 that I immediately began to rebuild the dike. 90 00:08:11,528 --> 00:08:14,623 I was just kidding. Even though Flick is getting one. 91 00:08:15,299 --> 00:08:16,732 I'd just like some Tinkertoys. 92 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,360 I couldn't believe my own ears. Tinkertoys? 93 00:08:19,503 --> 00:08:20,902 She'd never buy it. 94 00:08:21,338 --> 00:08:23,169 BB guns are dangerous. 95 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:24,833 I don't want anyone shooting his eye out. 96 00:08:30,715 --> 00:08:34,549 Randy, will you eat? There are starving people in China. 97 00:08:43,996 --> 00:08:46,659 Mothers know nothing about creeping marauders... 98 00:08:46,833 --> 00:08:48,824 burrowing through the snow toward the kitchen... 99 00:08:48,902 --> 00:08:52,429 where only you, and you alone, stand between your tiny... 100 00:08:52,606 --> 00:08:55,336 huddled family and insensate evil. 101 00:09:03,217 --> 00:09:06,448 Save us, Ralphie! I just knew those bad guys... 102 00:09:06,521 --> 00:09:08,956 would be coming for us in the end! 103 00:09:09,858 --> 00:09:13,089 Don't worry, Dad. As long as I got OI' Blue... 104 00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,199 What've we got here, folks? 105 00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:22,204 Well, we figure it's Black Bart, Ralph. 106 00:09:22,572 --> 00:09:24,836 Well, just me and my trusty old... 107 00:09:24,941 --> 00:09:28,638 Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle. 108 00:09:29,145 --> 00:09:31,706 Lucky I've got a compass in the stock. 109 00:09:31,949 --> 00:09:34,179 Well, I think I better have a look here. 110 00:09:48,133 --> 00:09:49,293 Oh, no! 111 00:09:49,768 --> 00:09:52,066 It's OI' Blue! 112 00:09:52,371 --> 00:09:53,771 Oh, no! 113 00:09:54,574 --> 00:09:56,166 Cheese it, boys! 114 00:10:08,255 --> 00:10:11,952 There's another one! He's a dead-eye, ain't he? 115 00:10:19,167 --> 00:10:20,725 Okay, Ralphie! 116 00:10:20,802 --> 00:10:23,896 You win this time, but we'll be back! 117 00:10:28,911 --> 00:10:30,310 Adiós, Bart. 118 00:10:31,013 --> 00:10:34,676 But if you do come back, you'll be pushing up daisies! 119 00:10:39,623 --> 00:10:41,090 And don't you forget it! 120 00:10:41,158 --> 00:10:42,716 Well, son, you saved us! 121 00:10:42,793 --> 00:10:45,819 We were goners for sure! And you saved us! 122 00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:55,670 Oldsmobile! 123 00:10:56,074 --> 00:10:57,598 A pile of junk! 124 00:10:58,843 --> 00:11:01,039 That goddamned Olds is froze up again! 125 00:11:01,113 --> 00:11:05,914 Some men are Baptists, others Catholics. My father was an Oldsmobile man. 126 00:11:06,218 --> 00:11:10,279 That son of a bitch would freeze up in the middle of summer on the Equator! 127 00:11:10,657 --> 00:11:13,319 - Little pitchers... - Hold it! 128 00:11:26,707 --> 00:11:28,231 It's a clinker! 129 00:11:30,044 --> 00:11:32,171 That blasted, stupid furnace. 130 00:11:32,246 --> 00:11:33,578 Dadgummit! 131 00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:40,310 Damn skates! 132 00:11:43,225 --> 00:11:45,421 For Christ's sake, open up the damper, will you? 133 00:11:45,495 --> 00:11:48,191 Who the hell turned it all the way down again? 134 00:11:49,165 --> 00:11:50,189 Blasted! 135 00:11:59,843 --> 00:12:04,576 In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity... 136 00:12:04,815 --> 00:12:09,185 that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan. 137 00:12:20,599 --> 00:12:22,999 Preparing to go to school was like getting ready... 138 00:12:23,068 --> 00:12:25,536 for extended deep-sea diving. 139 00:12:45,026 --> 00:12:48,928 - Come on, Mom, we're going to be late! - Just wait, Ralph! 140 00:12:50,164 --> 00:12:52,725 My kid brother looked like a tick about to pop. 141 00:12:52,801 --> 00:12:53,597 What? 142 00:12:54,803 --> 00:12:55,633 What is it? 143 00:12:56,605 --> 00:12:58,266 What is it? 144 00:13:02,245 --> 00:13:05,544 - What is it? - I can't put my arms down! 145 00:13:17,127 --> 00:13:19,687 Well, put your arms down when you get to school. 146 00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:51,153 Hey, Flick! Wait up. 147 00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:52,526 Wait up! 148 00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:54,291 So what are you doing? 149 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,969 What does it look like I'm doing? Picking goobers? 150 00:13:57,205 --> 00:14:00,606 Hey, listen, smart ass. I asked my old man about sticking... 151 00:14:00,675 --> 00:14:03,075 your tongue to metal light poles in winter... 152 00:14:03,144 --> 00:14:06,545 and he says it will freeze right to the pole just like I told you. 153 00:14:06,781 --> 00:14:07,805 Baloney. 154 00:14:07,883 --> 00:14:09,851 What would your old man know about anything? 155 00:14:09,919 --> 00:14:12,217 He knows because he once saw a guy stick his tongue... 156 00:14:12,288 --> 00:14:15,883 to a railroad track on a bet and the fire department had to come... 157 00:14:15,958 --> 00:14:19,827 to get the guy's tongue off the track because he couldn't get it off. 158 00:14:19,896 --> 00:14:21,659 Come on, guys, wait up! 159 00:14:21,731 --> 00:14:23,221 Come on, guys! 160 00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:25,930 Come on, guys, wait up! 161 00:14:31,175 --> 00:14:32,574 I can't get up! 162 00:14:33,878 --> 00:14:35,641 I can't get up! 163 00:14:35,713 --> 00:14:36,645 Help! 164 00:14:38,082 --> 00:14:40,346 I can't get out! Help me! 165 00:14:41,753 --> 00:14:43,414 Come on, Flick, wait up for me. 166 00:14:43,522 --> 00:14:45,319 I can't get up! 167 00:14:48,794 --> 00:14:49,590 Come on. 168 00:14:49,661 --> 00:14:51,993 Get up. Sit up. Come on. 169 00:14:53,833 --> 00:14:55,266 You're okay. Come on, let's go. 170 00:14:55,335 --> 00:14:56,666 Come on, you're all right! 171 00:15:05,913 --> 00:15:06,880 Miss Shields! 172 00:15:07,881 --> 00:15:08,939 All right, everyone... 173 00:15:09,016 --> 00:15:10,677 take your seats, please. 174 00:15:18,727 --> 00:15:20,524 Good morning, class. 175 00:15:20,595 --> 00:15:23,928 Good morning, Miss Shields. 176 00:15:58,771 --> 00:16:01,171 Open your books to Page 32. 177 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:04,107 And as you'll remember, Silas Marner... 178 00:16:14,587 --> 00:16:17,215 You're full of beans and so's your old man. 179 00:16:18,391 --> 00:16:20,621 - Says who? - Says me. 180 00:16:20,693 --> 00:16:22,594 Well, I double-dare you. 181 00:16:22,663 --> 00:16:25,257 The exact exchange and nuance... 182 00:16:25,399 --> 00:16:28,857 of phrase in this ritual is very important. 183 00:16:29,103 --> 00:16:31,663 Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? 184 00:16:31,772 --> 00:16:32,740 That's dumb. 185 00:16:32,808 --> 00:16:34,776 That's 'cause you know it will stick! 186 00:16:34,876 --> 00:16:36,468 You're full of it. 187 00:16:37,012 --> 00:16:39,139 Well, I double dog-dare you! 188 00:16:39,681 --> 00:16:42,912 Now it was serious. A double dog-dare. 189 00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:45,580 What else was left but a "triple-dare you"? 190 00:16:45,688 --> 00:16:48,213 And finally, the coup de grâce of all dares... 191 00:16:48,291 --> 00:16:50,691 the sinister triple dog-dare! 192 00:16:51,294 --> 00:16:53,854 I triple dog-dare you! 193 00:16:54,865 --> 00:16:57,333 Schwartz created a slight breach of etiquette... 194 00:16:57,434 --> 00:17:01,063 by skipping the triple-dare and going right for the throat. 195 00:17:01,138 --> 00:17:02,469 All right, all right. 196 00:17:12,183 --> 00:17:15,516 - Go on, smart ass, and do it! - I'm going! 197 00:17:16,187 --> 00:17:20,249 Flick's spine stiffened, his lips curled in a defiant sneer. 198 00:17:20,793 --> 00:17:22,761 There was no going back now. 199 00:17:25,798 --> 00:17:27,390 This is nothing. 200 00:17:31,771 --> 00:17:33,398 Stuck? Stuck! 201 00:17:33,473 --> 00:17:35,566 Stuck! Stuck! 202 00:17:41,482 --> 00:17:42,574 Jeez! 203 00:17:42,717 --> 00:17:44,150 It really works! 204 00:17:44,218 --> 00:17:45,651 Look at him! 205 00:17:55,998 --> 00:17:57,397 Ralphie, come back! 206 00:17:57,466 --> 00:18:00,868 - Come back! Don't leave me! Come back! - But the bell rang! 207 00:18:01,004 --> 00:18:04,496 - What are we going to do? - I don't know! The bell rang! 208 00:18:14,685 --> 00:18:15,947 Where's Flick? 209 00:18:17,688 --> 00:18:19,019 Has anyone seen Flick? 210 00:18:19,190 --> 00:18:20,919 Flick? Flick who? 211 00:18:20,991 --> 00:18:23,119 He was at recess, wasn't he? 212 00:18:24,763 --> 00:18:27,254 Ralphie, do you know where Flick is? 213 00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:36,306 I said has anyone seen Flick? 214 00:18:38,678 --> 00:18:40,305 Yes, Esther Jane? 215 00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:47,978 Oh, my God! 216 00:19:08,844 --> 00:19:11,335 Holy cow, it's the fire department! 217 00:19:18,455 --> 00:19:20,184 Wow, it's the cops! 218 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:16,708 Now, I know that some of you put Flick up to this. 219 00:20:19,421 --> 00:20:21,981 But, he has refused to say who. 220 00:20:24,592 --> 00:20:27,221 But those who did it know their blame. 221 00:20:29,365 --> 00:20:32,425 And I'm sure the guilt you feel... 222 00:20:32,668 --> 00:20:36,628 is far worse than any punishment you might receive. 223 00:20:40,944 --> 00:20:43,071 Now, don't you feel terrible? 224 00:20:44,181 --> 00:20:47,014 Don't you feel remorse for what you have done? 225 00:20:49,420 --> 00:20:52,184 That's all I'm going to say about poor Flick. 226 00:20:55,226 --> 00:20:58,685 Adults love to say things like that. But kids know better. 227 00:20:58,764 --> 00:21:02,598 We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught. 228 00:21:02,701 --> 00:21:05,966 Now, boys and girls, I'm going to give you an assignment. 229 00:21:07,172 --> 00:21:08,867 I want you to write... 230 00:21:09,943 --> 00:21:11,137 a theme. 231 00:21:14,748 --> 00:21:17,046 "What I want for Christmas." 232 00:21:18,418 --> 00:21:19,908 The clouds lifted. 233 00:21:20,454 --> 00:21:22,854 And I want it handed in tomorrow morning... 234 00:21:22,923 --> 00:21:26,017 I saw a faint gleam of light at the other end of... 235 00:21:26,093 --> 00:21:27,958 the black cave of doom. 236 00:21:28,028 --> 00:21:32,056 I knew that when Miss Shields read my magnificent, eloquent theme... 237 00:21:32,134 --> 00:21:34,932 that she would sympathize with my plight... 238 00:21:35,003 --> 00:21:38,200 and everything would work out, somehow. 239 00:21:53,556 --> 00:21:56,025 Boy, did you see how it stuck? 240 00:21:56,593 --> 00:21:59,824 - Did it hurt, Flick? - No. I never felt a thing. 241 00:21:59,897 --> 00:22:01,524 It just caught me off-guard. 242 00:22:01,598 --> 00:22:04,226 - You sure were bawling. - I never bawled! 243 00:22:04,368 --> 00:22:05,836 Baloney. 244 00:22:18,984 --> 00:22:20,542 Scut Farkus! 245 00:22:21,153 --> 00:22:24,748 Scut Farkus! What a rotten name. We were trapped. 246 00:22:24,824 --> 00:22:27,726 There he stood, between us and the alley. 247 00:22:27,794 --> 00:22:30,854 Scut Farkus, staring out at us with his yellow eyes. 248 00:22:31,198 --> 00:22:34,429 He had yellow eyes! So help me God, yellow eyes. 249 00:22:49,952 --> 00:22:52,648 Grover Dill, Farkus' crummy little toady. 250 00:22:52,721 --> 00:22:54,211 Mean. Rotten. 251 00:22:54,289 --> 00:22:56,689 His lips curled over his green teeth. 252 00:22:57,292 --> 00:22:59,192 Randy lay there like a slug. 253 00:22:59,261 --> 00:23:01,321 It was his only defense. 254 00:23:06,169 --> 00:23:08,296 - Say "uncle." - Uncle! 255 00:23:15,980 --> 00:23:17,174 Louder! 256 00:23:19,049 --> 00:23:22,018 In our world, you were either a bully, a toady... 257 00:23:22,086 --> 00:23:24,749 or one of the nameless rabble of victims. 258 00:23:24,890 --> 00:23:26,016 All right. 259 00:23:26,224 --> 00:23:27,782 Who's next? 260 00:23:51,218 --> 00:23:54,949 In the jungles of kid-dom, the mind switches gears rapidly. 261 00:23:55,289 --> 00:23:57,850 Weeks ago I had sent away for my Little Orphan Annie... 262 00:23:57,926 --> 00:23:59,951 secret society decoder pen. 263 00:24:00,295 --> 00:24:02,195 Oh, skunked again. 264 00:24:02,263 --> 00:24:04,891 No matter. Today I had serious work to do. 265 00:24:05,567 --> 00:24:07,695 "What I want for Christmas." 266 00:24:07,770 --> 00:24:10,898 "What I want is a Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock... 267 00:24:10,973 --> 00:24:12,838 "and this thing which tells time." 268 00:24:13,008 --> 00:24:14,407 Wow, that's great. 269 00:24:14,476 --> 00:24:17,502 "I think that everybody should have a Red Ryder BB gun. 270 00:24:17,613 --> 00:24:19,479 "They're very good for Christmas. 271 00:24:20,083 --> 00:24:23,610 "I don't think that a football's a very good Christmas present." 272 00:24:24,421 --> 00:24:27,913 Oh, rarely had the words poured from my penny pencil... 273 00:24:27,991 --> 00:24:29,789 with such feverish fluidity. 274 00:24:35,166 --> 00:24:36,758 I've won! I've won! 275 00:24:47,980 --> 00:24:49,208 The Bumpus hounds. 276 00:24:50,515 --> 00:24:53,178 Our hillbilly neighbors, the Bumpuses, had at least... 277 00:24:53,252 --> 00:24:55,117 785 smelly hound dogs. 278 00:24:55,722 --> 00:24:59,488 And they ignored every other human being on earth but my old man. 279 00:25:02,463 --> 00:25:03,760 I won! 280 00:25:04,999 --> 00:25:06,159 I won! 281 00:25:07,801 --> 00:25:09,428 - What? - A major prize! 282 00:25:09,503 --> 00:25:10,663 I won! 283 00:25:11,472 --> 00:25:14,499 Hey, look at that. Look at that. A Western Union telegram. 284 00:25:14,576 --> 00:25:17,773 Tonight, he's coming tonight. Tonight. Hot damn, tonight! 285 00:25:17,846 --> 00:25:19,507 What does this mean here? 286 00:25:19,614 --> 00:25:21,377 It means it's coming tonight! 287 00:25:21,449 --> 00:25:23,383 I called Ernie McClosky at the freight depot. 288 00:25:23,451 --> 00:25:26,285 He said the telegram was late, the prize was already there... 289 00:25:26,355 --> 00:25:28,550 he was going to send it on tonight. 290 00:25:28,691 --> 00:25:32,058 Come on. Have a chew, fellas, on me. It's my gift. 291 00:25:33,095 --> 00:25:37,430 You know, maybe it'll be one of those Spanish adobe houses down in Coral... 292 00:25:41,738 --> 00:25:44,172 Serves you right, you smelly buggers. 293 00:25:44,274 --> 00:25:46,435 Or it could be a bowling alley. 294 00:25:47,011 --> 00:25:49,206 A guy down in Terre Haute won a bowling alley. 295 00:25:49,347 --> 00:25:52,077 How are they going to deliver a bowling alley here tonight? 296 00:25:52,550 --> 00:25:55,917 They could send the deed, for cripesake. I mean... 297 00:25:56,187 --> 00:25:59,555 I didn't expect they were going to send the whole damn bowling alley. 298 00:25:59,625 --> 00:26:02,458 Yeah, well. How about eating? I'm starving to death. 299 00:26:02,728 --> 00:26:05,458 Getting rich is hard work, kid. Come on. 300 00:26:13,339 --> 00:26:15,534 Every family has a kid who won't eat. 301 00:26:15,875 --> 00:26:19,937 My kid brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years. 302 00:26:21,749 --> 00:26:25,150 Oh, Randy, don't play with your food, eat it! 303 00:26:28,055 --> 00:26:30,387 Starving people would be happy to have that. 304 00:26:30,758 --> 00:26:32,488 Can I have some more red cabbage? 305 00:26:39,434 --> 00:26:42,632 Stop playing with your food, or I'll give you something to cry about. 306 00:26:43,072 --> 00:26:46,235 You better stop fooling around with it and eat it or you'll be sorry. 307 00:26:51,614 --> 00:26:52,979 Can I please have some more? 308 00:26:53,050 --> 00:26:56,577 My mother had not had a hot meal for herself in 15 years. 309 00:26:58,756 --> 00:27:01,782 Meatloaf, double beetloaf. 310 00:27:02,392 --> 00:27:03,984 I hate meatloaf. 311 00:27:05,263 --> 00:27:07,754 All right. I'll get that kid to eat. 312 00:27:08,166 --> 00:27:09,929 Where's my screwdriver and plumber's helper? 313 00:27:10,001 --> 00:27:12,367 I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in. 314 00:27:12,637 --> 00:27:14,696 My mother was more subtle. 315 00:27:15,241 --> 00:27:17,505 How do the little piggies go? 316 00:27:18,244 --> 00:27:20,644 That's right. Oink, oink. 317 00:27:20,746 --> 00:27:24,045 Now, show me how the piggies eat. This is your trough. 318 00:27:24,250 --> 00:27:27,118 Show me how the piggies eat. 319 00:27:27,521 --> 00:27:30,354 Be a good boy. Show Mommy how the piggies eat. 320 00:27:59,121 --> 00:28:00,350 Oh, my. 321 00:28:00,824 --> 00:28:02,792 Mommy's little piggy. 322 00:28:23,181 --> 00:28:24,546 It's here. 323 00:28:32,257 --> 00:28:33,054 Are you Parker? 324 00:28:33,626 --> 00:28:35,719 - All right, sign here. - Yeah. Well, what is it? 325 00:28:35,862 --> 00:28:37,056 I don't know. 326 00:28:37,230 --> 00:28:38,788 What's in it? 327 00:28:38,865 --> 00:28:40,730 Here. Bring it in. 328 00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,200 Okay, boys. Haul that on in here. Move your tails. 329 00:28:43,269 --> 00:28:46,762 Bring it right on in. Right here. Bring it ahead. Straight ahead. 330 00:28:46,907 --> 00:28:47,965 That's right. 331 00:28:49,142 --> 00:28:50,234 Right. 332 00:28:50,310 --> 00:28:53,108 Here, bring it right in, fellas. That's it. Here we go. 333 00:28:53,213 --> 00:28:55,307 A little more. Little more. 334 00:28:55,383 --> 00:28:56,407 That's it. 335 00:28:59,187 --> 00:29:00,882 Watch the lady. 336 00:29:09,598 --> 00:29:11,293 Thanks a lot, guys. 337 00:29:11,367 --> 00:29:12,698 Merry Christmas. 338 00:29:12,768 --> 00:29:15,669 Get the crowbar and a hammer, Ralphie. Go on. 339 00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,265 "Fra-gi-ley." 340 00:29:19,442 --> 00:29:22,809 - That must be Italian. - I think that says "fragile." 341 00:29:23,046 --> 00:29:24,638 Oh, yeah. 342 00:29:25,982 --> 00:29:27,415 Here we go. 343 00:29:33,190 --> 00:29:35,420 They did a job on this, you know? 344 00:29:41,700 --> 00:29:43,998 No, here, Ralph, hold this. 345 00:29:50,409 --> 00:29:53,470 There could be anything in there! 346 00:29:53,546 --> 00:29:54,706 Jesus! 347 00:29:57,717 --> 00:29:59,048 Maybe they forgot. 348 00:29:59,285 --> 00:30:02,119 It's in there. It's gotta be in there. 349 00:30:08,896 --> 00:30:11,262 - Would you look at that? - What? 350 00:30:11,365 --> 00:30:13,698 Would you look at that? 351 00:30:16,304 --> 00:30:17,794 What is it? 352 00:30:18,540 --> 00:30:19,905 It's a leg! 353 00:30:20,375 --> 00:30:21,501 But what is it? 354 00:30:21,876 --> 00:30:23,845 Well, it's a leg. 355 00:30:24,180 --> 00:30:25,579 You know, like in a statue. 356 00:30:26,148 --> 00:30:28,139 - Statue? - Yeah, statue! 357 00:30:28,818 --> 00:30:30,479 Yeah, statue! 358 00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:32,210 Ralphie! 359 00:30:32,655 --> 00:30:36,592 My mother was trying to insinuate herself between us and the statue. 360 00:30:36,827 --> 00:30:38,852 Holy smoke, would you... 361 00:30:38,929 --> 00:30:40,897 Do you know what this is? 362 00:30:40,964 --> 00:30:43,432 This is a lamp. 363 00:30:44,534 --> 00:30:46,332 It was indeed a lamp. 364 00:30:46,404 --> 00:30:49,271 Isn't that great? What a great lamp! 365 00:30:50,341 --> 00:30:52,138 I don't know. 366 00:30:53,077 --> 00:30:55,671 Here, hold it. Hold it. Here, go on. 367 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,447 The old man's eyes boggled... 368 00:30:59,651 --> 00:31:01,175 overcome by art. 369 00:31:01,286 --> 00:31:03,220 I know just the place for it. 370 00:31:03,288 --> 00:31:06,280 Right in the middle of our front room window! 371 00:31:25,112 --> 00:31:26,943 Jesus, God. 372 00:31:30,986 --> 00:31:33,216 - Honey? - No. It's all right. 373 00:31:35,090 --> 00:31:36,557 Let's see... 374 00:31:36,892 --> 00:31:41,295 This goes to the radio and this goes to the... 375 00:31:42,398 --> 00:31:44,889 Well, it's just one too many. 376 00:31:48,871 --> 00:31:49,860 Well, let's see. 377 00:31:49,939 --> 00:31:53,171 The snap of a few sparks, a quick whiff of ozone... 378 00:31:53,243 --> 00:31:56,701 and the lamp blazed forth in unparalleled glory. 379 00:31:56,947 --> 00:31:59,438 Look at that! Will you look at that? 380 00:31:59,616 --> 00:32:01,811 Isn't that glorious? 381 00:32:03,287 --> 00:32:07,349 It's indescribably beautiful. It reminds me of the Fourth of July! 382 00:32:08,193 --> 00:32:09,160 Turn off all the lights. 383 00:32:09,227 --> 00:32:11,161 I wanna see what it looks like from the street. 384 00:32:11,229 --> 00:32:14,027 - I'll go get the dining room. - Couldn't we talk this over? 385 00:32:34,654 --> 00:32:37,920 Move it a little bit to the right. A little that way. 386 00:32:38,693 --> 00:32:42,220 Just a little... More to the right. 387 00:32:43,297 --> 00:32:45,288 Yeah. More. That's it. No, stop! 388 00:32:45,433 --> 00:32:47,663 Right there. That's wonderful. 389 00:32:47,869 --> 00:32:49,428 Parker, what is that? 390 00:32:49,505 --> 00:32:51,405 Don't bother me now. Can't you see I'm busy? 391 00:32:51,573 --> 00:32:54,269 - Yeah, but what is that? - It's a major award. 392 00:32:55,344 --> 00:32:56,675 A major award? 393 00:32:57,713 --> 00:33:00,274 Shucks, I wouldn't have known that. It looks like a lamp. 394 00:33:00,350 --> 00:33:03,751 It is a lamp, you nincompoop. But it's a major award. 395 00:33:03,820 --> 00:33:05,082 I won it. 396 00:33:05,288 --> 00:33:08,052 - Damn, hell, you say you won it? - Yeah. 397 00:33:08,224 --> 00:33:10,887 Mind power, Sweed, mind power. 398 00:33:11,428 --> 00:33:13,726 The entire neighborhood was turned on. 399 00:33:13,831 --> 00:33:16,698 You should see what it looks like from out here! 400 00:33:16,867 --> 00:33:19,836 It could be seen up and down Cleveland Street. 401 00:33:19,904 --> 00:33:21,873 The symbol of the old man's victory. 402 00:33:22,007 --> 00:33:24,168 Yeah, he won that. It's a major award. 403 00:33:24,242 --> 00:33:27,734 Isn't it about time for somebody's favorite radio program? 404 00:33:29,414 --> 00:33:31,746 Holy smokes, it was 6:45. 405 00:33:31,883 --> 00:33:34,045 Only one thing that could've dragged me away... 406 00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:38,113 from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window. 407 00:33:50,537 --> 00:33:52,835 Kids, it's Little Orphan Annie time. 408 00:33:52,906 --> 00:33:55,569 Brought to you by rich, chocolaty Ovaltine. 409 00:33:56,211 --> 00:33:57,508 I could still taste it. 410 00:33:59,247 --> 00:34:01,044 Hey, you turned the light off! 411 00:34:17,734 --> 00:34:21,170 I knew I was handing Miss Shields a masterpiece. 412 00:34:21,538 --> 00:34:24,939 Maybe Miss Shields, in her ecstasy, would excuse me from theme writing... 413 00:34:25,008 --> 00:34:27,568 for the rest of my natural life. 414 00:34:35,319 --> 00:34:37,048 You call this a paragraph? 415 00:34:37,455 --> 00:34:41,620 Margins! Margins! "F"! 416 00:34:42,561 --> 00:34:45,359 My life's work down the drain. 417 00:34:46,298 --> 00:34:48,163 A semicolon, you dolt! 418 00:34:48,233 --> 00:34:49,325 A period. 419 00:34:49,635 --> 00:34:50,398 "F"! 420 00:34:50,536 --> 00:34:54,939 Oh, I should weep if I have to read one more "F"! 421 00:34:56,576 --> 00:34:58,134 Ralphie Parker. 422 00:35:13,795 --> 00:35:16,423 The theme I've been waiting for all my life. 423 00:35:16,898 --> 00:35:18,456 Listen to this sentence. 424 00:35:18,867 --> 00:35:23,237 "A Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock... 425 00:35:24,507 --> 00:35:27,203 "and this thing which tells time." 426 00:35:29,312 --> 00:35:30,506 Poetry. 427 00:35:30,579 --> 00:35:32,046 Sheer poetry. 428 00:35:32,415 --> 00:35:35,613 Ralph, an "A+." 429 00:35:36,086 --> 00:35:37,644 My Ralph! 430 00:35:37,921 --> 00:35:40,890 Oh, Ralphie, you've made me proud. 431 00:35:42,826 --> 00:35:44,225 "A+"! 432 00:36:22,636 --> 00:36:24,160 Is there something you want, Ralph? 433 00:36:24,839 --> 00:36:27,467 I'm just turning in my theme. 434 00:36:29,610 --> 00:36:31,306 Well, you can take your seat now. 435 00:36:34,349 --> 00:36:35,543 Take your seat. 436 00:36:53,937 --> 00:36:55,666 Come on, you guys. 437 00:37:01,478 --> 00:37:03,379 Get in the car. Get in the car. 438 00:37:04,249 --> 00:37:07,446 If we don't hurry we're going to miss all the good trees! 439 00:37:10,021 --> 00:37:13,081 My mother was about to make another brilliant maneuver... 440 00:37:13,224 --> 00:37:16,160 in the legendary battle of the lamp. 441 00:37:16,295 --> 00:37:21,130 The epic struggle which followed lives in the folklore of Cleveland Street... 442 00:37:21,233 --> 00:37:22,530 to this very day. 443 00:37:22,635 --> 00:37:25,400 Don't want to waste electricity. 444 00:37:25,605 --> 00:37:27,334 "Don't want to waste electricity." 445 00:37:27,574 --> 00:37:30,134 Come on, Ralphie. Get in the car. 446 00:37:35,816 --> 00:37:37,842 You folks looking for a tree? We got 300 trees. 447 00:37:37,919 --> 00:37:41,184 This is the Christmas tree emporium of the entire Midwest. 448 00:37:41,255 --> 00:37:44,782 Now, you ain't gonna find no better tree than this here tree. 449 00:37:45,193 --> 00:37:47,252 This here tree is built to last. 450 00:37:47,362 --> 00:37:49,159 Ain't no needles coming off this here tree. 451 00:37:52,367 --> 00:37:54,562 Okay. Now here's a tree. 452 00:37:54,636 --> 00:37:56,501 This here is a tree. 453 00:37:56,605 --> 00:38:00,975 - That's a little skimpy in the front. - Well, you just put it in the corner. 454 00:38:01,144 --> 00:38:04,773 - Haven't you got a big tree? - Hell, this ain't no tree. 455 00:38:05,315 --> 00:38:07,715 Now here's a tree. This here is a tree. 456 00:38:09,352 --> 00:38:12,982 - Wait'll the dogs see that one. - Don't you think it's a little large? 457 00:38:13,057 --> 00:38:16,356 Listen, Christmas only comes once a year. Why not? 458 00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:18,625 - How much? - I'll knock off $2... 459 00:38:18,729 --> 00:38:20,823 because I can see you're a man who knows his trees. 460 00:38:20,932 --> 00:38:24,299 This isn't one of those trees that all the needles falls off, is it? 461 00:38:24,402 --> 00:38:26,097 No, that's them balsams. 462 00:38:26,204 --> 00:38:28,900 The old man loved bargaining as much as an Arab trader... 463 00:38:28,974 --> 00:38:30,703 and he was twice as shrewd. 464 00:38:30,775 --> 00:38:33,176 You know, Dew Lock just bought one of those brand new... 465 00:38:33,279 --> 00:38:35,474 green plastic trees. 466 00:38:36,949 --> 00:38:39,110 Darn thing looks like it was made out of... 467 00:38:39,752 --> 00:38:41,652 green pipe cleaners. 468 00:38:42,288 --> 00:38:44,382 This is a very nice tree. 469 00:38:44,558 --> 00:38:46,992 I'll throw in some rope and tie it to your car for you. 470 00:38:47,060 --> 00:38:48,527 You got a deal. 471 00:38:48,729 --> 00:38:49,559 Deal. 472 00:39:09,451 --> 00:39:11,146 Damn it. Blow out! 473 00:39:19,596 --> 00:39:21,154 Not again. 474 00:39:22,365 --> 00:39:23,798 Four minutes! 475 00:39:23,867 --> 00:39:25,391 Time me. 476 00:39:26,536 --> 00:39:28,368 Actually, my old man loved it. 477 00:39:28,472 --> 00:39:31,771 He always saw himself in the pits at the Indianapolis Speedway... 478 00:39:31,876 --> 00:39:32,865 in the 500. 479 00:39:37,915 --> 00:39:40,851 My old man's spare tires were actually only tires... 480 00:39:40,919 --> 00:39:42,113 in the academic sense. 481 00:39:42,321 --> 00:39:44,881 They were round. They had once been made of rubber. 482 00:39:49,328 --> 00:39:52,423 Ralphie, why don't you go help your father? 483 00:39:52,865 --> 00:39:54,492 - Really? Can I? - Yes. 484 00:39:55,001 --> 00:39:56,969 - Watch the traffic, there. - Okay. 485 00:39:57,804 --> 00:40:00,329 It was the first time that it had been suggested that... 486 00:40:00,406 --> 00:40:02,773 I go help my father with anything. 487 00:40:06,981 --> 00:40:09,677 - What are you doing here? - Mom says I should help. 488 00:40:11,318 --> 00:40:13,879 Okay, sit down here. Squat down. 489 00:40:14,756 --> 00:40:16,053 Yeah, that's it. 490 00:40:16,257 --> 00:40:18,054 Here. Hold this. 491 00:40:21,730 --> 00:40:25,223 No, not that way. Come on, rat trap, hold it like this. 492 00:40:25,301 --> 00:40:26,233 - How? - Like this. 493 00:40:26,302 --> 00:40:28,202 I want to put the nuts in it. There we are. 494 00:40:28,270 --> 00:40:31,262 There's four of them. And we got it! 495 00:40:33,710 --> 00:40:35,109 There it is. 496 00:40:35,345 --> 00:40:38,542 That son of a gun. I'm gonna get that dirty... 497 00:40:38,949 --> 00:40:39,779 There we go. 498 00:40:41,018 --> 00:40:43,350 For one brief moment I saw all the bolts silhouetted... 499 00:40:43,420 --> 00:40:45,946 against the lights of the traffic. And then they were gone. 500 00:40:50,762 --> 00:40:52,821 Oh, fudge! 501 00:40:53,531 --> 00:40:55,431 Only I didn't say "fudge." 502 00:40:55,533 --> 00:40:57,365 I said the word. 503 00:40:57,569 --> 00:41:00,800 The big one. The queen mother of dirty words. 504 00:41:01,140 --> 00:41:03,540 The "f, dash, dash, dash" word. 505 00:41:03,609 --> 00:41:05,509 What did you say? 506 00:41:08,448 --> 00:41:11,144 That's what I thought you said. 507 00:41:13,620 --> 00:41:15,417 Get in the car. 508 00:41:18,325 --> 00:41:19,349 Go on. 509 00:41:19,427 --> 00:41:21,691 It was all over. I was dead. 510 00:41:21,929 --> 00:41:24,557 What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? 511 00:41:24,632 --> 00:41:27,533 The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? 512 00:41:28,035 --> 00:41:32,029 Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me. 513 00:41:34,876 --> 00:41:37,140 Everything go all right? 514 00:41:51,862 --> 00:41:53,557 Eight minutes. 515 00:41:55,866 --> 00:41:59,199 - Do you know what your son just said? - No. What? 516 00:41:59,937 --> 00:42:02,235 I'll tell you what he said. Randy! 517 00:42:05,910 --> 00:42:06,638 Ralphie! 518 00:42:08,747 --> 00:42:11,648 Over the years, I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. 519 00:42:11,750 --> 00:42:15,949 My personal preference is for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice... 520 00:42:16,122 --> 00:42:18,215 piquant, after-dinner flavor. 521 00:42:18,290 --> 00:42:21,817 Heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. 522 00:42:25,232 --> 00:42:27,632 Lifebuoy, on the other hand... 523 00:42:29,636 --> 00:42:31,501 You ready to tell me? 524 00:42:36,210 --> 00:42:38,770 All right. Where did you hear that word? 525 00:42:38,946 --> 00:42:42,848 Now I had heard that word at least 10 times a day from my old man. 526 00:42:43,017 --> 00:42:45,315 My father worked in profanity the way... 527 00:42:45,419 --> 00:42:47,854 other artists might work in oils or clay. 528 00:42:47,956 --> 00:42:50,652 It was his true medium. A master. 529 00:42:50,726 --> 00:42:53,126 But I chickened out. And I blurted out... 530 00:42:53,295 --> 00:42:55,263 the first name that came to mind. 531 00:42:55,330 --> 00:42:56,592 Schwartz! 532 00:42:58,301 --> 00:42:59,893 I see. 533 00:43:11,282 --> 00:43:14,149 Hello, Mrs. Schwartz? Yes, I'm fine. 534 00:43:14,685 --> 00:43:18,143 Mrs. Schwartz, do you know what Ralph just said? 535 00:43:19,957 --> 00:43:20,925 No. 536 00:43:21,193 --> 00:43:22,717 He said... 537 00:43:24,696 --> 00:43:26,220 Not that! 538 00:43:26,431 --> 00:43:27,693 Yes, that. 539 00:43:27,833 --> 00:43:30,802 - Do you know where he heard it? - Probably from his father. 540 00:43:30,902 --> 00:43:33,394 No! He heard it from your son! 541 00:43:33,472 --> 00:43:34,461 What? 542 00:43:42,549 --> 00:43:43,811 What'd I do, Mom? 543 00:43:44,585 --> 00:43:46,553 Why? I didn't do nothing! 544 00:43:51,592 --> 00:43:55,256 Another shot of mysterious, inexorable, official justice. 545 00:43:55,830 --> 00:44:00,597 Rinse out and go to bed. Am I glad you finished your homework! 546 00:44:00,768 --> 00:44:03,703 Get right into bed, and I don't want to see any lights on. 547 00:44:03,771 --> 00:44:06,741 You are being punished, so no comic book reading! 548 00:44:06,842 --> 00:44:08,833 I'll come in, and if any lights are on... 549 00:44:08,944 --> 00:44:11,845 Don't you give me that look! You're gonna get it! 550 00:44:33,604 --> 00:44:36,368 Three blocks away, Schwartz was getting his. 551 00:44:38,010 --> 00:44:40,410 There has never been a kid who didn't believe... 552 00:44:40,612 --> 00:44:44,480 vaguely but insistently, that he would be stricken blind... 553 00:44:44,650 --> 00:44:48,450 before he reached 21. And then they'd be sorry. 554 00:44:59,232 --> 00:45:01,030 Why, it's Ralph! 555 00:45:01,902 --> 00:45:05,133 Well, come on in, Ralph. Where've you been? 556 00:45:10,144 --> 00:45:11,476 Why, he's carrying a cane! 557 00:45:11,546 --> 00:45:13,036 What is it, Ralph? What happened? 558 00:45:13,114 --> 00:45:14,979 Why, he's blind! 559 00:45:15,050 --> 00:45:16,881 Blind? Oh, my God! 560 00:45:20,021 --> 00:45:21,682 Ralph, is it something we did? 561 00:45:21,790 --> 00:45:24,624 What brought you to this lonely state? 562 00:45:25,928 --> 00:45:28,863 Ralph, please tell us no matter how it hurts. What did we do? 563 00:45:29,732 --> 00:45:31,495 Look, I can't. 564 00:45:31,567 --> 00:45:33,468 Please, Ralph. I must know what we did. 565 00:45:33,704 --> 00:45:35,604 What brought you to this? 566 00:45:45,116 --> 00:45:47,277 Soap poisoning. 567 00:45:54,292 --> 00:45:56,488 Oh, how could we do it? 568 00:45:57,162 --> 00:46:00,222 I'll manage to get along, somehow. 569 00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,634 - I'll never forgive myself. - Thanks, Mom. 570 00:46:03,802 --> 00:46:06,397 I told you not to use Lifebuoy. 571 00:46:07,474 --> 00:46:09,271 I feel awful! 572 00:46:34,302 --> 00:46:35,166 Thank you, Heather. 573 00:46:35,237 --> 00:46:37,034 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. 574 00:46:37,839 --> 00:46:38,635 Thank you, Flick. 575 00:46:39,307 --> 00:46:40,832 Merry Christmas, Miss Shields. 576 00:47:05,904 --> 00:47:08,930 I just thought that you'd be getting tired of the same old stuff. 577 00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:12,305 Yes, truly, a little bribe never hurts. 578 00:47:12,844 --> 00:47:14,904 Well, thank you very much, Ralph. 579 00:47:20,352 --> 00:47:22,149 Merry Christmas. 580 00:47:24,891 --> 00:47:26,153 Happy New Year. 581 00:47:28,995 --> 00:47:31,054 You can take your seat now, Ralph. 582 00:47:54,656 --> 00:47:57,717 The weeks of drinking gallons of Ovaltine, in order to get... 583 00:47:57,827 --> 00:48:01,263 the Ovaltine inner seal to send off for my Little Orphan Annie... 584 00:48:01,331 --> 00:48:04,858 secret decoder pen, was about to pay off. 585 00:48:05,635 --> 00:48:08,331 I got it. "Master Ralph Parker." 586 00:48:08,405 --> 00:48:10,134 My decoder pen! 587 00:48:14,512 --> 00:48:15,979 All right! 588 00:48:21,286 --> 00:48:24,119 "Be it known to all that Ralph Parker is hereby appointed... 589 00:48:24,189 --> 00:48:26,953 "a member of the Little Orphan Annie secret circle and... 590 00:48:27,025 --> 00:48:29,926 "is entitled to all the honors and benefits occurring thereto." 591 00:48:30,462 --> 00:48:32,590 Signed, Little Orphan Annie. 592 00:48:32,832 --> 00:48:35,198 Countersigned, Pierre Andre! 593 00:48:35,568 --> 00:48:36,865 In ink! 594 00:48:37,036 --> 00:48:40,597 Honors and benefits. Already at the age of nine. 595 00:48:46,446 --> 00:48:47,777 Come on. Let's get on with it. 596 00:48:47,848 --> 00:48:50,817 I don't need all that jazz about smugglers and pirates. 597 00:48:51,852 --> 00:48:54,413 Listen tomorrow night for the concluding adventure of... 598 00:48:54,522 --> 00:48:57,514 The Black Pirate Ship. Now it's time... 599 00:48:57,659 --> 00:49:01,720 for Annie's secret message for you members of the secret circle. 600 00:49:02,497 --> 00:49:04,591 Remember, kids, only members of... 601 00:49:04,667 --> 00:49:08,728 Annie's secret circle can decode Annie's secret message. 602 00:49:08,938 --> 00:49:12,032 Remember, Annie is depending on you. 603 00:49:12,975 --> 00:49:15,137 Set your pins to B-2. 604 00:49:15,512 --> 00:49:17,639 Here is the message. 605 00:49:17,914 --> 00:49:19,279 12. 11. 2... 606 00:49:19,349 --> 00:49:21,817 I am in my first secret meeting. 607 00:49:21,885 --> 00:49:24,649 ... 25. 14. 11. 18. 608 00:49:25,722 --> 00:49:26,485 16. 23... 609 00:49:26,557 --> 00:49:28,252 Pierre was in great voice tonight. 610 00:49:28,326 --> 00:49:32,092 I could tell that tonight's message was really important. 611 00:49:32,496 --> 00:49:33,554 ... 3. 25. 612 00:49:33,664 --> 00:49:37,829 That's a message from Annie herself. Remember, don't tell anyone. 613 00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:44,609 Ninety seconds later I'm in the only room in the house... 614 00:49:44,676 --> 00:49:47,975 where a boy of nine can sit in privacy and decode. 615 00:49:50,483 --> 00:49:53,043 Ah! "B." I went to the next. 616 00:49:54,053 --> 00:49:56,681 "E." The first word is "be"! 617 00:49:57,156 --> 00:50:00,251 "S." It was coming easier now. "U." 618 00:50:02,062 --> 00:50:04,656 Come on, Ralphie! I gotta go. 619 00:50:05,332 --> 00:50:07,061 I'll be right down, Ma. 620 00:50:07,167 --> 00:50:08,566 Gee whiz. 621 00:50:11,072 --> 00:50:13,165 "T. O." 622 00:50:14,209 --> 00:50:16,609 "Be sure to." Be sure to what? 623 00:50:16,711 --> 00:50:19,441 What was Little Orphan Annie trying to say? Be sure to what? 624 00:50:19,648 --> 00:50:22,641 Ralphie! Randy has got to go! Will you please come out? 625 00:50:22,718 --> 00:50:25,448 All right, Ma! I'll be right out! 626 00:50:25,821 --> 00:50:27,288 I was getting closer now. 627 00:50:27,390 --> 00:50:30,359 The tension was terrible. What was it? 628 00:50:30,426 --> 00:50:32,657 The fate of the planet may hang in the balance. 629 00:50:33,196 --> 00:50:35,255 Ralphie! Randy's gotta go! 630 00:50:36,199 --> 00:50:38,827 I'll be right out, for crying out loud! 631 00:50:39,202 --> 00:50:41,932 Almost there! My fingers flew. 632 00:50:42,039 --> 00:50:43,701 My mind was a steel trap. 633 00:50:43,808 --> 00:50:45,207 Every pore vibrated. 634 00:50:45,610 --> 00:50:47,271 It was almost clear. 635 00:50:47,445 --> 00:50:48,469 Yes! 636 00:50:55,654 --> 00:50:56,882 Ovaltine? 637 00:51:00,626 --> 00:51:02,355 A crummy commercial? 638 00:51:04,997 --> 00:51:06,522 Son of a bitch! 639 00:51:08,768 --> 00:51:11,259 I went out to face the world again. 640 00:51:11,404 --> 00:51:12,837 Wiser. 641 00:51:25,786 --> 00:51:27,253 Red cabbage? 642 00:51:27,321 --> 00:51:30,291 No, that's for tomorrow night. You love red cabbage, Ralphie. 643 00:51:32,227 --> 00:51:34,195 You filthy system! 644 00:51:34,262 --> 00:51:35,923 I hate it! 645 00:51:36,098 --> 00:51:38,726 Schmucker! Smelly watt-buster! 646 00:51:47,443 --> 00:51:51,813 What happened next was a family controversy for years. 647 00:52:08,733 --> 00:52:09,859 What was that? What happened? 648 00:52:14,106 --> 00:52:15,539 What happened? 649 00:52:16,308 --> 00:52:17,798 What broke? 650 00:52:18,077 --> 00:52:19,840 I don't know what happened. 651 00:52:19,912 --> 00:52:22,176 I was watering my plant and... 652 00:52:23,483 --> 00:52:25,246 I broke your lamp. 653 00:52:40,435 --> 00:52:42,096 Don't you touch that! 654 00:52:43,104 --> 00:52:45,231 You were always jealous of this lamp. 655 00:52:45,974 --> 00:52:47,441 Jealous of a plastic leg? 656 00:52:47,543 --> 00:52:48,703 Jealous! 657 00:52:48,877 --> 00:52:51,107 Jealous because I won. 658 00:52:53,015 --> 00:52:54,505 That's ridiculous! Jealous? 659 00:52:54,650 --> 00:52:55,776 Jealous of what? 660 00:52:57,020 --> 00:52:58,317 That is... 661 00:52:58,388 --> 00:53:02,347 the ugliest lamp I have ever seen in my entire life! 662 00:53:02,725 --> 00:53:04,283 Now it was out. 663 00:53:04,694 --> 00:53:05,991 Get the glue. 664 00:53:06,563 --> 00:53:08,828 We're out of glue. 665 00:53:11,135 --> 00:53:15,469 You used up all the glue on purpose! 666 00:53:17,308 --> 00:53:19,709 The old man stood quivering with fury... 667 00:53:19,811 --> 00:53:22,245 stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher. 668 00:53:22,647 --> 00:53:23,909 All he got out was: 669 00:53:23,982 --> 00:53:25,279 Not a finger! 670 00:54:06,028 --> 00:54:08,258 With as much dignity as he could muster... 671 00:54:08,364 --> 00:54:10,924 the old man gathered up the sad remains... 672 00:54:11,033 --> 00:54:13,558 of his shattered major award. 673 00:54:14,437 --> 00:54:17,235 Later that night, alone in the backyard... 674 00:54:17,641 --> 00:54:19,472 he buried it next to the garage. 675 00:54:20,076 --> 00:54:21,737 Now I could never be sure... 676 00:54:22,212 --> 00:54:25,808 but I thought that I heard the sound of taps being played... 677 00:54:26,117 --> 00:54:27,379 gently. 678 00:54:27,785 --> 00:54:29,514 Know what I'm getting my old man for Christmas? 679 00:54:29,587 --> 00:54:31,384 - What? - A rose that squirts. 680 00:54:31,455 --> 00:54:33,514 People come to smell it, it squirts them. 681 00:54:33,691 --> 00:54:37,219 - I'm getting my old man a Flit gun. - A Flit gun? 682 00:54:40,566 --> 00:54:41,726 Stop right there! 683 00:54:41,934 --> 00:54:45,870 Ordinarily, if Dill so much as said "hi" to you, you felt great... 684 00:54:46,371 --> 00:54:49,899 warm inside. But mostly he just hit you in the mouth. 685 00:54:50,176 --> 00:54:52,838 I can't now, Grover. I've gotta go see Miss Shields. 686 00:54:53,179 --> 00:54:56,080 Hey, come here! Get over here! 687 00:54:56,516 --> 00:54:58,450 Come on, you! Hey, come here! 688 00:54:59,954 --> 00:55:00,886 You! Come here! 689 00:55:01,121 --> 00:55:01,849 Who, me? 690 00:55:02,089 --> 00:55:04,990 - No, your Aunt Tilly. - Yeah, you. Get over here! 691 00:55:05,192 --> 00:55:08,184 I left Flick to certain annihilation. 692 00:55:09,229 --> 00:55:11,721 But BB gun mania knows no loyalties. 693 00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:14,168 Uncle! Uncle! 694 00:55:19,140 --> 00:55:20,164 All right, class. 695 00:55:20,609 --> 00:55:23,204 I have your Christmas themes for you. 696 00:55:24,246 --> 00:55:25,611 I'm pleased. 697 00:55:26,215 --> 00:55:28,410 In general, you did very well. 698 00:55:31,587 --> 00:55:35,115 However, I was disappointed in the margins. 699 00:55:37,761 --> 00:55:39,353 This is it. 700 00:55:40,731 --> 00:55:42,926 "C+"? No, it can't be. 701 00:55:43,368 --> 00:55:44,767 C+? 702 00:55:44,936 --> 00:55:46,961 C+! 703 00:55:54,747 --> 00:55:55,975 Oh, no! 704 00:55:57,149 --> 00:55:58,810 "You'll shoot your eye out"? 705 00:56:01,153 --> 00:56:03,121 My mother must have gotten to Miss Shields. 706 00:56:03,288 --> 00:56:04,880 There could be no other explanation. 707 00:56:05,157 --> 00:56:09,288 You'll shoot your eye out. You'll shoot your eye out. 708 00:56:11,865 --> 00:56:15,596 Was there no end to this conspiracy of irrational prejudice... 709 00:56:15,669 --> 00:56:17,968 against Red Ryder and his peacemaker? 710 00:56:18,172 --> 00:56:22,370 These multiplication questions were most missed in our last math test. 711 00:56:22,476 --> 00:56:24,034 Would you answer in unison, please? 712 00:56:24,345 --> 00:56:27,246 I was surrounded by happier kids who were all going to get... 713 00:56:27,348 --> 00:56:28,907 what they wanted for Christmas. 714 00:56:29,284 --> 00:56:30,512 ...fifty-six. 715 00:57:01,186 --> 00:57:02,710 Hey, four-eyes! 716 00:57:02,787 --> 00:57:05,347 How'd you like your snowball sandwich? 717 00:57:06,024 --> 00:57:08,015 Maybe you'd like another one! 718 00:57:13,566 --> 00:57:14,555 Listen, jerk. 719 00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:18,099 When I tell you to come, you better come! 720 00:57:19,305 --> 00:57:21,773 What? Are you going to cry now? 721 00:57:21,974 --> 00:57:25,741 Come on, cry baby, cry for me. Come on. 722 00:57:26,113 --> 00:57:27,603 Cry! 723 00:57:27,748 --> 00:57:29,545 Deep in the recesses of my brain... 724 00:57:29,683 --> 00:57:33,050 a tiny red-hot little flame began to grow. 725 00:57:46,802 --> 00:57:47,928 Something had happened. 726 00:57:48,103 --> 00:57:52,096 A fuse blew and I had gone out of my skull. 727 00:58:01,217 --> 00:58:03,651 I'm telling my dad! 728 00:58:05,054 --> 00:58:07,147 Hey, Ralphie! 729 00:58:13,998 --> 00:58:16,125 Beat him up! Beat him up! 730 00:58:30,616 --> 00:58:32,880 Did you hear what he said? 731 00:58:37,490 --> 00:58:39,924 I have since heard of people under... 732 00:58:40,026 --> 00:58:43,690 extreme duress speaking in strange tongues. 733 00:58:43,997 --> 00:58:47,455 I became conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities... 734 00:58:47,634 --> 00:58:51,935 and swearing of all kinds was pouring out of me as I screamed. 735 00:59:00,782 --> 00:59:02,340 Ralphie! 736 00:59:19,236 --> 00:59:21,101 We're going home. Come on. 737 00:59:40,225 --> 00:59:43,194 Calm down. Come on in here, Ralph. 738 00:59:47,700 --> 00:59:49,133 Put your head down in here. 739 00:59:49,569 --> 00:59:51,730 Come on, get down in here. 740 00:59:52,839 --> 00:59:54,397 Settle down. 741 00:59:56,709 --> 01:00:00,441 I want you to go in there and lie down in your room for a while. 742 01:00:01,548 --> 01:00:03,675 Ralphie, just settle down. 743 01:00:07,388 --> 01:00:09,151 Here, dry off. 744 01:00:09,391 --> 01:00:11,359 All right, calm down. 745 01:00:11,493 --> 01:00:13,927 All right. Now go lie down. 746 01:00:33,684 --> 01:00:36,244 The light was getting purple and soft outside. 747 01:00:36,386 --> 01:00:39,219 Almost time for my father to come home from work. 748 01:00:59,611 --> 01:01:01,203 What's the matter? What you crying for? 749 01:01:02,181 --> 01:01:04,615 Daddy's going to kill Ralphie. 750 01:01:05,218 --> 01:01:06,685 No, he's not. 751 01:01:06,820 --> 01:01:08,185 Yes, he is, too. 752 01:01:08,288 --> 01:01:09,846 No, he's not. 753 01:01:09,956 --> 01:01:14,154 I promise you Daddy is not going to kill Ralphie. 754 01:01:15,028 --> 01:01:16,553 Why don't you come on out of there? 755 01:01:20,134 --> 01:01:21,294 Would you like some milk? 756 01:01:23,170 --> 01:01:24,899 You would? 757 01:01:31,546 --> 01:01:32,740 Here you go. 758 01:01:34,082 --> 01:01:35,106 All right? 759 01:01:35,817 --> 01:01:38,548 I'll see you later? Okay. Bye. 760 01:01:50,868 --> 01:01:54,531 I heard the car roar up the driveway, and a wave of terror broke over me. 761 01:01:54,772 --> 01:01:57,798 He'll know what I said, the awful things that I said. 762 01:01:58,042 --> 01:01:59,839 Get out of here! 763 01:02:00,512 --> 01:02:03,777 Go on home, you mangy mutts. Get out of here, you rotten, filthy... 764 01:02:04,049 --> 01:02:04,777 Hey, Bumpus! 765 01:02:04,849 --> 01:02:07,317 Get over here and get your stinking dogs! 766 01:02:08,420 --> 01:02:11,481 Hey, come on, what's for dinner? I'm starving to death. 767 01:02:31,378 --> 01:02:34,007 Well, what happened today? 768 01:02:34,715 --> 01:02:36,046 Where's your glasses? 769 01:02:37,485 --> 01:02:39,146 Did you lose your glasses again? 770 01:02:39,520 --> 01:02:40,452 Ralphie. 771 01:02:40,788 --> 01:02:43,882 Remember, you left these on the radio again. 772 01:02:44,125 --> 01:02:46,959 Now try not to do that anymore. 773 01:02:47,996 --> 01:02:49,554 So what else happened today? 774 01:02:51,066 --> 01:02:52,465 Nothing much. 775 01:02:52,668 --> 01:02:53,999 Ralphie had a fight. 776 01:02:54,803 --> 01:02:55,565 A fight? 777 01:02:55,772 --> 01:02:57,103 What kind of a fight? 778 01:02:59,542 --> 01:03:01,601 You know how boys are. 779 01:03:03,246 --> 01:03:05,146 I gave him a talking to. 780 01:03:06,549 --> 01:03:09,917 I see that the Bears are playing Green Bay on Sunday. 781 01:03:11,789 --> 01:03:12,551 Oh, yeah. 782 01:03:12,723 --> 01:03:14,748 Zudock's got tickets. I wish I had. 783 01:03:15,059 --> 01:03:16,959 He'll freeze his keister off out there. 784 01:03:20,031 --> 01:03:23,523 I slowly began to realize I was not about to be destroyed. 785 01:03:23,902 --> 01:03:25,369 The Chicago Bears. 786 01:03:25,971 --> 01:03:27,461 The terror of the midway. 787 01:03:28,440 --> 01:03:31,933 From then on, things were different between me and my mother. 788 01:03:34,213 --> 01:03:37,273 More like the Chicago Chipmunks, maybe. 789 01:03:37,450 --> 01:03:38,576 But Bears, never. 790 01:03:40,554 --> 01:03:41,543 Strange. 791 01:03:41,822 --> 01:03:45,553 Even something as monumental as "The Scut Farkus Affair"... 792 01:03:45,792 --> 01:03:47,316 as it came to be known... 793 01:03:47,494 --> 01:03:50,088 was pushed out of my mind as I struggled for a way out... 794 01:03:50,164 --> 01:03:52,998 of the impenetrable BB gun web... 795 01:03:53,067 --> 01:03:55,126 in which my mother had me trapped. 796 01:03:55,470 --> 01:03:56,562 Santa! 797 01:03:57,272 --> 01:03:59,001 Yeah, I'll ask Santa. 798 01:03:59,707 --> 01:04:01,368 Of course! Santa. 799 01:04:01,676 --> 01:04:03,736 The big man. The head honcho. 800 01:04:03,979 --> 01:04:05,207 The connection. 801 01:04:05,481 --> 01:04:08,075 My mother had slipped up this time. 802 01:04:30,241 --> 01:04:31,868 Mickey! 803 01:04:48,928 --> 01:04:51,488 The store's going to close soon and Santa will be gone. 804 01:04:51,564 --> 01:04:55,591 Ralphie, Santa's not going anyplace. Just be still! 805 01:05:05,246 --> 01:05:07,680 Mom, this is just the same old dumb parade as last year. 806 01:05:07,781 --> 01:05:10,979 - Ralphie, will you please calm down. - Mom... 807 01:05:11,386 --> 01:05:13,013 - Hush! - Shut up, Ralphie! 808 01:05:22,632 --> 01:05:23,428 There he is! 809 01:05:23,499 --> 01:05:25,660 Santa! 810 01:05:32,976 --> 01:05:35,467 Have you been a good boy? Have you? 811 01:05:35,612 --> 01:05:38,445 - Can we go now? Can we go? - Yes, we can go now. 812 01:05:38,582 --> 01:05:40,777 Come on, Ralphie. 813 01:05:52,430 --> 01:05:54,524 Merry Christmas! 814 01:05:57,236 --> 01:05:59,602 Come on, Randy, hurry up. 815 01:06:12,719 --> 01:06:14,914 Ralphie, look over there. 816 01:06:14,988 --> 01:06:18,015 See, the line's not so long. Get in it. 817 01:06:18,092 --> 01:06:20,959 Take Randy's hand and hold on to him. We'll see you later, okay? 818 01:06:21,028 --> 01:06:24,191 Stay together, you hear? And don't get lost. 819 01:06:27,769 --> 01:06:28,861 Come on. 820 01:06:29,004 --> 01:06:30,471 Let's go. 821 01:06:33,375 --> 01:06:35,002 Young man. 822 01:06:35,177 --> 01:06:36,303 Hey, kid. 823 01:06:36,678 --> 01:06:40,240 - Just where do you think you're going? - We're going up to see Santa. 824 01:06:41,084 --> 01:06:43,882 The line ends here. It begins there. 825 01:06:44,320 --> 01:06:46,015 Merry Christmas! 826 01:06:46,222 --> 01:06:49,317 Come on, come up, boys and girls. Hurry up. 827 01:06:55,232 --> 01:06:56,665 Come on. 828 01:07:00,572 --> 01:07:05,373 The line waiting to see Santa stretched all the way back to Terre Haute! 829 01:07:06,010 --> 01:07:07,910 And I was at the end of it. 830 01:07:10,248 --> 01:07:12,308 I like Santa. 831 01:07:16,689 --> 01:07:18,884 Let's face it. Most of us were scoffers. 832 01:07:18,958 --> 01:07:23,987 Moments before zero hour, it did not pay to take chances. 833 01:07:24,931 --> 01:07:29,061 The chocolate snowman eats little boys. 834 01:07:30,804 --> 01:07:32,362 My pretty... 835 01:07:32,606 --> 01:07:34,734 What a tasty little boy. 836 01:07:36,010 --> 01:07:38,911 Don't bother me. I'm thinking. 837 01:07:43,317 --> 01:07:45,445 I like The Wizard of Oz. 838 01:07:48,724 --> 01:07:50,658 I like the Tin Man. 839 01:07:54,863 --> 01:07:58,960 If Higbee thinks I'm working one minute past 9:00, he can kiss my foot. 840 01:08:00,603 --> 01:08:02,662 Come on up on Santa's lap. 841 01:08:02,772 --> 01:08:07,210 There's a wet one. And what's your name, little boy? 842 01:08:07,411 --> 01:08:08,400 Billy. 843 01:08:08,479 --> 01:08:09,673 Come on, Randy. 844 01:08:11,248 --> 01:08:14,445 And what do you want for Christmas, Billy? A toy truck? 845 01:08:14,552 --> 01:08:16,486 Get him off my lap. 846 01:08:16,620 --> 01:08:18,418 Quick, get me a towel. 847 01:08:26,164 --> 01:08:28,257 I hate the smell of tapioca. 848 01:08:29,802 --> 01:08:33,238 Attention shoppers! It is now 9:00 and our store is closing. 849 01:08:33,639 --> 01:08:36,574 9:00! Great Scott! The store is gonna close! 850 01:08:37,610 --> 01:08:40,205 Santa can't wait all night. 851 01:08:40,781 --> 01:08:42,874 Come on up on Santa's lap. 852 01:08:52,660 --> 01:08:53,786 Get moving, kid. 853 01:08:55,129 --> 01:08:56,824 Quit dragging your feet. 854 01:09:09,945 --> 01:09:11,503 Get him out of here. 855 01:09:22,225 --> 01:09:23,989 Come on, kid. 856 01:09:30,067 --> 01:09:32,558 Come on up. 857 01:09:42,915 --> 01:09:46,408 And what's your name, little boy? 858 01:09:46,553 --> 01:09:49,989 Hey, kid, hurry up, the store's closing! 859 01:09:53,026 --> 01:09:57,691 Listen, little boy, we got a lot of people waiting here, so get going! 860 01:09:59,900 --> 01:10:02,869 What do you want for Christmas, little boy? 861 01:10:03,237 --> 01:10:05,330 My mind had gone blank. 862 01:10:05,472 --> 01:10:07,702 Frantically I tried to remember what it was I wanted. 863 01:10:07,775 --> 01:10:09,334 I was blowing it, blowing it. 864 01:10:12,380 --> 01:10:15,440 How about a nice football? 865 01:10:15,584 --> 01:10:18,576 Football. What's a football? 866 01:10:19,288 --> 01:10:21,415 Without conscious will, my voice squeaked out: 867 01:10:21,524 --> 01:10:22,752 Football. 868 01:10:23,292 --> 01:10:24,884 Okay, get him out of here. 869 01:10:25,428 --> 01:10:28,761 A football! Oh, no. What was I doing? 870 01:10:28,831 --> 01:10:31,198 Wake up, stupid, wake up! 871 01:10:39,009 --> 01:10:42,104 I want an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot... 872 01:10:42,213 --> 01:10:43,271 range model air rifle. 873 01:10:45,350 --> 01:10:47,045 You'll shoot your eye out, kid. 874 01:10:48,786 --> 01:10:50,583 Merry Christmas. 875 01:11:06,306 --> 01:11:08,103 I'll see you in Oz, folks. 876 01:11:16,684 --> 01:11:18,652 Well, did you see Santa Claus? 877 01:11:19,220 --> 01:11:21,654 Did you tell him what you wanted for Christmas? 878 01:11:21,756 --> 01:11:25,487 Did he ask you if you'd been a good boy all year? 879 01:11:25,894 --> 01:11:26,622 No. 880 01:11:27,462 --> 01:11:29,589 Don't worry, he knows. 881 01:11:30,298 --> 01:11:31,822 He always knows. 882 01:11:34,603 --> 01:11:37,232 Merry Christmas. 883 01:11:38,174 --> 01:11:40,506 Okay, down you go. 884 01:11:40,777 --> 01:11:41,937 Bye, Chris. 885 01:11:52,289 --> 01:11:54,587 That's fine. 886 01:11:55,392 --> 01:11:57,952 Now wait a minute. All right. Plug her in! 887 01:11:59,864 --> 01:12:01,491 Well, the green string is out. 888 01:12:01,599 --> 01:12:03,863 No, the green is on. It's the blue that's out. 889 01:12:04,135 --> 01:12:06,228 Oh, don't tell me what color it is. 890 01:12:06,337 --> 01:12:07,497 I'm not color blind. 891 01:12:08,273 --> 01:12:09,763 I'm not color blind, either. 892 01:12:13,446 --> 01:12:14,936 There, see, I told you it was green. 893 01:12:17,450 --> 01:12:19,577 Hold it! Don't anybody move! 894 01:12:21,053 --> 01:12:22,453 Hold it right there! 895 01:12:23,090 --> 01:12:24,853 A fuse is out. 896 01:12:25,358 --> 01:12:29,055 The old man could replace fuses quicker than a jackrabbit on a date. 897 01:12:29,129 --> 01:12:30,756 He bought them by the gross. 898 01:12:36,671 --> 01:12:38,400 Oh, Ralph. 899 01:12:38,706 --> 01:12:41,072 My, isn't that pretty? 900 01:12:41,242 --> 01:12:42,539 That son of a gun. 901 01:12:44,513 --> 01:12:45,707 Yeah. No. 902 01:12:45,848 --> 01:12:47,509 That star is crooked. 903 01:12:47,783 --> 01:12:49,717 That star is perfectly straight. 904 01:12:52,221 --> 01:12:54,314 - Oh, you've got to be careful. - I am. 905 01:12:57,026 --> 01:13:00,154 It's just... Let me get it fixed. That's all right. 906 01:13:06,237 --> 01:13:07,761 Perfect. 907 01:13:10,641 --> 01:13:12,472 Oh, goodness, look at the time. 908 01:13:12,543 --> 01:13:14,534 I hope Santa hasn't had to pass up this house... 909 01:13:14,612 --> 01:13:17,639 just because some boys weren't in bed when he came by. 910 01:13:17,783 --> 01:13:20,377 I thought I heard Santa's sleigh bells... 911 01:13:20,452 --> 01:13:22,977 a little while ago, going up the other side of the street. 912 01:13:24,055 --> 01:13:25,386 All right, you two, upstairs. 913 01:13:26,525 --> 01:13:28,551 Go on the double, on the double. 914 01:13:40,073 --> 01:13:41,165 Okay, let's get them. 915 01:14:44,543 --> 01:14:46,603 Randy, come on! Get up, Randy! 916 01:14:57,499 --> 01:14:59,592 Santa Claus had come! 917 01:15:03,172 --> 01:15:05,367 Wow! A truck! That's mine! 918 01:15:05,941 --> 01:15:08,172 Wow, look over here! That's mine! 919 01:15:08,244 --> 01:15:09,734 What's in here? 920 01:15:10,080 --> 01:15:11,104 It's hard. 921 01:15:11,448 --> 01:15:14,508 Fire truck. Oh boy, that's mine! 922 01:15:23,594 --> 01:15:24,891 Does this raise? 923 01:15:40,078 --> 01:15:41,307 Merry Christmas. 924 01:15:42,782 --> 01:15:45,114 Merry Christmas, you two. 925 01:15:45,918 --> 01:15:48,614 Randy, no. Wait for Christmas to start, honey. 926 01:15:49,055 --> 01:15:52,116 - I want to play Santa! - Well, wait a minute, Randy. 927 01:15:52,192 --> 01:15:54,092 He played Santa last year, didn't he? 928 01:15:54,461 --> 01:15:56,588 Ralphie, you play Santa this time. 929 01:15:56,864 --> 01:15:58,798 - Come on, Ralphie. - Who should I start with? 930 01:15:59,099 --> 01:16:01,397 Well, give Randy a present. 931 01:16:01,502 --> 01:16:05,667 And, I think I see Aunt Clara's gift to you right over there. 932 01:16:05,773 --> 01:16:08,207 She always sends you such wonderful presents. 933 01:16:08,576 --> 01:16:11,272 Give me mine, Ralphie! Come on. 934 01:16:28,165 --> 01:16:32,659 Christmas had come. Officially. We plunged into the cornucopia... 935 01:16:32,736 --> 01:16:36,605 quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice. 936 01:16:36,741 --> 01:16:38,174 Didn't I get a tie this year? 937 01:16:45,316 --> 01:16:48,616 - A zeppelin! - A can of Simonize. 938 01:16:49,421 --> 01:16:52,584 Ralphie, what did Aunt Clara give you? Show everybody. 939 01:16:57,763 --> 01:16:58,628 I don't want to. 940 01:16:59,232 --> 01:17:01,666 Ralphie, show everybody what Aunt Clara gave you. 941 01:17:02,602 --> 01:17:05,435 Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that... 942 01:17:05,505 --> 01:17:10,034 I was not only perpetually four years old, but also a girl. 943 01:17:10,544 --> 01:17:14,412 She just always gives you the nicest things, Ralphie. 944 01:17:18,919 --> 01:17:21,718 Oh, isn't that sweet? 945 01:17:22,157 --> 01:17:24,955 - Ralph, go upstairs and try it on you... - I don't want to! 946 01:17:25,060 --> 01:17:27,460 Go upstairs right now and try on that present! 947 01:17:27,562 --> 01:17:30,929 She went to all that trouble to make it! Now go on. 948 01:17:38,608 --> 01:17:42,772 While Ralphie is changing, I'm going to play Santa Claus. 949 01:17:42,845 --> 01:17:44,473 Now, let me see what can I find. 950 01:17:44,681 --> 01:17:48,242 I see something! Randy. 951 01:17:48,485 --> 01:17:50,248 This is for you, honey. 952 01:17:51,121 --> 01:17:53,055 And this is for Daddy. 953 01:17:55,994 --> 01:17:56,688 Here. 954 01:17:56,761 --> 01:17:58,626 From me to you. 955 01:18:00,898 --> 01:18:02,729 Thanks a lot. 956 01:18:03,134 --> 01:18:05,365 I wonder what it could be? 957 01:18:06,372 --> 01:18:09,364 Only one way to find out, isn't there? 958 01:18:09,642 --> 01:18:11,837 Well, it's a blue ball! 959 01:18:13,512 --> 01:18:15,275 It's a bowling ball. 960 01:18:16,283 --> 01:18:17,545 Thank you, darling. 961 01:18:17,651 --> 01:18:20,779 - Do you like it? - Yes, very much. Very much. 962 01:18:21,488 --> 01:18:22,386 Ralphie. 963 01:18:22,589 --> 01:18:24,614 We're waiting. 964 01:18:24,791 --> 01:18:26,349 Oh, come on, Mom. 965 01:18:26,793 --> 01:18:28,455 Right now! 966 01:18:38,540 --> 01:18:42,169 Immediately my feet began to sweat as those two fluffy little bunnies... 967 01:18:42,244 --> 01:18:45,611 with the blue button eyes stared sappily up at me. 968 01:18:46,348 --> 01:18:49,044 Come down here so I can see you better. 969 01:18:49,886 --> 01:18:51,683 I just hoped Flick would never spot them... 970 01:18:51,821 --> 01:18:55,120 as the word of this humiliation could easily make life... 971 01:18:55,191 --> 01:18:58,024 at Warren G. Harding School a veritable hell. 972 01:19:00,213 --> 01:19:01,203 Isn't that cute? 973 01:19:01,882 --> 01:19:05,511 That is the most precious thing I've ever seen in my life. 974 01:19:06,320 --> 01:19:07,218 Shut up, Randy. 975 01:19:08,047 --> 01:19:10,140 He looks like a deranged Easter bunny. 976 01:19:12,352 --> 01:19:14,047 - He does not! - He does, too. 977 01:19:14,121 --> 01:19:15,816 He looks like a pink nightmare. 978 01:19:16,490 --> 01:19:18,481 Are you happy wearing that? 979 01:19:18,825 --> 01:19:19,814 Do you want to take it off? 980 01:19:20,027 --> 01:19:21,255 You tell the kid to take it off. 981 01:19:21,328 --> 01:19:24,298 You'll only wear it when Aunt Clara visits. Go on and take it off. 982 01:19:24,365 --> 01:19:26,026 Take it off! 983 01:19:29,637 --> 01:19:31,537 My God, will you look at that mess? 984 01:19:31,940 --> 01:19:34,375 - Who's going to clean the papers up? - Not me. 985 01:19:35,778 --> 01:19:38,110 - Randy did it last year. - Well, he can do it again. 986 01:19:40,683 --> 01:19:43,584 You know, this wine is not bad. It's not good either, but... 987 01:19:43,652 --> 01:19:46,213 - You want a sip? - No, you don't. 988 01:19:47,691 --> 01:19:48,783 Did you have a nice Christmas? 989 01:19:49,526 --> 01:19:50,493 Yeah, pretty nice. 990 01:19:50,593 --> 01:19:52,060 Did you get everything you wanted? 991 01:19:53,029 --> 01:19:55,692 - Well, almost. - Almost? 992 01:19:55,800 --> 01:19:57,427 Well, that's life. 993 01:19:58,102 --> 01:19:59,797 Well, there's always next Christmas. 994 01:20:03,040 --> 01:20:04,405 That's funny. 995 01:20:05,309 --> 01:20:07,107 What's that over there behind the desk? 996 01:20:08,146 --> 01:20:09,078 Where? 997 01:20:09,147 --> 01:20:10,978 Behind the desk, against the wall over there. 998 01:20:13,819 --> 01:20:15,150 Why don't you go check it out? 999 01:20:31,839 --> 01:20:33,136 What did we put over there, honey? 1000 01:20:34,608 --> 01:20:36,701 Santa Claus probably put it. 1001 01:21:13,584 --> 01:21:17,418 Oh, it was beautiful. I could hardly wait to try it out. 1002 01:21:18,189 --> 01:21:19,850 Do you know how to load it? 1003 01:21:23,294 --> 01:21:24,557 That's right. 1004 01:21:32,237 --> 01:21:33,135 Be careful. 1005 01:21:33,605 --> 01:21:35,038 Don't. They run all over. 1006 01:21:41,881 --> 01:21:43,143 Close her up. Close it up. 1007 01:21:44,217 --> 01:21:46,914 Can I try it out, Ma? Can I? 1008 01:21:47,021 --> 01:21:48,488 - Sure. - Okay. 1009 01:21:48,956 --> 01:21:50,082 But outside. 1010 01:21:50,191 --> 01:21:52,056 I still say those things are dangerous. 1011 01:21:53,561 --> 01:21:56,155 Put on your galoshes and your coat. It's cold out. 1012 01:21:59,601 --> 01:22:02,536 I had one when I was eight years old. 1013 01:22:03,138 --> 01:22:05,663 What if he hurts himself? Ralphie, your coat! 1014 01:22:06,975 --> 01:22:10,878 - Don't shoot any animals or birds! - Except the Bumpuses' dogs! 1015 01:22:12,482 --> 01:22:14,473 Be careful, Ralphie! 1016 01:22:15,151 --> 01:22:18,245 Now it is well known throughout the Midwest that the old man... 1017 01:22:18,321 --> 01:22:20,187 is a turkey junkie. 1018 01:22:21,058 --> 01:22:25,358 A bona fide garley turkicanus freak. A few days before Christmas... 1019 01:22:25,496 --> 01:22:29,592 his eyes would begin to gleam with a wild and ravenous light. 1020 01:22:33,571 --> 01:22:37,871 Okay, Black Bart, now you get yours. 1021 01:22:51,857 --> 01:22:53,792 Oh, my God! I shot my eye out! 1022 01:22:53,960 --> 01:22:55,518 You'll shoot your eye out, kid. 1023 01:22:55,996 --> 01:23:00,262 You'll shoot your eye out, you'll shoot your eye out! 1024 01:23:01,201 --> 01:23:04,399 Ralphie, you be careful out there. Don't shoot your eye out! 1025 01:23:04,472 --> 01:23:06,531 She hadn't seen! She didn't know! 1026 01:23:07,175 --> 01:23:09,769 My eye's all right. The BB must've hit my glasses. 1027 01:23:11,179 --> 01:23:12,874 My glasses! Oh, no! 1028 01:23:12,947 --> 01:23:14,608 Where are my glasses? 1029 01:23:16,251 --> 01:23:19,015 Few things brought such swift and terrible retribution... 1030 01:23:19,121 --> 01:23:22,090 on a kid as a pair of busted glasses! 1031 01:23:26,429 --> 01:23:27,691 Stop! 1032 01:23:39,910 --> 01:23:41,377 Oh, no! 1033 01:23:43,847 --> 01:23:46,111 Oh, no! Pulverized. 1034 01:23:57,996 --> 01:24:02,161 For a moment I thought, I'll fake it. They'll never know the lens is gone! 1035 01:24:04,837 --> 01:24:07,670 Randomly, my mind evolved a spectacular plot. 1036 01:24:07,873 --> 01:24:10,034 Let's see, an icicle! 1037 01:24:10,376 --> 01:24:12,743 Falls off the garage and hits me in the eye! 1038 01:24:13,080 --> 01:24:17,278 It would work. It had to work. Quickly, I whipped up some tears. 1039 01:24:23,558 --> 01:24:26,322 What's the matter, honey? What happened? 1040 01:24:26,394 --> 01:24:27,622 What happened? Let me see that. 1041 01:24:27,695 --> 01:24:31,461 There was this icicle and it fell off the garage and it hit me. 1042 01:24:35,838 --> 01:24:39,069 - What is it? - No, it's okay. Just read your funnies. 1043 01:24:43,245 --> 01:24:44,736 Wake up, Randy. 1044 01:24:49,519 --> 01:24:50,850 Oh, God. 1045 01:24:51,021 --> 01:24:54,081 It hit my cheek and it broke my glasses. 1046 01:24:54,591 --> 01:24:58,289 And I tried to get out of the way, but I... 1047 01:25:00,231 --> 01:25:04,133 There, see, it's just a little bump. 1048 01:25:04,502 --> 01:25:06,164 You're lucky it didn't cut your eye. 1049 01:25:06,238 --> 01:25:08,365 Those icicles have been known to kill people. 1050 01:25:14,613 --> 01:25:18,015 - What's going on up there? - Nothing. We'll be right down. 1051 01:25:18,318 --> 01:25:20,980 You stay away from that turkey! It's got an hour to cook. 1052 01:25:21,087 --> 01:25:22,247 You'll get worms! 1053 01:25:27,427 --> 01:25:28,918 But what about my glasses? 1054 01:25:29,496 --> 01:25:31,828 You can wear the old ones with the crack in them... 1055 01:25:31,899 --> 01:25:33,730 until we get you some new ones. 1056 01:25:36,570 --> 01:25:38,470 I had pulled it off! 1057 01:25:39,874 --> 01:25:41,739 But I left my gun outside. 1058 01:25:43,044 --> 01:25:45,911 When you get dressed you can go out and get your gun. 1059 01:25:46,114 --> 01:25:47,479 Hold that on there. 1060 01:25:47,982 --> 01:25:49,574 Life is like that. 1061 01:25:50,051 --> 01:25:54,989 Sometimes at the height of our reveries, when our joy is at its zenith... 1062 01:25:55,091 --> 01:25:57,992 when all is most right with the world... 1063 01:25:58,127 --> 01:26:01,460 the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us. 1064 01:26:16,914 --> 01:26:18,472 Oh, turkey! 1065 01:26:33,332 --> 01:26:36,530 Sons a bitches! Bumpuses! 1066 01:26:51,752 --> 01:26:55,347 The heavenly aroma still hung heavy in the house. But it was gone. 1067 01:26:55,489 --> 01:26:58,516 All gone. No turkey. No turkey sandwiches. 1068 01:26:58,593 --> 01:27:02,620 No turkey salad. No turkey gravy, turkey hash, turkey à la king... 1069 01:27:02,731 --> 01:27:04,028 or gallons of turkey soup. 1070 01:27:04,099 --> 01:27:04,827 Gone. 1071 01:27:04,900 --> 01:27:06,162 All gone. 1072 01:27:10,807 --> 01:27:11,796 All right. 1073 01:27:12,275 --> 01:27:13,173 Everybody upstairs. 1074 01:27:13,409 --> 01:27:14,706 Get dressed. 1075 01:27:16,879 --> 01:27:18,369 We are going out to eat. 1076 01:27:42,675 --> 01:27:47,135 No! Not, "ra ra ra ra ra." "La la la la la." 1077 01:27:47,546 --> 01:27:48,342 Sing like this: 1078 01:27:56,790 --> 01:27:58,280 Try again. 1079 01:28:08,302 --> 01:28:09,496 Stop! 1080 01:28:10,271 --> 01:28:12,034 Sing something else. 1081 01:28:25,621 --> 01:28:26,680 No! 1082 01:28:26,756 --> 01:28:27,848 Stop! 1083 01:28:28,725 --> 01:28:30,989 Kitchen. Bring food. For customers. 1084 01:28:40,137 --> 01:28:41,468 Oh, I'm sorry. 1085 01:28:44,308 --> 01:28:45,969 It's a beautiful duck. 1086 01:28:46,377 --> 01:28:48,039 It really is. 1087 01:28:48,847 --> 01:28:50,474 But you see... 1088 01:28:52,984 --> 01:28:53,780 What? 1089 01:28:53,852 --> 01:28:55,820 It's smiling at me. 1090 01:29:01,394 --> 01:29:02,486 Okay? 1091 01:29:03,896 --> 01:29:05,329 Beautiful! 1092 01:29:08,868 --> 01:29:10,894 That Christmas would live in our memories... 1093 01:29:11,004 --> 01:29:14,440 as the Christmas when we were introduced to Chinese turkey. 1094 01:29:15,876 --> 01:29:17,867 All was right with the world. 1095 01:29:38,834 --> 01:29:41,132 Oh, honey, come over here. Look at this. 1096 01:29:41,971 --> 01:29:43,940 Is that beautiful! 1097 01:30:29,890 --> 01:30:34,156 Next to me in the blackness lay my oiled blue-steel beauty. 1098 01:30:34,928 --> 01:30:37,260 The greatest Christmas gift I had ever received... 1099 01:30:37,364 --> 01:30:38,797 or would ever receive. 1100 01:30:39,968 --> 01:30:43,631 Gradually, I drifted off to sleep, pranging ducks on the wing... 1101 01:30:43,705 --> 01:30:46,230 and getting off spectacular hip shots. 1102 01:33:19,641 --> 01:33:20,938 English