>Be Anon
>Be mail carrier for postal service
>Be off shift, playing vidja.
>Life pretty normal. Wake up, deliver mail, lods of emone, go home, eat, fap, vidja, sleep, repeat.
>Nothing really happens; biggest thing to happen to you this year is that you got a pay raise and a new route.
>This new girl joined the local branch, too. Blonde, pretty decent-sized rack, kinda clutzy - not dumb, just not the most dexterous person in the world.
>Not necessarily your type, but she was bangable, you guess. Not worth the effort to pursue yourself, but if she came onto you, you'd give it a go.
>Someone screams outside your window. Who the hell is fucking at this hour?
>Wait, that didn't sound like fuck-screaming... That sounded like someone screaming for help.
>You grabbed your sap gloves off the nearby counter (You kept them mostly for your job - better safe than sorry) and ran out the door, slipping them on and running as fast as you could towards the noise.
>When you arrived, what you saw was... fucking weird, to say the least.
>A women with orange-colored hair was on the ground, another person in her neck. The second person turned to face you and-
>It was the new girl, the klutz-
>AND HER MOUTH WAS COVERED IN FUCKING BLOOD-
>AND WHERE DID THOSE FUCKING FANGS COME FROM?
>She must've recognized you, because she quickly got flustered and held her hands up in an attempt to calm you down. "W-wait! I know this looks bad, but just give me a second to-"
>This was beyond your level of giving a shit for this hour of night. You high-tailed it out of there and back to your apartment. You went to sleep with the aid of some anti-anxiety pills you had prescribed from your doctor, but this wasn't the end of it.
>The next day at work, you tried your best to block out what you saw last night, just focusing on your route, which was easier said than done.
>When your lunch hour came around, you trucked it back to the post office and tracked down the new girl, grabbing her by the shoulder.
"We need to talk. Now."
>She went with you without a fight as you hopped in your mail truck and drove out to a nearby field.
>When you finally got there, you tried your best to formulate something to start off with, but the best you could come up with is:
"What in the fuck did I see last night?"
>The girl sighed and made an attempt to lean against the mail truck, only to fall flat on her back. Her jugs jiggled about when she crashed down, but  she quickly got back up. "I... I have a problem. A long time ago, I was turned into... well..." To better explain, she opened her mouth and extended out her fangs like it was commonplace.
>It took time to process, but you wiped your face with your hand and gave a heavy sigh. You couldn't believe what you were seeing, nor what you were about to say.
"You're trying to tell me that you're... a vampire?"
>She nodded and retracted the fangs, staring at the ground. "Sometimes, if I don't... feed for a while, I just find someone and... well, you saw what happened."
>This was too fucking bizarre. You've been working at that post office for who-knows-how-many-years now, and all of a sudden, a klutzy daywalker gets employed there.
>When did your life become anime?
"So you need blood regularly. How often is regularly?"
>She thought about it for a few seconds before responding. "Longest I've ever gone without ending up like that is around a month."
>There had to be a solution to this. Some solution that didn't involve you burying one of your co-workers after stabbing her with a wooden stake or chopping her head off. You didn't see many... that didn't involve you. You start to regret leaving your apartment last night.
>You're going to regret asking this. You're going to. You just know it.
>No, don't just jump head-in. That'd be a stupid idea. Ask questions.
"How much do you need to feed yourself for a month?"
>She thinks about the question. Really hard, from the looks of it, because she goes wall-eyed as she contemplates the question. Finally, she comes back with an answer, her eyes returning to normal. "I think somewhere between a half-pint and one pint can keep me feeling okay for a month."
>Not an unjustifiable amount, but were you in one of your weaker states, you might pass out from the blood loss. you continue pressing her for answers.
"Aren't vampires supposed to, y'know, burst into flames in sunlight? Or are you a daywalker?"
>She chuckles and shakes her head. "No, silly. We can walk around like normal folks. Though it is suuuper bright out, and the sun does hurt my skin a little."
"I suppose you're gonna tell me next that garlic doesn't kill you."
>She chuckles more and covers her mouth. "I love garlic, actually! I eat it every day!"
>News flash, movies and TV lied to you. Up next, is the sun hot? Stick around to hear the shocking answer.
"I'm going to propose something to you. I'm willing to let you use me as your..."
>You had trouble getting the words out. This was weird, this was so fucking weird... But you don't wanna see anyone else get hurt... and you don't do anything but deliver the mail, so who will miss you if this goes south?
"... Your food source."
>The blonde mailgirls eyes widen. They go slightly askew as she seems to be havign trouble processing the information, but she finally steps closer, a wide smile on her face. "Y... You mean it...? You'll give me food?"
"Yes, but on two conditions. First, you move in with me. I want to keep an eye on you. Second, you feed off of me, and me alone, and only enough to keep yourself from going nuts. Am I clear?"
>She nods and hugs you, unknowingly smashing your face into her chest. "Oh, yes! Thank you so much! This is the kindest thing anyone's done for me, especially after they find out!"
>She soon realizes what she's done and goes completely red in the face before letting go of you. "Omigosh, I'm sooo sorry! I didn't mean to do that, I just got so caught up in the moment." She blinks a few times and suddenly changes subjects. "I just realized, we don't know each other's names, do we?"
>She's right, you never got the opportunity to learn her name. She quickly grabs your hand and shakes it fervently. "I'm Derpy!"
"I'm Anonymous. Call me Anon."
>She smiles and nods, hugging you again, this time making sure not to collide your face with her breasts. "Thank you again, Anon. Nobody's ever been this kind to me before."
>You check your watch. Your lunch hour was almost up.
"We better get you back to the office."
>You load Derpy up in the mail truck and drop her off at the post office, telling her you'll pick her up when you're shift is done before driving off to finish your route.
>Your life was so normal yesterday, and now suddenly, you find yourself as a food source for a vampire.
>If a god exists, you hope they'll help you.
>You pick Derpy up from the post office and take her to your apartment at the end of your shift.
>You stop by the pharmacy and pick up a first aid kit. You get the feeling you'll be needing it.
>You arrive with Derpy at your apartment. You lead her inside and give her a tour of what there is: bathroom, kitchen, living room, and one bedroom.
"So since everything I know about vampires is a lie and I'm going to assume you don't sleep in a coffin, we're probably gonna have to get you a bed. We'll get you an inflatable mattress in the meantime."
>She simply nods and sits down on the couch, starting to remove her uniform's vest and her shoes.
"Make yourself at home, I'm gonna go make myself some food."
>She nods and silently sits there as you make your way to the kitchen.
>As you pull a TV dinner out of the freezer, you hear the TV switch on and then hear moaning and sex noises.
>She switched on your porn.
>You poke your head out from the kitchen and see Derpy merely sitting there, her face tomato red again, only this time her eyes had gone completely off to the sides as if they were arguing.
>you figure she'll be fine for five more minutes and heat up your dinner in the microwave before coming out to-
>A giant puddle of lady-juice all over your FUCKING couch.
>You sigh and switch off the TV, sitting down on your now soaking wet couch and begin eating your TV dinner, sans TV.
>You now regret leaving Derpy alone with your TV.
>After eating and prepping the first aid kit, you sit down in the bathroom with Derpy.
"So, because fang marks on my neck would bring up too many questions, I'm gonna have you feed from my arm. Easier to patch up, and much less conspicuous."
>Derpy goes cross-eyed when you say 'conspicuous'; you're pretty sure she doesn't know the word.
"It means people won't notice it as easily."
>Her eyes returned to their normal positions and she nodded. "Gotcha."
>You roll up your sleeve, exposing your arm as if you were preparing for an injection.
"Alright, have at it."
>She opens her mouth and extends out her fangs, slowly bringing them down onto your arm and  poking them through the skin. Kinda felt like getting two shots at the same time... until her mouth was down on your arm.
>She held the position for a second or two, then her eyes opened. She came back up and gave a sheepish smile.
"Something wrong?"
>She chuckled nervously and scratched the back of her head, looking off to the side. 'Well, you see, I don't feed from arms ever, so... I don't know where the blood is."
>Makes sense, jugular and carotid are easy spots to find, no palpating necessary.
"Do you know how to find a vein?"
>She shakes her head. "Nope."
>You sigh and extend out two fingers, slapping the site carefully a couple of times. After a few seconds, one of your veins became more visible.
"There. Try again, Derpy."
>She nodded and repeated the process, sinking her fangs into your arm as she slamped down with her mouth. You knew she hit the vein this time, cause soon after clamping down, she started gulping softly and rhythmically.
>It... didn't hurt, surprisingly. You must've gotten used to it after the first one, because it felt... kinda soothing now.
>You were tempted to reach out and pet her as she fed. She looked so peaceful, like a nursing infant.
>You took the risk and reached out with your free hand, gently placing it on top of her head so as not to disturb her, and slowly stroked her blonde hair.
>She seemed to appreciate the gesture, smiling against your arm as she continued feeding. She looked kinda cute that way, now that you-
>Okay, starting to get lightheaded, time to cut her off.
"Time to stop, you're making my head spin."
>Her eyes shot open and she quickly pulled off of your arm, retracting her fangs as she hugged you close. Your arm was still bleeding a little, but it wasn't too bad. It's to be expected though, since the wound wasn't large. "Thanks, Anon. Sorry about making you feel all woozy. I must've lost track of how much I drank." She giggled nervously and scratched the back of her head.
"It's alright. I should be fine. If what you told me is accurate, then we need to feed you in another three weeks. I know you said the longest you've gone is a month, but you should feed sooner so we can make certain you don't lose it."
>She nods and smiles. "That's a good idea, Anon." She looked at you and, seemingly without thinking, kissed you.
>You were taken by surprise - not so much that she kissed you, but moreso that her kiss tasted like blood - coppery, wet and especially warm. She blushed a little and stared down at her feet. "S-sorry. I usually feel... funny after I feed."
>Translation: vampires apparently get aroused from drinking blood. Whoever told you truth was stranger than fiction probably knew - and likely married - a vampire.
"Did you need some privacy?"
>Derpy simply nodded and blushed darker. "T-that'd be nice."
>You nod and left her to her business in the bathroom, taking the first aid kit with you to disinfect and bandage up the part of your arm from which she fed.
>You played some vidja while Derpy used your shower.
>She wasn't being very subtle about her intentions in the shower; the walls being paper-thin, you could hear her moaning and crying out as she no doubt used the shower head's 'massage' function for what it was really meant for.
>You tried your best to ignore it, but again, your mind couldn't help but wander to what scenes could be unfolding in your own shower stall, mere meet from-
>Get a grip, man. You only just met this woman last night, and she was literally intending to suck a woman dry before you stopped her.
>You hear one final wail of ecstasy as she no doubt crosses that oxytocin-laced finish line.
>The water stops running and you hear movement inside the bathroom. She must be getting dried off and re-dressed.
>Why do you feel so constricted all of a sudden?
>You look do-
>Fuck. You didn't whack it today.
>Relax. You can go one day.
>But... she's staying here indefinitely.
>How long until you have to pull the pink taffy?
>A voice snaps you out of your quasi-life-altering realization. "Anon? Are you okay?"
>You shake your head and blink a few times. Derpy is standing there in nothing but a towel, showing off quite a bit of cleavage.
>You're loathing the situation, but your smaller head is loving the idea. Derpy must notice and turns beet red again. "Oh dear!"
>You quickly adjust yourself so it's not as apparent.
>You explain to her that the last relationship you were in didn't end on the best of terms, and never quite got over it. That since then, you kinda just stayed away from women in that way. Naturally, her moaning and screaming in the shower didn't help matters, but you left that part out.
>Your words only made Derpy blush harder as she looked off to the side, biting her bottom lip. Knowing her, her fangs would come out and stick her in th-
>You hear her yelp and grab at her mouth. Called it.
>She seemed rather coy all of a sudden as she spoke. "D-do you like me, Anon? Do you like me... in that way?"
>Rock, meet hard place.
>Do you take advantage of her the first night she stays here, or tell her she's not attractive?
>You try your best to find a way to word it while avoiding wording that might hurt her feelings.
>You give up and simply come out and say it.
"I think you're hot. When I say that, I mean I like you physically. That being said, I think it'd be in bad taste if I tried anything on the first night. I'd feel like I did all this just so I could fuck you, which is far from the truth."
>Derpy tilts her head to the side, going wall-eyed again. "Then why did you ask me to stay with you, Anon?"
>The question hits you harder than it should, and you have to stop and think about it for a minute.
>At first, you thought it was because you didn't want a vampire running rampant throughout the city bleeding people dry - literally.
>But now... Now, you're not so sure.
>You sit on the question for a few seconds.
>Why did you let Derpy stay here?
>Then it hits you. The one thing you wouldn't let yourself admit, but you knew deep down.
"... Because I was lonely, and needed an excuse to have someone around."
>Derpy was frowning and quickly pulled you up into a hug. "Oh, Anon... You don't have to be alone anymore."
>You return her hug, burying your face into her neck.
>You fetch the inflatable mattress and a blanket for Derpy, and makes sure she has everything she needs before you re-dress the bite site and see yourself off to bed.
>You have trouble getting to bed for a good while. Mostly because of the ginourmous chub you got from thinking about Derpy naked.
>Most of your usual tricks for getting a boner to wear off weren't working either. You just couldn't get it to go down.
>That's when you noticed Derpy in the doorway. You gave her one of your oversized T-shirts to sleep in. She actually looked - THINK WITH BIG BRAIN, NOT WITH LITTLE BRAIN. "Anon, I can't sleep on that mattress, it's kinda uncomfortable. can I sleep in here with you...?"
>Probably not the best idea to poke Derpy's ass with your raging hard-on throughout the night. Not the best conversation for small-talk.
"Uh, I'd be willing to switch with you if you want. I kinda need to be alone at the moment..."
>"Oh..." Derpy said. That's when you notiched she was grabbing at her crotch.
>You also noticed her knees were pointing in at each other. It was like -
>Don't tell me...
>She looked up at you, her face flush. "That's... why I came in here. I needed to be alone... with you. I-I could tell you weren't asleep yet - vampires can sense heartbeats, and... well..."
>She knew you had a boner still just by your pulse? Was she this hot and bothered just because you let her feed off of you?
>You didn't see any harm in it, and you caved.
"Well, we both seem to be having... issues, and we can help each other out. Come on in."
>You lift open the covers for her, and she quickly trots over like a chicken due to her leg positioning and slides into bed with you. She snuggles close, her breasts squishing against you. "Mmm, you're nice and warm, Anon."
>Well, while you're more polite side had it's reservations, for all intents and purposes, you had her where you wanted her. Question is... What should you do now?
>Do you just dive in and wait for her to make the-
>Your train of thought is broken when Derpy reaches down to your groin. It took her a second to find her target, but she eventually started rubbing your sweet meats, causing your core to shiver slightly as you move back into her, her breasts squishing against your back.
>You reach back towards her nether-regions and decide to return the favor, your fingers meeting wet folds and rubbing the outer moisture for a few seconds before finally finding her sensitive little nub and slowly rubbing it, teasing forth a squeak of surprised pleasure from her.
>You turn around to face her and kiss her on the lips with just a touch of force. To hell with being polite - you needed this, and you needed it now.
>She didn't seem to mind, though, as she returned with just as much eagerness, wrapping her arms around you and moaning softly into the kiss, her voice echoing in your mouth. "Anon... I need you so bad..."
>Shit, and here you thought she was all innocent and shy. You broke the kiss and kissed her neck as you murmured into it - you had to know, but you didn't want to stop.
"What's gotten into you all of a sudden? Not that I mind, but you're really eager..."
>That's when you notice that her eyes were glowing the faintest shade of red. Was this her... you guess it could be classified as a condition? She pins you to the bed; her fangs weren't out, so you were safe... for now. "I'm not the smartest girl, so most people just ignore me. Most men try and hit on me just because I've got a nice pair of jugs, and that's when... well, you can probably figure that part out, Anon."
>She makes a withdrawal from the blood bank, message received.
>She continues as she rips open your shirt and inhales your musk, planting sall pecks all the way down to your PJ bottoms. "But you... You saw past what I was, and still gave me a chance. that's more than anyone's ever given me. On top of that, you're still letting me feed from you."
>This is all too perfect... There's a catch somewhere, and you feel it coming up.
>She pulls down your bottoms and reveals your package as she grins up at you. "Did you know that when a vampire finds a mate, Anon... They stay with that mate... for life?"
>Aaand there's the catch. So, from what you gather, Derpy being a nitwit and a klutz is mostly a defense mechanism to trap people and feed from them. But you've won a lifelong pass to vampire sex.
>Frankly, you can't complain. Any inkling of complaint washes away as she moves her body so her honeypot is showing to you. "Special delivery for Anon..." She hissed with an ardor on her breath.
>The scent overtook you immediately - pungent and wheaty, the best equivalent you could find being bread or muffins.
>You bury your face into her and lick her eagerly, the taste sweet and spicy as youlose yourself in the sensation.
>You hear the vampiric mailgirl moan as she returns the favor, shoving her mouth down onto your staff and starting to suck eagerly, moaning with an avidity as you spur her on through her own loins.
>You continue this for a while, the two of you perpetually galvalnize one another, moaning into each other. You soon feel yourself approaching your limit, but just as you think it, Derpy manages to lift herself from your throbbing meat and beg you through heavy breaths. "Don't stop, Anon... I'm almost there, too, keep going. Cum in my mouth if you have to, just have me get there too, please...!"
>Right, pulse reading, you almost forgot. You step up your attention to her goods, paying more attention to her clitty as she takes you entire length into her mouth, you feel it bump the back of her throat. Amazingly, you don't feel or hear her gag.
>You don't get much time to marvel at her lack of a gag relfex, however, as you quickly reach your limit and shoot your load in your mouth, much around the same time Derpy squirts a shot of fem-fluids into your own mouth.
>Derpy rolls off of you and you both lay there for a second, catching your breath. She grabs your hand and holds it tightly, and you do the same. "Anon... thank you..."
>You smile softly and take one last deep breath before lifting yourself up and pulling Derpy beneath you.
"Actually, if it's okay with you... I wanna go all the way... If we really are in this for the long haul, why not seal the deal?"
>She blushed dark red and nodded, kissing you gently. The taste of both of your fluids was still on your lips, but since you kept your diet in decent shape, they didn't clash horribly. "I'd like nothing better, Anon... Take me as your mate."
>You smile and line yourself up before slowly sliding yourself into her folds, chills running down your spine as the tight heat engulfed your manhood. Derpy seemed to enjoy the intrusion as well, judging my the moan escaping her lips.
>You hilted inside her and held there for a second, kissing her once more, sliding your tongue into her mouth and swirling it around hers, which she returned with a combination of many emotions - eagerness, passion, lust.
>Her mouth still tasted faintly of copper from feeding off of you, but in combination with your ichor... you couldn't lie to yourself, the taste was turning you on more.
>Were you started to get a fetish for the taste of blood? Well, who better to get the fetish with then a vampire?
>She slowly withdrew from the kiss, panting softly as she gazed longingly into your eyes. "I'm ready for you, Anon..."
>You hold her tightly in your arms as you thrust into her slowly at first with an even, gentle rhythm. She nuzzles into your neck as you thrust into her, moaning softly and breathily with each thrust into her.
>After a few more seconds of this, you pick up the pace slightly, surprising Derpy slightly and causing her moans to rise in volume slightly. "Anon... it feels so good... please don't stop!"
>You loosen your hold on her just enough to reveal her breasts. you lower your head and start licking and lucking on one of her nipples, making her moan louder. "Anon! Oh yes!"
>You speed up your thrusts again, continuing you suckle on her nipple as you use your hand to toy with the other breast, the blonde vampire now squirming in your arm. "Mmmh! Damnit, you're good! Keep going, I'm not far off!"
>You weren't either - she was too tight, you were already about to shoot off.
>You keep thrusting into her, but speak up so as to warn her.
"Derpy, I'm close... Did you want me to pull out?"
>She pulled her face from your neck and shook her head, her eyes glowing faintly once more. "Cum inside me, Anon... I wanna drip with your hot, thick seed..."
>Fucking hell, she was hot when she did that. You didn't need anymore convincing. You thrusted as fast and hard as you could and, once Derpy had clung hard to you in indication of her climax, you give one final thrust and unload everything you have inside her, burying your face inside her neck.
>You stay like that for a second - holding each other and panthing heavily - before finally looking each other in the eye and kissing each other deeply, your erection slowly shrinking and eventually slopping out of her entrance, causing the cream in her pie to ooze out slightly and causing the mail-vamp herself to moan softly.
>She breaks the kiss and moans softly, blushing beet red still. "I've always had a thing for being creampied, and you certainly did not disappoint, Anon."
"Glad you liked it, because I damn sure did too."
>She grinned wickedly, kissing your neck a few times, jokingly poking you with her fangs before reaching down and dipping her finger in, licking up some of the mess and tasting it. "Mmmh... You taste just as good from down here as you do straight from the source."
>You bite your lip and resist every urge to get another boner as you check your alarm clock.
>2 AM. Son of a bitch, you had to start on your route in 5 hours. Derpy giggled and kisses your cheek. "We should get to bed. Goodnight, Anon." She whispers in your ear with a lingering concupiscence before slowly licking your neck. "I promise I won't bite..." And with that, she snuggles up to you, nuzzles her head into your back and quickly falls asleep. You close your eyes and follow suit into slumber.
>You wake up a few hours later to the sounds of pots and pans clanging. The sun was up, so you had to get ready for your route anyway. You got out of bed and sleepily shuffled to get your slippers on your feet before going to find what the source of the noise.
>You found Derpy in your kitchen making-
>Was... Was she making Eggs Benedict? Did you even HAVE the ingredients to make Eggs Benedict?
>You also smelled something in the air... It smelled like coffee, but your coffee-maker wasn't going.
>She smiled at you and started fishing out the poached eggs. "Good morning, Anon. Breakfast this morning is Eggs Benedict, hash browns, and Mate.
"Wait, Mate? And where did you get all this, all I have is add-milk smoothies and TV dinners."
>She chuckled and placed an arm down on the counter, bracing her head on her fist and giving you a look like she didn't know what to do with you. "I noticed, and frankly I'm surprised you survived this long. That's why as soon as you fell asleep, I snuck out of the apartment, went to my house and got my own food, brought it here, and started cooking."
>Give her points for determination.
"I still don't know what... Mate, did you call it? Still don't know what that is."
>She held up one of two mugs on the other side of her. "It's a South American drink. It's like coffee, but it'll kick your ass into gear a lot quicker - More caffeine, vitamin C, and it's own unique stimulant. One cup of this and you'll be set."  She walked towards you and licked her lips, offering you a covetous stare as she lept speaking. "I figured after last night, you might need the extra boost."
>She had you there. You took a drink of the brew she offered you. Like she said, it tasted like coffee. You kept drinking until it was gone, and she traded you your empty mug for a plate of breakfast, complete with everything she promised: a mound of hash browns, and an english muffin topped with a slice of ham and a poached egg, all covered in hollandaise sauce.
>You placed the plate on the counter and pulled a fork and knife from the drawer to eat, cutting a piece of the Eggs Benedict to take a bite of. The poached egg was perfectly cooked, and the ham had the perfect amount of sear, and the muffin was perfectly toasted. In your opinion, anyway. You fancied yourself a bit fo a foodie when you had the money to spare, but you were a mail carrier, not a food critic.
>You take a bite of the piece you sliced off, and... everything's perfect. Even the hollandaise, which is arguably the hardest part of the whole dish. Derpy is leaning against the counter, watching you expectantly. "So? Thoughts, opinions?"
"It's... It's perfect. I couldn't ask for better Benedict. Seriously, how can you cook this well?"
>She chuckled and held her arms behind her back. "I never spend much time around people, as you probably figured, and... I like to cook and bake." She blushes slightly as she looks up at you. "I'm glad to finally have someone to share it with... and that they like it so much."
>You hugged and kissed your new roommate - your new lover - your new lifelong mate - with the security of mind that neither of you will ever be alone again.
>And sure enough... that's how it was.
>Life, for all intents and purposes, went about the same as it did before, plus one vampiric colleague girlfriend.
>You went from doing a mail route to the sorting room - same post as Derpy. You even requested the spot next to hers.
>Her attitude at work changed a lot, too. She became a lot more assertive, and didn't take anyone's crap. It was actually funny to see people freak out a little when she would snap at them.
>You'd always return to your apartment after work - she sold her home, and you invested the money you had so that you both could live in comfort. Things didn't change much. You still play video games, often-times with Derpy. You'll watch a movie now and again, but often times your attention holds for such a small amount of time that you end up doing it right there on the couch.
>Speaking of doing it, aside from the near-mandatory sex whenever she feeds every three weeks, the two of you have sex almost constantly. Even did it once in the sorting room when you two had closing. Neither of you have any complaints about it. Why would you, either?
>You've switched her from feeding her off of your arm to letting her use your neck. You've, in turn, invested in turtleneck sweaters and long-collared shirts. You don't cause much trouble, so nobody ever asks.
>You both stayed there for so long that, when the local Postmaster was ready to retire, Derpy was tapped as next-in-line, and she picked you as her right hand man.
>You both got a major pay bump, which prompted you moving out of the cramped apartment and moving into a condo.
>You also took the opportunity to propose to Derpy. She accepted before you even opened the ring box.
>You got married as soon as you possibly could. Ceremony wasn't too grand. Just you two and your coworkers as witnesses.
>Someone at the reception asked how you met her. All you said was this:
"A scream in the night, and suspension of disbelief."