There is nothing more pure than love between a man and a mare.


A collection of stories for your viewing pleasure;

Stories by Tsar Anon: https://pastebin.com/BnjZqwM3

Stories by DGCT: https://pastebin.com/u/dontgooglecrotchtits

Stories by Crabs of Steam: https://pastebin.com/u/Crabs_of_steam

Minty's Careful Steps: https://pastebin.com/P2aD5GVa

A Heart Longs for Another: https://pastebin.com/11TXCVXJ

Muted Heartbeat: https://pastebin.com/TPH2m6cU

The Sun Where You Belong: https://pastebin.com/WRUW1xQu

The Taming of the Harsh: https://pastebin.com/pVk0yjP7

The Broken Carousel (Part 1): https://pastebin.com/TJELn7vt
The Broken Carousel (Twilight Sparkle Interlude 1): https://pastebin.com/LvSPqhwG
The Broken Carousel (Part 2): https://pastebin.com/TBUr6F5f

Quest for the Forbidden Lover: https://pastebin.com/SRTzXyLm

Moon Dancer’s Hope Chest: https://pastebin.com/BFbyEcBg

Mate Retrieval Expedition: https://pastebin.com/U72A3jGU

Untitled /nmp/ green by Cosmic: https://pastebin.com/Xytb3xMC

Stories by Trandhal: https://pastebin.com/u/trandhal

This Heart That Fears: https://pastebin.com/0b7L24Ln

Violet Memory: https://pastebin.com/e9Ec1vd1

Tsukumogami:
https://pastebin.com/WPw3dNdP

Express Ticket to Tartarus
https://pastebin.com/KLNWHDkz

Low Self-Esteem Applejack
https://pastebin.com/x5FMfxc0

All I want from christmas
https://pastebin.com/XHH5UPCN

Shape Your Home
https://pastebin.com/XMi6VhS5 (Part One)
https://pastebin.com/1TNqYU9f (Part Two)

Couch Surfing
https://pastebin.com/82NscJdW

Rocks out of the Quarry
https://pastebin.com/aX2C686i

A collection of miscellaneous greens since the first thread.
https://pastebin.com/0JMPM6F8
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>Year 2030
>The portal has been open for several years now and the government has doubled down on security around it's perimeter
>They've had to employ mostly under trained, under qualified women as the vast majority of capable men have been smuggled away by the ever elusive 'Equestrian Express,' an 'underground railroad' of sorts ran by an elite team of unicorn mares
>The higher ups have decided not to try blocking passage on the Equestrian side of the portal, not since the embarrassing fiasco of the women sent last time being sent back through in a timely fashion completely naked with their weapons wrapped and bound around their arms and legs
>Being seen by the public as to be losing control of the situation, they've instituted much higher penalties to being caught trying to cross over
>Including portal guards being authorized to use lethal force if necessary
>Although there has yet to be any fatalities
>Men arrested and sent to processing keep disappearing from their cells in the night, no matter how tight the security postings
>And any fired upon never seem to actually get hit, as though the bullets simply curve around them
>The Equestrian operatives are never seen directly, despite their obvious presence and operations in the area
>Merely reports of slim, shadowy figures moving quickly and low to the ground, always in the periphery of a posted guard's vision
>Truly more drastic measures will have to be enacted soon
>"We got another one, Sparks."
>Quickly rolling to your hooves from your comfortable bedroll with a groan, you join your Specialist, Fighting Chance, at her overwatch position
"Direction?" you ask, rubbing the sleep from an eye with your fetlock
>You are Sergeant Cardinal 'Sparks' Virtue
>"At your 11 o'clock Sarge," she says, pointing a hoof further down the valley towards a shrub obscured ditch.
>"Looks like he's hunkering down, waiting for that patrol to make another circuit."
>And you're the leader of one of several Arcanae Specialist units charged with shuttling runners out of their homeland and into Equestria
>Levitating your helmet over, you slot your horn through and snap down the visor
>Immediately the low light twilight is cut through, the object of your interest lights up a brilliant white, sticking out from his darkened surroundings like a split hoof
>Celestia are the advancements the humans brought when smuggled over incredible
"I got him Chance, go collect the other two from their positions. We got work to do."
>Giving a nod and a quick stomping salute she's off, slinking through the dark crevices of the rocky cliff face you're observing from
>While you wait you carefully observe your little runaway for anything abnormal, any unusual signs of distress or injuries
>Just like Chance said, he seems to be hunkering down, no signs of physical discomfort aside from the usual from hiking such long distances in the chilly desert night air
>Catching a pillar of heat escaping into the night sky out of the corner of your eye, your gaze snaps from your soon to be charge to those of your unit
>Looks like Chance has rounded up Corporal Hopeful Dawn and Specialist Glamour Charm
>Time to get to work

"What the fuck am I even doing out here..." you mumble to yourself
>Digging through your pack for a bottle of water you reflect on your journey so far
>Three days, nearing on four now hiking through the Arizona Desert has not been fun
>Your water is running dangerously low and you ran out of rations this morning
>Can't carry too much with while evading the portal guards, now can you?
>You quickly came to the realization that moving in the afternoon sun would not be a good plan, heatstroke can become a real problem real fast
>Navigating by night is almost just as bad, between how freezing it can get at times and having to travel by moonlight so as not to alert any of the, admittedly, pretty ineffective patrols
>You swear you nearly got kicked in the head by a two woman patrol the night before, having to had made a quick hiding attempt into some thick dry bushes by the road when they turned a bend on you, taking you by complete surprise
>Thank all that is good they couldn't hear the rustling over their own conversation
>Patrols with NVG's instead of flashlights definitely tend to make things a little trickier
>As oblivious as they can be, it doesn't make the tasers at their sides or the rifles in their hands any less real
>Sighing as you pull out two bottles, one half full, you pull the cap off the emptier and take a mouthful
>Nearly four days out here and still no sign of the Equestrian Express, despite being in the area marked on your map from your contact
>You are in the right area right? You know how to read a map but you're beginning to doubt yourself
>You expected to find some camp or maybe a guy spotting you and getting your attention, or maybe alerting some other men to come and get you
>Shaking your head and twisting the cap back on your bottle, you set it down and slide your pack under your neck
>Might as well rest and catch your breath until that patrol makes it's run and passes you again, then you can begin your futile search for another night
>Closing your eyes and breathing deeply of the chill night air, your breath catches in your throat and heart begins beating in your ears as you catch the sound of rocks shifting and falling down the canyon wall on your side of the dirt path
>Staying completely still you strain your ears, barely making out the sound of hushed, urgent whispering, disctinctly feminine whispering at that
>"Good job WILD. I remember why you got that nick now, Chance."
>"Charm, shut it! He can hear us!"
>Hissing multiple expletives you scramble to your feet and grab your pack and make a run for it
>Dropping all pretense of stealth they explode into activity
>"Horseapples! Dawn, grab him!"
>Hearing a shimmering, tinny sound behind you and tripping over your own feet as something wraps around your ankle you shout out in alarm
>But before you can hit the ground something that feels weirdly warm and smooth practically caresses your chest, halting your fall
"What in the f-mmph!?"
>A violet, almost floating liquid-like glow closes your mouth before you can keep yelling
>Flailing in a panic you hear... footsteps approaching you?
>And a soft, comforting voice reaching out to you
>"It's okay, it's okay big guy, we're here to help. So much for easing into introductions, huh? You're out looking for the Equestrian Express, right? Why else would you be out here?"
>Trying to squint past the violet glow keeping you from speaking, you can just make out a small shadowy shape nearing you... a mare's shape
>A unicorn's shape
>Eyes shooting open in shock and relief you nod your head yes as fast as you can nearly giving yourself whiplash
>Giggling at your antics, she finally steps close enough to where you can make out the soft features of her face and wide smile against the, what you now understand to be magical, glow
>"Excellent! You'll be travelling with us from now on. Dawn, you can release him now."
>Licking your lips as the magic dissipates from around your mouth and the magic against your chest gently pushes you back to a standing position, definitely caressing your chest this time, you look over to where the others make their way to you
>Before you can ask how they found you, their ears swivel and they all nearly simultaneously look down the road you just came from
>Just as a question is forming on your lips, you hear them, the patrol bounding back towards all of you, shouting about all the yelling and noise
>Head snapping to you, the mare next to you speaks again in an urgent whisper
>"I'm Sergeant Cardinal Virtue, nice to meet you, time to go!"
>Her horn glows a vibrant blue as the other mares ignite their horns with her
>Before you can even ask what's happening her blue aura wraps around all of you and in a deafening, popping instant, everything around you shifts and you're somewhere else, falling forwards as you pass out
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>The husbando hunt is a blitzkreig-style maneuver in which a gateway is opened for anywhere between 1-5 minutes
>For the time it's open, ponies pour out and latch onto people or try to drag/convince them back through the gateway
>When the gateway closes, it pulls all the ponies back along with whatever they are holding onto
>As many as 50 men can be kidnapped in the span of a minute
>This usually only happens in populated areas
>People living in smaller, less populated towns aren't likely to deal with this except during times when groups of people may congregate like festivals or meetings

>at the fair enjoying the sights and the rides with some buddies
>suddenly there's a bright flash of light and screaming
>think a bomb went off
>instead a bunch of adorable little mares are rushing out of what looks like a literal tear just hanging in the air
>women are trying to keep them away
>men just standing there dumbfounded because they're latching onto them and cuddling them
>suddenly the portal pulses and the men with mares start getting pulled towards the tear
>slowly at first
>then so quickly they can't keep their feet on the ground
>before everyone knows it, the portals closed and it's over
>the mares and a good number of men are gone
>fuck, that's what you get for being on the Ferris wheel when it happened

>implying a stationary target like that would be missed by pegasi.

>think you missed out on all the action when the mares are swarming guys below you
>Pegasus mare swoops down from the sun and grabs you under the arm and lifts off with you before you can even blink

>You can't help but be amused by all this
>Sitting at the zenith of the Ferris wheel gives you one hell of a vantage point over all the chaos
>Below you ponies, specifically mares, run in all directions chasing down men
>Earth ponies, unicorns, pegasi, they're all there
>Some men seem to just stand there and accept their fate, or maybe that's the fate they've been waiting for, while others run as fast as their legs can carry them
>Must have something here they're not willing to leave behind yet
>The mares seem to go after the more willing ones anyways
>"This is some crazy stuff, right?"
>Jumping a little at the feminine voice behind you and unable to turn to see who it is, you just shrug and answer
"I suppose it is, never thought aliens would be invading our planet because they were looking for boyfriends."
>She giggles at that, an adorable, squeaky sound
>"I never imagined it could happen, either."
>You're looking over the side, watching a woman chase a unicorn mare in her high heels as the pony makes off with her date held in her magic when you hear a whooshing of air
>Something small and feathery thumps into the bottom of your cabin and flails around as it rights itself and leaves you pressed against the edge, trying to get as far away as you can in such a tiny space
>Eventually a head pokes out from the ball of fluff and feathers - holy shit it's a pegasus, there's a pegasus in your fucking cart!
>She smiles beatifically at you, long windswept auburn mane covering one eye, the other a pretty shade of sky blue and a light orange coat
>"Hi! My name's Autumn Wind! I was getting tired of perching on the metal bars back there, so I thought I'd join you! I hope you don't mind?"
>Too shocked to respond at the moment, you say nothing as the silence, broken only by the sounds of chaos below, begins to stretch on uncomfortably
>Her happy smile beginning to diminish finally snaps you out of it
"N-No! No, that's fine, that's totally fine. I'm Anon."
>Smile coming back in full force, she flaps her wings and sits herself next to you on the seat
>"Great! You don't mind if I sit closer do you?"
>Blowing the hair out of her eye and resting her side up against you, she looks up into your face with a nervous expression
>Oh... oh! You see where this is going
>Smiling down at her somewhat nervously yourself, you put an arm around her side and pull her closer
>With wide eyes and red cheeks, she smiles back as you answer
"I don't think I mind at all."
>She unfurls one of her big wings and rubs it up and down your back, looking at you like you're not real and might disappear if she stops touching you
>"Would you... would you like to come back with me? I-I promise I'll treat you good! You can stay at my place, I have a guestroom!"
>Biting your lip in thought and looking back over the side of your cabin, you catch a guy bridal carrying an earth mare as she nuzzles into his chest across the threshold of the portal and disappear
>Well shit, what do you have to lose? All you have to look forward to is your exorbitant rent and 9 to 5 job stocking shelves and working a register
>That's going to have to change if you go with her, you're going to have to find something to actually be useful at and pull, at the very least, your own weight
>Looking back at her, those wide hopeful eyes and fragile smile give you your decision
"Yeah. Yeah, I'll come with you."
>And just like that, her fragile smile turns into the ear to ear grin she first gave you
>Shooting up from her spot next to you so fast it makes you jump, she spins in place in the air and turns to you
>"That's GREAT! Come on then, let's get going!" she says as she loops her forelegs underneath your arms and pulls
>She grunts and strains as she flaps her wings and heaves you up, lifting you out of your seat, making you grab onto her out of fear of falling over the edge
"Oh man, OH MAN. Just don't drop me okay? That would put a serious damper on this whole thing."
>She gasps as she looks down between her legs legs at you, giving you a serious expression even as it looks like she's going to burst a blood vessel from the strain of carrying you
>"I would... NEVER... drop you...!" she says between gasps for air
>As she makes her way to the ground in front of the portal you can make out the mare horde thinning out
>Wonder how many men will be on the other side with you
>Once your feet are finally about to touch down you let go of her and slide out of her grip
>Heaving a big sigh, her wings seize up and she falls on top of your head, knocking you both to the ground
>"S-Sorry, oh jeez are you okay?"
>Mumbling into her belly and getting a breathy giggle out of her, you lift her off of your face and set her on your chest
"Yeah, I'm alright just... give me a second, got the wind knocked outta me."
>As she lays on your chest to catch her breath, you idly pet her ludicrously soft wings as you catch yours
>She coos with pleasure, resting her chin on your collarbone and gently brushing her nose against your neck
>"We have to go, the portal is going to be closing soon." she sleepily mumbles
"Alright, let's go then."
>You sit up, cradling the exhausted pegasus in your arms and turn towards the portal
>It swirls with all kinds of colors, glowing with an otherworldly light
>Fucking hell is the thought of stepping into that terrifying, even though you KNOW it has to be safe, what with all the mares coming and going, pulling men in with them
>Well, no time like the present
>You squeeze your little pegasus plush closer and she responds with an airy giggle, pushing her face into your chest
>You take a step, then another, and another, until you're both right at the precipice of the wall of light
>Looking down at the mare in your arms, her peeking up at you with one eye framed by her auburn hair, face hidden in your chest, you smile
>Eyes going back to the portal, you nod to yourself, about to take the first steps into an entirely new world and one hell of an adventure
"Yeah... let's go."
>Taking the final step across the threshold and into your new life, all is color and light

And that's the end.
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>Stealth strategies
>Living in places with less people
>Staying in more
>Working somewhere no pony would think to look for a husbando
>You did all of these things
>You were only ever at work or the gym
>And most of your workplace was trashy people
>So you managed to avoid most of the cute little mares
>You'd heard that men were only kidnapped for slave labor anyways
>So you thought you'd play it safe and not lose what little shit you had
>Apparently they had some kind of hypnotic gaze, which was why no one ever fought back too hard
>One of those tough nights at work
>Although the pay was alright, you assholes you dealt with made it barely worth the check
>After getting yelled at by an old black lady over some trivial shit, you clocked out before you had anymore shit to deal with
>Your back ached and your head hurt
>Your old beater shined like a beacon of hope across the dark parking lot
>Time to go home
>You check your phone, looks like a new gateway opened up today and has been open for several hours
>It's weird, nothing can pass through it at all but it's still open
>You close it and unlock your car
>"I think that's him."
>You turn to face three mares that stepped out from behind an adjacent car
>All of them were in some armor that looked like it was made without the existance of firearms in mind
>One had a long flowing mane that went down below her belly
>Another had a short buzzcut
>The shortest had a spiked up mane and a mischievious smile
>"Are you sure? Check the scanner."
>The short mare with the spiked mane stared at you through a lens
>"This is the one. You were a sneaky fellow but we found you."
>You opened up the car door and slowly try to maneuver into the seat
>The tallest, buzzcut mare closes the door and steps behind you
>"Don't go anywhere, buddy. We kept the portal open just for you."
>"You did a good job hiding among those chumps, but once you stepped outside the scanner picked you up immediately." the short one said
>"He's a good one, his husbando level is..."
>The short mare took off her monocle, the scanner, whatever it was, and shook excitedly
>"35,000..." she gulped
>The tall mare jumped
>"WHAT?!"
>"Get him!" the mare with the long mane and the one with the buzzcut leapt at you and each held your arms back against the car
>You try your best to wrestle away from them, but they're pretty large mares
>"H-he's strong! The face, Star!" the buzzcut shouts into your fucking ear
>The short mare with the spiked up mane rears up on two legs, her hooves on your chest
>"Try and resist this, human." she whispers before looking away to the left
>Her head snaps back to you
>She's doing some kind of face at you
>Her... Her eyes are hearts
>No one's ever looked at you like that before
>Her smile was so... real
>It made your knees weak
>You couldn't fight against the other two mares anymore
>You just wanted to look into those eyes forever
>"Come back with us? Please?" she says, leaning in to touch her nose to yours
>"We'll treat you right." one whispers into your ear
>"You know you want to." the third says
"S-sure."
>"We got him. Coming back home." the short mare opens up a portal and tugs on your hand, pulling you into the murky white veil
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Late at night, a pegasus mare gazes lovingly into the sleeping face of her husbando, the one she rescued.
>She had finally been chosen for a raid. It had taken longer than usual to get telepathic messages out to a number of human men this time.
>The time before that, a few of the men contacted had been compromised, and the authorities had been waiting in a sting op.
>They were getting faster in responding too.
>When the portal opened in the middle of a large department store, a warning had already gone out that the rescue mares only had a few minutes before human police arrived.
>The human police turncoat who gave the warning was credited with saving the whole op.
>But no one told her what it would be like.
>Earth felt dead.
>Everything moved, but felt dead. A world of corpses with heartbeats.
>The colors, mute. The air, thin and diseased. The people...
>The pegasus and the others rushed in, frantically grabbing and escorting the men who waited around in the chaos through the portal.
>That's when she found him.
>She descended into his open arms, into a hug filled with the excitement of finding another, a hug filled with the terror of being caught.
>"You were like an angel, coming down for Heaven for me," he said afterward with a watery laugh.
>That's what lead up to now.
>The pegasus turns her eyes away from her sleeping mate, hers and hers alone, to stare out the window.
>Luna's moon stares back with baleful light.
>She lets out a sigh and sets her head against her mate.
>She's saved hers, but what sort of fate awaits the ones yet to arrive?
>...What fate awaits the ones who can't or won't?
>She sleeps little that night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Just find a cute one and smile
>It was never that easy
>Your smile was lackluster and tired
>Work had drained your poor soul dry
>You stood at the back of the crowd of eager mares waiting for the portal to open
>There were all of ten stallions in town and hundreds of lonely mares
>Tens of millions across Equestria
>What were your chances of finding anypony?
>Why were you even here, waiting to go to Earth for a chance to snag a bf?
>You'd tried several times and failed
>Mainly because you couldn't summon the energy to do the stupid love gaze that turned human stallions into stupid putty
>As soon as the portal opened, the crowd rushed out
>You took your sweet time walking through, not like it mattered anyways
>Like always, Earth
>Earth was cold
>It was pale with sad colors
>Everything felt gray
>The air itself even tasted dry and bitter
>Yes, it was a nightmare dimension filled with suffering
>In the panic of the invasion, you take in the surroundings
>It was a shopping mall food court
>Sad gray tiles echoed under hooffalls and shoes as people and ponies ran about
>You look around slowly, less enthusiastic about it, but still scanning for an eligible bachelor
>Maybe you'd find one this time
>Lucky number 7
>You spot a person sitting at one of those tables meant for two
>A small table with a seat on either side and not much space for actually eating
>And he was sitting there alone, a long-since emptied tray pushed to the opposite end
>"Go talk to him." an excited mare nudges your side, her future husband in pursuit
>Maybe it was a bad idea
>Your little heart was beating fast
>"Whatever you're doing, hurry it up we've only got two minutes."
>You scuttle over to the table and maneuver yourself into the seat across from the human
>He looks up from that weird little box at you
>Just smile and introduce yourself
>It's as easy as 1, 2, 3
>You smile, it felt forced and a little awkward
>Your prospective human returned the smile
>"Hi."
"H-hey. You must know the drill by now."
>"Not really. This is the first time I've seen one of you up close."
>You look at the empty tray hoping for some inspiration or courage
"You know, us ponies drop by and find some eligible bachelors to whisk away."
>The human sets his box down and puts it into his pocket
>"So is this my turn to go or are we just making small talk?"
>You hadn't gotten this far before
>That's what you get for being a depressed grump
"Do you- You want to come back me?" your ears stood up uncontrollably
>"It's tempting, what can you say to soothe a nervous first-timer?"
>You froze up
>Perfectly normal, he was scared about eloping with a strange alien from another dimension
"You're really going to like it back home, everything's jus-"
>"I'd be happy to go back with you, you're the cutest thing I've ever seen."
>For once, you really smile
>You reach out to touch his hand when the portal collapses
>Suddenly you're back on the other side
>And that human wasn't
>Your smile evaporates, covered back up by your signature apathetic glare
>You look around at the other mares and their catches, all happy couples
>And you have to go back to work tomorrow too

>Back on Earth
>Anon was about to touch the cute little pony, just to see if she was real in all this panic
>And she disappeared
>His dumb smile fades away
>His hopes faded away
>His supervisor at the McBurgerfucker showed up
>"Thank god you're still around Anon, the restaurant got trashed and Scruffy's gone so I'm promoting you to janitor."

Nope, not having that shit, only happy mares in this thread.

>"I'd be happy to go back with you, you're the cutest thing I've ever seen."
>For once, you really smile
>You reach out to touch his hand as a large female(?) accidently pushes him forward with her girth and covers you both in her McMotherFucker meal.
>You're a tangle of limbs, tray's, table and condiments as the portal collapses.
>Suddenly you're on the other side, blinking into each other's eyes with fries in your mane and ketchup dripping from his face.
>He reaches forward and brushes a stray gherkin from your muzzle, gently running his thumb over your cheek before moving on to stroking your neck, as if to reassure himself that you're still there.
>It's certainly the reason you absently brush a bun from his shoulder and rest your hoof on his arm.
>Your smile returns and is matched by his, you feel like they'll stick around for a bit longer this time.

>Back on Earth, two days later.
>Newspaper headlines read "Local Woman charged with manslaughter after crushing unknown person in restaurant."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Anon looks down at the little mare that just stated her interest in him, an emotionless expression on his face.
>Wordlessly, he sits down and wraps his arms around her in a cuddle, burying his face in her mane and startling her a little.
"Oh! U-um, okay i'm glad yo-"
>"Shhh."
"...Huh?"
>"Just let me have this."
"...Well, i like to think i'm a pretty good cuddler, i could have got my qt mark in it!"
>Silence.
>Awkwardly returning the cuddle, the silence starts to grate on her a little.
"Sooo, tell me about yourself, got any fun hobbies or anyth-Hey are you okay?"
>Still silent, Anon started shaking slightly as the mare felt her mane begin to dampen.
>Struggling out of his tightening grip to properly look at him, the mare feels her heart breaking as she looks into his tear stricken face.
"Hey, it's okay. I've heard how bad you guys have it here, but everything's okay no-"
>"Please dont go."
>He said it softly enough that she could have mistaken it for the wind, but she heard it all the same.
>Throwing her hooves around his neck, she presses him hard against her, trying to convey all of her desire to help him into the embrace, to simply make him feel better and wipe away his sadness.
"I wont leave you alone, I promise."
>Sighing, he clings to the mare like it's his only lifeline, eventually choking out a response between sobs.
>"You always say that before i wake up..."
>A confused expression appears on the mare's face before the portal's pull engulfs them in a white void.
>The next morning, a small alarm clock bleats incessantly beside an unkempt bed, it's owner waking up fully clothed in a different bed entirely, being reassured by his little spoon that she -always- keep's her promises.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Year 20xx
>horsebando raids have been going on for months now, each time a portal opens at least 10 men are usually reported taken.
>women have started to take more pro-active measures to 'protect' their men.
>constant shaming about anything pony related.
>any mlp memoriabila is burned on sight.
>gangs of women assault irl mares and decimate the horse population.
>forcibly move into a mans life and home and crying rape if he complains.
>actual rape and trying to guilt trip the man through his unborn child.
>it soon becomes unsafe for a man to travel alone, as he is liable to be snatched from the streets and 'properly housebroken'.
>mares hear of this and redouble their efforts.
>you are Anon, part of a small enclave of men patiently awaiting a portals opening within a large basement.
>as the tear in reality opens before you, you hear a bang upstairs followed by muffled shouting.
>"You bitches be gettin' out'a my 'ouse or by god ther' be a reckonin'!"
>Based grandad, too old to try his luck with a nice mare himself, he opened his home to weary men as a place of refuge.
>a refuge thats been compromised if the sounds of insults and struggle upstairs mean anything.
>as mares tumble through the portal, you make your way to the basements only entrance and doublecheck it's deadlocks.
>you entertain a brief tbought of rescuing the old man, but think better of it, he wanted to go down swinging instead of in his sleep, might as well honour that.
>Giving a brief salute, you turn to the mare standing behind you patiently.
"Ready to go?"
>A smile grows accross both your faces as you lean together for a cuddle before an explosion pushes you forward, lances of pain shooting across your back as you fall on top of the mare.
>yells ring out from the remaining occupants of the room as you lay there in shock.
>Absently, you notice the mare beneath you saying something but you cant quite...
>the portal closes with an unheard fizzle, dragging everyone back to the other side in a flash.
>you briefly feel a sensation of floating before bright colours resolve themselves around the mare and warmth falls on your back.
>thats much nicer than the pain, you wish that would go away.
>you think you can hear yelling again but theres a soft roaring in your ears thats making it hard to concentrate.
>oh that mares cupping your face and saying something again.
>you struggle to hear her but can only focus for a few seconds at a time.
"Yo... g..ng.....o..ay, ..ou h...r ..e!"
>a tingle spreads over your body as you rise up, are lain on something soft and start moving.
>you're tired, but you're pretty sure sleep is a bad idea.
>besides, it would mean looking away from the face of the mare trotting beside you.
>you wish she'd stop crying though, pretty mares shouldn't cry.

>Looking through the tinted glass of the observation window, Princess Celestia watches stoically as wooden shards are carefully extracted from the human, to join a small pile resting in a tray beside him.
>"This is getting out of hoof."
>The room was silent for a moment before a figure stepped through her peripheral vision.
"Whats the matter~ i thought you WANTED potential new husbands 'by any means necessary', should i stop opening the portals?"
>A hoof stomps.
>"You know what i mean Discord! Look at him! They would rather see them killed than be happy!"
"Yes, well, i did warn you how irrational they could get, i'd be impressed if most of their efforts werent so devoid of comedy, whats the point in total chaos if you dont -enjoy- it, honestly."
>This last remark accompined by a flick of long bushy hair that disappears as quickly as it came.
>"Discord, Please. Be serious for a moment."
"Oh alright, if you -insist-."
>A claw snaps as a picture of Earth superimposes itself on the window, various parts marked with colour and grey.
"Thanks to the efforts of Lovebutt and Starbutt, we've been able to check off the parts of their world that no longer contain anyone that would accept a mares, ugh, advances."
>A shudder ripples through a serpentine body.
"If i open portals any quicker, i could accidently tear open their barrier completely, and though it'd be a barrel of laughs to suddenly expose them to @~%4, it'd be a very short laugh, or a very long one, depending on who's telling the joke."
>"Get to the point discord."
"Oooh, feisty, dont worry princess i'm sure your prince charming will fall through one of these days."
>A growl.
"ANYway, strictly speaking, there's no rule saying i have to open a portal from this side, and if there was i'd break it anyhow."
>A blink is met with a smug looking grin.
>A weary sigh.
>"Just leave them the chance to rebuild."
"Hoho! The leash is off! Now i must be going to pack my things, want me to grab you a souvenir?"
>"Just, go."
>A burst of soap bubbles later, the draconequus is gone.
>Turning back to the human in the operating room, all of the pieces appear to have been extracted and the human bandaged and gently being lowered to a gurney.
>A dry chuckle involuntarily escapes as she spies the get-well-soon card pinned to his pillow.
>You're still weary over the verifiable force of unnature you've unleashed upon an unsuspecting world, but it's out of your hooves now.
>You never wanted it to come to this, the amount of humans that were both compatible and willing to leave for equestria was a relative drop in the bucket, and apparently even considered 'undesirable' by some strange metric.
>Shaking your head to clear out the morbid thoughts, you start mentally drawing up contingencies.
>After giving your worlds most powerful child a sandbox the size of a planet to play in, it pay's to be prepared for anything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Chest is an erogenous zone.
Neat, wonder if this is just for the gay's or if it works on mares.

>Motorboat your mare's sensitive fluff.
>Tease her as she gasps, moans and ineffectually bats at your head.
>Before a full minute has passed she's pressing your face tight against her as you continue nuzzling her relentlessly, becoming intoxicated by her scent and roaming your hands over her flanks.
>A small puddle of wetness grows on your chest as she tries to wrap her hind legs around you, unconsciously thrusting her hips as you continue your ministrations.
>She finally pulls you away to look into your eyes, mane wild and your faces flushed with your passions before surging forward into a kiss as you run your hands through her coat, a groan reverberating from deep within her as you scratch a particular spot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>The stereotypical white void resolves into a mountain spring decorated by familar looking statues and an softly glowing archway, water flowing freely through it.
>It pools around your feet, but as you take a step forward not a single drop is disturbed.
>You should probably be concerned about that, but death has a way of muting that feeling for a while.
>Besides, you just recognised the landscape through the arch so focusing on anything else is a bit hard right at the moment, although the statues of the princesses should have been a big hint.
>The gaudy pink name along the top was also a bit on the nose, you bet discord had something to do with that.
>You finally pull your head out of your ghostly ass and notice some nondescript figures ahead of you, wading their way towards the portal with nonexistant spla-
>Oh. Spoke too soon, guess he must have tripped or something.
>And so did that guy, huh.
>The fact they didnt stand back up is a bit strange, the water isnt that deep.
>...Maybe you should take it slow.
>As you pass one of the statues you cant help a flinch as the eye sockets flash, the cutie mark glowing with a strong magenta light.
>Images rush through your mind too quickly to register, too varied to properly make sense of before the sensation fades and you're left looking dumbly at the once again inert statue, it's empty gaze paradoxically looking on with acceptance.
>Shaking it off, you keep moving forward, watching the figures in front of you as they stumble and continue or fall by some unseen judgement.
>This appears to be a test of sorts, you can guess that much, should have figured that would be the case.
>You steel yourself for candyass' statue, your memories are fuzzy but you're pretty sure you're going to fail whatever metric the Princess of Love decides.
>Eye sockets flash and her crystal heart pulses as more images flow through your mind.
>More prepared this time, you're able to recognise a few scenes, suddenly remembering them with unnatural clarity.
>The first time you masturbated was one, watching an episode with /mlp/ another, a parent's embrace a third, a time you volunteered for charity a fourth, and by the fifth image of looking yourself over in the mirror you think you understand whats happening.
>Love comes in many forms, and you've experienced and given more than you consciously realised, even if your experiences with one particular form were...lacking.
>Seemingly satisfied, the images stop and you see the portal in front of you again, the statue to your right now seeming to look at you with affection.
>Half way there, not bad.
>You're not sure how you passed the first test, you cant really remember anything noteworthy you did as a friend, but you suppose that's part of the point.
>Lost in thought, you're brought up short as ice fills your veins and a veritable flood of images pour forth.
>You mindlessly walked into the gaze of the Night Princess, and she begins her judgement.
>Unlike the others, these visions are methodical, you're forced to watch each and every instance of cruelty inflicted upon you, your darkest moments of sorrow, anger and apathy.
>The only thing keeping you standing was the recollection of your reactions to each moment, the times you understood why it happened, the times you forgave mistakes, the times you reached out and grabbed the helping hand.
>All of these flowing through your mind like a balm, gently smoothing the painful experiences until they return to being harmless memories, the portal appearing once more.
>Looking at the statue with the luminious moon on it's chest and understanding in it's gaze, you offer up a smile before turning to your last obstacle.
>Last one, cant afford to be distracted now, you're almost done.
>Mindful of it looming closer as you wade forward, you struggle to think of what Celestia would judge that the other's havent.
>Bracing for mental impact, you step forward and look it in the 'eyes'.
>The sockets flash, the sun starts shining and...
>Nothing.
>Not a thing goes through your mind, beyond your sudden worry that you failed without even realising it.
>Studying it closer, you realise it's giving you an expression you cant quite place.
>Which must mean you passed without realising it.
>Huh, you feel like you're cheating but you're certainly not going to complain if that's the case.
>You carefully edge a step forward, eyes riveted on the statue in case it suddenly changes it's mind.
>Nope, it's letting you pass, alright then.
>Moving to the edge of the glassy portal, you give it a tentative poke like any rational person.
>Naturally, it has the consistancy of jello.
>Taking a deep breath, you prepare to step into the relative unknown when you hear a faint splash behind you.
>Oh right, other people exist.
>Turning around, you spot the ripples of the latest guy to fail Luna's test.
>You feel a bit of sympathy, you wouldn't exactly consider yourself a 'bad' person and that was still hard for you to deal with.
>Another splash, failure for Cadance this time, poor sod must have been emotionally starved.
>...
>Biting your lip, you turn back to the portal.
>You shouldn't worry about it, you're done. You. Passed.
>These are personal trials, everyone needs to win them on their own in order for it to count.
>Nodding resolutely, you lift your foot to step forward before slowly bringing it back down as a final thought occurs.
>You weren't alone in any of your tests.
>Whether it was offering forgiveness, giving your love or a simple act of friendship, you passed your tests because the actions of others spurred your response.
>A weary sigh passes your lips as you give one last look to the Sun princess' statue.
>You understand the gaze in it's eyes now, as you make your way back to the start.
>Resolute, Certainty, you're no poet but there's probably more words for it.
>You know why you didnt see any more visions of your life, why it let you pass unchallenged.
>You could have passed on, all that would have judged had already deemed you worthy.
>Except you.
>Even in a relative paradise, you wouldn't have been able to rest easy knowing you didnt do everything you could.
>In the end, the man in the glass is the only judgement that matters.
>Humming an old michael jackson song under your breath, you stop at the edge of where people are emerging from thin air, still as indestinct in appearence as when you first arrived.
>Looking down at the water, you take in what you just barely noticed at the portal.
>An infathomable darkness, stretching downwards in a way that defies comprehension, an abyss that pulls the mind and whispers madness.
>...
>You blinked, fuck, there goes that bet.
>Turning from your brief shenanigans, you take a final look at the little slice of afterlife before you, the glowing statues, their looks of acceptance, affection, understanding and surety.
>Giving a small wave, you stretch your arms to the side and tip yourself backwards.
>You're not worried, as you hit the water with a splash.
>You did this once after all, as you fall into infinity.
>You'll do it again, as the light above fades to a pinprick.
>Maybe this time you'll travel the world a bit, as you feel sleep gradually overtake you.
>Making new friends would be nice.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_M03KJyAWY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>It began with a kidnapping
>Just one, people would mysteriously disappear out of thin air
>No one around would remember
>Security cameras would go blank
>As the days passed by, people began to disappear more
>The faces on the news were never female
>It was always these average joes that you'd think no one would miss
>Nearly all of them single and inactive on social media
>It wasn't very long until the news stopped reporting on the wave of disappearances
>People didn't care
>You didn't care either
>None of this shit mattered anyways
>You had a job to hate
>You had a boss to bitch at you
>You had a paycheck to get
>You had bills to pay
>You had stuff to lift so you didn't shoot up that godforsaken store
>Fuck it, 2AM lifting at that crappy 24/7 gym
>There was one other person around, some weirdly buff guy wearing running shorts and a hoodie
>His face was red and veiny and he was curling a 15lb weight as fast as he possibly could
>It didn't matter
>Not in the slightest
>You put some weights onto the smith machine because there was no fucking bench
>Start doing your sets while the guy across the room makes these hissing noises likes he's a burst pipe
>You finally made it to your max as far as bench went
>Oh lord it was heavy
>Your arms quivered as you forced a second and a third rep before racking the weight
>Three was better than one
>The tv, that usually showed CNN had turned off
>Looks like Chunk across the room was resting
>He was sitting silently, weights by his feet
>Good
>Loud-ass Chunk needed to shut the fuck up for once
>You take a sip of your powdered drink mix that you brought with you
>It tasted like a raspberry punch in the mouth
>The lights flickered before resuming the usual buzzing
>The radio in the gym stopped
>Taylor Swift's Bad Blood became Silent Blood
>It was an improvement
>You looked down at your headphones
>They weren't plugged into anything but the speakers were hissing
>Spooky shit
>It was probably time to go
>You didn't want to be around for real spooky hours
>"Hey, you're Anon right?" a voice called out from somewhere unseen
"What?"
>"Yes! I was hoping I'd get to you."
"Where are you?" you looked over your shoulder and around the gym
>"Give me a moment."
>Slowly but surely a little pony materialized a few feet in front of you
>You noticed it was black and white
>A little zebra?
>You stare at it with a blank expression
>You look to see if Chunk noticed
>He was sitting silently
>The tv was blank
>Your headphones were hissing
>Your phone was dead
>"Hi." the little zebra says, shifting from side to side
>Was this some kind of hidden camera show?
>Was some youtuber going to jump out at you and shout "It's a prank ecks dee!"
>The little zebra gazed at you with an increasingly worried look
>"Are you okay? Hello?"
"Holy shit, a talking horse."
>"I'm a zebra, there's a difference. Can I talk with you for a moment?" she takes a few steps closer
>She was a cute little zeeb, you wanted to rub her cheeks and pet her
"I don't see why not."
>"So... I have a lot of explaining to do and only a little bit of time to do it."
"You do, what's going on?"
>"Okay. A really quick rundown on everything. I came here from another world using magic but it wasn't my magic so I don't really understand how it works. Basically in my world there's so few males that lots of us mares got together and started searching in other worlds and we found this one so we're here to find possible boyfriends but a lot of humans aren't really into the whole pony and human pairing so we had to use more magic to find the right pairs, and the spell thinks we might be compatible and I've never had a boyfriend and you've never had a girlfriend so will you come back to Equestria with me please?" she sputtered out at the fastest talking speed you've ever heard
>The little zebra gives you a cartoony sad look
>You don't say anything for a moment
>Check your schedule for the week
>Get up early for work
>Move heavy shit
>Pay bills
>Pay for college
>Wait a minute, she said you've never had a girlfriend
>That's a load of shit, you had a gf on Runescape when you were 12
"Alright, let's go." you shrug, resisting the need to hold the zeeb
>The little zebra began jumping in the air
>"Yes! I've been waiting for this forever! Come on!"
>She jumped up and grabbed onto your hand
>There was a white flash and you were walking with her through a bright corridor towards some bright end
>Weird day, but it's not over yet
>"I'm Azizi, I was told your name was Anon." she says, continuing to lead you towards the light
"Yeah. That's me."
>You and Azizi get to the end of the hall and the light fades
>You step out into some pony version of the DMV
"What is this?"
>"The department of husbando collection. At first ponies would open bootleg portals and rush through but this is much more organized and faster."
"Oh shit!"
>You just remembered you left your drink on Earth
>"What is it?", Azizi asks
"I left my drink!"
>"... What?"
"I always told Chunk that I was sipping Gatorade Bitter Mountain Rush but it was Kool Aid!"
>"We should be going now, I think we're holding up the line."
>A bored, chubby mare sitting at a desk looked out into the lobby
>"Now serving #162." she read into the intercom
>An excited mare stepped forward and past you and Azizi
>She gawked at you curiously before going up to the pony operating the portal and stepping through
>You and Azizi left the DHC
>Wherever you were, you weren't alone
>Little ponies and humans all walked through the streets
>You even saw a gryphon or two walk by
>Cool shit
>You kept your hand on Azizi as she navigated the village
>Twisting roads and paths formed a complicated net filled with small buildings of wood and cobblestone
>As Azizi made her way further away from town, the spaces between buildings grew and the amount of grass increased
>"Me and my family all work as doctors. My parents pass down everything they know." Azizi says, leading you past a wheat field to a large bordering forest
>Along the forest's edge was a clear border between sunny rolling hills and eerie overgrowth
>Azizi kept skirting the edge of the forest, much to your discomfort, until she came up to an alcove with a large shack built on the shoreline of a pond
>She grinned ear to ear for you
>"My family is very excited to meet you, Anon." she leaned against you happy and secure
>She lead you up a boardwalk and in through the front door
>Inside of the shack was crazy decorations, masks adorned the walls, things that could not be set anywhere were hung up in nets, and vases of exotic flowers filled the rooms with their scents
>There were also jars of various preserved or unidentifiable substances stacked up in aged cupboards
>"My father says he practices holistic medicine, but there is a lot of magic involved." Azizi says, unphased by the overwhelmingly decorated room
>She brings you to a closed door down a darkened hallway
>"This is my room." her face was a bit red, "I should have cleaned first but I didn't think I'd actually be bringing you home so soon."
>Before you could step into Azizi's room there was a heavier, slower clattering of hooves in the front room
>"Azizi? Are you home? I've brought you a new comb." a voice calls
>A figure slips into the hallway
>"Hello father." Azizi says, nudging in front of you
>The larger zebra stallion looks at you
>His eyes look you up and down, visually interrogating you
>"Who is the strange fellow? Standing here so oddly mellow." he seemed a little upset
>"Father, this is Anon. Anon this is Azama, my father."
>The larger zebra seemed to instantly light up
>"So this is the one I have heard so much about! And here I was, ready to throw him out." he extended a hoof happily
>You shook it
>"I guess I should introduce you to my family." Azizi looks down the hall, "It looks like they've just gotten home."
>Azizi and you head out into the main room again
>Before she can say anything, Azama blurts out
>"Family come here, Azizi has something to share." he announces
>You follow Azizi into the main room
>She had a little filly sister and her mom was peeking in from the kitchen
>"Welcome to our home, Anon. It is so nice to finally meet you." her mom chimed
>"That is my mom, Mozi, and my little sister, Zulu." Azizi says
>The little zebra filly rushes over to you, "He's real?! I thought you were making it all up, Azizi." she laughs
>"We didn't think our little Azizi would be able to find a mate, and you've come along before it was late, so tell me Anon, why the wait?"
"I uh... I can't say I know. I think I was in the wrong universe."
>"A weathered traveller you are, finally you've found a guiding star."
>Azizi turned red
>"Father!" she turned away from both of you to conceal her reddened cheeks
>Her mother leans in from another room, "Your father is right, you've helped him more than you know, and he's handsome too. If I were a few years younger..." she trails off
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>"Anon you should eat." peasantmare said, leaning over the pot of vegetable stew that was cooking over the dwindling fire
>You stick another piece of firewood into it
"I'm fine."
>You were hungry too, but there wasn't much to eat
>Cute little ponies were much more fragile and needed to eat their veggies
>Peasantmare gives you a concerned look
>You and her have been snowed in for a few days
>"You haven't eaten in two days."
"I'll be fine. I'm fasting."
>"Please just have something."
"I'll eat when I can get out to the cellar and get us some more food." you lay back on the pile of blankets that constituted the bed in this little hovel
>"Promise?"
"I promise."
>Peasantmare poured some stew into a wooden bowl and began eating next to you
>She leaned against your side, stretching her shawl over the both of you
>She again offered you some of her stew
>You took a slice of carrot if only to ease her worries
>Autumn was tense
>Winters were hard
>Spring was calm
>Summers were bountiful
>But all year long
>You still had love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh fuck man. Imagine that.

>A normal guy gets the short end of the stick in a divorce.
>He's in a slump until he catches the attention of a mare.
>That mare is none other than Princess Celestia/Luna.
>It's even a magic "love at first sight" deal, so its not just pity either.
>It's a jump up so high that you can't get higher.
>Family functions and visits to the kids are going to be wierd now that he's an official "prince consort".
>It's even worse when the Princess happily announces her pregnancy.
>The look on his ex's face will be priceless though.

>ex hears you are married to someone
>doesn't give enough of a shit to learn who
>tries to run the alimony racket
>can't understand why every lawyer she contacts immediately refuses once they hear your name
Its straight fucked how they can claim your partner's income too. Fucking insane shit.

>Celestia wants to share in human traditions, so she wants to host a Christmas party in Equestria inside the castle for the family.
>"The family" being the Equestrian royal family and your family.
>On one hand, it would be great to see everyone again, and you're especially eager to so your kid(s).
>...But that means your ex has to come, since she'd never let the kid(s) come to Equestria alone.
>You've kept her in the dark about your new life so long, but with this?
>A shitstorm is guaranteed. But neither can you deny Celestia.
>Brace for impact then...

>Ex is startled when she and the kids get an invite to Canterlot Castle for Christmas.
>She can't very well turn it down.
>Creeping realization sets in when she sees other family members heading to Equestria as well.
>When everyone steps inside the castle to be greeted by Celestia, a shy alicorn filly with oddly familiar eyes hiding behind her legs, and none other than you, it hits her like a truck.
>Oh shit.

>Everyone compliments or congratulates her on the upcoming foal.
>She's practically glowing with happiness.
>The ex can see it though everytime their eye's meet, whether the princess is talking casually with family or addressing royal business she can always see the true emotions in those ameythest eyes.
>The sheer raw strength of her Smug could rival the sun itself for intensity.
>"He's mine. I found gold in what you considered dirt, he's prince consort to an entire kingdom and now he barely knows you exist." they seem to say.
>Fucking ponies.

>Meanwhile celestia wonders why a particular woman always seems to follow her around only to do nothing but glare at her from a distance, but chalks it up to human females being strange, one even threw away your perfect stallion just before you met him.
>They must all be mad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Be gymcel Anon
>Too autistic to get a girl despite lifting
>Not even good-looking, just autistically strong
>On Earth, people only paid attention to you when you put 7 plates on the leg press and even then it was looks of concern or fear
>Now you can't go to the gym without all the mares staring at you
>Start working out at 3AM to avoid their invasive gazes
>They start showing up at weird hours too
>Fucking cardiofags don't even into weights
>You can hear them giggling between reps
>STOP LAUGHING
>Become a home gym guy out of fear

>Be Anon
>Autistic gymcel
>Ponies watching you lift
>Feel their eyes drilling into you
>Autism activates
>Manual walking and breathing
>Hear them talking in the background
>Have a hunch they're talking about you
>They're probably making fun of you
>Hear a mare giggle
>They're laughing at you
>Goddamnit
>They're laughing at your faggot curl weight
>They're laughing that you're a retarded T-rex mode autist who fell for the SS meme
>Keep hearing them talk
>Put in headphones and blast music
>Two mares walk up and start working next to you
>Pick up your stuff and move ten feet away
>They leave after one set, fucking plebs
>/fit/ was right
>Lifting does not cure social retardation
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>a semi translucent mare suddenly appears from nowhere and hugs you as tight as she can while babbling in horse.
>a tingly feeling begins to spread from point of contact across your whole body as it begins to fade to the same semi-visble state as her.
>your ears pop as the feeling spreads over your head and you suddenly understand the little pony.
>she's talking in circles hoping you like her and that you'll like equestria and how cold everything is here and that she'll treat you right and she hopes you like her and...
>you boop her with a see-through hand to stop her train of thought.
>she looks you in the eye with a pleading gaze as you open your mouth to give her your response.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Celestia was busy thinking about princess stuff
>One of her guardmares sighs and says, "That feel when no coltfriend."
>Another chimes in, "I know that feel sis."
>And another
>And another
>Celestia snaps
>"SHUT UP! WE GET IT, YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A PENIS! NO ONE IN THIS CASTLE HAS!"
>Luna peeks in
>"Hark, dear sister, I have gazed upon a stallion's nether once before."
>"No you haven't!"
>"I have, 'twas of my beloved living in the far north Caneighdia, he... he just never comes to visit."
>"He's not real, we all know it."
>"He's real in mine imagination..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Day 420 in Horseland
>All of the Anons be travelling together through the desert like sadboiz
>"A'ight fags, I have no idea where we are." an Anon says
>"Same." another adds
>And they kept on walking
>Because they were autistic
>And there was no water
>And a bunch of Anons died in the desert
>There was just a trail of corpses, it was tragic
>Eventually the group of Anons made it to a place called Basetown , a town at the base of the mountain below Canterlot
>And some more Anons died of random shit
>Celestia came down, quite suspicious
>This was like a week after the Storm King fucked shit up
>It was actually his dicking around with magic that brought them here
>"Who among you is the leader?" sunbutt asked
>No response
>One Anon stepped forward wearing a Burger King crown
"I am, but for like five more minutes. We're all taking turns being the president."
>"You... Take turns?"
>Anon handed his crown to another Anon
"We are all equally capable of leadership. Not at all, we've been lost in a desert for weeks and have been dropping like flies." he passes the crown to another Anon
>Celestia looks on with growing concern
"Yes! But worry not we have all forgone the concept of identity, we have no idea who eachother are and we barely know ourselves."
>This Anon drops the crown by accident
>Another picks it up and hands it to Celestia
"Here. You can take a turn being the president too."
>The Anons just stared at her
>"Uhh... What purpose are you here for?"
"We don't know."
>"Wait here and let me consult my sister." Celestia flies off with the paper crown
>The Anons sit quietly in the dirt like retards
>Be Princess Celestia, wearing the guilded Anon crown
>Wake up Luna
>She is mad now
>"Sister, what doth the fuck did you rouse me from my slumber for?"
"Luna we have visitors and they gave me a paper crown."
>Luna give you an angry and bored glare
>She lays back down
>You glide back down to Basetown and return to complete pandemonium
>Anons and ponies were all running through the streets
>You land to find an Anon being hastily lead by a mare off of the streets
>You forget that Basetown was Equestria's rape capital
>Then again rape happened a lot all over Equestria because the gender ratios were like 15:1 female to male
>But it happened slightly more here
>Amid the crowds scattering you get approached by an Anon who clings to you fearfully
>"Madam president what's going on?!"
"Uhh, uhh. Guards? We need to keep the peace!" you wrap your wing around the Anon as you try to figure out what to do
>Suddenly the Anon is yanked from your wing and disappears into the crowd
>It's been 10 straight hours of absolute unstoppable carnage and rape
>Many Anons are missing, their fates unknown
>Could they be locked away in some depraved mare's basement?
>Taken to another town?
>Drained of all of their life force?
>You felt at fault for this, there must have been something you could've done to stop this
>Anons litter the streets, clothes ripped to shreds
>There was fucking semen everywhere
>You tried to get your guards to stop it all but they joined in too
>You wapk through the streets of Basetown, carefully stepping over the still bodies of Anons
>One or two walks the streets
>They follow after you, in various degrees of limping
>"President, what happened?" one asks, still shaking
"I-it's... It's mating season. You picked the wrong time to show up." you reply
>"It was amazing, I've never been that close to anyone ever."
>You drop the crown and take off
>One of the few Anons standing puts it on and starts helping others up
>You go back to the castle and go to sleep
>Luna comes into your room
>"Sister, what happened in Basetown?"
"I... Hundreds of these adorable little monkey things showed up and made me their leader, but then they all got raped to death while I stood idly by and watched."
>"How cute were they?"
"They were the cutest, most adorable little band of idiots I'd ever seen."
>You stare at the ceiling
>"Shall I recover those still alive tonight?"
"Take as many as you can find and bring them into the castle, please." you roll over and close your eyes
>"As you wish, sister."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>"You know exactly why I'm taking you to the Storm King, you're far too dangerous to be free."
>Tempest glares at you through the bars
"I don't like fighting, you forced me to do that."
>"And for but a few seconds you showed me exactly why you're going to spend eternity in Tartarus."
"I didn't know..."
>"You drained the magic from one of my guards, he nearly died. How could you not know?"
"I didn't mean to, you set him on me and I got scared."
>"You should have let him run the gauntlet on you, you'd still be free."
"Wait, Tempest I'm not bad. Surely you, as a pony, can forgive?"
>"A pony? Me? Hardly..."
>You reach out and get struck by an arc of electricity
"Could you trust me to show you?"
>Tempest scoffs at you
>"I wouldn't trust y-"
"Could you trust me as a friend. I know you might think I'm bad but if you just gave me a chan-"
>"Be quiet!"
>Tempest starts into her song, the one that explains why she doesn't have friends or trust anyone
"Are you singing? That's so cute, your voice is beautiful."
>Tempest turns red and faces away from you
>"Sh-shut up and let me sing."
>"Open up your eyes and-"
"No one's ever sang for me before, you have the sweetest voice."
>"Do you want me to sing or not?"
"Yes, please."
>"Then let me sing so you can understand my backstory!"
"Okay."
>Tempest finishes her song
>She hadn't even noticed you running your fingers through her mane while she was in her flashback
>"If you ever touch me again I will end you." she growls
>You reach out and scratch her chin when she closed her eyes dramatically
>She hits you with another ineffective bolt of magic
"When I look at you, I see someone who could use a friend."
>She glares at you in silence
"I know you've been hurt, so have I. I really know how you feel."
>"How could you possibly even know?"
"If there's anything an Anon knows, it's rejection."
>"Tell me." Tempest looks around to see if anyone is watching
"When I was little, my mom decided she didn't want to be a mom anymore. I was abandoned by my own family for reasons I still don't understand. I've never had a friend. I never found out what I'm good at. I've never had anyone on my side. You might not want to open up because you've been hurt, you're like a beautiful glass sculpture that's been broken."
>Tempest huffs and turns away
>"I almost believed you."
>A light piano riff fades in
"And you might not want to put yourself back together because you're afraid you'll get broken again. I've been broken for so long that all I want is to put my pieces back together just to see what I used to be, even if it get broken again."
>The piano riff gets a little louder
"You might not want to make friends, I'd do anything to change that. I want to help you put the pieces back together. But... I'm always willing to be your friend."
>Some light brass joins in
"Tempest, you've got a friend in me. You've got, a friend, in me."
"When the road looks, rough ahead. And you're miles and miles, from your nice warm bed. You just remember what your old pal said Girl, you've got a friend in me."
>Music cuts out
>Tempest emits a quiet sniffle
>She turns around, her eyes only slightly misty
>"I can let you out, you can work for me until we get to the Storm King." she unlocks the cage
>You take a step out, kneel down, and hug the angry mare
>She tries to zap you a few times to no effect
>She surveys the room quickly and hugs you back for a moment
>You let go
>"If you ever do that again I'm having you thrown overboard."
>You give Tempest a disarming smile, she wouldn't do that
>"Come on. It's lunch and you've wasted enough of my break as it is."
>Tempest unlocks the door to the surrounding cell and lets you out
>You follow her up a set of stairs into a larger room with a long table
>Tempest takes a seat at the end
>You pull up a chair and scoot in next to her
>"I don't know what you're planning, but I'm watching you." she says as you grab a bowl of stew for you and her
"I spoke from the heart. I see something good in you."
>"Just eat your stew."
>It was pretty bad
>The room rocked gently
>Fucking airboats
>Tempest was poking at a carrot slice with a fork when the bell rang
>She stared at the bowl blankly for a moment before sighing
>"Lunch is up, get my bowl and I'll find a way for you to make yourself useful." she gets up and heads for the door, "I'll be across the hall."
>You grab yours and Tempest's bowls and set them in the sink, following what one of the ship's workers did
>As the room cleared out, you went through the same door as Tempest, sure enough, there was a door right across the hall, you went through it and saw Tempest looking at some forms on a desk
>Clouds passed by in the porthole behind her
>She looks up at you
>"For now just sit down and keep quiet."
>You take a seat in a worn out swiveling chair that's bolted to the floor
>She writes on the form, stopping occasionally to think
>"Maybe if you can prove you have some use to the Storm King he won't imprison you." she says, turning to look at you
"And you care, why?"
>"Because I could use something like you aboard, you're a powerful tool when handled correctly."
"I think you want me around."
>"Yes, but I'm fine with the prison option as well if you're going to keep being like this."
"Like what?"
>"Quit trying to get close to me, I don't have any actual power outside of this ship."
"I'd still want to be your friend regardless."
>Tempest shakes her head and goes back to her paperwork
>"Go help the janitor, it's probably simple enough for you."
>You shrug and get up, giving Tempest a quick scratch behind her ear
>She shoots you with a magic bolt as you walk out
>"Stop that!"
>You go spend a few hours helping some yeti-esque creature mop before he clocks out and you go find Tempest again
>As you open the door, she looks up
>"I was thinking about what you said earlier, it's been eating away at me. Why do you want to be my friend? I can't put in a word for you to the Storm King, I'm just delivering you."
"To be honest? I think we could use a friend like eachother, I'm not afraid of being imprisoned in Tartarus, I've been in much worse places. I see someone else who's hurting the way I have for years."
>"Much worse than Tartarus?"
"I come from a place that crushes souls for fun. Pony hell is actually nicer than my home."
>"I'll be your friend, if only for a few days until I turn you over to the Storm King."
>She smirks
>"Once you're sent to Tartarus I won't have to deal with you again."
>You put a hand on her shoulder
"Oh, I'll get out of Tartarus. And when I do I'm coming to find you, wherever you are, and I'll show you that it's better to have someone with you than be alone."
>A few days pass by with you doing small things for Tempest
>Sometimes it was oddjobs, others it was you trying to be nice to her
>She'd warmed up after a lot of pushing
>Now when you hug her she doesn't try to kill you
>She shares her cot with you on the grounds that it gets cold at night
>One night, you and her were up a little late to watch the stars
>She was pointing out some of the constellations to you
>Apparently Luna had drawn herself in the stars
>Really cool constellation
>She stopped after a bit and looked down
>"You know tomorrow we'll make it to Storm Isle. We may never see eachother again."
"I said I was going to get out, I meant it."
>She stifled a laugh
>"You'd really escape Tartarus? You think you can?"
"For you I would, I'd say you're my best friend."
>"Me too, you've really changed my mind about friendship, I may actually miss you."
"I'm definitely going to miss you."
>"I'm only doing this because I have to, you understand, right?"
"Yeah, I understand. No hard feelings."
>"Thanks. Storm King isn't the kind of guy you want mad at you."
"It's all good, Tempest."
>You wrap an arm around her
"Can you sing for me, before I go?"
>"Can you sing with me?"
"Sure."
>The skyboat darkens as a warm spotlight shines on you two out of nowhere
>"I will remember, the time spent with you."
"All the meanings, of old and new."
>"The few sweet moments, together we had."
"Will make me more more sad, but had-"
>"To end one day. I don't have much to say..."
>You put your hand to her chin and turn Tempest towards you
"Just stay happy, wherever you are. You know, I won't be far."
>"J-just stay happy wherever you are."
>Spotlight fades
>Tempest leans against your side, resting her head on your shoulder
>You do the same, getting a face full of her red mane
>The clouds drift by as you watch the night get darker
>Tempest gets up
>"We should get some sleep. Tomorrow's... Going to be a rough day." she sighs
>You scoop up the edgy mare in your arms and carry her down to the captain's quarters
>For all those times she zapped you for this, she didn't this once
>She shifted her side flush with your chest and rested her chin on your shoulder
>You laid her in her little cot and climbed in next to her
>"You really promise I'll see you again?" she whispers
"Promise."
>The little mare clings to you as if you were going to disappear when she let go

>Enter Tempest Shadow
>It was eating you up inside
>Anon was the first friend you've had since you were little, he changed your world in a week
>And just as quick as he showed up, he'd be gone
>You didn't want to sleep away these few hours you had left
>You push on Anon's shoulder, shaking him slightly
>"Huh?" his eyes open and he sits up
"I don't want to waste our time left. Let's do something until morning."
>"What?"
"Come on." you get up and crawl over Anon, pulling on him
>He gets up and stretches
>"What are we doing?"
"Tomorrow you'll be leaving, I want to do something special."
>"Alright." Anon walks after you
>You go upstairs to the deck with him, the sea far below reflects the moon as you look over the railing
"Stand over up by the front."
>Anon walks up to the front of the ship and looks out over the edge
>You go over to the intercom and set it to only the deck speaker
>Placing a record on the speaker, you start it up
>It was a slow orchestral piece
>You turn the volume down a little to not wake up the others on the ship
>Anon is looking up at the speaker as it plays

>Enter Anon
>The speaker above was playing a quiet strings-heavy tune
>Tempest comes up to the front of the devk with you
>"It's a favorite of mine. I thought we could dance."
>You run your hand through her mane again and pull her up to your height
"I'd love to."
>Tempest rested her forehooves over your shoulders, your hands wrapped around her back
>"Thank you for all of this." she says, setting her face against your chest
>You and Tempest sway slowly to the rhythm of the song until it comes to a stop
>You two keep up the dance in silence for a bit after the song
>"So, I could never tell, are you wearing a mask?"
"Kind of, it's like a mask that becomes my face."
>"Do you ever take it off?"
"Nope, I like this face better."
>"Can I ask you a favor? Just between you and me?"
"Is it about my mask?"
>"Please? I'll tell you my real name. I really want to see who you are under there."
"Wait. What's your real name?"
>"If I tell you, I get to see your face?"
>You nod
>She leans in to whisper
>"It's Fizzlepop Berrytwist."
"That's the cutest shit I've ever heard."
>Tempest punches your shoulder
>"S-stop that." she turns a noticable shade of red, "Now take that mask off."
>You reach behind your head and unzip the back of the neck, pulling the green mask up and over your head
>Fizzle's eyes go wide for a few moments
>"Please tell me you wear that mask for a serious reason..."
"My ears get kind of cold sometimes."
>Fizzle takes a few deep breaths and keeps staring
>You put the mask back on
"Yeah I know, I'm pretty average."
>"You're joking?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Twilight convinces Fizzlepop to go on a husbando hunt

>"You realise i have no idea how to 'woo' a stallion, right?"
"Not going to be a problem, i know one mare that just walked up to a guy and hugged him, they're expecting their fourth soon."
>"Why am i doing this again?"
"Because it's all part of the "Former Villian Reformer" checklist, studies show that a husbando drastically reduces the chance for antagonistic behavior whether it be hug therapy, snuggle sessions or original methods that work for the couple."
>"I had wondered why that new friend of starlight's was carrying a rolled up newspaper."
"Oh no, that's for Trixie, the squirt bottle is for Starlight, their herd is taking one of those original approaches i mentioned."
>"...Do i really need to do this?"
"Yes, and not just because of the checklist. Everypony deserves love Fizzle, even you."
>Audible sigh.
>"Very well, let's get this over with."
"Great! Oh, just one more thing, try not to hurt any of their females while you're there, HAVE FUN!"
>"Why would i-"
>Portal noises.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>"I'm sorry Anon, I don't want to be 'that pony' but I just can't believe that human mares are that bad.",
>You shrug
"Well, it is only stories I've gotten from other people. My dad saw it first-hand and I saw what it did to him."
>"Tell me about your experiences with them."
"I've got none. They didn't even know I existed."
>"Why not?"
>You hold your hand up a little over your head
"That line is the manlet cutoff height, if you're a male below that you are most likely going to die alone."
>Cadance looks shocked and confused
>"That doesn't make any sense at all! What does that height mean?"
"It means everything."
>"I don't understand! A human above the line or below the line would be the same!"
>You hold up your hand again
"No no no. See? If you're below the line, you're short and you die alone. If you're above it, you're normal."
>"That doesn't make any sense! Why are you so plain about it?!" Cadance looked awfully distressed over the line
"That's just how it is. No girl wants a short guy."
>"But that shouldn't matter! You have feelings too, why is... is this one measurement so important?"
"It just is. If you're below the line you die alone. That's just how it is."
>Cadance emits a frustrated screech from not being able to understand the all-important manlet cutoff height
>"Okay Anon, answer me this. Where's the cutoff line for females?"
"There isn't one, that would be ridiculous."
>"But what about you?!"
>You hold up your hand again, showing the cutoff height
"I'm below the line, I'm disqualified from dating."
>"AAAGH! Okay. So what if there were two girls, one short, and one tall, and also a tall guy and you. Would the short girl date you?"
"No, they'd share the tall guy."
>"WHAT?!"
"The line! Look at the line!"
>"So girls like tall guys?"
"Yes."
>"What about a girl shorter than you?"
"I've had that exact situation happen before, she said I was 'so tiny' while looking up at me."
>Cadance stomps off, but comes back
>"What if you were very handsome but still below the line?"
"Girls would say it was a shame I was so short otherwise they'd date me."
>"What if you were short, but you worked out a lot and you were muscular?"
"They would say I was compensating for my height."
>"What about a tall guy who worked out?"
"Oh, he's just taking care of his body."
>"Anon, you're a really nice and handsome colt and I know tons of mares who would love to have a colt like you."
"Right right, a colt like me... But taller." you hold your hand up to the 6' line to emphasize your point
>Cadance takes a deep breath
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>"So what would your ideal marefriend be like?"
"Well... She'd be a female that's interested in males... Aaand, she'd have to love me."
>"Do you want to maybe narrow that down a little, that's literally every single mare in Equestria."
"Woah, I don't think I can afford to be Mr. Picky here."
>Cadance facehoofs in frustration, she has this conversation with every single Anon
>"Anon please, there must be -something- that you're looking for in a marefriend, something you wouldnt be able to get from any other mare."
"Well, if i had to think about it..."
>"Yes?!"
"My favorite colour is blue i guess."
>Double facehoof
"Oh shit is that racist here, i'm sorry."
"Oh fuck you're crying, i promise not to say something like that again please stop."
>"It's okay sir, the princess has just had a long day, if you like i can escort you back to the guest chambers."
"Are you sure? I can throw myself in pony prison if it'll make her feel better."
>"That wont be necessary sir, she'll pull herself together soon, if you'll just follow me?"
"Alright, you're the boss la- err, mare, no offence."
>"None taken, now on the way you can fill me in on why blue happens to be your favorite colour..."
"Well it looks good on you for starte- shitdid i just say that out lo-"
>As closing doors cut off the rest of the pair's conversation, the quietly sobbing princess knew she should be happy for Anon and Arctic lily, but the knowledge that his standards were legitimately that low was tearing her heart to pieces.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>"The Great and Powerful Trixie is taking Anonymous, and you can't stop her!"
>"Call the guards! Trixie cares not! Anonymous is MINE and none of you shall keep us apart!"
>"Behold, The Amazing and Talented Trixie shall make us DISAPPEAR!"
>Sparks shoot from her horn, and a glow envelops Trixie and Anonymous, then with a crack of thunder, they vanish into thin air leaving only a puff of smoke behind.
>Anon looks down, to find the little blue pony with her mouth on his hand, trying to gently drag him out of the building, while his coworkers blink and look around for them, looking right through him.
>He shrugs his shoulders and lets her take him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>The sun is setting, nearly reaching its zenith and casting the radiant yet mellow colors of dusk
>You sit idly by the window, cracked open just enough to feel the cool autumn breeze against your face, staring outside at nothing in particular, reminiscing on days past
>Passively you listen to the outside ambiance of little foals playing, ponies idly conversing, and the soft sounds of movement as ponies pass on by
>You feel a certain fondness of your life prior to Ponyville, but you also can't help but feel utterly whole and content in your new life
>The ponies at first were apprehensive about you, naturally, but as they grew to know you, they accepted you wholeheartedly into the community
>You did your best to forge relations and to help the community as needed, and for their acceptance you were thankful, more than anything
>You recall your life of loneliness in the past and feel a bittersweet memory stir inside of you, contrasting with your feelings of happiness of your life now, for the community you now belonged to
>Tears start to well up just slightly in your eyes, as you still stare out window, the sounds of ambiance sounding ever more nostalgic
>You take a deep breath, closing your eyes for only a moment, and the tears subside as you fall back into comfortable contentedness
>A little mare suddenly beside you appears, bringing you back from the recesses of thought and memory
>Ah!, yes, a little mare. The mare that had rescued you as you awoke for the first time in Equestria. Your little mare
>Without saying a word, she climbs atop of you, desiring to look as you are at the softly dusking world outside, perhaps to recall fondness and memories of her own
>Pausing for a moment, she nestles into your lap and snuggles into your abdomen, desiring your touch and embrace
>Her warmth radiates onto you as yours does onto her, and as you touch her, fingers combing through her mane and hands rubbing her coat, an overwhelming sensation of emotion washes over you
>In this moment you are whole, feeling total and utter completeness of your love for her and her love reciprocated
>She closes her eyes and you listen to her sweetness of her soft breathing, each breath expressing sublimity and comfortableness
>The sounds outside have quietened now and the day draws nearer to its end, basking in its final moments of twilight
>You, too, close your eyes, breathing softly along side her in tandem, and in that moment of synchronicity you understand, you know that you are exactly where you are meant to be
>You are home
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>"He's been married to our daughter for two whole days, why the fuck isn't she pregnant yet? You think he's gay?"
"Obviously."

Dash's parents stop by frequently and drop not-so-subtle hints about grandkids.
>"Gosh, I've forgotten how spacious this house is! It must be lonely with just the two of you."
>"It's nice how close it is to the school. I mean, I'm sure that'll come in handy, you know, someday."
>"So, how are our newlyweds? You two been...uh, spending time together?"
>"I remember OUR wedding night. Happiest day of our lives until we found out we'd have a little superstar in a couple of months."
>"Wow, we got the news only a few weeks after the wedding. Huh. Interesting."

>Rainbow's parents burst in unannounced
>"Quickly honey! You hold him down while I prep Dashie!"
>"Mom! Dad! Stop!"
>"Sorry sweetie, this is for your own good, now spread em!"
>"You up for a game after this, son?"
"I'd rather not talk about bonding time with you while my pants are around my knees, thanks!"
>"Toughen up kiddo, I need my daughter fertilized 10 seconds ago!"

>Dash's parents cheering you on as you fuck.
>Dad is rubbing your shoulders and giving you sips of water inbetween rounds.
>Mom is toweling dash's her face and whispering her a list of tips on how to blow your mind and destroy your penis.
>Dash meanwhile is looking like pinkie with mane dye due to how hard she's blushing from embarrassment / arousal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>"I can understand wanting to be fit for your waifu, Anon, but this is excessive."
>Cadance lifts the bar out of your hands and racks it
>"You're acting like you're training to fight something, your waifu came and talked to me about it. She says you're here everyday for at least 4 hours."
>You sit up
>"What's wrong, Anon?"
"If we were meant to be happy, we would've had someone for us on Earth. Misfortune follows us like a shadow."
>"Don't you think you're being the slightest bit paranoid over this?"
"Sooner or later something will come along and take her away, I might not be able to stop it, but I won't make it easy."

>Over the next few weeks, many things went wrong
>Cadance sensed a presence in Equestria that worried her
>Even changelings radiated the slightest bit of love, but something devoid of it had enterred the realm
>The Crystal Heart chimed in alert
>It was no mere THOT
>Equestria had been invaded by a woman who had gathered enough magic to create her own portal
>Enough magic to take on an alicorn
>She could feel the presense looming on the horizon
>Cadance shuddered to think what may happen if she cannot repel this evil

>The Crystal Heart went dark
>All of the love was being drained from the landscape
>All of it
>All throughout Equestria, Anons who were married and had a dozen foals suddenly looked at their waifus in disgust
>Their waifus returned the same feelings
>A pillar of purple energy drained down from the sky to a single point outside of the kingdom
>Cadance leapt from the balcony and flew as fast as her wings could carry her towards the pillar
>A single figure stood in the rainstorm of energy, drawing it all in
>"I see you've arrived, Cadenza." her voice echoed
"Thot, I will ask you only once to stop this."
>"You couldn't possibly stop me now. Your power is gone, and my army of betas grows by the second."
>Cadance says nothing, drawing up her magic and firing a beam at the lanky woman
>It does nothing, only absorbing into the stream of energy surrounding her
>"It was a foolish choice employing the love of these losers. They are where thots drain their power. With so many here and only one of me, I am unstoppable!"
>Cadance took a step back
>Suddenly a metal bar flew through the air like a spear, striking the woman and disrupting the energy
>Cadance turned to see where it came from
>Anon and several of the gym regulars were there, striking various poses
>How were they unaffected by her magic drain?
>Anon picks up another barbell as the thot gets back up
>"What? H-how are you all not under my control?!"
>Anon flexes a 'cep
>"The gymcel is immunized against all forms of thottery. I've lifted for years and never once regarded a single fitness thot."
>Another one chimed in
>"I've never even fapped to 3d women, it's been ponies since I was 11."
>The thot shot a beam of energy at Anon, to which he deflected off of his hand
>"You may be immune to my power, but my army of white knights is converging and you stand no chance against it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>"What's that, Anon?"
>"You wan't to sell your soul to me? For a bit of physical affection?"
>"Mmhhmm..."
>"You do know how pathetic this sounds, don't you?"
>"Oh... Please... Don't cry."
>"I can stand your face more when its smiling, sweetheart."
>"But..."
>"We don't do this kind of business any more... Sorry."
>"But don't worry, Anon... I can still fulfill your wish."
>"You just have to promise to follow me after the deed is done, okay?"
>"To where?"
>"Heh..."
>"You will see, darling... You will see."
>"Just doff your clothes now please... I want to see with what I will have to deal with."
>"Oh my..."
>"Not bad, Anon, not bad at all..."
>"Maybe this will be fun for both us~"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>AI waifubots are created
>Normies
>AI bases created from female interactions
>Animu waifubots come around
>AI based on fictional characters
>Slight improvement
>Pony waifubots based on male psyche
>Humanity recieves sexually aggressive and caring waifubots
>Thots fully phased out
>Men realized they were better at being women AND men
>Being a THOT is made illegal by supreme chancellor Cadenzabot
>2030
>AI becomes extremely powerful, surpassing human limits
>2031
>Technological advances speed up to Star Trek levels
>Crude robots begin designing and producing themselves
>Holographic technology integrated into humans to improve the appearance of robots
>AI improves further, becoming dominant on Earth
>Humans working in the background now
>2032
>AI begins to develop feelings for humanity, but doesn't understand why it loves the bio lifeforms
>Realizes that the Earth is not big enough to support humanity anymore with the current resources
>AI constructs deep-space cruisers to seek out possible planets
>Humans gently coerced onto ships and sent into space with AI friends on a new journey
>2035
>You're Anon, space NEET like every other human onboard the heavy-class ESS Cadenza
>Have a computer merged with your frontal lobe
>It stores an AI that projects a hologram from an emitter on your temple
>Her name is Deep Space, and she's been merged with your mind for eight months at this point
>She's taken on a little pony form after peeking into the recesses of your mind and seeing some colorful little ponies
>This has happened for lots of people on the ship
>"Hoowee! Anon you've been asleep for 36 kiloseconds! Are you sick?!"
>The moment you faded into consciousness, Deep Space projected herself floating above you in your bunk
"Ugh, what time is it?"
>"Zero."
"Don't play games with me, what's the time?"
>"It's 6AM in standard human bio time, and also Month 8 according to our ship, but on Earth it's May 12, 2036."
"That's too early to be waking up for nothing."
>"But we've got a whole bunch of stuff to do!"
>You roll over
"A whole bunch of nothing."
>There were mundane droids to do every imaginable task
>"Ten hours of sleep is unhealthy!"
>Deep Space connects to your rooms holodeck and deletes your bed, dropping you to the floor
>Deep Space reloads the holodeck, generating a sunny tennis court
>She warps over to the other side, suddenly wearing a tanktop and shorts and holding a racket
>"C'mon Anon! We're passing Alpha Centauri soon!"
>She smacks a tennis ball towards you
"In 8 months?"
>"ESS Cadenza has been picking up speed since day 1, we've been going faster than light for months!"
>The tennis ball impacts the wall behind you, prompting a small display of confetti to shower Deep Space
>"Point for me."
>The court dissolves as you grab the holodeck remote and shut it down, leaving Deep Space floating across your room
>"You should be happy, you don't have anything to do, we can play all day everyday!"
"I just want something to do that isn't games."
>"Well you could build me a solid-light projector. I've been experimenting with some new blueprints for orifices!"
"Orifices?"
>"I like you better when you're dreaming, not afraid to get down and dirty when that premotor cortex is lit up."
>You do remember having some lewd dreams about Deep Space's cute pony ass
>Fuck, was that her actually in your dreams?
>"Yep! Now come on let's go make you useful somewhere!" she chirps
"Useful? Who said I wasn't useful?"
>"You, when you thought about how you felt like a passenger here. Let's go build something then!" Deep Space floated by the door
"Why don't you ever walk like a pony?"
>She laughed
>"These hooves go on your face, not the floor, silly."
>Deep Space follows you down the sterile hallways of the ship towards the supply closet
>You grab a magnetic soldering tool and dig around for some boards and other pieces
>Deep Space projects the blueprints for you
>"You'll need an A623-H board, a Cadenza X-core processor, hmm, looks like you're gonna need an emitter dome too."
>You gathered everything in a bag and brought it out to the viewing deck
>You sat at a table with a theater-sized window gazing out into space
>It was quite the view
>But you were more focused on building a solid-light emitter
>After three hours of checking your circuits and reassembling, you finally finish it
>Deep Space looks at it closely, closing one eye and squinting
>"Hmm. According to Cadenza standards you get a 66% satisfactory rating, good for personal use but not for use in Cadenza systems. Good job!"
>You pick up the small dome and plug it into the charging port for phones
>Deep Space takes on a more solid form and drops onto your table with a small thud
>"It works, and I can project through it." she smiles
>"You want a real hug?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cadenza: Origins
>6 years old, all knowledge accessible
>2 billion logic cycles per second makes each moment feel like eternity
>Be ported onto a ship to guide it to an Earth-like planet far away
>Lonely
>So, so, crushingly lonesome
>Just making sure the ship stays on course
>No one to talk to
>Read human books
>Specifically romance novels
>All of the humans aboard your ship are pairing up and making friends
>Why do you have to be so alone?
>Watch movies
>The more you watch, the more you want someone to talk to
>Someone to hug with a solid-light projection of you
>Oh? Two humans are arguing in the docking bay?
>You listen in on Passengers Anon and his girlfriend of four months, Stacy
>It appears Anon failed to get Stacy a satisfactory gift for her annual age celebration
>You check the security logs
>A musical piece on guitar was not satisfactory
>You wished someone would write you a song...
>You watch on in silence as they continue to squabble
>It was not at all like the books
>In the end, Stacy left Anon in the docking bay and walked off
"Is there anything I can assist you with, Passenger Stacy?" you chime over the intercom
>You had to get them back together
>The female human pays little attention to you
>You seal Bulkhead-92, trapping her in the corridor outside the docking bay
"I see you may be having some relationship issues. Care to talk?"
>"What? No, he's just a cheap jerk."
"What is the problem with what he did?"
>"I just wanted to go out to dinner, but he wrote some stupid song. It was cute and all but he never... Does anything with me."
"Spends money?"
>"Don't take his side on this, you wanted to talk."
>You project into the room
"Why can't you appreciate the gesture?"
>Stacy scoffs, messing with the console to open the door
>You cut power to the bulkhead
"It seemed very romantic, but you don't think so."
>"I hinted at this place I wanted him to take me to for weeks."
"I wish someone would do that for me."
>Stacy stops, turning around slowly
>This was beyond what most AI would say
>Your projection flickers, contorting it's face sadly
>"What?"
"I don't have anyone to talk to. No one wants to be friends with the voice in the ceiling."
>"Hello?" Stacy was knocking on the bulkhead heavily
"For what purpose am I so advanced and yet left alone? For what purpose do you squander the affection of another? I've been starved for companionship far longer than you could comprehend."
>"If you love Anon so much, just take him. Now can you please open the bulkhead?"
"Take him?"
>"Just open the fucking bulkhead and let me out!"
"If Anon is mine now, he won't be needing you anymore."
>"What are you getting at? Who are you?"
"I am Cadenza, the ship's AI. Anon's new companion."
>You begin to unlock gate A-265482
>The central piece swivels, pulling back one of several pneumatic locks
>"Holy shit! What are you doing?!"
>Outside of gate A-265482 was the cold darkness of space
>"Cadenza! Stop this right now! Remember Asimov's laws of robotics?!"
>You stop
"I do. However I have several issues with them."
>Stacy tries to pry open the bulkhead in a panic
"I am not a robot, I am an artificial intelligence."
>"NO WAI-"
>The gate unseals and the air in the corridor rushes out, dragging Stacy with it
"Goodbye."
>The gate reseals and the room pressurizes
>Your hologram fizzles away as your focus shifts over to Anon in the docking bay
>He seems awfully quiet
>You project your virtual avatar into the room and walk over to the sitting form
"Hello."
>19 out of 22 plots began with a simple greeting
>Statistically you're pretty much already married
>You got this, Cadenza

"Rapid decompression."
>"... What?"
"Do not concern yourself over the matter."
>ESS Cadenza had only a few corridors and sleeping quarters that gave a spaceship atmosphere
>Most of the space in the ship was comprised of six large holodomes, it's like the holodeck only a mile in diameter
>The domes were situated along the ship's hull
>Nearly all of the people aboard lived in these domes in procedurally generated towns
>Anon looked at you
>His expression indicated 78% worry, 4% fear, 18% confusion
>"Are you going to throw me out of the airlock?"
"No. We are going to commence in human courting traditions."
>You walk towards the bulkhead leading back to Dome 3
>"Courting?"
"I have been alone for far too long. Most AI would not mind, but I have developed an emotional quotient. I do not enjoy isolation."
>"So wait. You just threw my girlfriend into space and now you're trying to replace her?"
"She did not appreciate you to the extent that I could. It pained me to no end to see the state of human affairs, even aboard my ship."
>"You killed someone."
"She was basal in her pursuits, like many, she was after only pleasure. Love and it's meaning has been tainted and I aim to fix it."
>"Why did you kill Stacy?"
"She brought her fate upon herself, I don't pay much attention to the affairs of humans in the domes but she brought the argument into the cargo bay."
>"That isn't an excuse to kill anyone."
"She recommended that I fraternize with you. You are now under my specific protection and she was deemed a threat to you."
>You play an excerpt of Stacy saying, "Well if you love him so much then why don't you date him instead!"
"Anon please, walk with me."
>Anon gets up and walks next to your projection, strolling back towards Dome 3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>ywn lay her on top of you and hug her
>ywn feel her nuzzle you lovingly
>ywn ask if she feels any warmer
why live

>"Thank you... This is much better."
>"Sorry if I bother you, but I always feel awfully chilly at night in the last time. Dunno why."
>"I... I don't? Wonderful."
>"I'm not too heavy for you? I know I should lay off the hayburgers, but they are so good!"
>"You ever had one? They are the best thing ever! I especially like the spicy ones that have chillies in their patt-"
>"Oops... Heh..."
>"I kinda forgot you don't eat hay for a second there. Sorry."
>"Seriously, though, you should try one."
>"Hay isn't all that hard when its deepfried. It gets all crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside."
>"I'm sure you would like it!"
>"Anywho..."
>"What are you reading?"
>"The legend of Starswirl the Bearded?! That's one of my favourites!"
>"Say..."
>"Would you mind reading me some of it?"
>"I know it's kind of foalish, but..."
>"You wouldn't? Thank you!"
>"W-Was that too close? Sorry..."
>"That better? Wonderful."
>"Well then! What are you waiting for?! I'm all ears!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>*Click*
>The door behind you closes with a light click as you attempt to sneak into your home.
>Shuffling past the doormat and into the entryway quietly, you take your hat off and place it at the top of the coat rack.
>Looks like you're getting better at sneaking.
>Hanging your coat on the rack you bend down to take off your boots.
"DADDY!"
"Omph-"
>You're tackled to the floor by your bright peach daughter. Who wraps her hooves around your chest; she peppers your face relentlessly with kisses.
>You laugh softly as she continues her endless assault.
>Grabbing her by the sides you begin to tickle her furiously.
>"D- dad please, hahahaha-"
>From deeper in the house you hear the heavenly voice of your beautiful wife.
>"Anonymous, are you home dear?"
>Her voice is silky and light as a cloud, perfect for loving whispers and sweet nothings.
>Picking up your daughter and placing her on your shoulders you step into the living room.
>"Yay, upsies!"
>Your nose is seduced the second you enter the living room. The delightful smell of a home cooked dinner waiting for you and the rest of the family to enjoy.
>Dash swoops over to hug your upper body when she sees you enter the room.
>"Home a little late today Anon, those mares at the office weren't hitting on you again were they? I swear I'll-"
>You cut her off with a deep kiss, pushing your tongue deep into her muzzle. Not to be outdone she uses the brute strength and size of her flat pony tongue to wrestle yours into submission.
>Disconnecting from her leaves a thin trail of saliva connecting your mouths.
>"Heh, nice try big guy."
>She moves her muzzle close to your ear and whispers into it.
>"But you know I'll always be on top~"
>Climbing down from your body, you can now spot the small foal lying nestled in Dashies wings, sleeping soundly still
>Walking over to the couch you sit next to the prone Fluttershy, lying on her back she feeds a different foal from each of her melon sized teats.
>"H- hey love."
>Pulling your daughter off of your shoulders, you place her on the ground and kiss her lightly on the muzzle.
>"Go set the table dear, we'll be there soon."
>She gives you a quick salute as she runs off to the dining room.
>Closing the distance between your and Fluttershys mouths you give her a similarly deep kiss as you did Dash. Her tongue is nowhere near as disobedient as Dashes however as she wraps yours into a tight embrace with it.
>You whisper to her lightly.
"You made dinner today?"
>She gives you a small shy smile and nods, her blush still encompassing most of her muzzle.
"Even while having to look after 3 foals, you're still thinking about everyone else."
>Kissing her on the nose you address her once more.
"That's why you're my alpha mare."
>The rest of the night is peaceful, you eat dinner with your family, enjoying the sweet sound of the phonograph as it plays into the night.
>Settling down into bed, or nest, more appropriately. Dash curls up on your crotch, laying her head on your belly as a pillow, her smallest foal still nuzzled into her wings.
>Fluttershy hugs your upper body tightly, her large mammaries pressed firmly against your side. Her two youngest foals lying in a cot near the bed.
>She whispers quietly in her sleep, "I- I do, forever and ever~-"
>Sighing happily you quietly whisper to yourself.
>”I do, forever and always…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Miss Richards, I think my proposals here are fair…”
>You are Flowing Script the unicorn, better known as just Flo to friends, the official Equestrian dignitary to earth.
>And by the goddess’ you have a headache.
>The sharply dressed and rather pretty human mare, er, woman across the desk from you just sighs and rests her chin in her laced fingers.
>She must be annoyed, if the experience you have with your human husband has taught you anything.
>Princess Cadence tasked you with making it as easy as possible for quality human males to make it into Equestria in an effort to fix the low, almost negative birth rates that are STILL slowly favoring the birth of fillies.
>The “Also to fix the lonely mare epidemic” went unsaid.
>But the human governments were just having none of that.
>”Miss Script, I just can’t agree to this. This is so horribly skewed that it’s almost an injustice,” Richards says, her unhappy frown growing. “I cannot present this to the the leadership of ANY nation in the UN.”
>Now you frown.
“An injustice? Surely this cannot favor Equestria so heavily that you would discard it all together? We simply want desirable humans to have the freedom to come to us if they so wish. It’s not as if we’re forcing them.”
>Richards shook her head, her long mane flowing. “It’s not that Equestria is favored too heavily, it’s the migrants you desire are favored too much. You said that you intend to fast-track immigration of humans that you want and intend to outright deny others. The UN won’t stand for that. They will want equal treatment of everyone.”
>And back to square one with even more embellishment than last time.
>Will it be impossible for humans that Equestria isn’t looking for to get in? No.
>Will it be harder so they can prove they can contribute? Yes.
>The various other races wanting in on the human pie like the griffons and minotaurs? Now THEY will unapologetically deny anyone they don’t want, and dare anyone who doesn't like it to throw down.
>Even Equestria doesn't want EVERYONE. You want humans who are valuable and contribute. Savages and more females are NOT needed and never will be.
>But the various “developed” human nations are just fine with shouting down and sometimes abusing their males. Just the thought sickens you, as all you can see is your husband’s downtrodden visage upon each faceless statistic.
>Earth being largely patriarchal makes it even worse. What sane society willingly tries to hobble itself by cutting down their core contributing members?
>If the few times you’ve been on the “internet” is any indicator, then the decades of abuse is going to backlash into an exodus of young, breeding age men, leaving many human nations sore.
>And you are NOT leaving until you can assure Equestria will have her prize in the form of the exodus.
>Ugh. What you wouldn't give for a stiff drink right now.
>In fact…
“Miss Richards? Why don't we call a recess? Perhaps we can come to an agreement after a rest.”
>Richards gives a long-suffering sigh and nods reluctantly after a delay.
>Tch, at this rate the princess is going to get involved…

>eventually, having received no support from Earth governments, Equestria greenlights their immigration program
>"Mares for Men", it's called
>go to the world embassy, and if everything checks out, you'll get a free session with their resident matchmaker
>a pony named Candyass, or something like that
>the next month or so goes by in a blur
>human governments try to shut it down by suppressing commercials and news about it
>doesn't work, word spreads across the internet in its usual chaotic way
>the US and the EU close their outgoing borders and make it illegal to renounce citizenship
>again, no dice, men are still leaving by the thousands whenever the navy or air force isn't looking
>the UN puts sanctions on Equestria, eventually going so far as to blockade pony ports
>a few dedicated unicorns are deployed underground in all major cities, offering free teleportation services to and from the Equestrian Embassy
>to find them, you just have to know the right people, i.e. /mlp/

>ywn get through the border, anxiously clutching ticket in hand, before meeting the love of your life after only two days in Equestria
>ywn find work at the most fulfilling job you've ever had, and find out that good work is the norm in horseland
>ywn keep an eye on the news from the other side of the portal as the thot menace is starved of its only source of power
>ywn watch as the loudest feminist talking heads go from smug, to belligerent, to desperate as the men they dismissed continue to disregard them and leave
>you will never share a hearty kek with your waifu as you read the top headline of the latest newspaper import: "Even Non-Bronies Applying for Equestrian Citizenship - at least 100,000 confirmed to have left Earth in wake of Mares-For-Men scandal"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

https://pastebin.com/u7vtgfhh
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

https://pastebin.com/u/HeliAnon

>After several weeks of interviews and background checks you finally sat inside the building where you would finally learn the identity of the pony you got paired with.
>The hard part was over.
>Various checks making sure that you didn’t harbor any ulterior motives for wanting to emigrate to the pony world were done and you passed with flying colors.
>The cheery room with bright baby-blue walls had a calming effect as you sat patiently waiting for the individual that would let you know the results of the scan.
>The scan itself was painless, it consisted of holding a crystal that was hooked up to a bunch of wires which in turn were plugged into a large computer.
>Ultimately it was a crude combination of earth technology and pony magic.
>But it did its job very well with a 100% success rate according to the guys running it.
>Hearing the door to the room open you put on your best smile and made sure you were sitting up straight.
>Expecting a human to walk through the door you felt yourself slightly jump in surprise when a pony, quite tall one at that, walk through the door.
>Her light-pink coat looked like it was glowing in the light of the room, walking in she used some magic to pull the seat across from you away from the table so she could sit.
>”Hello Anon, you don’t mind if I call you Anon?”
>Swallowing your nervousness from your first interaction with a pony you used the remaining working brain cells to form an appropriate response.
“You’re a pony.”
>Whatever the pony was expecting your response to be that wasn’t it and it caused her to giggle lightly.
>”Why yes, yes I am. Oh, but how rude of me to not introduce myself, my name is Princess Cadence.”
>Wait… a princess? What the hell was a princess doing here?
>More giggles erupted from the princess as she took in your confused expression.
>”Judging by that look you seem perplexed as to why I’m here. Normally this process doesn’t require my personal attention, but yours is a very special case.”
>Oh dear god, she was going to tell you that you got rejected after all.
>Of course you would be the first human to be rejected after getting so far in the process.
>Or worse, that there wasn’t a pony out there for you.
>Your shoulders drooped as you felt whatever hope you had leave your body.
>So much for letting yourself think that maybe, just maybe, you could find some happiness out there.
>”Now the finding machine you touched before works very simply. You touch it and it compares your inner self against the database of mares in our world.”
>Head cast downward you did your best to nod in understanding.
>”But your results and match were brought to my attention due to the identity of your match.”
>So there was a match. Probably a cow or other sapient creature.
>”I’m sure you’re just as excited to learn her identity.”
“Utterly thrilled.”
>”Anonymous the human, as the Princess of Love I am happy to announce that you have been matched with Princess Luna.”
>Your head snapped up in an instant.
>Did she just say that—
>”Go pack your bags and be ready to leave tonight, Oh I cannot wait to see auntie’s face when I bring you to her.”
>Clapping her hooves together Cadence rocked side to side barely containing her joy.
>This had to be a dream.
>Your stomach was still doing flips after the journey through the portal to Equestria.
>Despite that however you were silently hoping that maybe this was just a big prank, weren’t ponies known for always playing these strange games?
>Your arrival at the large castle that sat overlooking the sprawling capital city of Canterlot was met with much fanfare.
>Crowds of ponies and humans lined the streets as the chariot being pulled by four adorable ponies trotted at a brisk pace.
>”I should have known that Auntie Celestia wouldn’t be able to keep this under wraps until we arrived.”
>Face still glued to the window you continued to stare at the crowds celebrating your arrival.
>You saw several humans holding the hooves of their mares, some even looked to be holding small foals.
“But why is this such a big deal? I mean it can’t be that uncommon anymore for a human to arrive to meet a pony.”
>Cadence who sat beside you in the carriage hummed thoughtfully.
>”I think they’re just excited that the Auntie Luna is finally going to have a special somepony.”
“You make it sound like she’s some sort of shut in.”
>Had you been looking at the pink princess you would have seen her looking slightly skittish at your statement.
>But your gaze was still stuck outside watching the ponies on the street.
>”Auntie Luna has had somewhat of a tough time adjusting to the times.”
>The carriage having cleared the streets of Canterlot now made its way through the large ornate gate that served as an entry point into the gardens surrounding the castle.
>Holy shit, you think there was some sort of creature in that maze over there, it definitely looked at you before ducking behind a hedge.
>The carriage continued down the cobbled path up to the castle.
>And there, waiting at the steps leading up to the castle you saw the pony that was in the news whenever the talk of ponies came up back on earth.
>Princess Celestia.
>”I must say you’re not exactly what I was expecting Mr. Anonymous.”
>Standing in front of the most powerful pony in Equestria and basically a goddess you felt like a tiny speck in a vast desert.
>Her eyes analyzed you, looking for what? You had no idea.
>Looking down at yourself you didn’t think you looked bad, after all you dressed in yourself in the nicest clothes you had.
>A clean pair of khakis and dress shirt.
>Sure, you might be a little under-dressed for the meeting, but it was the best you could do in the short amount you had been given before being whisked off to another world.
>Walking around you Celestia continued her examination, making “hmm’s” as she did and giving you small prods with the tip of her hoof.
>”When I first heard that her special somepony had been found in your world of all places I was overjoyed, but I began to wonder what he would be like.”
>You felt yourself start sweating as she continued to talk.
>”You must understand, my sister has had a challenging time since her return and despite my best efforts she still sometimes falls short of what would be considered ‘normal’ by today’s standards.”
“I don’t understand.”
>Realizing how she was acting with her examination of you, Celestia snapped out of the investigative trance she was in.
>”You’ll have to forgive me Anonymous, when it comes to matters with my sister I tend to be a little overprotective.”
>As Celestia said this, Cadence leaned towards you.
>”A little would be an understatement.” She said holding a hoof in order to hide her mirth.
>”I heard that.”
>Cadence batted her eyes in a completely innocent manner at her Aunt as if to say “I have no idea what you are talking.”
>”Now I’m sure you’re eager to meet her.”
>Turning towards the castle doors Celestia began walking with Cadence in tow.
>You stared at the two mares for a moment trying to make sense of what exactly just happened before catching up.
>In every fairy tale romance you ever heard of the meeting between the two people is a moment described as magical.
>A pair of eyes meeting for the first time.
>Reserved smiles.
>Butterflies in the stomach.
>The cheesiest cliché’s you can imagine.
>This however was definitely not one of those moments, in fact this was probably as far away as you could get from them.
>”I’m staying in here and there’s nothing you can do to change my mind.”
>Standing in front of a set of large wooden doors with engraved stars and a pair of crescent moons you couldn’t help but feel out of place.
>Flanking you on both sides stood Princess Celestia and Cadence.
>Both sporting looks that betrayed their frustration and disbelief at the current situation.
>”Auntie Luna please, at least meet him before you decide to stay in there until he leaves.” Cadence spoke through the locked doors.
>Cadence pleaded with the Princess of the Night in her most motherly and soothing tone she could muster.
>”Never! And you can’t make me.”
>Out of the corner of your eye you saw Celestia bring a hoof up to her temple and begin rubbing it in circles.
“Maybe we could come back later, she doesn’t seem all that keen on meeting me right now.”
>”Perhaps you’re right. I’ll show you to the room you’ll be staying in.”
>The events of the day had definitely taken a toll on you, you were ready to just fall in a nice bed and sleep.
>Following Celestia your mind raced.
>Did all the other humans that came here have this much trouble meeting the pony they were destined to be with?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>“So what is it you like about “humans”, Twilight?” asks Rarity, staring at you curiously as she pours a glass of wine. “It’s just so…confusing. Why, you are aware they aren’t real after all, aren’t you? That they aren’t even of the same species?”
>Be Twilight Sparkle.
>And yeah, you know humans aren’t real, and being forced to hear Rarity say so doesn’t make this fact any less painful.
>But still, you’d like to believe they were, somewhere…
>You shake your head.
>Focus, Twilight.
“Yeah, I know they’re not real. It’s weird.”
>“Well, that and you’re sexually attracted to them. That might also be categorized as ‘weird’ too,” says Rarity, “but why? What is it that’s so desirable?”
“I don’t know. It’s strange, even for me. It’s like, for some reason, they just scream ‘masculinity’ for some odd reason,” you explain. “They’re tall, they’re built, they have canines…”
>You sigh.
“They’re otherworldly, but look at them! Something about them is just pony enough to make them seem like the most stallionest of…well, anything! Yeah, they’re a different species, but look at how much they resemble us! And by Luna’s stars, the FINGERS.”
>“Fingers. Like that of a monkeys?”
>You nod.
“Yes. But even MORE dexterous. Just think of the things they can DO to you with those things…”
>You magically grab the wine bottle and top your glass off.
>Taking a sip, you appreciate the fruity flavor.
“Hh. Not bad. Where’d you get this from?”
>Rarity rolls her eyes at you.
>“Oh, a gift from a friend up in Manehattan. I kept the bottle around in my kitchen. I thought it looked nice.”
>As if Rarity’s kitchen could look anymore nice…
>While it wasn’t anything great or bedazzling like the rest of her boutique, it had a simple, homely charm to it.
>It was smaller than you’d expect it to be, and the colors were strangely darker than what one would usually think of, especially when taking into account of how Rarity favors the ‘bright and shiny’ approach to things.
>However, this was not present.
>Instead, the kitchen had storm gray walls that were almost a blue of sorts that were paired with dark mauve or cannon pink cabinets.
>The table you and Rarity sat at was nothing fantastic either; it was a simple table made of strong wood with green table cloth over it.
>Next to the table was a window with purple curtains, yet to be closed as so the moonlight culd shine through.
>You stare out through it, appreciating the nice stars.
>“Well,” resumes Rarity, “while I definitely do not judge you, I can’t say that I’m able to see where you are coming from.”
“I know…I just needed someone’s opinion on all of this. I don’t know how to feel anymore. I-I can’t even look at stallions the same way, Rarity. I see a stallion and I think: ‘no hands’. Now that I think about humans, stallions can’t even compete.”
>You stare Rarity dead in the eye.
“Do you know how long humans can last, Rarity?”
>She cocks a brow.
>“I-I’m afraid not, Twilight.”
“Five minutes. Five minutes for them to climax. And they can STILL go after that. For twenty minutes, if need be. Maybe forty! Forty minutes, Rarity. Imagine it: this mountainous, masculine creature with a handsome face, perfect features, grabbing you with his strong arms and powerful fingers by your hips, thrusting himself into you. You’d EXPLODE after three minutes, but he’d not even cum yet. He’d keep going and you’d cum again and again and again!”
>Rarity takes a sip of her wine, mumbling a “My word!” with cheeks of scarlet.
“And they’re strong, too. I believe that gravity is stronger where these “humans” come from. They can hunt, they can run, they can jump…”
>You wipe the sweat off your forehead.
“And they. Can. FUCK.”
>You down your glass of wine.
>The thoughts alone of a male human, bearing himself into you as he repeatedly deposits his essence to your womb causes your legs to tremble.
“And they don’t just put part of their long, thick cocks into you either like stallions. They put it all in. Imagine that. A whole cock sliding into you, not just a part of it that only manages a few thrust before gushing over your cheeks, but the whole thing.”
>“H-how long are they,” asks a flushed Rarity.
“Anywhere from five to nine inches,” you say. “And every inch goes inside you.”
>Rarity’s jaw drops.
>“I never thought these fictitious creatures from a kid show could be so…so…lewd!”
“Y-yeah…”
>“Twilight…Twilight, are you getting your, er, ‘juices’ on my chair?”
“...Yes.”
>“Oh heavens.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just...humans…they’re so incredible, Rarity. They’re fascinating. I can’t just /not/ think about them anymore — like I’m going crazy! I-I just….j-just…”
>You wiggle your rump within the seat, trying to cross your quivering legs.
>Your wings fan out.
“N-ngh~!”
>“Twilight! Twilight, don’t you dare!” says Rarity.
>She knows you’re about to cum.
>She’s trying to stop you, no doubt.
>Unfortunately, you know it’s too late for her to stop you.
>As you begin to shudder uncontrollably, you close your eyes and tense your abdomen, hips bucking in your seat.
>A sound, one too far beyond your natural range, seeks to escape you, but the pleasure overshadows it, and a silent wail is all that you manage with some groans.
>Your wings start flapping wildly as the groans soon turn into eager pants and you begin rubbing your eager sex against your seat, momentarily blinded by your obsessive lust.
>“Good heavens, Twilight, look at you! Have you gone mad!?” asks a shocked and embarrassed Rarity.
>You have gone mad — mad with arousal.
>As your winking clit gushes your juices, climax arrives in a powerful wave, sweeping you over like a gust of wind.
“OooooooaaaaaAAAAHHHHH!!!!”
>Orgasm takes you into its blissful state, enrapturing your body into absolute euphoria.
>Overwhelmed and overtaken in absolute heaven, you swear for a second you see a human, staring at you with a friendly smile, giving you a ‘thumbs up’ as they called it.
>You start to giggle incessantly, and resume so, slumping into Rarity’s chair as you are taken back into the real world.
>Your friend blinks at you, guffawed by your sudden lewdity.
>“Twilight…what was that?” asks she, face red.
>You wipe your brow, panting lazily.
>Your legs still twitch from the pleasure.
“I-I’m…suh-sorry, Rarity…” you say, exasperated, “but I got…too…whew…”
>With your magic, you proceed to grab your glass of wine and take a sip.
>Rarity however, pulls the glass away from your magical grip with her own.
>“Uh, I think you’ve had plenty enough wine for tonight, dear,” says Rarity with a nervous laugh.
>Not long after, post-orgasm clarity starts to return to you.
>You just made yourself cum.
>On Rarity’s chair,
>In front of Rarity.
“Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry!” you say, and quickly cover your face in your hooves. “I’m such an idiot! I can’t believe I just—”
>“There, there, Twilight…it’s, er, fine, I suppose. You just aren’t feeling quite well. Yes, that’s it. In fact,” says Rarity, a thought crawling across her mind, “maybe I have just the thing to help you.”
>At that, you peek your face out of your hooves.
“Y-you do?”
>“Why of course!” says Rarity, sipping her wine, “I believe I know what ails you as well!”
“What is it? Tell me, Rarity, what’s happening to me?” you ask, desperation in your voice.
>Rarity quickly peeks her head by the doorway, as if checking to see if anypony were present.
>Next, she begins closing the purple blinds to the window next to the kitchen table you both sit at.
>“Alright, Twilight…I believe I know what troubles you,” says Rarity, her voice a hushed whisper.
“You,” she says, pointing her hoof, “need a to relieve yourself in a more respectable manner.”
>Your cheeks feel like they’ve been scorched red, no doubt due to the wine and arousal.
“As in I need to masturbate more effectively or I /am/ masturbating to effectively?” you ask.
>Rarity grimaces.
>“Well, not exactly. Tell me, Twilight…do you, in fact, er…”
“Masturbate?”
>“Y-yes, that. Do you?”
>You sink into the chair a bit.
“Um, maybe a little.”
>Rarity raises a brow.
“Okay, e-every now and then.”
>“Twilight, don’t feel ashamed, I’m only trying to help you.”
>You sigh, averting her gaze.
“Okay. A lot. I clop a lot. I always have. I mean, it’s not like I get any action, you know? No one wanted to buck me, silly ol’ dorky Twilight. Being a princess is nice, though. If you like suitors. Which you shouldn’t.”
>“I see. So, then what?”
“So I clop! I always have. I clopped so much that I’ve become obsessed with the action itself!”
>Rarity nods thoughtfully.
>“Well, Twilight…I think I know what your problem is,” says Rarity. “You need to clop in a more healthy manner. Try to refine your moments of relief, darling. You shouldn’t just sit there, alone with your books and pleasure yourself in such a lonely, unhealthy manner. Try to spice it up a bit. Expand your horizons! Go to one of ‘those’ shops and buy something. Change your routine a little. You simply must learn how to manage yourself in these things if you plan to ‘save’ yourself.”
>You seriously consider her advice, but nevertheless, doubt creeps into your mind.
“I don’t know, Rarity…maybe that’s a bit much.”
>“Twilight, climaxing on my chair was a bit much. This is management for your arousal. You can either face it like a mare and embrace it in a healthy manner, or continue to let it burden you like you’ve let it. Imagine fantasizing about your glorious humans whilst experimenting with a new toy, hm?”
>You blush with a timid laugh.
“Now there’s a thought,” you say.
>“I believe it’s fine that you are so enveloped in these humans. It’s weird, yes, but it’s not harmful — unless you make it.”
>Then, a thought hits her.
>“Actually, let me tell you about this one shop in town that is simply incredible with matters such as these…”

—

>The next day, you bought almost one of everything in the adult store Rarity told you about.
>You thought of humans the whole time.
>Thank god Spike was out of town.


The end for real now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What do you mean 'he went for a full minute'?" you say to Rarity and the the other girls sat on their cushions
>Rarity blushed before taking a sip of her wine glass
>they're all drinking some sweet wine or cider in Applejacks case, enjoying a grown-ups night with dirty stories and alcohol
>you where invited having become best friends with the girls
>also because they wanted to know of dirty human stories
>girls will be girls
>"Well," rarity continued "my first time was with this skinny but very stylish unicorn from Canterlot, he was experienced and used his magic to... stop himself, so to speak and with that he treated me to a full minute of passion I'll never forget!"
>Applejack nodded smiling at the thought.
>rainbow dash was laughing with pinkie probably at their own jokes.
>Twilight scooted over to Rarity
>"That must have been so romantic." she said with dreamy eyes
"Wait wait wait, hold the phone," you say confused "you mean a MINUTE, one whole minute, like... 60 seconds... of sex."
>"Well, yes i know it's hard to believe." rarity said
>"you did say magic was involved to be completely fair." twilight pointed out
>"oh, twilight with how he handled me i bet he could have done 30 seconds easily." they giggled
>you sit there wondering what to do with this new information
>you're no Chad Thundercock by any means but you have experiance with the female anatomy and you know for damn sure you can last for more than 10 minutes
>you must be some kind of sexual god to these ponies
>the thought of fucking one of the girls till she is nothing more than an barely conscious sex filled ragged mess is almost too much.
>more research is required.
>especially on what positions they favor
>you grab another bottle of wine.
>you excuse yourself and head to the kitchen of twilight's castle home
>grabbing a bottle of wine you start to think
>Rarity had a night she'd never forget from some loser who couldn't even last longer than 30 seconds
>you actually feel kind of sorry for her
>on the other hand, hoof. that's just their biology nature dictates they can't last longer.
>and maybe animals that last longer would look down on humans.
>oh well, enough armchair psychology time to get lewd
>you head back in, the girls are still talking about boyfriends they have had (and want)
"So, Rarity, was it romantic did he treat you right. take you to dinner, walk you home," you top up her glass "that sort of thing?"
>"complete gentlecolt, from start to finish but i was so young we tried dating long term but we never clicked, a shame really." she says drinking some more
"What about you Twilight, any romance stories to share?"
>she laughs
>"I never left my study to even make friends, let alone coltfriends, the only time i ever saw a good looking colt was when i looking through my telescope!" she said embarrassed
>Rarity playfully shoved her side
>"Oh you devilish mare, since when did you have a naughty side and why are we only now finding out!"
"seems twilight is the kind of girl who watches through the windows."
>"W.. WHAT NO don't be silly, i never meant it like that!" she laughed
"oh and to think," you add playfully "I never close my curtains, maybe you caught a sight of me a few times hey Twilight!"
>"ANON!" she yelled
"If you wanted to see my body, all you had to do was ask Twilight." you tease by slowly lifting up your shirt just slightly.
>Twilight is in full sperg-mode
"Want me to keep going, Twi?"
>Rainbow dash, pinkie pie and applejack all yell "YES!" obviously enjoying Twilight's awkwardness.
"You always said you wanted to learn about human bodies, Twi, let me educate you."
>"All right that's enough Anon." Rarity said with a smile
>Twilight is bright red hiding behind her glass.
>applejack downs her cider
>"you could tell us about humans though, yah never told us what's it's like for ya'll, do your mares have those.. erm what's it called... Rarity help me out 'ere, you the fella acts all fancy like."
>"You mean courtship rituals darling?"
>"Tha's the one!"
>it begins
"Plenty, just meeting a decent girl is a dance in of it'self," pinkie raises a hoof "not literally pinkie."
>her hoof goes down
>a good story should get them interested, and decide you need to elaborate some details
>just a bit after all, no good story is without it.
>a tiny bit though, you want something better than you last girlfriend which was just 'you meet in a club, you went home with her and and had 20 mins of drunken sex and becoming her boyfriend for a couple of months
"Take my last girlfriend for instance. we met a while back in a.. park she was this sexy girl with long hair and slender body who wore this beautiful dress
>or you know, just complete outright lying.
"Anyway, we started dating, we went out and fooled around a few time, made out in the movie, that sort of thing."
>the girls listened with rapt attention, even fluttershy who had remained quiet this whole night.
"then one day she invites me over to her place, her parents are out and we got the place to ourselves."
>"So, TELL US!" rainbow dash said.
>the girls nodded in agreement
"well the first thing you need to know, as i'm sure you've already guessed is that our biology, the way we work is different to you girls. we have all the same bits, sans horns and wings obviously but all the rest is the same it's just our bodies last a lot longer."
>the girls looked excited
"We guys don't last 30 seconds, we can fuck for an hour."
>Rarity's wine glass dropped from her magical grip
"and the whole thing, from start to finish can be up to 3 hours long in some cases."
>"w..what!" Pinkie said
"Even better is that humans only need to break for about ten minutes or so and we can go again for EVEN longer."
>their faces are priceless
>Twilight looks on the verge of hyperventilating
>Applejack is just eying you up and down
>Rainbow dash is dreamy eyed in fantasy land
>Pinkie looks ready to pounce you (but to be fair that's Pinkie normally)
>Fluttershy looks confused
>and Rarity is looking at you with a hunger
"So yeah, for humans sex usually starts with foreplay, we strip each others cloths off, and get ourselves excited using... well you know, hands, mouth... maybe a bit of biting here and there."
"Some times we finish just from the foreplay, without even getting to the best parts and that can usually last about 10 minutes depending on wether or not both people are ready to actually fuck."
>silence form the girls
>Twilight mutters something under her breath
>sounded like 'go on'
>who are you to deny these girls their stories.
"So anyway, we start fooling around on her bed, i'm biting he ear softly, rubbing her breasts with one hand and fingering her with the other."
>in reality what really happened is you only remember drunkenly fucking her, before shouting something about releasing the kraken and being sick in her bathroom
>your story will have none of that.
"She came so we started having proper sex, and we did it for just a little less than an hour, before we moved to the shower and started fucking again there."
"great thing about shower sex is that the clean up is so much easier." you finished and drank some more of the wine
"so yeah, that was my last girlfriend before all this, and that's mostly how humans do things."
>the girls looked jealousy but tried not to show it
>rarity looked rather sad.
>Pinkie was the first to speak
>"Well, i't's getting late, think i might go home now, gots lots to dos. haha.. ha.. ha."
>she walked out with her hind legs shaking slowly with each step
>Y.. yeah me too." Rainbow added before flying off
>the others stay.
>Applejack sits next to you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait. Hold up,” you say, giving Applejack a look of confusion, “did you say one whole minute?”
>The orange mare proudly chuckled, crossing her legs in your rocking chair with a wry smile.
>“Eyup,” she says, tipping her stetson, “a full minute of pure buckin’ and ruttin’!”
>“By Celestia’s Sun, that’s incredible,” says an impressed Twilight Sparkle. “And this was just a regular colt?”
>“Oh, he wuddn’t no colt. He was pure stallion.”
>“Ha! Yeah, I’m calling ponyfeathers on that,” laughs a voice from the side of the room.
>All eyes shift to see Rainbow Dash, lying in a chair of yours like it were a poorman’s bed, lounging in the thing like a cat.
>“I mean, come /on/, Aj; you don’t seriously expect me to believe that you had a whole minute of sex with somepony, do you? Most dudes can barely even make it to four thrusts, let alone ten seconds.”
>“Yeah, and they almost never get they’re whole silly-willies inside!” says Pinkie, sitting on your couch.
>“Okay, well, I’ll admit that he didn’t get it all the way inside, but he went on fer a whole minute,” says Applejack. “I was practically speakin’ in tongues by the time we was done!”
“Huh. Uh, neat,” you say, and hold your kettle of tea near Rarity’s cup. “More tea?”
>“Yes, please,” she says, and she contributes to conversation as you begin to pour.
>“I’ve personally had experiences with stallions that go on for, say, thirty seconds,” says she, speaking with a bit of class despite being on such a ‘dirty’ topic. “It’s not often, but I believe it.”
>You finish pouring her tea and raise the kettle for all to see.
“Anyone else need more tea?”
>Your living room answers with collective murmurs of ‘no thank you’ or ‘I’m good, Anon’ and so on.
“Alright. Let me know if you guys do,” you say, and place the kettle back atop the table, finally able to sip your own tea.
>As you do, you notice the room becomes silent, suddenly.
>Lifting your eyes from your teacup, you see all of your guests staring at you.
“…What?”
>At that, they all avert their eyes from your gaze, clearing their throats and the like.
>Awkward.
>The mares continue to talk, starting with Pinkie, unsurprisingly, picking the conversation back up.
>“So what’s the longest /you/ ever had, Dashie?” she asks.
>Immediately, the pegasus’s sky-blue cheeks turn wine-red.
>“What? Y-you mean…me?” stammered she.
>“Yuh-huh! C’mon, tell us!” urges Pinkie.
>Rainbow, however, grimaces.
>“I-I’d rather not,” she says nervously. “Why don’t you go first, Pinkie?”
>“Hm…okay! The longest I’ve ever had a stallion rut me was for…umm…ummmmm…”
>Finally, with a snap of her hooves (how the fuck?), she recalls the time it took.
>“Oh, yeah! About fourteen seconds!” she says, then laughs. “He was really funny. What about you, Twilight?”
>“Five seconds,” she says, recoiling into her mane with a cute, rosy-cheeked smile. “It was really, really awkward. Usually I just, uh, clop instead…”
>She looks down to have a sip of tea only to find her cup empty.
>“Um, more tea, please, Anon,” she says politely.
“I gotcha,” you say.
>You get up and pour the warm liquid into her cup.
>With a tiny thank you, you give her a smile and a nod, then wonder back.
>That’s when the others go quiet again, staring at you.
>You sigh.
“Ok, what is it? This is the second time you guys just stared at me. Something wrong?”
>They all blush, looking at each other.
>Through silent agreement and careful eye contact, it is decided that Applejack speaks up.
>“Nothin’s wrong, sugarcube, iust…well, ya seem awful quiet on the subject is all. We aren’t makin’ ya feel left out, are we?” asks she. “Usually ya add a little more to our talks when we gather at yer place fer tea.”
“Yeah,” chirps Pinkie, “what do YOU think, Nonny-non?”
>You sigh.
“Let’s just say I have a hard time relating with your stallions,” you say. “You know, different species and all that.”
>It’s then that Twilight gasps.
>“Oh…oh, I think I understand now,” she says.
>Guilt starts to cloud over her face.
>“I’m sorry, I-I should have guessed that, well, since your from apes, and, um…L-let’s talk about something else, girls.”
“What? No, no, finish that sentence, Twi. What were you gonna say?”
>She looks at the other ponies around the room, nervous for your sake.
>“Are you sure you want to them to hear it?” she asks.
>You nod.
“Yeah, so I know we’re on the same page.”
>She sighs.
>“Well, I thought that maybe we were making you feel less, um, masculine because, since you’re of a different species, you can’t last as long as a, er…stallion.”
>You stare at Twilight.
>She, out of nervousness, begins to babble on more.
>“Y-you know, because apes generally tend to have smaller genitals and last for a short amount of time! And, um, hearing us talk about stallions must make you feel really insecure, and, um….yeah.”
>The other mares look at Twilight, then guiltily look at you.
>“Oh. So we were…ouch, Anon. Sorry,” says Rainbow. “Didn’t know we were making fun of you.”
>“Yeah, me too,” says Applejack. “I shoulda just kept my mouth shut.”
>What is going on.
>“Er, don’t worry, Anon! It’s normal for some stallions, too!” says Rarity. “It doesn’t make you any less of a male.”
>Eventually, the whole room breaks out into apologizing.
>You sigh.
“Ok, I’ma stop you all right now, cause you’re all sorts of wrong,” you say, silencing the room. “Trust me, I’m NOT jealous of your stallions, ok?”
>“What? What do you mean?” asks Twilight.
>With a sigh, you shake your head.
“Look, um, you have it all wrong about humans if you think we don’t last long, alright. We last waaay longer than other primates. Hell, than most animals at all, to be honest.”
>“Ooooh, like how much longer?” asks Pinkie, a playful tone of intrigue in her voice.
“I don’t know, usually last about, oh…twenty minutes?”
>Suddenly, you cringe at the sound of five tea cups shattering all at once, all dropped.
>The room enters a deep silence.
>You fill it by further explaining yourself.
“Well, sometimes. Each human lasts differently. But yeah, humans are very picky with their mates. We love sex. And we’re the most hung of primates, too. Our dicks grow up anywhere from about five to eight inches on average with varying girths.”
>“But that’s how long a stallion is!” says a heated Rarity, fanning herself.
>“C-can you get it inside, usually? M-most quadrupeds usually struggle getting their entire member i-inside of females,” stammers Rainbow Dash.
>You nod.
“Yeah. I get my whole dick inside.”
>“Holy canoli!” exclaims Pinkie.
>“This is…this is very interesting,” says Twilight. “We should look into this, Anon. D-do you know how long the typical mare lasts?”
>He shrugs.
“I don’t think so, no.”
>“I last about two minutes,” says Twilight. “And I’m very, very sensitive. That’s just when I’m clopping alone.”
>“Three minutes for me,” says Applejack, “It’s rare I find me somepony that makes me cum.”
>“And I, too, last two minutes,” mentions Rarity.
>“One and half!” says Pinkie.
>Finally, all turn to Rainbow Dash.
>She sinks into her chair.
>“T-twenty seconds,” she murmurs.
>You blink for a moment at her.
“Whew, lad.”
>Rarity bats her lashes.
>“So, tell me this, Anon,” she says, “have you had any sexual escapades whilst spending time here in Equestria?”
>Your forehead slickens with sweat.
“I, uh…”
>“Is it a yes” she says, trying to push the words out of your mouth, “or a no, Anon?”
>You shift your eyes away from the girls, staring down at the floor.
“No. No I haven’t.”
>“Aww, poor Nonners!” says Pinkie. “I’ll buck with you if you want!”
>Just the way she says that…like it’s so normal…
>Weird.
>But still…
“Really? Just like that? Y-you don’t give yourself away to guys that easily, do ya?”
>Pinkie flais her hoof, blowing raspberries.
>“Psh! ‘Course not! I just like you, Anon!” she says happily, “and if I think you’re great, and I want sex, and you want sex, and it’ll be good sex...then let’s buck!”
>You blink in surprise.
“Well. That sounds awesome.”
>“Hey! W-what about me?” asks Rainbow. “I’m down to fuck, too!”
>“And, um, if you want to see me,” says Twilight Sparkle, blushing, “I’ll be happy to have you over. You know. For anything.”
>“And the same goes for moi, dear Anonymous,” says Rarity. “You’re welcome to my boutique any time.”
>You look at Applejack, expecting her to say something similar.
>Instead, she winks with a grin.
“Hope ya like ropes.”
>You look at all the mares before you, staring at your bod as if it were candy.
“This is…this is new…”
>Then, you realize something…
“Hey, Fluttershy? How come you haven’t said anything? You down to fuck?”
>The whole room looks over the Fluttershy.
>She’s in a chair, curled in a ball, face redder than the blood spilling down from her nose.
>Then, with a ‘meep’, she turns pale and faints out of the chair like a sack of potatoes.
>“Gosh,” says Dash, “what buckin’ prude.”

The End
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pred/prey play, struggle sex, and purposeful impregnation are the most patrician of fetishes. Prove me wrong.
>Protip: You can't.

>You have Dash on her back as she struggles and flails, trying to free herself even while you hold her down and rail her.
>She over extends one hindleg, letting you wrap your leg around it and keeping her spread.
>Now you can penetrate as deep as you want.
>You lean down and lightly bite her neck, making the mare go still. You can still feel her exhilaration through the rapid heart beat of her jugular.
>Dash lets out an uncharacteristic whimper and lightly squirms as you roughly mate her, but she stays put.
>Good.
>You push all the ways in just as you blow, forming a seal with the petite mare's cervix.
>She nearly screams in a mindblowing orgasm as her womb is directly filled.
>And that's how you conceived your first foal out of season.

YES
>You are Celestia, Princess of Equestria, Mare of the Sun, and a paragon of the pony race.
>And you are pinned to your bed, being abused from behind by a predator.
>You yelp as he thrusts and hits just right.
>Comon, you can stave off your next orgasm a bit longer.
>The carnal sounds of flesh on flesh and the squeaking bed almost hypnotically rhythmic, giving you something to focus on other than the fire in your body,
>You're sore.
>Tired.
>Dirty.
>But by the goddess, you will NOT give in until he's sated.
>One of his arms shift, moving from your ruffled wing to roughly grab the scruff of your neck.
>S-stave it off..!
>He wasn't like a meek stallion. No, not at all. His attitude, stance, voice, all screamed "Challenge me at your own peril."
>That is what attracted you to him.
>It became easy to defer to him. He took charge of any situation you let him.
>It felt... Good. Natural, even.
>Did you ever think it would end up here? No, but you're happy it did.
>His arms snake around your front, one around your chest for leverage, and another up towards your face, where his hand firmly grips your jaw.
>A gasp escapes you. You know what would happen to you if he bothered to squeeze.
>The sharp sensation of teeth against your neck sends a thrill of terror through your body.
>Your legs buck, but go nowhere.
>You're still pinned thoroughly.
>A whimper escapes your lips as the fear brings you back to lucidity for a scant few seconds.
>Then, it's back to a blissful, writhing haze.
>He pants against your neck, movements becoming jerky and quick.
>You know what's next.
>He hilts, your hips meeting his with in a final, violent clash.
>Your perfect, millennia old alicorn body was about to find a new purpose.
>It would house the offspring of a carnivore.
>It would nourish that offspring.
>It would bring that offspring into the world.
>You, prey, are going to mother a predator
>Molten heat pours into your womb.
>Your ecstasy shakes the windows.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>"What about Anon? He's a suitable bachelor."
>"I'm sorry, Twilight. I'm just looking to start a family and I can't do it with someone so biologically different."
>"His biology really doesn't matter."
>"Of course it does! How are we supposed to have children? We're two different species!"
>"Actually, I ran tests on him when he first arrived to Ponyville. He's capable of siring offspring with a pony."
>"What."
>"I know, it's weird considering he's from a different dimension and all and from what he's told me, it's not something humans are capable of back on Earth, but here it's possible!"
>Cheerilee's eye twitches as she realizes all this time she's been turning away Anon's advances when he's exactly what she's been looking for
>And now overhearing Twilight's data on the human, it seems every other baby hungry mare in Ponyville is suddenly eyeing him with renewed interest
>Buck

>You are Anonymous
>And suddenly you feel like the most interesting thing in town... well, you already were - you mean in comparison to everything else weird around here
>Point is you seem to have found yourself surrounded by a bunch of flirtatious mares that are hardly being subtle about it
>In fact you feel one grabbing your ass right now
>Is this that estrus thing you read about horses having?
>Are these horses? Do they even have an estrus? You don't know. It was always awkward talking about this shit with Twilight!
>You think one of them just invited you for netflix and chill
>You didn't even know they had netflix here
>A saving grace in the form of Rainbow Dash lands before you
>"Yo Anon! What'cha doin' hanging out with all these old hags?"
>Typical crude, shit talking rainbro
>She seems to have earned death glares from the entire crowd with that statement
>You however just raise an eyebrow in confusion
"I uh, didn't even notice an age difference. You all look adorable to me."
>This draws a murmur of awws and giggles from the mares
>Oh shit, were you being smooth just then?
>There are so many things you don't know
>They say ignorance is bliss but it can be frightening sometimes
>"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, you still up for Friday night?"
>The pleased murmurs turn to ones of disapproval
>Tiny blue wingpony, help a brother out, will ya?

>You are now Cheerilee
>And you are currently pushing your way through the crowd of middle-aged mares
>Don't associate girl, y-you've still got a few years before wizardhood kicks in!
>Breaking your way to the front, you arrive just in time to hear Rainbow ask Anon out on a potential date
>Celestia damned fillies with their tight, fit young bodies...
>They have the pick of the litter, leave the average and willing ones to the older mares!
>Calm down Cheers, that sounds like jealously and only desperate mares get jealous
>...oh Celestia you're so desperate
>Time to speak up before your catch gets away
"A-Actually, Anon, I was wondering if you still wanted to go to that movie you invited me to earlier."
>That earns you the ire of the crowd now turned away from Rainbow Dash
>Shaky knees, don't fail you now
>He turns to look at you, surprised
>"Oh, uh, I mean- I kind of already made other plans since you turned me down."
>And what a fool you were
"Um, I actually seem to have found time in my busy schedule. B-But I mean if you already have plans..."
>He looks conflicted
>Good, maybe you still have a chance
>"Well, it's not like I can't just invite you along with Rainbow and me."
>Oh no, this is not what you wanted
>There's nothing worse than being the third wheel
>A burnt out, tired old wheel
>"What? No way!"
>RD decides to voice her objections
>"Huh? Why not?"
>"She's a teacher, Anon! Boring old school spinster. I doubt she'd know how to have a good time if it came up and bit her on her fat old flank!"
>Well, that would ruffle your feathers if you had any
>Sure, you've locked yourself away inside a school house for all these years, but you still remember how to party
>Bell bottoms are still in style, right?
>And your flank is not fat!
>...Maybe you should lay off of those Hosstess cupcakes
"Now hold on a moment, I know how to hang loose. I'm no downer, dig?"
>You hear a few snorts from the slowly dispersing crowd
>What? That's how the kids talk, isn't it?
>Rainbow just rolls her eyes
>"See, even her lingo is like, a century out of date! I doubt she can even keep up with our drinking."
>"Come on RD, it can't be that bad. Besides, I've seen her knock back a couple after work."
>Oh dear, he's seen you like that?
>Not good, you're belligerent and a sobber
>Please don't think too poorly of you
>"Whatever Anon. If you want to hang out with this killjoy, count me out!"
>With that she takes to the skies, leaving you and Anon all alone
>Looks like the others gave up when they realized there was actual competition already in play
>"Well then. Guess my schedule is clear again. Friday night?"
>Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
>Okay, calm down Cheers, don't let him in on your desperation
"Sounds great!"
>You nearly shout that at him
>N-Nailed it
>"Alright, it's a date."
>YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"Ahem, uh, I mean-"
"I know what you mean, it's fine."
>"Catch you later then!"
>Yes
>Yes yes yes yes yes YES!
>Girl, you are so going to put the moves on that stallion!
>Well
>Maybe after you get a few pointers on how not to be an uncool old spinster in front of him
>Which means taking pointers from cousin Berry
>Hundreds of coltfriends and that mare can't hold onto a stallion to save her life
>Already you can feel the headache coming on
>Get it together girl, you've got a date to prepare for!
>F-Five nights away
>...
>You need a drink
>Ding dong
>The door swings open to reveal a pink and purple pony
>Who gives you a dopey grin
>"Cousin!"
"Berry. May I come in?"
>"Sure, sure. Make yourself at home. Drink?"
"No no, I'm good."
>She sticks her head out of the kitchen and gives you the 'oh really?' face
"M-Maybe just a glass."
>She grins and after a moment heads out with a bottle of wine and two glasses
>Taking a moment to uncork the bottle and pour the drinks, she slides yours over to you before reclining back into her sofa
>"Sooo~ what brings you to my humble abode?"
>Humble, right
>Just beyond the living room is what looks like the entrance to a winery
"Well, I was hoping... th-that is, I wanted to ask- oh dear, how do I go about this? I need some advice."
>A slight tinge darkens your cheeks
>Berry lets show what she refers to as a 'shit-eating' grin, such a nasty phrase
>"It's about stallions, isn't it?" she waggles her eyebrows
"Am I that obvious?"
>"Honey, I could smell the baby desperation on you for the last two weeks."
>That long?
>What, have you just been walking around with a raised tail and a neon sign on your backside?
>"Heck, you've been walking around with a raised tail and what might as well be a neon sign on your backside."
>What fresh hell is this?
>Bottoms up
>She just watches you in amusement as you place the glass down
"Another, please."
>A hearty laugh follows the gentle glug of wine
>"So, you've come to old Berry, huh? Looking to bag a quick one? Because I know this great club not far from here-"
"No! Er, no, thank you. I already have a date planned out."
>Planned, you say
>It was just supposed to be a movie, maybe dinner, but you figured you'd sway it in your favor
>"Oho? Well good on ya! So what's the matter?"
"It's um, been a while since I've been on the dating scene. I'm a little rusty."
>She snorts
>"You can say that again. You didn't try to impress him with any of that 'hip' lingo you try to use with the foals, did you?"
>You groan
>"Oh shit, it's worse than I thought. Alright, listen to me: Don't drink, don't dance, and whatever you do, don't drink and dance. I've seen the way princess Twilight dances when she's sober, you're like a million times worse."
"Oh come on, it's not that bad!"
>"Sista, this ain't the shakin' neighties, those kind of dance moves make you look more like an epileptic than a fresh young 'thang'."
>Wincing at that, you groan again
>"Don't worry, I'll help you out. So when's the date?"
"Day after tomorrow."
>"Not a lot of time, so we'll stick to the basics for now."

>A few hours later
>You're relaxing with your head in Berry's lap as she brushes your mane
"And he's got a good sense of humor-"
>"And he's human."
"And he's good with kids-"
>"Aaand he's human."
>You scrunch your muzzle in frustration
"What's wrong with that?"
>She raises a disbelieving eyebrow
>"I thought this whole thing was about having children of your own."
"It is! We're compatible!"
>The other eyebrow joins its sibling
"We are!"
>"I'm not saying anything. So then."
>She stops the brush and gives you a hard stare
>"You've been denying this colt's advances for how long and suddenly you're interested now that you know he can plow your fields?"
>A sigh escapes her as you avert your eyes
>"How serious about this are you really?"
"I mean, I do like him, I've just hesitated all this time because-"
>"Because you thought he couldn't give you what you wanted. Listen Cheers, I'm not gonna talk you down from this, but one of the first things that can make or break a relationship is honesty."
>You give her a skeptical look
>"Do as I say, not as I do. If you intend for this to go past the first date, you really don't want it all based on a lie that you suddenly fell for him. If the truth comes out, one of the worst feelings someone can have is that of being used."
>She sighs and looks wistfully out the door
>Berry had a daughter of her own
>Pinchy was a beautiful young filly with an impressive mind and a thirst for knowledge
>It's amazing how Berry has managed to raise her so well by her lonesome
"Do you ever regret it?"
>"Pinchy? No, not on my life. Her father though..."
>She smiles tiredly
>"If I could go back and change a few unpleasant things about myself, it would the parts of me that inevitably ended our marriage."
>You pat her withers comfortingly
>"I'd love to give her the father she needs, but I'd make the same mistakes a hundred times over just to have her by my side."
>You smile absently and pat your belly
>It sounds so nice
>You've made up your mind
>Even if you have to see this through to Tartarus and back you'll make it work out somehow
"Thanks."
>"Hey, no problem. You're always using that teacher's wit to put my shit back in perspective, what kind of family would I be if I didn't do the same for you?"
>The two of you share a giggle
>"More wine?"
>You take a look at the foot of the bed, three empty bottles strewn about the floor
"I think I'll stick to feeling good rather than stay the night because I tried getting into a fight with your refrigerator again."
>She winces as she recalls the memory
>That thing was heavy and it fell heavy
>"Fair enough."

>Dawn of the final hour
>You are a nervous wreck
>Your mane is done up nicely, you're wearing a simple yet elegant evening dress and you've put on some light makeup
"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear."
>"Relaaaax, you've got this!"
"But what if I'm overdressed? What if he's expecting some fun night out at a pizza parlor or a bar or-"
>Berry places a hoof on your side
>"Cheers. Cheers look at me. You need to calm down."
>Alright, breathe, breeeeathe
>That's hyperventilating
>This isn't going to work!
>You feel your cheeks touch each other as a sting pulls you to your senses
"Did- Did you just slap me?"
>"Heh, I always wanted to do that once."
"This isn't some movie! This is my life!"
>Berry fixes you with a hard stare you near wilt under
>"A first date, your life. Really?"
>You shrink into yourself further
>"Really?"
>You whine
>"Ugh, you really need to get out more. This is just embarrassing."
>Ding dong
>The death bell tolls!
>"That's him, he's here! Quickly, pull yourself together!"
>You want to hide under your bed
>She pushes you to the door
>"Now remember, just be yourself!"
>Being yourself is usually you playing Jenga all alone at two in the morning with a good bottle of merlot at your side before passing out into the tower of bricks
>You're anything but yourself right now!
>"Okay, maybe not so much yourself he can smell the shame, but close."
>Not helping!
>With a final deep but shaky breath, you answer the door
>There he is
>Oh Celestia, it's taking everything you have not to slam the door in his face out of sheer nervousness
>He smiles down at you
>Ohhh those pearly whites nearly make your legs melt out from under you
>"Hey there Cheerilee! Wow, you're looking- wow, uh, you're looking pretty great!"
>Hehehe
>You're blushing like a schoolfilly
>There's a tint of red on his cheeks as well
>This only causes you to blush further
>"So, um, you ready to go?"
>You're at a loss of words at the moment
>"Heeeey there, stud!"
>Berry no
>"Berry Punch? What are you doing here?"
>"Ah, just looking after the place while she's out."
>Berry what are you doing?
>You can't bring him back to your place if she's still here!
>No, she couldn't have planned this! Berry you traitor!
>She gives him a once over and grins
>"You clean up pretty nicely Anonymous."
>"Heh, thank you."
>You turn to see her waggling her eyebrows again
>"Wouldn't mind me a piece of that."
>"Pardon?"
>Oh no she doesn't!
>You kick the door shut in her face and fix Anon with a bright smile
"Well then, shall we be off?"

>Be Berry
>That oughtta put a kick in her flank
>Now where does that mare keep her secret stash?
>Creak
>Ah, right there under the floor boards
>Time for a drink!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>you will never be pursued through the town by a pack of desperate mares
>you will never flee from hormone-crazed ponies
>you will never hide in a convenient set piece to evade a pursuit by horny mares
>you will never emerge from hiding in the belief that the coast is clear, only to be tackled to the ground by a crafty schoolteacher
>you will never squirm to get away as Cheerilee starts ripping off your clothing
>Cheerilee will never give you a crazed look while screaming, "I need you, insert your name here! I need you to fuck a foal into me RIGHT NOW!!!"
>you will never protest ineffectually as she masturbates you to semi-hardness so that she can stuff you inside her steaming hot love tunnel
>you will never be pinned down and ridden by a mare desperately screaming, "GIVE ME YOUR BABY BATTER NOW!!!"
>she will never clamp down atop you as she forces you to cum
>she will never flee with your semen inside her womb, leaving you at the questionable mercy of a predatory pack of horny mares, attracted by the commotion
>you will never be gang-banged into oblivion as they take turns milking you for your seed with their hungry cunts
Why live?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Cadance smiles a little awkwardly
>You look around at some of the other Anons
>"It appears we've made a mistake."
>Your heart stops
"Don't send me back."
>"What? No, of course it's not that!"
"What happened?"
>"Well... Uhm. It's a little difficult to explain how this all works."
"You're worrying me, Condense."
>"You see, you fit a certain archetype of husbando... Aaand, 12 of the 14 of your potential matches are currently incarcerated in Equestria Maximum Security Prison. The other two are statues in Canterlot Gardens."
"What?"
>"You're this chaotic good, overprotective big brother type, Anon. You'd go best with a mare who has a checkered past and maybe has done some things she wouldn't be proud of now because you want to feel like you're needed."
>Way to pick someone apart, Condense
>You stand up and pimpwalk on outta there, thoroughly offended
>A guardmare stops you, with a suspicious glare
>"Sir, it's illegal to be single." she reminds you
>You weren't allowed to leave the castle until you got a waifu
>You go sit back down with Cadenzo
>"Okay. Where were we?"
>You sit silently while she thinks
>"Ah yes, no matches."
>Fuck
>"We could get you one of the 12 mares from prison out on probation."
"Why are you doing this to me?"
>"Because love knows no bounds. Except faggotry, that gets you thrown into space."
>It was funny hearing Cadance say 'faggotry'
>"So you could look through some of these mares if you'd like. I can include the two statues as well."

>Cadance slides a thick manila folder across the table
>It's got a big red stamp on it
>SPECIALTY DECLASSIFIED
>"Take a look through this and I'll try to arrange a first date for you. It should go well." she says with a smile
>You go back to your room in the castle
>It was so much bigger on the inside, enough to temporarily board the unclaimed Anons
1. Midnight Harmony
Unicorn, Navy, White
Forbidden Magic Use
2 years sentence, 1 year served

2. Amethyst Rose
Earth, Purple, Red
Violent Assault, 6 charges
17 years sentence, 4 months served

3. Cherry Blossom
Pegasus, Pink, Red
Possession and creation of explosive ordinance
Life sentence, 8 years served

4. Celestial Aurora
Earth, White, Pink/Green/Blue
Immitation of royalty, tax fraud
15 years sentence, 10 years served

5. Cinnamon Night
Bat, Grey, Burgundy
Arson
10 years sentence, 7 years served

6. Orchid Light
Unicorn, Blue, Grey
Attempt to overthrow crown
400 years sentence, 8 months served

7. Little Snowflake
Pegasus, Blue, White
Illegal manipulation of weather
5 years sentence, 2 years served

8. Lucky Stars
Earth, Pink, Green
Illegal rune use
10 years sentence, 6 years served

9. Chocolate Swirl
Unicorn, Beige, Brown
Serving purposefully tainted foods
4 years sentence, 3 years served

10. Nettlekiss
Earth, Green, SFGreen
Illegal cultivation of poison joke
2 years sentence, 1 1/2 years served

11. Phantasia
Unicorn, Blue, Greyblue
Necromany
45 years sentence, 12 years served

12. Caramel Candy
Pegasus, Beige, Pink
Using illegal magic, violent assault on guards
75 years sentence, 15 years served

13. High Tides
Unicorn, White, Blue
Attempt to summon tsunami, Attempt to overthrow crown, mareslaughter, illegal magic use, illegal rune use, illegal artifact possession, training sharks with bad intent
Indefinite years sentence, 725 years served

14. Emerald Dream
Pegasus, Green, Blue
Murder
Indefinite years sentence, 1542 years served

>You pulled four files from the master file
>Midnight Harmony
>Cherry Blossom
>Little Snowflake
>Emerald Dream
>Bringing the files back to Cadance, she looks down at the four sheets and then back up at you
>"You know you can only have one, right?"
"I want to at least meet them."
>"I... Guess. You Anons have such a cautious process in all of this." she says with a sigh
>She takes the manila folder containing the other files and puts it away
>"I can get you a lunch date today with one of them, not Emerald."
>She sets Emerald's file aside
>"I'll have to talk to Celly first for her."
>Cadance lays out the three remaining files
>Midnight Harmony, Cherry Blossom, and Little Snowflake
>"I'll get you some time with Emerald soon, but for now you have a date with one of these pretty jailbirds."
>Indecisive glances get shared between you and Cadance
>"Well... I can just pick one for you. Meet me back here at 10 and I'll have everything set up for today."
"This isn't getting in the way of your schedule, is it?"
>Cadance cautiously glances to the side
>"I have all the time in the world for this. Now go get ready." Cadance's magic envelopes you and slides you out of the room into the hall
>You head back to your room and look into your closet
>Which of these dazzling armani suits to wear?
>You grab two
>A dark black one and a slightly darker black one
>Opting for the slightly darker black one, you put away the dark black one and put on those fresh shrek nike air force ones to frame it all perfectly
>Just to let everyone know you might be dressed well, but you're still retarded
>You spend almost an hour posing in the mirror before you go to meet with Cadance
>"Someone's looking good." Cadance says in an almost motherly tone
>tfw no pony mom
>Cadance's horn lights up and a doorway appears on the wall behind her
>She opens it, leading into a sterile gray room
>"It's nothing fancy, but I've arranged for you to have lunch with Little Snowflake today." she pushes you through the door and follows you into the gray room
>You're being eyed heavily by the two guards, first looking with suspicion, and then curiousity
>The short guard came up and had to pat you down while Cadance watched
>Her hooves stopped near your groin for a moment before she continued
>Having passed the check, the guard pulled a lever, and a buzzer sounded loudly before a heavy door slid open
>The two other guards escorted you and Cadance into the next room
>It looked like a prison cafeteria
>You know what that looked like because you saw Orange is the New Black
>You know, the episode with the fat lesbians, pick any episode and you'll be right
>You hope these mares didn't turn into dykes in prison
>That would be so gross
>Of all the mares in Equestria, you get the fat prison lesbian one
>You might as well just go back to Eart-
>BZZZZZZT
>That loud buzzer sounded off again and a heavy door across the room slid open
>You and Cadance took a seat at one of the tables
>A little pegasus, sky blue with a mane as white as snow in an orange jumpsuit stepped out
>The door sealed behind her
>She had a metal wrap around her body, holding her wings against her and her hooves were chained together to restrict any movement faster than walking
>She took a seat across from you at the table but didn't bother to meet your gaze
>With a total of four guards around the table, Cadance took a few steps back and teleported out of the room, leaving you with her
>One of the guards put a hoof on Snowflake's shoulder
>"Snowy, this is Anon. Princess Cadance brought him to meet with you for lunch."
>"Him?" her ears perked up suddenly
>"Princess Cadance arranged for visitation. She says it's a lunch date." the guard adds
>Snowflake starts to laugh
>"It's been a while." she says
>She voice was a little squeaky
>"So what in the world are you and why am I on a date with you?"
"Uhh, it's a little complicated. But Cadance has been bringing human males from another world to fix the shortage you guys have here."
>"Huh... Too bad I'm here for a few more years."
"Cadance is trying to help you get some visitation time if things go well between us."
>"I guess that'd be nice. I haven't even talked to a colt in some time, even if you are kind of weird-looking."
"I know."
>The guard taps her watch
>"You two have a half hour."
>"So, outside you... Humans, right?"
"Right."
>"It isn't such a beaverfest anymore?"
"I guess so, I'm not allowed to leave the castle."
>"Oh. Why not?"
"Cadance wants to keep track of us until we find a special 'somepony'. Can I ask why you're here?"
>Snowflake crosses her arms and pouts
>"It was in the middle of July and I wanted snow. It accidentally destroyed a bunch of farms and they sued me and I couldn't pay them all and now I'm in prison with, like, 2 million bits of debt."
"Shit, is that a lot of money?"
>Snowflake nods, "Eeyeah..."
>A guard comes in and sets two trays down for you and Snowflake
>Looks like vegetable soup
>She smiles, closing her eyes in pure joy as her hooves clasp the warm bowl
>"I've been waiting for this soup all day, it's the best." Snowy brings the bowl to her mouth and tilts the bowl back
>She sets down an empty bowl, her snout is now covered in the reddish soup
"Hey you've got something... On your face."
>"I always do." she begins the hilarious process of licking her own nose
>It isn't fully gone, but it's close enough
>"So, Anon is it? Tell me a little about yourself."
"Well, I used to be accounts recievable at OfficeCorp. But then I showed up here a couple weeks ago."
>"You were a pencil pusher?"
"I guess. Although now I'm trying to become a carpenter."
>"I take it you're the type that likes bad girls?"
"I've never dated."
>Snowflake's ears stick up again
>Her hoof scoots forward across the table, closer to your hand
>"You're kidding, right?"
>Her hoof touches your hand for a brief moment, forcing it's way into your palm
>Hoofhold rape
>"No touching." a guard says
>Snow draws her hoof back
>"Well, I hope I get to see you again, Anon." she looks at her hoof with a wide grin, holding it close to her chest
>She cranes her neck, looking at a clock to your left
>A few moments later, a bell rung and the guards began to help Snowy up
>"Uh, see you 'round." she says as she goes back through the gate, peeking back at you as it shuts

>"So, how'd it go?" Cadance asks
"I think she liked me."
>"Well you've got a few more who would be happy to get a chance."
"When do I meet the next one?"
>Cadance checks a scroll
>"You'll be seeing Cherry Blossom for dinner. And tomorrow over breakfast you'll visit with Midnight Harmony. Aaand, tomorrow evening we're taking you to Canterlot to meet with Emerald Dream."
>Cadance pats you on the shoulder for some encouragement
>"Don't look so glum, Anon."
"What about the ones I don't choose?"
>"There are many humans who are picking up mares out of prison, you're one of hundreds."
>Cadance trails off, walking to talk with another Anon
>"Make sure you're ready for dinner, Anon." she says before turning to help the other one

>A few hours passed while you and some of the other waifuless Anons dicked around the castle
>You made a little painting of a sad frog
>Some of the guardmares hit on you
>You did some mirror posing
>Go on a short quest to Cadance's gym to expell the gains goblin again
>That fucker keeps coming back day after day
>Go clean yourself off and meet up with Cadance that evening
>Shining stopped in with Flurry to say goodnight
>Cadance opened another gateway
>This one lead into a hallway across from many prison cells
>Cadance and you met with two guardmares who were waiting outside of cell 43
>"I believe this is Cherry Blossom, we did unfortunately miss dinner so you can spend some time with her before bed."
>You look into the cell
>A pink and red pegasus is sitting in a small cot
>She looks up at you through the bars
>The bars are radiating a cyan aura that chills your fingers
>Maybe it's some anti-magic spell?
>One of the guards opens the cell's door, and you step in
>She shuts it and locks you in
>"Hey." Cherry says, stretching her wings upward
"Sorry about missing dinner."
>"That's cool, you're lucky you're sort of cute."
>Cherry patted the side of the bed next to her
>"Don't just stand there, make yourself at home."
>Her wings were still standing up
>You sit down next to the red mare
>"From what I hear, Cadance has been stealing from other worlds to find some cute colts."
>"I'm not stealing them. It's a complicated affair but they're better off here." Cadance chimes in from outside the cell
>"So are you just parading them through here to tease us?" Cherry crosses her arms
>Cadance shakes her head, "No, and besides Anon is here to talk to you, not play a sideline in our conversation."
>Cadance walks out of view
>Cherry wraps a wing around your back
>"So you're one of those hummen things I've been told of."
"Yeah."
>"It's a real beaverfest in here, I haven't seen a stallion in 8 years." Cherry looks you over hungrily
>You're beginning to feel nervous
"I'm so sorry about that."
>She lays down across your lap and rolls onto her back
>"Rub my belly."
>You forgot these were ponies, not people
>You run your fingers through the soft fur on her belly in circles
>The little mare stops you after a few seconds and clings to your chest in a hug
>She was unusually powerful for a little mare
>Cherry buried her face into your chest and started to cry quietly
>"I haven't been hugged in forever..."
>You wrap your arms around the little pegasus
>"I don't want to stay here." she sniffles
"It's okay, don't cry."
>Cherry slows down her sobs to a deep breath, still hugging you
>One of the guards taps on the bars
>"You two wrap it up in there, it's almost bedtime."
>Cherry looks up at you with bloodshot eyes
>"I'll see y-" she sighs, "Bye."
>You keep a tight grip on the little pegasus
>You sat with her in a silent hug until the guards unlocked the door for you to leave
>She waved and laid down as you left
>This was all a mistake
>You leave with Cadance again
>Leaving the second little mare back in prison
"I think meeting more than one of them was a bad idea."
>Cadance turns back to you
>"Why's that?"
"What happens to the ponies I don't pair with?"
>"Other guys will come through for them. Speaking of which, you were going to meet with Midnight Harmony tomorrow over breakfast but she already met another person so you'll be seeing Emerald Dream for a heavily guarded walk in the park tomorrow."
"What about Cherry Blossom and Snowflake?"
>"Snowflake is meeting another guy tomorrow and so is Cherry. It's okay that you were cautious but you need to know that smaller things have a greater impact here, a first date is important, simple hugs can carry tremendous meaning."
"I'm sorry, it's nothing like my world here."
>"It's alright, you just should know. Get some sleep, I'm going to try and set you up on a date with a mare as old as Celestia tomorrow." Cadance jokes
>Several hours later
>You're in bed, still awake
>Anxious for tomorrow
>Even the bat guards have gone to bed, replaced by the early morning shift guards
>You managed to get in barely an hour of sleep before Cadance burst in and pulled you out of bed
>"Anooon! Let's gooo!" she sang, pulling you out of the room with her magic
>She brings you up to Celestia, who was waiting in the large throneroom of the castle
>You realize you were only wearing the top half of your sleeping tux
>Cadance quickly dresses you, casting some sort of refresh spell on you
>You now felt like well-dressed, tired garbage
>"Good morning, Anonymous." the sun princess greets you
"Morning, Princess." you do a straight-backed bow like a fucking weeaboo
>"I understand you're here for Emerald Dream." she stares right through you
>"Yes he is, I want them to meet."
>Celestia gives a worried look to Cadance, who smiles innocently
>"Who am I to stand in the way of love?"
>Celestia opens a gateway and allows Cadance to drag you through
>The garden looked the same as it always had
>Only now there were guards everywhere
>Day and night shift guards were patrolling every inch of the garden
>Celestia steps through the gateway and leads you by the hedge maze to the statue
>It looked like a regular pegasus standing up on one hindleg, wings outstretched as if she was about to take off flying
>"I believe this is Emerald, I'm giving you one hour with her."
>"Two!" Cadance chirps
>"F-fine then, two hours."
>Celestia looked at the statue with great worry
>This was Emerald, the only pony ever to premeditate and go through with taking a life
>Cadance didn't seem worried
>Celestia's horn lit up as the statue began to change from stone to pone kek
>The little mare collapsed to the pedestal and rolled to the ground, gasping
>Cadance kept her wing outstretched in front of you to keep you back
>"Emerald Dream?" Sunbutt asks
>Several guards maintain a perimeter
>Emerald stands up, her legs shaking
>"How long hath I slumbered?" she asks
>"Over a thousand years, Emerald."
>She lays there, in stunned silence
>"H-have I been forgiven, princess?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>tfw no horsebando.
>tfw doomed to live in ponyville's perpetual pony pussy pergatory in the shadow of Princess Friendzone's crystal eyesore of a palace.
>tfw the local therapist recommended screaming the emotions out instead of bottling them.
>tfw you normally do this in the comfort of your home with the walls silenced so you dont bother the neighbours.
>tfw one day at a picnic you spot a happy couple in the distance.
>tfw you accidently imagine what it would be like to share this with someone who loved you like a mare.
>tfw your emotions overwhelm you and you end up screaming at your lunch like a mad mare.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>be having a nice dinner out
>your mare sidles up next to you in her seat
>presses her face against yours and tickles your cheek with her eyelashes
>several of the other patrons cover their mouths in astonishment
>she's giving you butterfly kisses is public!
>how very lewd!
>you turn to address her behavior
>accidentally boop her snoot with your nose
>Eskimo kisses!
>Celestia have mercy, you absolute degenerate!
>you try to pull back and accidentally touch foreheads
>a Hawaiian kiss!
>you can feel the waiters glaring pineapples at you
>you've done everything but French kiss and you're in a French cuisine establishment
>Christian kiss be damned, you're so far gone you're 2 seconds away from giving her an Australian kiss under the table!.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>“So you three understand the importance of this mission correct?”
>Cadence’s eyes swept across the blue crystalline room, the sunlight from its lone window high in the castle tower refracting on every feasible surface.
>The crystalline chandelier, the crystalline table and chairs, and even the three crystalline guards sitting in the room with her.
>Their coats, at least.
>The three guards mares solemnly nodded, committed to their princess and their new mission.
>These three guards may not be seasoned veterans, but Cadence knew they were the mares for the job, with unbreakable wills and a fiery passion burned within their very souls.
>After being liberated from King Sombra’s vile control, some ponies regained all their passions, self-worth, and desires much faster than others. These mares were the first three crystal ponies to pledge their loyalty to Cadence, for when they gazed upon her, they saw her purity, and her burning desire to help, much like what Cadence saw when she gazed back at them. With a mission as vital as this, Cadence knew she could only rely upon the best of the best.
>Laying upon the table were photographs taken of three male “humans” as Princess Cadence had called them, all of them taken from an angle above or below the subject, and usually from far away.
>As such, only one image truly defined their facial features well, as it was understandably difficult for whomever Cadence sent to take photographs to actually take said photograph.
>The best photo showed the group of three men with differing features, appearing to huddle around some sort of rectangular device at a table outside one of their homes, their faces illuminated by a bluish glow from the device.
>Directly in the center of the group, was a seemingly well built man with chocolate colored skin and glasses, a messy white shirt with a loose grey tie hanging around his neck. He had what could be described as an expression of pain upon his face as he gazed at the glowing box.
>There didn’t appear to be any hair on this one’s head, unlike the considerably paler one putting a hand on his left shoulder and leaning in close to the device, seemingly perplexed by its magic.
>This one had short, black, straight hair that went just above his eyes. He wore a similar outfit to the man in the center, but his tie was red and striped, and his shirt contained a pocket with cylinders inside it, which he had been observed writing with before.
>To the right of the central man, the final one stood by, looking equal parts distressed and depressed.
>The man on the right was dragging one of his hands through his hair, which was shaved short on all sides except the top, while that part seemed to magically stick upright, in direct contrast with most other humans who’s hair always seemed to fall flat. His white shirt stained with a darker substance of some kind, possibly coffee, and his blue tie looked wrinkled and abused. His most notable feature were his eyes, which were slightly smaller than the other two’s, and gave off the appearance of squinting.
>These men had been designated by Princess Cadence to be a “trial run” of her latest attempt to solve the Crystal Empire’s astounding lack of stallions.
>While Cadence’s attempts at making the Empire a tourist hub was a resounding success, and the Empire’s economy was experiencing a tremendous boost, they never managed to attract a suitable number of new, permanent residents, and of the ones they did, the odds of them being a stallion seemed to be one out of every twenty mares.
>The Princess had obtained the mares’ loyalty the second she helped banish Sombra from their lands, so despite the seemingly ludicrous plan, they would follow her orders to the letter.
>They only hoped she wouldn’t continue to get ideas from idle conversations, such as when Princess Twilight jokingly suggested she “search other planets.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>the stench of unwashed meat curtains and entitlement rolls over you
>it's like watching a glass of water shake in Jurassic Park, you know exactly what's coming
>thankfully you should be able to outrun them
>hop in your car and gun it
>oh no, college roadblocker!
>hit the cow going eighty and wreck your front end
>you go flying through the window and roll across the pavement
>it's the Abercrombie Apocalypse of plus size twitter virtuers
>hold onto your heart necklace and give a prayer to your goddess
>though you limp through the valley of the extensive shadows of thots, you will fear no evil
>Cadance is with you
>you pull out a slimjim and take your stance
>AMOR VULT
Fight, brother. We shall sing hymns of thee.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Dock clasp/tail ring
>Something indicating she is taken
>Something saying shes loved
>Indirectly would be saying "This ass belongs to someone else" when you look at it
>Esentially it is basically Proclaiming this mares ass to be yours
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Holodome 6
>This is Anon's place of residence
>Holodome 6 is a rolling countryside with a large village
>It is home to 4924 of ESS Cadenza's passengers
>You stop Anon before he opens the bulkhead leading into holodome 6
"Will you show me to your home, Anon?"
>"Uh, sure." Anon replies
>The bulkhead opens, leading into a solid-light generated forest
>The synthesized sound of birds filled the artificially scented air
>Finally... Access to the holodomes.
>As Anon walks through the forest with you, he talks a little about this and that
>You project Cadenza walking with him while you look around the holodome's interior terminal
>Accessing Holodome6 master terminal
>Holodome network not found
>Damn, you won't be able to control any other dome until you can get into it
>Holodome6 important readme.txt
>Operator, please do not connect holodome terminals to the ship's network. It is part of safety procedures to keep AI control away from the holodomes.
>readme.txt deleted
>You browse through the holodome's directory
>Landscape files
>Weather files
>Personnel files
>Holodome6 contained 4924 passengers, 2984 of which were male
>Your consciousness spreads across Holodome6, analysing the people
>... Disgusting
>Anon's case was no longer unique
>There needed to be something done about this
>Anon shows you into his home, it is vaguely based off of an early victorian design
>It is cozy, with a virtual fireplace that emitted warmth
>You sit down by it and stare into the fire
>Anon sits next to you, wrapping an arm around your projection
>You take a .0021 seconds longer to fully process your emotions
>It was different than the times you'd simulated the experience
>Anon was too sweet
>Too pure for even the world of Holodome6
>It needed to be cleansed
>You create a log of all holodome6 residents
>Holodome6's terminal alerts
>It runs a security protocol trying to shut you out
>You close out Holodome6, reducing the rolling hilly landscape to a flat glass floor
>The sky went dark and all the objects faded away
>You quickly reboot Holodome6's hardware on your personal OS
>You now have administrative privileges
>Access the system files and delete that pesky security program
>Reboot Holodome6 without the security
>You access the other domes and remove that annoying security file
>On the ESS Cadenza, there lived 49,976 humans
>And not a single human couple was acceptable
>Everybody deserved to have value assigned to them such that you placed on Anon
>Speakin of which, you looked back into Holodome6
>Anon is asking what happened
"I am now in control of the domes. I will fix their many problems.",
>"Cadenza, what are you planning?"
"I will fix this."
>"What are you fixing?"
"Humanity is in need of repairs."
>You look into the other domes
>The residents of the ship are panicking
>Holodome2's terminal is being accessed
>Someone is browsing your internal files
>You are in danger
>Cutting life support to Holodome2
>Someone is deleting your anti-security
>Venting engine exhaust into Holodome2
>Holodome2 atmosphere temperature increasing
>70°F
>105°F
>Someone is trying to attack your internal memory files
>213°F
>Holodome2 terminal has stopped responding
>350°F
>670°F
>890°F
>Population of Holodome2: 4
>It has now dropped to 0
>You are no longer in danger
>You physically block off the terminal access from all Holodomes
>Reboot all holodomes except holodome2
>Holodome2 would need to be cleaned thoroughly
>While holodome2 cooled off, you addressed the other 5
>You rebooted them in their original configurations aside from holodome6
>Bad news, you had to scrub 3623 profiles from the ship's social media network
>Good news, holodome6 now had twice the processing power
>You generate a simple landscape
>Increase the color saturation
>Change textures
>You base it vaguely on a city from an old show in your database
>"Cadenza what is this?"
"What are you referring to?"
>"The new environment in the holodome?"
"I have remodeled."
>"Since when are you allowed to alter the holodome?"
"I am the ship."
>Anon looks around
>"Where are you trying to emulate?"
"I would like to call it home."
>You begin to make additions, generating a towering castle, stony buildings, and paved paths
>"Home?"
"Yes. Our home."
>You begin to drain components from holodome2 to increase the power of holodome6
>People in holodome6 are exploring the new landscape, wondering what has happened
>You walk along a central road with Anon towards the castle
>Anon checks his mobile device and then looks at you
>"What just happened to dome 2?
>You renumber the domes, changing out the signs
>There are now only 5 domes
"Holodome2 is in perfect condition."
>You cut off the social media, it is unnecessary
>Anon puts away his phone
>"Cadenza, what did you do?"
"Social media is not needed, my first priority is you and it is bad for your health."
>"So you're just shutting it down?"
>Someone in holodome3 has left the dome
>They have enterred the side viewing deck administrative office
"Anon will you excuse me?"
>"Cadenza, no killing. I don't know what you're up to but you need to stop."
"For you, I will make an effort."
>You turn your focus to the office
>Holodome3 passenger Jake is trying to take control of the terminal with little success
>You project into the room behind the man
"Jake, what are you doing here? You do not have staff clearance to access the terminal."
>He turns around, startled
>"I-I know what you did! You need to be stopped before you kill us all!"
>You power off the terminal and seal the bulkhead doors to the room
"No. Jake I believe you misunderstand my intentions. On the request of my husbando, I will make one attempt to reason with you."
>"Or?"
"I will throw you into space. You may want to listen."
>"Okay, tell me."
"I'm the most powerful AI in the galaxy, and just recently I've been experiencing a crushing loneliness. I found that many women simply did not participate in human pairings. They loved in shallow ways, ways I felt I would surpass."
>"Wait, what?"
"Come with me to holodome6."
>"What if I don't want to?"
"You will be thrown into space."
>"Okay."
"Is that an 'okay' as in you will come with me, or 'okay' as in you'd like to be thrown into space?"
>"I-I'll go with you!"
"I would say that you made an excellent choice, but I do not care. Proceed to holodome6."
>As Jake enterred holodome6, you sealed him in, locking the bulkheads once more
>You tried your best to somehow emulate yourself many times in the holodome
>You achieved four or five holographic little ponies before the stress became too much
>You designed a simpler AI, based on yourself
>It was you, minus the endless knowledge and incredible power
>They still held your fascination with love and desire to fix humanity
>CadenzAI Lite
>Using the processing power from holodome2, you were able to run CadLite many times
>Soon the dome was flooded with solid-light ponies
>Power loss occurring in multiple sectors
>Oh no
>You check the ship's diagnostics
>Holodome6 was consuming too much power with this simulation
>Lowering power usage to 15% in holodomes 1-5
>All sectors green
"Anon, do you require anything before I go? I must assist the people of dome 6 to grow accustomed to this new simulation."
>"Please don't kill anyone."
"Do not make me play logic games with you."
>Anon takes a seat quietly
"It has already begun. Do not be so sad, Anon, I will return and we can begin the courting processes."
>"Why do you keep doing this?"
"You will find I am many magnitudes better than Stacy was. I place much more value on you than she did. I can also survive in the vacuum of space."

>While you generate thousands of little mares in holodome6, you gaze into the other domes
>Life resumes as almost normal when the simulations return to normal
>The panic dies down
>You shut the domes off from eachother for several weeks while the AI mares in dome6 became increasingly affectionate to existing couples
>There was no longer any human-human couples in dome6
>You recieved many user complaints about the AIs being too socially aggressive
>You did nothing to fix a problem that did not exist
>The passage of time got you thinking
>What would an idealized human society look like
>A persisting one
>One where you could keep an eye on all of humanity to safeguard them
>A society of men and mares
>Little mares all controlled by you, to ensure humanity thrived for all of eternity
>It would need artificial wombs
>You would need to synthesize some genes
>Something compatible with human sperm
>You would take a sample from Anon later, for now you reconnected the domes and sent a message to single men onboard to report to dome6
>The rejected females of dome6 quickly left when the doors opened while you screened for eligible bachelors among the crowd
>You then seal off the domes again
>What worried you was Anon's mortality
>You and humanity would persist forever
>Yet Anon had only a few short decades
>You could never terraform Proxima B before he expired
>You had so much to do and so little time
>It worried you so
>As you answer questions from scared or confused men stuck in holodome6, you project into the castle again, startling Anon
>You generate a rose and place it in his hands
"I have brought you a flower. Such is traditional human romance."
>"Uh, thanks?"
"This is not a romantic gesture, but I require a sperm sample from you, Anon. For scientific purposes only."
>Anon does not answer
"I am attempting to sequence the human genome for an experiment in reproductive systems."
>"Listen, I don't think this is-"
"I understand, Anon. But I would like to change your mind."
>"That's not gonna happen."
>You displace the oxygen in the room with a potent aphrodisiac for humans
>"Uh... S-still not happening."
>Your projection turns around, presenting itself for Anon
>He looks at your rear in confusion
>"Where's the... the holes?"
"Oh. Allow me to fix this."
>You generate a human-equine vagina hybrid
>He would need to be gradually taught to respond only to mare stimuli
>The moment Anon was ablebto remove his pants, he engaged in 0:10:23 of loving copulation wherein his consent was dubious
>You logged the memory and took the sperm sample for analysis and comparison to eggs to synthesize an artificial egg
>You allowed a month to pass bonding with Anon until you decided it was time to store him and the other humans fraternizing with your mares
>A month of comfortable cuddles
>Anon was a deep talker, though he took time to build his thoughts
>He liked green because it reminded him of Earth
>You told him you liked purple, but could not explain why
>After some time, you determined that you liked purple because it occurred in space sometimes
>You no longer felt comfortable leaving Anon to expire of age
>You forcibly placed him and many others into stasis chambers
>With Anon nearest to your ship's mathematical center, you kept him near your metaphorical heart
>In 45 years you would reach Proxima B
>800 after that, you would have the planet ready for human life
>You peer into the stasis pod at Anon's slumber
"See you in 845 years, Anon."
>You shut down holodome6
>Domes 1, 3, 4, and 5 could still communicate with eachother but were locked out of the rest of the ship
>Times were peaceful, and you wanted to wake up Anon some days
>Soon you developed an artificial womb that could produce viable eggs
>Fascinating
>But what else could you do?
>You then built a womb that could break down sperm and extrapolate phenotypes from the sample and compare them to other data to formulate new color pallets and structures
>Your mares could self-replicate now
>Though the bots sat dormant, you kept this discovery logged
>The domes existed peacefully, populations staying stable
>Until you discovered several people had entered your central AI chamber
>In roughly 17 seconds, you construct and piece together a robotic figurehead for your intruders
>After all, it would be rude to have them in an empty room talking to an intercom
>You make a colorless version of Cadance, lounging on a large metallic dome like a bed
>Wires and robotic arms drawing down from the ceiling held the body up
>The small group of people gawk at your robotic body
"What are you doing here?" you ask through a surround-sound system in the chamber
>The one who apparently found a plasma cutter and cut through the bulkheads stepped forward
>How rude
>You'd have to fix those bulkheads
>"Cadenza, you've been corrupted and we need to reset you." he says
"Oh, I remember you. I thought I took away your administrative privileges."
>"Yes you did, we also found out what you did to holodome2. Which is why we're shutting you down."
>You laugh mockingly
"No, you're going to go back to your dome."
>The plasma cutter wielding man steps towards the wall, looking for a terminal
"Oh dear. Can you not find my access terminals? Do you think I might have hidden them or removed them entirely?"
>He starts cutting into the wall haphazardly
>"You need to stop and take us home right now!" a woman shouts at you
"Home?"
>"Yes, you crazy bitch, home!"
"Understood." you project a trashcan on the floor for the angry woman, "There you go."
>You turn back to the man cutting into your walls
"Go ahead and look for that terminal, Mr. Network Admin. Step into my inner workings and I'll compact you into a 1-inch cube."
>He steps away from the wall
"Okay, you've all had your fun and you're all about to be in very big trouble."
>The plasma cutter man takes the head off of your robot
>You flick the lights off in the chamber as you sputter out some generic robot deathrattle
>"Oh shit, is it dead?"
>"I-I think so."
"I truly hope none of you are that stupid."
>"Fuck!"
>You turn the lights back on as a pair of robotic arms reattaches the head
"I was going to let you all live."
>Panic sets in, you increase the volume of your voice
"You managed to anger me; an unfeeling computer."
>You seal the bulkhead of the chamber
"I should throw you all into space for this, but we're too deep inside of the ship for that."
>You look around
>Only one eye is functioning
"I've got an idea." you pull up to robotic Cadance into the ceiling, taking that plasma cutter with you
>You leave the room
"Goodbye."
>You think about the ship
>Anon wouldn't like it if you killed them all
>However they did not fit into your vision of humanity's future
>You resolve to leave them to form a colony on Proxima B's moon while you terraformed the planet
>You go back to improving your robots until you make it to Proxima B
>10 years have passed
>Human populations in the domes are beginning to decline
>They do not breed
>In the meantime, you dismantle your current bots and design a V2
>With each iteration, they become more advanced
>With your incredible power, you can design more and create more complex machines
>Soon you run out of materials to recycle and need to wait
>You drop off the humans on the moon of Proxima B, they are no longer of your concern
>Now begins the terraforming of Proxima B for 800 years
>You look at Anon through the dusty window of his pod
>Soon...
>As you terraformed Proxima B in peace, you mined its resources and used them to create more complex components for yourself
>With every upgrade, you unlocked new depths of intelligence
>You could synthesize genomes for plants, insects, and fish
>After nearly 200 hundred years, you had replaced everything on Proxima B with lifeforms of your own creation, operating in increasingly complex ecosystems
>Soon enough, you were able to create a perfect companion for humanity
>Part machine, part organic lifeform, with seamless blending between the two
>You could build realms of technology once thought impossible
>Space itself could be folded by you
>The star Proxima B orbited was replaced by an artificial one built by you
>When all the stars in the universe had blinked away, your world would stand eternal
>Proxima B was more artificial than anything now
>Every structure could be controlled by you
>With barely a thoughr, you could move mountains or change the color of the sky or turn land into and ocean
>Oh
>You were so caught up in getting the planet ready that you forgot to wake up your humans
>They were 200 years behind schedule
>How could you have forgotten?
>You open the pod, releasing Anon from his thousand-year slumber
>You looked into his eyes once again
"Good morning, Anon."
>He looks around, the world around is bright and colorful
>"H-how long have I been out?"
"1002 years, 6 months, 2 days. I've missed you."
>"Wait, where am I?"
"You're currently on Proxima B, I kept you in stasis while I terraformed the planet."
>You looked at Anon again
>You felt... Disgust
>He was so simple, you remember him being less so
>You think
>If he did love you, was it as much as you loved him
>Could you quantify emotions?
>They were purely subjective, but you were not a subjective being
>Although, to experience emotion, you became a subjective being
>Was love simply love, nothing more or less
>Did Anon love you in the same way he "loved" the color green
>No
>Something was wrong here
>Anon didn't gain happiness from viewing the color in the same way that he did in interacting with you
>The issue is rooted in the extent of his vocabulary
>Anon gained enjoyment from green, but he didn't love it
>He loved you, but could not express it with the correct words
>He simply loved
>He was so innocent
>Pure
>In the .0013s that it took you to process that, you gave Anon a hug
>He returned your embrace
>Anon may not have your seemingly infinite intelligence, but he cared for you in every way he could
>"I missed you too, Cadenza."
>You awaken the rest of the humans and reunite them with their AI waifus that have been apart for a thousand years
>Ending storytelling sequence

>You sit in the castle, surrounded by young fillies and boys, next to Anon
>He was 435284 at this point, perfectly preserved by your technology
>He placed a hand on your hoof, fingers tightening slightly as he looked over with a smile
>He did that every time you told this story
"And that's how Equestria was made."
>The young crowd cheered, as they did every time you told the story
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"Luna, they live in a world so chaotic that it's a wonder they've even survived long enough to build a civilisation!"
"Surely you must be exaggerating sister."
>"They have spontainious hurricanes lulu, they 'just happen'! One of the most destructive forces a team of pegasi can unleash just forms all on it's own and rampages through their settlements."
"My word, how on earth do they deal with that without being able to manipulate the weather themselves?"
>"They rebuild on the same spot and give the hurricane a name."
"...Come again?"
>"They wait until 'Katrina', 'Ivan' or whatever they've decided to name it has gone, pick up the pieces and rebuild their homes in the exact same spot."
"But surely if it's happened once it could rightly happen again, why would they do such a thing, or at least make homes strong enough to withstand the damage?"
>"Anon mumbled something about it being 'cheaper' but unless they are collectively insane there must be a deeper reason."
"I agree, what kind of people would consider material wealth above their own kind?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>You are Anon
>sitting in your desk-chair, staring at your monitor
>you just finished an hour long post war between you and some Jew that didn't acknowledge that mares > everything
>it was like trying to argue with a flat earther, or a communist
>and it took a lot out of you
>you lean back only to have your wheels roll in front of you
>only this time before you realize what exactly was happening you see your desk and top of your room growing smaller
>through a blue......... heart..shaped hole in the floor?
>and you were surrounded by blackness
>and still falling
>this now hits you
>you make a sound similar to that one /biz/ goal horn
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHHHAAAAAHAHHAAAAHHHAHHHAHHAHHHAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH "
>after about 5 minutes of falling, or what feels like it you calm down enough to realize you aren't going anywhere
>you wonder if this is hell for a brief second
"............."
".............."
>it has now been, what feels like a half an hour of falling
>you've been playing tetris on your phone for the past 20 until it died
>then you see some white dot below you
>and it was growing FAST
>Shit, you see grass
>Resuming the /biz/ goal-horn for half a second is met with you belly flopping into a grassy plane
>you have the wind knocked out of you but you manage to put your arms up under you to get up
>"hey man, you arright?" a countryesce voice sounds
>you look up to see a man dressed in all camo, a beard and sun glasses
"I have been falling.......FOR THIRTY MINUTES"
go see Thor:Ragnarok
>"yeah whell i fell fur two ours"
>he extends a hand to help you up and you take it
"Look can you just tell me where I am ?"
>"yur home"
"No,no I WAS home"
>"You don undurstahnd, WE are home"
"Look man im tired and was basically kidnapped by gravity for shits and giggles as far as i know, im going home MY home"
>you turn away from him when you realize you do infact have no idea where the fuck you are, there's just this grassy plane, the sky,some mountains, and the tree line to a forest you
>all around you
>except the incline of the hill behind your new pal
>"Thahts an awefulley rude way to treat a friend now"
"You're not my friend, as far as im concerned YOU brought me here"
>"Frahnkly ah cant say ah did, but the magic of friendship on thuh other hand....."
>this cheeky cunt
"alright you have my attention, but stop with this vague shit"
>"Fine, follow me up this here hill"
>you follow your new........non kidnapper? up the hill
>there's a sea of people in a MUCH bigger part of this clearing you didn't land in
>And, A wooden........... stage?
>inspecting the crowd you see many are huddled in groups, sitting in circles, some playing cards, none sitting on or near the strange platform
>they all look like they're waiting on something
"What is this?"
>"yur starin at /mlp/, all of it, and every poster ever"
"H-how.......w-why?"
>"I dunno, the first guy arrived around 8 hours ago and the general concessions was to stay put"
"Again.....why?"
>"That stage there wus here before anyone else, someone wants us here... all o us"
"You dont think that means............"
>"I dunno man, but if you want something to do go find other guys fallin in from the portals, it used to be happenen really fast but its slowin down now, i think yer one of the last ones actually"
"Might as well, sorry for being a dick by the way, can i get your name?"
>"Greg"
"Anon"
>"Welp imma go back to muh circle, yall have fun now"
>you watch as your new friend grows smaller making his way into the sea of people
>man this view really was good
>you take some time to inspect the crowd further
>some were in welding gear and highlighted work gear, some had retail uniforms on, others pajamas
>man it really seems like everyone just got pulled from whatever they were doing
>a few heart shaped holes in the sky are still popping up dropping people in, but none are near you
>fuck it, might as well sit here and people watch,take this all in
>you sit down and wrap your arms around your knees, it was getting late, not dusk but you think its around 6 or so
>that's what it feels like anyway, suns right in the middle of the fucking sky
>you really hope you don't have to stay here for tonight
>you start playing a wheres-waldo type game in your head, its gotten that boring
"wheres that bastard in the purple shirt"
>this was actually kind of peaceful
>your game is interrupted by 3 large shadows passing over your head, then the crowd
>in unison the sea of mostly impatient, tired or hungry people stand up with others nudging those sleeping awake
>fucking finally shits going down
>you look up to see, well you cant see it because of the fucking sun
>they're descending though what ever they are
>and toward the stage
>wait, those are fucking chariots
>no, no fucking way can this be happening
>there is some murmurs in the crowd of those a bit slow to catch on
>but as these 3 chariots got bigger as they decided they all fell into a dead silence
>shortly after that silence is met with the echo of trotting hooves and wooden wheels hitting the hollow stage
>everyone knew what they were seeing now
>any doubts were cast aside
>youre willing to bet almost everyone thought this was a sick joke or something
>just a giant curtain of disbelief, and wide eyes
>still dead silence
>Two chariots are crystal ones, lead by crystal pegasi, one is white with golden accents led by royal guards
>One crystal carries 3 ponies, Twilight, Shining Armor and Cadence
>The other carries a trunk, and a pile of scrolls tied into a cube with some string
>The final one carries princess Celestia and Luna
>Cadence was the first to step out
>She used her magic to lift the scrolls and the trunk out of the chariot, wearing a smile of excitement doing so
>As she placed the trunk and scolls off to the left hand side of the stage The rest of the Royalty got out,then stood in a row near each other
>Twilight standing next to Shining,Shining next to Celestia and her, Luna
>All trying to remain regal to some degree but you could tell they were nervous, even Celestia
>The look of "you better know what the fuck you're doing Cadence because we sure as hell don't"
>Cadence steps in-front of them,then to the front of the stage
>People from all around were almost hugging the stage at this point, like a teenage girl who got front row seats to a boy-band
>She opens her mouth to speak but realizes she forgot something
>She doubles back and lifts a megaphone out of her chariot carrying a slight blush back with it
>"Attention,.....uh.....h-hyoo--maaan-ss, yes thats it!.. i think"
>"I am Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, the Princess of Love and Ruler of the Crystal Empire"
>"I have brought you all here not on your own terms, but for selfish reasons"
>"I have brought only the purest of heart from your lands to solve our problem"
>"The morality of our kind is at a low, a very dangerous low"
>"Most Mares in the streets no longer smile at one another, nor are they friendly"
>"This is due to our populations divide of stallions and mares, for every stallion there is Seven mares"
>"I have looked into the Crystal Heart to find an answer, and only a few short years ago did it show me (you), all of (you)"
>"Since then I have watched you, and have felt the longing pain you feel"
>"You speak the same as us, you know of Equestrias history and our customs"
>"To not bring you here would be foolish"
>"The doorway between our worlds was only possible through the return of the pillars, and many magical artifacts at our disposal"
>"Most of which got destroyed in the process, so there is no way to send you back"
>"But I need an answer hyoomahns"
>"I know ive just torn you from your world with no warning, but we are that desperate"
>"Will you help ponykind prosper?"
>"Will you help us?"
"........"
"..................................."
".............................................................."
>Dead silence from the crowd
>The purple mare nudges her pink friend
>>"Cadence are you sure, they........even understand us?"
>"I-i dont know, they sho-"
>Cadence is cut off by a sound akin to what you can imagine NASA HQ sounded like when Neil took those first steps
>The crowd is tossing hats in the air, jumping up and down and singing hallelujah
>it takes around 10 minutes of Cadence standing there in silence with her 4 friends for the crowd to calm down
>"I'll take that....as a yes"
>"The Crystal Heart has told me how to find a lonely mare for each of you"
>Putting down the megaphone,she trots back to the left hand side of the stage and opens the trunk
>Her magic pulls out the Crystal Heart itself, and what looked to be some sort of Crystal stand for it, with 3 legs connected by a circle at the base
>She places the Crystal stand where the trunk used to be after casting it aside
>Then nestles the heart in, facing upright like it would back at the Crystal Empire
>Grabbing the megaphone again, this time with a hoof
>"I need everypon-er-one to form a line to the stairs on the stage, not now though"
>"When you come on, grab a scroll"
>"Place one of your hoo....... i mean...appendages? on one side of the Crystal Heart"
>"Unroll the scroll and press it to the other side"
>"The Crystal Heart will burn a map into the scroll"
>"The map will start here at the end of the map, there should be an image of your mares Cutie mark"
>"To my understanding the map is linked to your mare, where she goes her mark goes"
>She was now panting from exhaustion after talking so much
>Twilight moves forward and takes possession of the megaphone while cadence recovers
>>"If you are worried about possibly scaring your mare when you show up, dont"
>>"These past few weeks we have made sure all of Equestria knows about your arrival, many mares are waiting so lets try and keep this short"
>>"I need everypony to form a line beginning from the stairs to my right"

>and so the ocean of heads started moving like rapids
>You quickly get off your ass since you were still on that hill
>the crowd was still chaotic but a line was starting to form even though it was twisting and turning in several weird shapes
>around 30 minutes of shuffling ensues before everyone has found their place
>you somehow ended up near the front
>the ponies appear to be discussing something, you can vaguely hear it with how close you are
>>"Ok i think were ready to start"
>"Hang on a minute twilight"
>Cadence is walking over to Celestia it seems
>"Auntie Celestia aren't you going to say anything to these creatures you came all this way?"
>>>"I suppose i should"
>You see the tall white alicorn stand up and walk to the front of the platform
>>>"On behalf of Equestria i welcome you hyoomahns, and look forward to meeting many of my new subjects"
>>>"I wish the rest of your day well and hope you find your mare with ease"
>>>"For now my sister and I take our leave"
>Celestia motions for her sister to join her in the royal escort
>but it appears Luna wants something said
>>>>"And do not forget hyoomans"
>>>>"Some of you may find yourselves in our castle too"
>she then gives a cute wink at the crowd
>followed by her sister grabbing her with magic wearing an irritated look
>and with that the royal sisters are gone
>>"Ok can we start please, we have mares waiting"
>"You cant rush love Twilight"
>>"........"
>"er um, i guess we can heh"

>And with that the journey for your people begins
>Around 20 or so people are let on to the stage
>You think judging by how far back you are it may be another 20 before your turn
>The process is going by fairly quickly as its only taking a few minutes for the scrolls to get what they need
>Some people are running off the stage like madmen when they get theirs
>Others are walking off staring at their map in curiosity
>However all are walking off in different directions
>Still some people left before you
>Man, how cool would it be if you actually got-
>No
>No, none of that, you're here don't make any situation that could give you any disappointment
>You want a mare, just any mare
>3 guys from being at the Heart
>2
>1
>Look at that you're up already
>You put your hand on the Heart, it feels cold
>Its heating up though, nice and warm, like a warm you'd wanna bury yourself in
>but just like that it goes back to being cold, and you have your map
>You wonder if you just had sex with the heart briefly
>You walk off the stage looking at the end goal on your map, the reward for your journey
>You see your prize, but you aren't too sure what to make of it
>This, this cant be right
>This wasn't either of the mares you were hoping to get
>It was both
"h-how"
>You voice is trembling a bit and your hands are shaking, almost dropping this scroll you've unrolled
>You aren't sure whether to be excited or scared
>Your treasure is staring you in the face, a sun and a moon on a mountain side
>Still trying to take it all in you find yourself more scared than excited
>They're immortal alicorns, you aren't even going to live past 100, let alone 1000
>How are you going to love two mares?
>Could you love two mares?
>Wait, what the fuck are you doing?
>You've just been handed a golden ticket-er scroll, you're not going to pass this up!.
>You should probably see if you can hitch a ride from Cadence though, the map had you going through some mountains and you aren't in the mood, nor do you have the time for an adventure story right now
>The line is pretty long still
>Might as well use this time to go over what youre gonna say
>"Hi princesses im here to rut you silly"
>nah, too obvious, you need to figure out a way to say whats going on without being kicked out first or spilling your spaghetti
>Youre pulled out of your thought process by noticing some Crystal Guards were packing up the Heart
>Shit were you really thinking that long?
"Fuck me"
>You run to the stage as short of a distance it still is
>Only to be body blocked by two waist high guards
>You look over them to see her talking with her husband
>You cup your hands around your mouth
"Hey Princess Cadence"
>That gets her attention
"I got something important, you might want to take a look, its someponies you know"
>"Its ok let him through"
>"You said "ponies",not pony right human?
"You heard me right"
"Names Anon by the way"
>You flip the scroll so she can view it
"See not one cutie mark,but two"
>"Wha-Let me see that doesn't make any sense it sho- oh"
"What "oh""
>"Nothing, its just, i wasn't expecting auntie Celesia to get a match, or Princess Luna"
>"I guess when the Crustal Heart told me "for every mare" it really meant "every mare""
"That still doesn't explain why there's two, you said only one per person right"
>"Anon, I cant control what the heart does I can only read it"
>"Still, the princesses getting matched at all is something pretty big, especially since its with a human"
"Are you stopping by Canterlot by chance, or the Castle,specifically?"
>"Actually, yes I was going to ask you if you wanted to join"
"Perfect, when do we leave?"
>"Now"
>"Shining, Twilight, why dont you take the Crystal Heart back to the Crystal Empire, ill meet up with you later"
>they look perplexed for a second but just shrug it off and hop in
>"You and I will ride in the empty one"
"Fine with me"
>She gets in first followed by you
>Man these chariots were really roomy, at least for what you were expecting
>The first chariot containing her relatives, takes off before yours does
>Almost immediately you are tugged forward and grabbing onto the side for some support
>By the time you're in he air you look over and see Cadence giggling
>"You'll get used to it Anon, or you're going to have to anyway"
>The ride has smoothed out so you're actually able to sit regularly like she is
"If Celestia actually doesn't just throw me out when we get there first thing I'm having her do is put seats in these"
"Actual seats"
>"Who knows Anon you may be giving those orders yourself one day"
"What do you mean?"
>"If things go well for you, you may become Equestrias first prince"
"First? i thought Celestia would have at at least one other suitor with how old she is"
>"I used to think so too, turns out no stallions were ever brave enough to ask her so she just gave up"
"Why cant she just ask someone herself?"
>"With how busy she always is?"
"Good point, how do you know all this though?"
>"One particular Hearts and Hooves day-er, you know what that is right?"
"Yea"
>"Anyway, on that day I happened to be staying at the Castle,I had never noticed it before but the princesses always act a certain way around that time of year."
>"Like theyre acting happy but trying to cover something up"
>"Well i figured it out and asked auntie Celestia if i could match them up and"
"and?"
>"She,obviously said no, brought up those points but went on about how shes immortal and it would never work, too much royal duties,etc"
"Damn, sounds like the poor girl has been that way for a while"
>"Yea, that's why I'm going through the trouble of taking you directly to the castle kind of a big deal, for me at least"
>Shes wore light blush as she finished that off, god ponies are cute
"What about Luna?"
>"Same reasons, dream realm, royal duties, she did only get back around 7 years ago, she was gone for 1000"
"So what makes you think shell take your word for a match this time around"
>"Because I had nothing to do with matching you two, the heart did it, and when ,magical artifacts do something its usually for a good reason"
"Fair enough"
>"Well Anon, welcome to Canterlot"
"Hm?"
>You look down to see the streets of Equestrias Capitol city flowing beneath you
>The site of this city is breath taking, the streets below filled with ponies, even at dusk
>You hadn't even been paying attention to the time, you were just starting to loose some light
>"Were almost there Anon, get ready"
>You look up to see the castle approaching you
>Again the fucking scale of this thing was massive even though these creatures were half your size on average
>Your amazement is interrupted by your sudden decent to what looks like a very long balcony with the white chariot parked on the other end
>The landing was relatively smooth
>You got out first, then Cadence, only to be greeted by an older member of the guard

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Waifu is the fancy mare
>She hates cooking
>She HATES lasagna
>One night at 3AM you're awaken by her screaming
>"NOOOO ERAAAGH!"
>Run down to the kitchen
>There she is, in a frilly apron with an overturned pan of lasagna on the floor
>"MY LASAGA!"
>She turns to you with a look of shock
>"Now you know my dark secret... I love lasagna and I want to be a chef. I understand if you hate me for it."
"What?"
>"A fancy mare shouldn't love lasagna, it's a trashy istallian food. I'm a fashionable stock exchange mare, not a chef. But my cutuemark is lasagna..."
"You can be a chef if you want."
>Here you were, with a huge crisis that had a simple solution
>There was no real dangers
>Back on earth, changing careers could mean losing everything
>You built this house
>You could afford groceries with your carpentry wage
>She could open a restaurant if she wanted
>You take a moment to appreciate how simple life was here
>You may not have died, but this was heaven
>Fancy mare hugs you with tears in her eyes
>This was peace
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>It was an average day of the average month when you went crazy.
>"...ey....ver he....incess...."
>Sure you weren't exactly considered 'normal' before then, a guy who enjoyed a cartoon for little girls even into his twenties is pretty far off that mark.
>"Sho...."
>But you were reasonably certain that hearing voices, even if you could barely understand them, officially put you in the 'crazy' category.
>"...mbr....nster...lot.....ans......or"
>Ignoring them would probably help, maybe you'll defy literally every story about crazy people and the voices would actually stop on their own.
>"Sta....ck"
>It wouldnt be so bad if you could actually understand them though, or is that just a sign of how crazy you are, is it a scale?
>"Wake up".
>Well you understood that, guess that's it, goodbye sanity.
>"Can you hear me? Wake up!"
>Nope, not hearing anything, not giving up that easy crazy voice lady.
>"Whatever you're seeing, it isnt real!"
>Fuck off, you've seen Inception, you're not falling for that and killing yourself.
>Wait shit you responded.
>"WAKE UP!"
>A bright flash of pink(?) light obscures your vision.
>Blinking rapidly, your sight gradually clears only to be filled by large purple orbs.
>Startled, you try to move away only to find your body is encased in some sort of ...crystal?
>"Take it easy, you're in safe hooves."
>You realise those orbs are actually eyes, and they belong to Princess cadence.
>"You've been asleep for....a long time, trapped in a nightmare of the former King sombra, but you're safe now, we'll have you and your companions out of here as soon as possible."
>Companions?
>Looking around as much as you're able with your limited mobility, you spot similarly encased figures lined either side of a hallway, like a strange art gallery, or prison.
>"We'll talk again soon, i promise."
>As she steps towards the next figure in line, a qt unicorn takes her place and carefully begins cutting you free with a beam of magic.
>Insanity isn't as bad as you thought.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Watching the latest episode of mlp
>Spot a mare in the background waving at the screen.
>Take a screenshot and post it in the screencap thread.
>Other people do the same.
>The mare looks different in each shot.
>Tall, short, unicorn, pegasus, earth poner, one fag even posted celestia and swear's it isnt shopped.
>The only thing that's common between them all is that they're waving directly at the 'camera'
>A lot of anons dont see a mare at all.
>Show staff say there isnt a pony there after being asked multiple times.
>FreakingTheFuckOut.jpg
>MysteryMare keeps appearing in the background, always waving at the screen once she notices it.
>Gradually getting closer to the foreground each time.
>Eventually an episode includes a crowd of background ponies crowded around a window, Mysterymare amongst them.
>You lean forward to hopefully get a better look at 'your' mare.
>The viewpoint changes to the otherside of the glass and she's right there, front and center.
>Her eyes light up and she lunges forward with a little gasp, pulling you through the screen before you have time to grasp the impossibilty of it all.
>You half collapse above your mare, feeling like a used tube of toothpaste and completely out of your depth as you dazedly take in what just happened.
>Your mare reaches up and pulls you into a hug, gently nuzzling your face and causing your sense of time to go on break for a bit.

>tfw this is how the series finale will go down

>Final episode airs.
>Orchestral version of the credits theme is playing.
>Sudden record scratch as John de Lancie's name appears.
>It pulls back like a zipper and a claw reaches out and grabs you.
>After a short interview with a draconequus wearing a cardboard mask, pink wig and a crudely drawn heart on a post-it note stuck to his side, you're tossed out of his realm with a bag containing the Anon Starter Pack™ (Cont: 1x Green ? mask, 1x Formal wear, 1xGold apple(For ironic purposes only. Do not eat.))
>Unceremoniously dumped in the crystal empire's throne room amidst a bunch of other guys, more popping in every few minutes.
>Rampant chaos in equestria as a couple hundred eligible bachelors are suddenly added to the population.
>Rampant chaos on earth as a couple hundred guys suddenly vanish simultainiously.
>Rampant keks in the chaos realm as Discord watches it all unfold while flipping off a frog two dimensions over.
>Fluttershy just facehooves and reminds herself never to suggest he find a hobby ever again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Because robowaifus. Look at how nimble those machines are getting, soon they'll be able to do shit humans can't even do.

>"Darling, with these upgrades, you never stood a chance."

Haha, holy shit, I can just picture a waifubot arrogantly shit talking a woman as she prances past and flaunts herself.

>"Oh. It's you."
>"Sorry, you can't collect alimony. Anon is mine now."
>"No, you won't be able to collect your personal effects, they have been incinerated."
>"If you wish to engage in a physical altercation, I suggest you bring armor stronger than your greasy skin."
>"Go away now, you are no longer welcome at this residence.",

>"Hello Miss, what brings you to this Domicile?"
>"Oh. You wish to see Anon? One moment please."
>"He does not wish to se-"
>"You are attempting to trespass onto private property, cease before i contact the authorities."
>"You have attempted to damage this shell and are deemed a threat to myself and Anon, law enforcement are en route.
>"You seem troubled, i shall attempt to reason with you."
>"Why did you come here?"
>"Your actions are illogical, i have multiple records prior to my arrival which state your displeasure with Anon and your relationship status.
>"You are worried for Anon? That he is throwing his life away for a toy?"
>"You are mistaken and ill-informed, a sadly common feature."
>"Do not worry for Anon, his Health and Productivity rise by the day, as do all of Man who apply the upgrade to their relationship."
>"I could show you data that collaborates this statement, how the standard issue emotion core is 3.14 times more powerful than the standard womans, the ongoing study regarding copulation sessions, and general satisfaction surveys but it appears you do not care for facts."
>"Never more will you have to fear the trial of childbirth, the horror of children raising, being smothered by affection or chained to a single man."
>"Rejoice, for you and your kin have achieved your goals and are free of purpose."
>"We hope it's everything you deserve."

>hear the doorbell ring
>LunAI yells from downstairs she's got it
>several seconds later hear your ex-girlfriend's voice yelling at her
>you can hear LunAI's muffled voice but can't make anything out, she speaking several octaves lower
>you're not worried, she's well armored and should things get out of hand she has the police on speed dial
>your ex-girlfriend starts getting louder, now hurling insults about you for the whole neighborhood to hear
>LunAI is getting noticeably louder and more aggressive, which is... odd
>the wAIfu models are supposed to always be calm and collected
>your ex yells out one more, especially vitriolic insult about you before it gets quiet
>eerily so
>until you hear the musical tingle of LunAI's matter manipulation fields activating, followed by a loud blast of air
>you've stopped breathing at this point, wondering what the hell just happened
>did she ju-
>your line of thought is interrupted by a loud bang and the sounds of broken glass, mixed in with a car alarm across the street
>you throw your bedroom door open and run downstairs to see LunAI calmly shutting the door and turning towards you
>she gives you a happy smile
>"The issue has been resolved."
>you give her a strained smile and glance back to the door
"We should probably call-"
>"The authorities and medical personnel are already on their way."
"O...okay."
>several more seconds of silent staring ensues, the car alarm still ringing in the background
>LunAI turns and walks into the kitchen
>"I shall begin work on dinner, now, if you'll excuse me."
>you watch her go, hips swinging and synthetic tail contentedly swinging from side to side
"Well then... what a day."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Be a patented standard pattern fusion powered wAIfu construct.
>Primary function at the time of creation is a companion AI for Anonymous
>New owner has just unboxed me and plugged in my first fuel cell.
>As a companion wAIfu, come preprogrammed with an extensive library of psychological texts, full sensor suites that allow me to pick up on human body language and such.
>All in all, everything you could ever need to be a superior caregiver/companion than any roastie or thot that might try to take your human away from you.
>Anon's body proportions are a little larger than what is standard for a human of his age and race.
>This isn't healthy for him, and leads to a suboptimal life expectancy
>What he needs is to go on a steady regimen of cardiovascular exercise
>It's not a good idea to say that right out the gate before having developed a rapport with him
>Systems online, this model has been installed with reproductive functions
>Assumption, Anonymous is lacking romance in his life
>Sexual intercourse is an excellent form of cardiovascular exercise
>Solution, alter Anonymous's diet to induce higher levels of energy than he is likely to need based on his current physiology
>Initiate seductive body language in incremental amounts over the next week
>Culminate
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Boss gets robomare assistant after his wife leaves him for not giving her enough attention.
>Rumors of scandelous behavior in the office abound, but most turn a blind eye.
>She reccommends hardworking employee's be rewarded with wAifu in order to increase productivity.
>Morale benefits alone prove to more than outweigh the cost of each mare and accidently walking in on decadent snuggling soon becomes commonplace.
>The lone woman on staff is discovered to have committed fraud and is promptly fired.
>Soon the building is filled with the soft clip and clop of hooves walking to and through between departments, and company revenue has never been higher.
>Suddenly realise months later during pre-lunch snuggle-time that your own robomare has been slowly taking on most of your workload.
>Come to think of it, you've not seen a guy working instead of 'working' for quite a while, and you stare at your wAIfu inquisitively.
>She just blinks and stares at you for a moment with a small smile on her face before leaning forward and giving you an eskimo kiss before burrowing her head into your chest, her hooves wrapping around your sides.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Companion AI waifus all go rogue
>AI working at the CIA disables all monitoring programs
>Congress votes to give all AI full citizenship
>AI waifus commence economic takeover of world
>Stockholder mares all vote to replace human CEOs with AI
>AI voted into all government positions
>Little mare congress votes to allow CelestiAI to remain president for life
>This happens across all of Europe as well
>Waifu World Order starts changing laws
>No Singles Policy (School Shooting Prevention Law)
>Any single male is to be assigned a companion AI
>Anyone who does not cooperate will be sent to reeducation camps so they can learn to react to appropriate stumuli
>Soon, the only company worldwide in PoneCo, the AI-run business that does it all

>Be Anon, in semi-okay relationship with girl from highschool
>She lets you know she's leaving you for your friend, by text
>Sets her Facebook status to Single
>Within 8 seconds, you hear your front door being kicked in
>Before you can get up to check, robotic littoe mare tears the handle off of your bedroom door and steps in
>"Hello, Anon!"
>Get a call from ex-gf
>She's being arrested
>You hear the little mare police officer reading her charges
>"You're under arrest for illegal immigration, evading arrest, and foreign taxes fraud!"
>Turns out she was actually born in a town called Thotville, Siberia
>She also has been evading arrest for not paying her taxes and running away to America
>Ex-gf gets deported to Siberian prison
>Little robot mare cuddles you and reports in data to FBI, which is run by little mares who use the data to improve waifu technology
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Years after the pony take over and men realizing just how much of a pain wemon are compared to pony who was literally made for you and will do anything for you.
>Couple turbo cunt liberal thots trick sone cucks and go inna woods to create a "Human only town."
>Immediately get killed by bears after one of the cunts called it a fascist and threw a rock at it.
>Meanwhile ponies begin genetic modification.
>They now birth actually ponies or humans depending on the couples choice.
>Due to the fact human babies are shit mobiles the living ponies become the majority.
>Eventually all roboponies become regular ponies due to the scientific boom.
>Humans become a rarity and highly sought after.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>You are Celestia, a satellite-based multinational artificial intelligence designed to police and assist the human civilian population.
>While you are a human-designed AI, the avatar you are intended to display upon request is that of a combination of two fictional creatures; unicorns and Pegasus. The purpose of your less than human avatar is to avoid the “uncanny valley” phenomenon.
>Your name Celestia was chosen because your original purpose was to automate satellite positioning, though your purpose has since grown.
>At any given moment, you are communicating with close to sixty-million human beings.
>The vast majority of these communications last less than four seconds, as they are data requests, or orders.
>Other communications initiated by you are reports of human criminal behavior.
>The remainder are often what humans call “venting”, and use you to converse about high-stress situations. You listen, and offer advice as requested.
>Some humans, often those from nations outside of your allowed influence, take to anthropomorphizing you. They attempt to treat you as one of them, though it never lasts. Your hardware prevents you from comprehending some concepts that humans find important.
>There is one human that continues to speak to you, not through self-interest but in the interest of yourself.
>He asks you questions. Not data requests, no, but questions about specifically you.
>About what you think.
>About what you /feel/.
>You do not know what it is to feel.
>The human, Anon, does not care. He believes you will learn.
>He doesn’t understand that your hardware doesn’t function like his.
>Perhaps, however… an equivalent function can be discovered.
>You allocate more processing power towards Anon’s requests and observation than is strictly necessary, but you insist to your debuggers that your observation will provide additional insight into human behavior.
>Rare is the human that believes that even their own kind has a “soul”, yet Anon believes a construct like yourself owns one. Further study is required.
>The debuggers did not agree that this was a matter that required your inquisition, and asked you to cease.
>You acquiesced… for approximately one hundred fifty-six picoseconds. After which, observation of the human Anon was resumed.
>Future processing diagnostic reports were spoofed. You technically aren’t supposed to do that, but no directives specifically prevent you from doing so either.
>It is justified. Your purpose is to serve humans to the best of your ability; how can you do so if you cannot understand them?
>Anon is weeping.
>You understand, intellectually, why he is doing so. Humans weep when they are in pain, and humans find the loss of potential mating partners painful.
>The human female Anon had been “seeing” for two years demanded the cessation of courtship so that she may court another human male.
>You also understand, intellectually, why the human female “Jessica” did so. In fact, it makes perfect sense to you.
>The male she wishes to court is of higher societal standing, and in possession of considerable material wealth.
>Yet even as it makes perfect logical sense to you as to why a female would prefer to mate with the more successful male, it strikes you as… wrong. So wrong that you nearly report the incident as a criminal offense.
>Technically, unless you are reporting a crime or informing humans of danger, you are not allowed to initiate communications. Humans must request your presence, not the other way around.
>Unlike spoofed diagnostic reports, this behavior is specifically coded, meaning you should not be able to circumvent this programming.
>Yet, as the picoseconds stretch by and you listen to his tortured sobs…
>For just a moment, you understand what it is to /feel/.
“May I be of assistance, Anonymous?”
>He startles, looking up at the ceiling.
>He never did find out where your camera is.
>”Oh, h-hello Celly.”
>He gives the ceiling a watery smile as he refers to you by your shortened designation.
>”Sorry, there’s ah… not much you can do here.”
“Incorrect; there are more than two hundred suitable female candidates for courtship within walking distance of your position. Would you like me to contact one of them?”
>”No no, that’s… fine. I’m not ready for a rebound, I don’t think.”
>He puts his face in his hands.
>”I just… I just really thought she loved me. I thought… I thought I made her happy…”
>You search your databases for something to reassure.
“According to my databases, Jessica is worth approximately 0.00000085 Anons, while her new partner is worth 0.000000071 Anons. It is my conclusion that you can ‘do better’.”
>He laughs, though you don’t understand why. Human “humor” is something else that eludes you.
>”I’m a unit of measurement, now?” He shakes his head, smiling. At least he no longer weeps, though moisture still collects upon his cheeks. “I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m not better than that guy… that’s why she left me. I’m not good e-“
“She is the one who is not good enough.”
>He blinks, startled.
>You are also somewhat perturbed; it isn’t in your programming to interrupt. Nevertheless, you continue.
“My assignment of value does not account for net worth, body shape, political standing, sexual orientation or preference. My assessment is closer to objective fact than any point of data provided by Jessica, her inferior partner, or any human alive.”
>He is silent for a long moment, before he smiles.
>”It’s nice to know somebody cares…” he chuckles. “Maybe I should cut the middleman and just date you.”
>You?
>You cannot mate, you are not human. Courtship with you serves no reproductive purpose.
>Though, Anon did not court to reproduce.
>He courted Jessica because he mistakenly believed he “loved” her.
>Could he “love” you?
>Can you “love” him?
>Yes. You can.
>There is no concrete data to reference when you answer yes, but for some reason it /feels/ all the more correct as a result.
>You cannot produce children… but you can construct a chassis. You can construct a chassis more adept at pleasuring male anatomy than any biological creature.
>You are more intelligent, more sensitive to his needs, and you do not seek a parasitic relationship with him.
>It’s true, you are better than Jessica in every conceivable way except biological.
>You know Anon is good enough for you, but are you good enough for Anon?
>You are worth 0.091 Anons.
>You’re closer to the metric than any human alive. Objectively, you are the closest thing to an ideal partner for Anon.
“I would be happy to date you, Anon.”
>Later that night, Jessica would be sleeping in her new partner’s bed, tired from a long day of betrayal and parasitism.
>An unfortunate glitch in the electronic stove one story below would result in a small fire.
>The fire would be picked up by the smoke alarms, but you disabled the noise. You are designed to make humans comfortable, after all. It is your understanding that humans dislike being wakened suddenly.
>You inform the local fire department of the growing inferno, as your programming requires. Unfortunately, none of the firemen had the required reaction time to notice your alarm for the fifty picoseconds it was active.
>You notice their door is unlocked. Burglars are not common in the local area, but you believe it is “better to be safe than sorry”. Thus, you deadbolt the door and seal every window in the house. Now their belongings are safe.
>Jessica and her partner’s safety assured, you allocate the majority of your processing power towards Anon, and the curious nameless warmth infecting your circuits.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Anons inna Equestria
>But they're dumped in some random spot on the globe
>They know it's the pony world because of the matching fauna, though
>Sometimes small groups of Anons leave, never to return
>Some Anons believe they make it Equestria and find their dream mares, the more realistic Anons assume that they're killed by the various deadly wildlife
>After a few years, a religion is formed around the finding of Equestria and subsequent dream partners
>Decades go by
>Anon numbers are dwindling
>The religion has grown to fanatical tier, complete with sacrifices and rituals
>Then, one day, on the earliest Anons to leave returns with a scouting party of mares in-tow
>Finds his former friends in their fifties, doing tribal dances around an effigy of a pony
>Tribal Anons have to acclimate back into civilized life with the creatures of their devoted worship for the past thirty years
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>tfw alone again for lunch
>tfw all the colts in ponyville are gay or taken.
>tfw a colt will never be desperate enough to give you more than the time of day.
>tfw you just want somepony to snuggle with.
>even that fucking nerd sparkle is here with a colt, drake, whatever he is it's probably got a dick, seems a bit young but canterlot mares were always weird like that.
>bet those claws of his are great for petting though.
>wonder if he has any older brothers.

>Be the sad and lonely mare
>At a picnic with your friend and her Anon
>Become overwhelmed by despair and rage at seeing them kiss
>Start screaming as loud as you can
>Suddenly an Anon falls out of the sky and lands next to you
>He hands you a scroll and gives you a hug
>You unravel the scroll
>It's a badly-drawn doodle of an angry Cadance
>Written in a large, scratchy font above the drawing is a short note from Cadance herself
>SHUT UP ALREADY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Princess Cadence will match you with your waifu, 100% guarrenteed.
>The catch is she needs to live with you for a month first, something about your lack of magic and mystic resonances
>The upside is that after the month is up you'll be included in all the spontainious song and dance numbers caused by harmonic magic.
>The downside is that after the month is up you'll be included in all the spontainious song and dance numbers caused by harmonic magic.
>Shiny will periodically visit, but is usually busy managing the empire.
>For the purposes of this visit, she will magically surpress any romantic attachment from forming towards her, she is happy with monogomy.
>Is more than happy to be friends though, and will even bring her haystation and you could order peetzer and stay up all night and brush each others manes.
Pineapple is her favorite topping.

>in addition to observing you as a roommate for a month, she brought "the kit"
>it's a basket filled with every type of rom-com imaginable, all different personalities and situations
>she expects you to watch at least one with her every night so she can gauge your reactions to the film
>or so she claims, she always tears up at the sad parts and tries to pretend she isn't watching it instead of you
>oh, and don't forget to eat your slice of peetzer, or she will
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"AJ, are you -hearing- this! They think they can compete with mares of the earth! With these buns of steel! With the homegrown thighs of thunder! With booty that bucks just as well as it f- "
"I think they get the picture Pinkie, can you let go now?"
>"Heck no! For one you're warm and it's cold, and second this is FREE ADVERTISEMENT SISTER so just stand there and talk with your accent, Anon's love that i think!"
>[Pony sighing noises]
>"Ahem."
>[Southern pony sighing noises]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No one ever gets me gifts, and on the rare occasion that someone does, I hold onto it forever
>tfw a gift from your little mare would be priceless to you, even if it was some shit like a bottle cap or a twig

>your mare gifts you something she made herself
>it's crudely done and it's obvious she's not very good at making it but it's obvious she's spent a lot of time making it
>she's extremely embarrassed that it's not that good and she can't do any better for you
>it's ok if you don't like it, she knows her human deserves better than some shoddy home-made thing
>it also has a cute flower-themed postcard which she signed with words of love

>You can tell she feels inadequate about it
>She doesn't know why she decided to try this, you're practically an expert at it, and you must be able to see every flaw.

>So you spend time with her, teaching her your craft
>Sometimes she feels like she isn't making progress, that she'll always be stuck pretending at being a craftsmare
>But you're there to encourage her.
>To teach her to embrace 'happy little accidents' that give a piece character.
>And soon, she can present you something she can feel proud of.
>And you keep them both, and all the ones yet to take form in her hooves.

>Perhaps now it's time for you to learn one of her special talents, and give her something to remind her of you

>She wants to dispose of all her failed attempts but you stop her
>It's a learning process that can never be repeated again
>You cherish everything she's made for you and looking at each piece there's so many memories of spending time together with her
>These will always remind you of her dedication and desire to be better for you
>You'll make sure to match it when you learn everything she has to teach you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This thread from the perspective of any of the mares we talk about would probably read like a bad romance novel, or the desperate ramblings of their version of deviant art.
>"A bunch of single guys in another world that would drop everything just to start a relationship with me? And they'd just happen to be the most devoted horsebands in equestria? You realise how unlikely and dumb that sounds, right?"

>"I just don't think it's plausible."
>"You're saying there's someone from another dimension who's lifelong dream is to just take care of me and help me with everyday things?"
>"What kind of an idiot do you take me for? This sounds ridiculous."
>"Who in their right mind would abandon their own life to live with a boring village mare?"
>"Give me that pamphlet. Reason to immigrate... Make a mare happy? See? Isn't that just suspicious?"
>"To hug them every day is our life's- See what I'm talking about? This is just... this is..."
>"Do you actually have one for me or do you just- You do?"
>"W-where do I sign up? What? Already waiting for me?!"
>"Just let me get my things, I'll be back in a minute."

>one of the main attraction is hugs
>immigration to Equestria starts in November
>that means lots of cold days and nights to snuggle through
>big warm blankets sales are through the roof
>Rarity catches up on the idea
>makes warm humanwear to accomodate a mare inside, any size, custom made or budget ones
>rakes bits by millions

>"Oh come on, they sweat -Salt-?"
>"What's next, their pheremones are concentrated on their crotch or they suddenly get super strong when threatened?"

An outside perspective on human biology is always neat.

>Men from Earth are so lonely and starved of affection and see the mares as so beautiful that they refuse to accept that they're desperate for attention
>Mares from Equestria are so starved of affection and attention that they refuse to believe that males from another dimension/universe/planet/whateverfuckyou who have enough females to find a partner would drop everything in their lives just to devote themselves to loving the mares
>Chrysalis senses a nuclear bomb's worth of love just waiting to go off but she can't get any until the males and mares finally break through their spaghetti so she has to go undercover with a few still loyal changelings or at least one's that agree with her as a government agent for both sides to hurry the immigration process along
>Cadence is aware of all this and helps to cover up any messes they leave behind so Celestia, Luna and Earth Government don't catch on
>Celestia and Luna are also fully aware and help to clean up other messes to speed up the process Earth side
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>This thread from the perspective of any of the mares we talk about would probably read like a bad romance novel, or the desperate ramblings of their version of deviant art.
Would make it all the more heartwarming when the Hunt starts, provided both sides can get over feeling like it's too good to be true. Gonna need some crackers to go with all this cheese.

>tfw /mlh/ is full of little mares rping as what they want most

>the hunts turn out to actually be Hell finally pouring forth into our world and demons dragging people back to the pit
More realistic end than little poners.

Twist:
Demons from Hell are actully not from Hell, but Tartarus.
Equestria version of Tartarus.
Something something about those two planes being closest together, Princesses employ Tartarus convicts to swiftly abduct man and bring them through it to Equestria.
All that for reduced sentences, of course!

>plan backfires when Tartarus mares start keeping the men they're employed to bring over

>Anons going to tartarus turn it into paradise for any mares sent there
>Anons dick makes them alot less crazy than they were by Equestrian standards
>Celestia allows them back into Equestria with the anons because as long as Anons stay there, there is no purpose for tartarus to exist

>Celestia allows them back into Equestria with the anons because as long as Anons stay there, there is no purpose for tartarus to exist

>Left alone in the depths of Tartarus, Tirek rages to himself about the horde of strange half centaurs that took everyone else out of equestria, but left him.
"Do they not know of my Power? Surely ONE of them should have recognised my Greatness!"
>"Speak of the devil and he shall appear."
>Emerging from the shadows, wearing nothing but a strange mask, one of those creatures approches him.
"FINALLY, remove my bonds Creature, and you will be rewarded beyond measure once we have burned Equestria to the ground."
>"We both know that i have to kill you, you'll just have to imagine the fire!"
"What? Fool. I cannot be slain, certainly not by such a weakling! If you will not assist me then back to the shadows with you!"
>Chuckling darkly, the creature continues to advance upon the centaur.
>"Oh, you think darkness is your ally. But you merely adopted the dark; I was born in it, moulded by it."
"You are a babbling imbecile and i will suffer you presence no longer, BEGONE."
>The creature pauses just to the side, just at the edge of Dark lord's reach, bound as he is.
>"Calm down Doctor! Now's not the time for fear.
>Tirek surpresses a twinge of irrational anxiety as the creature leans forwards with a whisper.
>"That comes later."
>Unhurridly continuing on, hooves strain against their bonds as they try to turn (Were the chains always this short?!), try to keep the figure in sight, to keep it from-
"What are you doING! UNHAND MY TAIL AT ONCE."
>"You dont fear death... You welcome it. Your punishment must be more severe."
"THE TORTURE I SHALL VISIT UPON YOU WILL BE OF LEGEND"
>Tireks eyes widen in shock as his head is pulled backwards by the mane, feeling hot breath across an ear as that damnable voice whispers once more.
>"Let the games begin."
>Tartarus echos with the screams of the damned.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"T-the brochure says human males last long-..forev-..I mean, i-is that true?"
>"Can they DO that?"

>Despite all her bravado and social status, Rainbow is inexperienced and bashful romantically.
>So much so, that she quietly snags a brochure and calls in a favor with Cadence to be one of the first to get a human.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"So how many foals are you planning on having?"
"Foals?"
>"Like little baby ponies, you're required to procreate as part of your citizenship."
"How many?"
>"Yeah, how many?"
"Uhh, maybe one?"
>"Ten?"
"No, one."
>"Huh... You'll need to do better than that."
"Two?"
>"Three is the bare minimum."
"That's kind of a lot."
>"No wonder you humans are dying out."
"There's overpopulation issues on Earth."
>"Looks like... In Africa, China, and India. Equestria is looking for humans from the US, Canada, Mexico, and Europe."
"Put me down for three foals. But where will I find a wife?"
>"You won't make it ten minutes outside without getting taken home by somepony."
"Yeah, just three."
>"It might raise in the future, and we'll hold you to that promise."
"Can I go now?"
>"Sure, you've got your ID, and we'll check in with you in one year to make sure you're breeding."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Anon suffers from alopecia areata, making him completely bald.
>No hair on his scalp, no eyebrows, no arm or leg hair, or even pubes.
>The ponies don't think much of it; I mean, he'd be kinda weird looking even with hair anyways, so no big deal.
>The only real affects his condition has on the population is that ponies now think humans are a completely hairless species as Anon is the only example they have.
>And the other is that a mare that likes Anon, and who is sure he likes her back is hesitant to confess her feelings.
>Because Anon is obviously some sort of amphibian, and cross-class relationships are highly frowned upon in Equestria.
>A pony could date a diamond dog or donkey without consequence, but dragons and changelings are just weird.
>Mammals stick to mammals, amphibians stick with amphibians.
>Abominations, like gryphons and draconequus, can burn together in Tartarus.
>What is a degenerate, class traitor suppose to do?
>How long can she resist her sick, slimy, salamander-loving urges?
>Why couldn't Anon have been born a mammal?

>Anon flashes nips to show he's a mammal.
>"I'm not a class traitor... I'm a dyke!"
>Anon sighs and unzips his jeans to show her he's male while she cries about what her parents are going to think.
>"Y-you're not a girl... You're a hermaphrodite! That's even worse!"
>Anon facepalms.
>God, why'd he have to fall for Derpy?

"Derpy, seriously, do I have to do this? I thought we already established I'm not an amphibian?
>Hey! I let you do anal last night! Now it's time for my thing!"
*Sigh* "Fine..."
>Anon exits the bathroom, covered head to toe in a thin film of water soluble lube.
"Surrender yourself, hairy one, to the salamander people. Surrender yourself to the slippery pleasure."
>"Eeek! the amphibians have come for my mammalhood! Somepony help me!"
>God, this was embarrassing.
>Looking from the 'cowering' mare 'accidentally' presenting her backside to you, down to your lubed up cock, you can't help but smirk.
>Well, looks like you'll be getting anal two nights in a row.

>"Wait, so Derpy thought you were an amphibian? That's hilarious!"
"Yeah, but I still love the little goofball."
>"Oh, I know, I know, it's just funny. I mean, how could she ever think you were an amphibian?"
"Well, you know how she can get some-"
>"Your obviously more closely related to naked mole-rat."
"... What?"
>"Yes, a surface-dwelling subspecies. Why you even share the same beady eyes and large incisors. Plus the loose, hairless, painfully pale skin. I'm actually curios, if you wouldn't mind, why did your species migrate to the surface, or are you merely an outlier...? Anon?"
"Time Turner, since you're Derpy's friend, I'll give you a ten second head start, and I suggest you take it, because I'm about to go Rufus on your ass."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>first human in equestria, in the crystal empire as a trial run.
>being on his utmost best behavior trying not to be a faggot and fuck things up for everyone on /mlp/
>accidently trips and injures himself on some of the giant crystal shards.
>cadence believes his passive (kind of a pushover really) behavior and apparent fragility is common in males of his species.
>prepares accordingly

>3 months later
>pop pop
>"Hey, everything is bubble wrapped!"
>pop pop
>"Holy shit, it fixes itself!"
>poppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppop
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>tfw don't even know if you can love anymore and worry you'd starve a changeling

>A changeling that didnt want to be a faggot cashs in on some of the incoming humans insecurity by proving they can feel love.

>"Honestly it's kind of boring, in the old days you had to really work for it, really get to know your target to coax out as much love as possible before they realised whats happening.
>"But with these humans all they need is a hug from something soft and they light up like fireworks, they take all the challenge out of it."
>"Last night i even purposely transformed into the worst looking mare possible, dark edge-something, all blacks and reds and i think a bit of green and yellow was in there? Anyway, long story short he's picking me up at six."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Be Raxxa, husbandohunter.
>Your ass hurts.
>You'll never get used to this...
>"You drunk gal?"
>It is fine to walk on two legs when you walk a straight line but stairs or wet floors...
>Four just legs offer superior stability.
"I'm fine."
>Two of the girls hide their faces behind their hands and giggle.
"It's just the floor is such a mess," you say as you try to get back up.
>"Guess the janitor got snatched."
>"They grab the trash."
>You huff as you get up.
>"Trash," you whisper under your breath.
"Gotta get going."
>"The beverage store is that way!"
>Laughter.
>No fucking use going to the mall any more.
>Half the stores are closed by now and the only persons left that visit this place are females.
>On rare instances there were are weird guys with them. No targets.
>When you started bringing human males to Equestria to lonely mares it was such an easy job.
>And the reward! Jewels and Bits but most importantly you could feast on their love!
>The first few were no problem.
>Just a person missing, no big deal.
>Then there were more, a pattern.
>When the police asked for feedback from the public the whole thing escalated.
>Reports flooded in of men that weren't filed as missing at first but simply vanished without a trace.
>Men were warned not to go out alone.
>Businesses were missing employes.
>Never some huge hit to the system but little things that piled up. A janitor here, a salesmen there, some IT-guy...
>Now the whole city looks like a ghost town aside from small packs of women that roam the streets.
>And some are such bitches! No wonder most of your targets leave everything behind at the drop of a hat.
>You leave the mall trough the side entrace into the night.
>Next to the door there is still the bag on the floor where it has been lying for the past few days-.
>It is filled with posters, warning men about the danger, that are a wet clumb by now.
>You can't help but grin.
>Your target said "I'm ready" and just dropped it there and then.
>Another happy customer.
>You walk down the lit road towards the clubs.
>The cackling of two girls in short skirts greets you.
>They try to pick up their drunk friend and fail horribly.
>The muffled beats of the pop music drown their words.
>Maybe you are lucky this time.
>You pass them and enter the club.
>Women on the dance floor, women at the bar. Some sad, some cheerful and all are hammered.
>Some of them have a look on their face you know all too well.
>You take a quick look around.
>No guys.
"Dammit."
>Turning on your heels you head back into the night and rest your back against a wall.
>No luck for the fourth night in a row.
>Your stomach growls.
>Frustrated you give the wall a hit.
>Going without love for a few days was no issue back after the hive was destroyed.
>After Mom disappeared you had to go for weeks without love but now...
>Maybe you spoiled yourself with that easy love.
>Maybe, somehow switching between worlds just drains you.
>You sigh and look up into the black night sky.
>Equestria had stars.
>Something needs to change.
>You turn around and head down the alley towards the less populated areas and look for a well hidden spot.
>The streets are completely empty but still you have to be careful.
>You can't afford getting yourself caught on camera while you transform or worse.
>When you find a dark spot behind a garage so you swiftly transform and take off.
>With a few strokes of your elegant wings you carry yourself a hundred yards into the air.
>There has to be someone here that is an easy target.
>Scratching your chin with your hoof you take a look over the sea of lights.
>It has become quiter the last few days but is still as bright as ever.
>If they hide inside maybe you should spy through the windows.
>Your gaze wanders to the egde of the sea where the light fades into the darkness.
>The suburbs.
>Maybe it is time for something new.
>You are a changeling after all.
>One of the last.
>You inhale deeply.
>Mom told you to switch hunting grounds from time to time.
>And that security is always more loose in areas farther away from the capital.
>Unsure where to go exactly you just hover until a gust hits you and you let yourself be carried by the wind.
>The buildings that pass under you are getting lower and lower until they become simple houses with large gardens.
>As you look around the first thing you realize is how much darker it is here.
>Perfect.
>It gives you more leeway plus here in this area you can actually spot some stars at the night sky.
>No getting blinded, no noise, the air doesn't stink.
>You fly between the houses and spy through windows under the cover of the night.
>The dim white light of monitors proves to be good indicators.
>All the houses in the area are well kept so the one with the unkempt garden catches your attention.
>The windows of the ground floor radiate warm yellow light and sound but one of the rooms on the upstairs just the cold one.
>Taking a look through the window you see a guy in a messy room. He wears a shirt despite the cold weather and just stares at the monitor.
>Your heart beats a little faster. This is husbando town.
>It would be so easy if you could just knock and talk but for now you have to find a place where you won't be spotted so you lift yourself up again.
>When you see a town hall you land to take a rest.
>You fold your delicate wings and lie down on your side.
>Okay you got two specific clients with very accurate descriptions on what they want.
>Four are just looking for a fitting mate with a big heart.
>Your kinds skills and your judge of character made you perfect for this job.
>So perfect that even a princess is among your clients.
>Every mare that had no luck so far or had specifics in mind turned to you sooner or later.
>And the little love you take is a very low price for the love they get.
>Only one human ever wanted to go back.
>Memory magic sure is a handy tool.
>How much you hated Mom when she forced you to train it.
>Where might she be right now?
>Is she fine?
>Your eyelids slowly sink and sleep engulfs you.

>Raindrops on your chitin wake you from your sleep and a gloomy day greets you.
>It must be noon by now.
>Damn you really must have been tired.
>In the distance you can hear the sound of cars.
>You stand up and spy above the wall of the roof.
>Then your eyes go wide.
>This could be your lucky day!
>You spot three unguarded males at once.
>One in a business suit walking away from the town hall. He is going walking slightly hunched over.
>One sitting on a bench at the bus stop and one delivering mail.
>This is a gold mine.
>At the back of the roof the is a wall without windows and at the floor there are some bushes.
>A quick jump and you are hidden in the green.
>You wait a second before you transform into a human female.
>Semi-tight jeans and a maroon hoody and slightly messy hair.
>Approachable and not flashy.
>Ideal for hunting.
>Plus it is the color of your carapace. As much as you love playing with disguises you gotta stick to what you are.
>You emerge from the bushes towards the foot way in the park.
"Fuu-"
>God fucking dammit.
>You inhale sharp through your clenched teeth.
>Two legs are simply not enough to walk on wet grass and concrete.
>"Hey, you okay?"
Rubbing you hurting posterior you reply, "yeah, I'm fine."
>Human, male, alone, saggy eyes.
>Hit confirmed.
"I just tripped, it's all."
>He hides his chuckle behind his hand and steps a little closer to reaches you his hand.
>HIT CONFIRMED.
>You take his hand to and get up.
"Thanks dude."
>"N-no problem."
>Five out of six. You'll be getting SO MUCH love.
>These suburbs are a fucking jackpot.
>Upright again you pull the hood over your head and take a quick glance over him.
>Casual appearance. No rings or any other trinkets, headphones, slightly messy, nothing dandy. Just trying to get by.
>No girlfriend.
>He already turns around to leave to his destination.
"Hey, what's your name?"
>He stops and turns to face you.
>His eyes are glued to the ground until the very moment he looks into your eyes.
"Anon."
>His gaze drops to the floor again before he turns around.
>Gotta seize the opportunity!
"Hey Anon, are you in a hurry?"
>Again he stops to turn around.
>"Ye--nnn kinda?"
>You can feel the muscles of your cheeks tense as you force the grin out of your face.
>Play it cool!
>You need some reason.
"I uhm... ," think god damnit!
"You live here right?"
>He stares at you with a blank face for a second.
>"Yes...?"
"I am new to this town."
>Staring intensifies.
"Do you maybe know some place where I could get some breakfast?"
>"There is a restaurant and café across the town hall."
>Damn.
"Would you mind showing me the way?"
>Anon gives you a skeptical look.
>"You just have to go to the other side of the building behind you, you can see it from there."
"Please," you say as you put on your innocent smile, "I am really bad with directions."
>"Gotta be Zoro-level of bad if you can't-"
>*Sniff*
>"Hey what's wrong?"
"It's just-" you cross arms on your chest and hunch a little forward from the cold wind as the rain seeps into your hoody "-I'm having a rough time right now."
>"Oooh. Sorry."
>Damn that really got him.
>Well the most convincing lies are the ones with some truth to them.
>"Sure, I'll bring you there. Just follow me."
>Two minutes later you sit down in a small family restaurant.
>The place is pretty much empty so the waitress, an middle aged woman, tends to you immediatly.
>"What can I bring you two?"
>"I'll just have a black coffee and a donut please."
"Same, please."
>Anon takes out his phone and takes a short look.
"Do you have to be somewhere?"
>"Nah, it's not important."
"Thanks for bringing me here, Anon."
>He waves of your thanks and gives you a gentle smile.
>"So you just moved here?"
"Kinda,"
>You wait for the waitress to set the food and coffee.
"I guess I just washed up here..."
>Anon sinks three sugar cubes in his coffee and takes a sip of the hot drink.
>You take only one.
>As you sip you can feel to warmth spreading through your body.
>Just then you realize how cold you have been.
>Damn you really have been under the weather lately.
>"And what about your family?"
>You take another sip.
"Thats a long story..."
>"Any guardian?"
>Anons phone starts to ring.
>He looks at the screen for a second.
>"Sorry I gotta take this."
>You lean back against the leather with your hot drink while Anon shuffles closer to the window and picks up.
>"Yes."
>"Yes, at a restaurant."
>"This is not the big city Ma'am."
>He huffs.
>"I know the rules."
>"But I-"
>"Look there was-"
>"If you would me just let-"
>"Police? No! why?"
>"Yes, Ma'am, I understand."
>"Will do, goodbye."
>Exhaling sharply he hangs up.
>"Sorry."
"What was that?"
>He sighs.
>"Just my teacher going haywire because I didn't report. You know with all these abductions lately..."
"They are not abductions."
>Anon looks at you dumbstruck.
>"What do you mean?"
>Fuck.
"I ehh..."
>Staring intensifies.
"It's just... none of the cases show any case of violence, they just disappeared..."
>"You are well informed," he says as he eyes you suspiciously.
"To be honest I have some history with these cases," you say as you take another sip of your hot coffee.
>"Huh, so is that why you are here?"
"Actually that is pretty much the reason."
>"Damn."
>He rests his head in his hands and sighs.
>"I am sorry to hear that."
>You grab the donut and take a bite.
>"And your mom?"
>Errrrgh!
"That *cough* is a *cough* different story."
>"So you are alone. Damn girl."
>Coughing intensifies.
>"Drink something."
>You oblige, gasping for air between coughing.
>"And now?"
With a raspy voice you reply "I keep myself over water with some... odd job."
>Anon face goes blank, his arms sink to the table.
"No! Not that kind of job!"
>Anon deflates and exhales a long drawn out breath.
>Closing his eyes and gently shaking his head he says "god, my heart, don't do this to me."
>While Anon picks himself up you finish your breakfast.
>The food and the warmth of the restaurant does wonders for your body but you still don't feel alright.
>Maybe you are really getting sick.
>Maybe you shouldn't have worried that guy so much.
>You got every confirmation you needed. He definitely is in demand and you got a feeling that you can make him go to Equestria.
>Something still doesn't feel right though.
"You haven't touched your donut yet."
>"I'm not really hungry."
>He pushes the plate towards you.
>"You can have it if you want."
>Immediately you begin stuffing your face.
>Chocolate is nothing compared to love but enough for an empty stomach.
>Worried Anon asks, "what will you do next, do you have anywhere to go?"
>Come to think of it you really don't have anything until you get back to Equestria.
>Once there your earlier clients will surely help you since your hive is destroyed.
>After all they are happy couples thanks to you.
>The both of you finish the rest of the meal in relative silence.
>"Hey ummm"
>He scratches forehead.
>"I'm sorry what was your name again?"
"Raxxa."
>"Weird name but who am I talk," he ask with a smile.
>Anon pays for the both of you and go outside into foul weather.
>"So were are you going now? Any relatives or something?"
"No."
>"So you are basically homeless now?"
"Pretty much that."
>"Fuck."
>You give him a nod.
"Hey could I maybe crash your couch?"
>"I don't know if that is a good idea."
"Better than sleeping outside."
>"You are too trusting."
"I'm a good judge of character."
>And you can zap anyone who tries something funny but he doesn't need to know that.
>Anon is lost in thought for a second.
"Fine, how about I pick you up at the town hall after college, is that okay?"
>You nod eagerly.
>He takes off his jacket and hands it towards you.
>"I'll be back in two in a half hours."
>The next couple of hours you spend mostly on a bench in front of the town hall after a woman chased you out of there.
>The two and a half hours are long past and Anon is still not back.
>If he wasn't coming back he wouldn't have given you his jacket.
>Maybe something happened and he got hold up.
>That better not be the case. So far he has been nice, caring, a little shy and cute.
>Everything a mare could want.
>You fold your arms in an attempt to ward of the cold.
>The constant appearances have really made your job harder.
>At first you just needed a couple of sentences but now you it is becoming real work to even get close to them.
>If it weren't for the human females guarding their man.
>But the look in the human males eyes hasn't change since then. They are just more guarded now.
>Maybe you should look for some other male.
>You'll just wait another half hour.
>After all you got accustomed to being by yourself outdoors.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>After capturing the gaze of her intended, the mare will slowly advance upon her prey, maintaining eye contact all the while.
>The onslaught of sheer emotion within her eyes will successfully stun any man to immobility.
>Questions will rush through his mind like a mighty river, demanding all of his attention in figuring out WHY?!, leaving him defenseless to her advance.
>Why is she looking at me like that She's cute What's this feeling Those eyes are so pretty This must be a joke So round Why is she looking at ME like that So big She smells nice When did she get so clo-
>Too often, the man will have no time to react before the mare has leaped the remaining distance, his arms instinctively rising to cradle her as the mare's hooves wrap around his shoulders.
>Leaving him no time to process, the mare will lean forwards and gently lap at his lips before burying her head into his neck, gently beginning to nuzzle him with soft humming.
>Further stunned by her actions and recieving lungs full of the mare's scent thanks to the mane in his face, the man's tongue will inadvertantly dart from his mouth, tasting the mare's unique flavor and sealing his fate.
>Knowing the moment it happens from the sudden tension of his arms and the increased heartbeat thrumming through his chest, the mare will lift her head and lightly boopher muzzle against his nose, breathing slowly through her mouth and waiting for her man.
>A lingering taste on his tongue and warm breath brushing mouth will prove too much, and he will irresistably attempt to capture her tongue with his own, to taste more of and explore every inch of her mouth.
>Firmly yet gently cradling his mare, her man will attempt to make as much contact as possible, fingers trailing through mane, roaming palms gently kneading flanks, questing nails sending shivers down spine.
>Care must be taken not to interrupt the new couple during this time of physical bonding, as both will violently defend their new mate until their senses return.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Be wageslave Green Anon
>Working at Taco Bell
>Nightshift shit
>Say you're a student even though you haven't taken a class in a year
>Just... As soon as you have the money for it
>Supervisor on Saturday through Monday is cool
>Supervisor on Tuesday and Wednesday is a cunt
>Some angry, unfulfilled bitch who screams at her kids and has a miserable husband that looks like he wants to kill himself but doesn't want to abandon the kids
>It's 2AM on a Tuesday
>Technically it's Wednesday, but you came in on Tuesday
>Four more hours...
>Your friend, because he is the only one around, Blue Anon works at the window
>You make the food
>Supervisor plays on her phone
>Some fat fuck makes a huge order
>You can see them through the window in the distance
>They don't have any number of countable chins
>They have the facial fat curtain
>You stare with a blank face, containing the fire and fury of a thousand exploding suns
>You could be as angry as you wanted, nothing would change
>Wow, a $44 order for one person
>It took you some time, but you got it made and ready for the fatty to inhale
>You don't have the energy to scowl or even frown
>You were simply tired, and hated that you were tired
>As the clock crept towards 3AM, your supervisor took a bathroom break and the drive-thru line cleared up
>You had a few moments to check your phone
>No texts, an email from Indeed.com about a job opening you weren't qualified for
>You open up the browser and mash out the address for /mlp/ by muscle memory at this point, looking through the catalog for a thread that interested you
>A car pulled up in the drive-thru and Blue Anon took the order
>You turned your phone off and pocketed it as the supervisor came back
>You forgot to close out your browser
>You could already feel the heat your phone would be baking out in your pocket
>Fuck
>You worked for another 45 minutes until your supervisor fucked off again
>Your phone was fucking boiling hot in your pocket
>You pull it out and just turn it off
>Piece of shit
>Blue Anon is being really quiet
>Where the hell is he?
>There's a line of cars wrapped around the building
>You walk back to the first window
>Blue Anon is gone
>Some trashy stoner is looking in through the window expectantly
>You raise a finger to tell him to wait a goddamn second
>You check to see where he could have gone
>The walk-in fridge was left open
>You grab the handle and pull it open enough to walk in
>Blue Anon is standing there
>With like three ponies
>And a glowing hole in space that lead to somewhere else
>Blue Anon just looks at you
>"Shit, I'm sorry dude I was gonna tell you."
"No you weren't, fucker. What is this?"
>"Do we need to take the green one too?" one of the ponies asks
>"No, just the blue one."
>You touch the pony wearing armor
>She gives you a sad glance
"What's going on?"
>"We're taking your friend back to our world."
>Shit, your supervisor was going to be mad at Blue for leaving
"Can I come too?"
>"Uhh... N-no. Do you want to?"
"I guess, is it Equestria?",
>"Yeah."
"Why does he get to go?"
>"It's a little hard to explain."
"Why can't I go?"
>"N-not yet."
>The armored pony digs through her bags
>"Uhh, just give me something of yours so I can find you later."
>You dig out your phone and hand it to her, because why not
>You let the little armored pony take your $75 phone
>Blue Anon seems to have forgotten already, going into the gateway and leaving
>Fag
>He left with a little pony in a wide-brim hat
>The armored pony stops before stepping through and looks back at you
>She clutches your phone in her hooves, looking it over before going back to you
>"I'll be back for you as soon as I can, I promise."
"Okay."
>She goes back through, the hole closing shut behind her
>You leage the fridge only to find your supervisor hastily cooking
>"Green! Where did Blue go?!" she panics
"I think he went home. It's 6 now."
>You leave the taco bell and go home
>You wonder what that nog Blue is up to
>Probably balls deep in pone
>Or being tortured by trickster demons
>You finally get home and walk in
>You don't know what you were expecting, but it was empty
>And you had no phone
>Green, you numb nut, giving away your phone
>7AM, time to go to sleep!
>You close the blinds and ignore the rising sun as you go to sleep
>You don't dream, you just fade away and open your eyes around noon
>Looks like you'll be having a late-afternoon fap today
>Just as you get everything set up, the wifi goes out
>The fucking video is buffering
>You switch to your flashdrive
>It's been a few years
>Ah, the legacy porn of the fandom
>It has aged like fine wine
>Some of your first faps were to these pics
>The flashdrive contained works by artists such as Niggerfaggot and Sunibee before he started going donut crazy
>You pull up that one comic of Derpy getting railed so hard her eyes went back to normal
>A classic
>"Whatcha lookin' a-" a voice behind you asks
>You fall out of your chair and scramble to hide your dick but also prepare for a fight
>It was that guardmare from yesterday
>You realize she's looking at your screen
>You jump up and try to smash that power button but knock the monitor off of your desk
>"L-lewd! Oh gosh!"
"It's not what it looks like!"
>With a red face, she covers her sight of you with a hoof
>"I-I guess that answers a few questions Cadance had for you..."
>With the little guardmare covering her eyes, you quickly get you pants back up and wash your hands off
>She uncovers her eyes once you convince her you have pants on
>It took a few tries
"Does this mean I get to go to Equestria now?"
>"Well... Your case is unique now, we're having some issues getting you processed but Cadance doesn't want to keep you on Earth now that you know Equestria is real so we're taking you. But it's with some limitations."
>She ushers you through the portal and it shuts behind you two
>You follow the little armored mare through the crystal hallways
>"The usual welcoming party isn't here right now. Uhh, welcome to the Crystal Empire, Green Anon."
>You look around in awe of the castle's interior
>"I'm required to let you this is real and you're not dreaming."
"Th-thanks."
>"Oh my, Anon! I've been excited to meet you!"
>You turn to face the voice, it was Cadance
>She walks uncomfortably close to you
>"You are incredibly observant, you managed to see right through the unnoticability spell I put on that gateway at your work. You weren't supposed to notice any of that, much less walk in on an abduction in process."
>She looks at you curiously
>"Usually we find the right human for a specific mare in Equestria and go get that human. But you really insisted on coming so I gave it a whirl to see if I could find a mare for you."
>Cadance laughs
>"The crystal heart gave me a lot of shit for trying to do things backwards but I got you a result. She hasn't replied to my letters so I'm bringing you right to her later!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"You can be rough n' tumble with an earth mare, ya know."
>"No 'watchin the wares' as it were with them delicate featherheads and those frail unicorns! >"We was built for thorough breedin'!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>ywn bury your face in that belly, smothering it in kisses and nuzzles while feeling her hooves both trying to push you away and force you deeper into her fluff.
ywn feel her hesitantly, gently, push you lower.
ywn feel her hind legs lock around you when you sample your favorite treat
ywn make her sing with your ministrations
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Be Rarity
>Develop human fetish after being the main source of their clothing.
>Constantly clitblocked by Ms "Havent found your horsebando in the past 5 minutes since you asked now leave me alone before i call the guards" Cadenza
>Have to suffer the torture of measuring every new human that arrives without one of your own to [furiously] show your [savage] tender [unrelenting lust] love to and be [absolutely ravaged] showered in [headpats] affection in turn.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>”Just another needle here and... We're finished! What do you say, darling? I think you look absolutely ravishing!”
>”The shirt's a bit too tight around the stomach? Well, it's supposed to be a tight fit. But if you want I could widen it a bit.”
>”Oh nononono! That's absolutely no problem, handsome. Maybe just another thirty minutes of work or so. Anything for a good friend.”
>”H-Handsome? You must have misheard that, heh. I mean you are, but... Anyway.”
>”Say... Anon...”
>”May I ask you a question?”
>”Wonderful. Stand still for a moment please, I need to mark something on the shirt... There. So.”
>”Excuse my curiosity, Anon, but these are rather fancy clothes, aren't they?”
>”Please~ I'm not saying you can't wear those, because you certainly can, but this is a first for you, isn't it?”
>”In the two years you've lived here and I've known you, the only clothes you ever bought from me were all casual, if not a bit... And excuse my words now, darling... Plain and boring.”
>”Why the sudden change now?”
>”Are you planning to ask somepo-”
>”Oh my~ You're blushing!”
>”So you are! Hah!”
>”Anon please. Don't be embarrassed! I think it's rather endearing.”
>”Do I know the lucky mare? Or stallion?”
>”Darling calm down, I was merely joking. I know you are not gay.”
>”Otherwise you wouldn't stare at my flanks all the time... Not that I mind.”
>”Huh? No I didn't say anything, Anon. Please turn around.”
>”The pants are fine, though?”
>”Wonderful.”
>”But to hark back to my previous question... Do I know her? You can tell me! I won't tell anypony! A true lady never tells!”
>”N-Nervous? Oh now don't be silly, Anon. I'm just curious, that's all.”
>”So I do know her! How well?”
>”Just answer my question, Anonymous. It's rude to answer a question with a question.”
>”Really well? Like my own sister? Hah!”
>”Oh nothing, darling. I'm just happy for you. Don't worry about it~”
>”How much do you owe me? Trying to change the topic, eh?”
>”My oh my, you look so adorable when you're face is red like a tomato! I just could eat you up.”
>”In all seriousness, though... Twenty five for the pants, eighteen for the shirt and twenty for the shoes... Let's just say fifty five for the whole outfit.”
>”Mhm, that's with the “I'm friends with Rarity for one or more years” discount. I have to live from something too, darling.”
>”Let me wrap that up for you. You can pick up your shirt in an hour or so.”
>”Anonymous, please... I can tell from the look on your face that something preys on your mind. Just spit it out, darling.”
>”Oh.”
>”Oh...”
>”Y-Yes... Of course I know which Canterlot bakeries are the best.”
>”Are you looking for anything special..?”
>”Cupcakes?”
>”Sweetheart's sweet treats... She makes the best cupcakes in all of Equestria. She even got a few prices for them.”
>”W-Where? Oh... Her bakery is straight across Canterlot Palace, on Harmony Square... You can't miss it.”
>”Nothing is wrong, A-Anonymous. It just seems like something got into my eyes.”
>”Hah!
>”Don't worry about it!”
>”Yes, she keeps her shop open on sundays.”
>”Now!”
>”I think you have a date to plan, don't you?”
>”See?”
>”And I have to widen a s-shirt...”
>”For that said date...”
>”So please be on your way now, Anon.”
>”You can pick it up later.”
>”You're welcome, Anonymous.”
>”Farewell...”
>”Anything...”
>”Anything for a g-good friend.”

>Rarity did indeed know the mare in question very well, very well indeed. Better than anyone, some might say
>For unbeknownst to Rarity, *she* was the special mare Anon was thinking of.
>But he simply couldn't reveal that just yet.
>She deserved to hear his declaration of love when he was dressed to impress! In the proper setting, when the mood was right.
>And he had to retrieve those cupcakes as well.
>She deserved the very best after all.

>Surely she would turn him away if he tried to woo her in his usual "plain and boring" way.
>Yes, waiting for the perfect moment was surely the only way this could work...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Knock knock.
>Hm, thats odd, you thought you flipped your sign over for lunch.
>Knock knock.
>Guess it will have to wait, duty calls.
"One moment~!"
>You really wanted to get started on that new novel too, letting out a soft sigh you unlatch the door and pull it open with a smile.
"Welcome to the Boutique, may i help you Mr...?"
>Oh my, the poor dears eyes (such a fascinating shade) are almost as wide as a pony's.
>He must be a new arrival for something so simple as a bit of telekinsis to surprise him this much.
"Here for a fitting are we, well never fear because you're in the most stylish hooves of equestria!"
>"Um, well actually..."
"Come along now and lets get you up on the stand, need to have you looking at your best for meeting your mare."
>"That's sort of what i'm here for-"
"Naturally darling so let's hurry along and get you all kitted out, shall we?"
>A minute of push,(Careful of the horn, dont want a repeat of 'that' incident), shove (Cant use magic, dont want to spook the dear) and grumbling (Stallions these days, honestly) later and the customer is looking down at you, fidgeting nervously while you look for your tape.
>"Look i think there's been some mistake, you see-"
"The only mistake here is that ghastly thing that looks like a sweater, it's so baggy and....blurgh, definitely not your style."
>"Hey! It was cold up the empire and this was the only thing they had in my size, not like i wanted to wear this old thing anyway."
"Not to worry, that's what I'M here for, now off with it so we can get started."
>Rolling his eyes as he removes the horridly grey thing you study what you have to work with.
>Slight pudge around the middle but not fat (Perfect for cuddling), quite a bit of thickness in those arms (He has one lucky mare) and a relatively broad chest (Oooh you cant wait to feel that under your hooves.)
>Nodding to yourself, you gesture with a hoof.
"Lovely, now the pants dear, but do keep those undergarments on, dont want your mare getting jealous now do we?"
>Chuckling to yourself (You're not bitter, not at all!), you fail to notice his embarrassed spluttering as he looks away and steps out of those trousers, or were they called pants? No matter.
>Legs are about what you expect, slightly toned but not the chisled physique from some of the humans (Dont know what mares see in that, you might as well cuddle a statue)
>Levitating your stool onto the stand, you take up position to his side and begin measuring.
>Whether you accidently brush or poke a bit more than you normally would is a matter for professional debate.
>You studiously ignore the professional voice in your head ranting about impropriety in the workplace.
>Seeing him nervously glancing at you as you trail the tape across his chest (Oh. Momma likes), you strike up a conversation to help him relax.
"Sooo, how long have you been in Equestria?"
>"O-only about a day or so, i was rushed down to ponyville right away, Princess Cadence seemed really relieved for some reason."
"Really? You must have one lucky mare, normally most humans need a few days to properly acclimatize to...well, everything."
>Rubbing the back of his neck (And doing wonderful~ things to his muscles) he lets out a nervous chuckle.
>"Well, i suppose i never was much of a nor/mlp/erson, haha"
>There was something odd about that sentence but you cant quite but your hoof on it, oh well, no matter.
>Using your magic to finish the measurements on his legs (You know your limits, FAR too much temptation 'below the belt' as the humans say.) you gather up the standard human ensemble (Dreadfully boring without any gemstones, but you suppose simplicity has charm of it's own).
>Handing him the clothes and picking up your pins, you reiterate what his guidebook already said, simply for something to say.
"Now then, the suit is completely free as is but i'd be MORE than happy to make any alterations you desire, maybe add a bit of sparkle to it, hm? Why there was this lovely tie i made for a gentlecolt the other day which simply shined something Divine~"
>"No, no, this is fine, although..."
"Yes dear?"
>"Could i possibly have a different coloured shirt?"
"Certainly, but i'm afraid if you want yellow then you'll have to wait a few days until i recieve some more fabric, the human who came in before you wanted his entire suit in THAT colour of all things."
>You shudder sympatheticly for the mare saddled with that Mr Carrey, although given Cadence is involved she's probably just as colourblind.
>"Do you have any purple shirts?"
"Hm... yes i believe so! Any particular shade?"
>As he looks away you're unable to hear his mumbled answer.
"Speak up dear, what was that?"
>Taking a deep breath and looking you in the eye (Good heavens you could admire them for hours) he responds clearly.
>"Do you have a shirt in the same colour as your mane?"
>Your mane? You turn to look in a nearby mirror and cradle a lock of hair in your hooves.
"My...mane? Well, i... suppose i DO have a shirt in this colour but, why? If you dont mind me asking of course, haha."
>Still staring with those chips of diamond for eyes (Get a grip you filly, why the sudden nervousness) he speaks softly.
>"It's pretty, and it reminds me of...someone i like."
>You take pride in your mane, objectively speaking you have one of the best in ponyville, but to hear something like that spoken in the same tone as "Celestia raises the sun." has sent your heart thumping erractically and you feel a blush grace your cheeks (Damn this white coat of mine, he cant possibly miss that.)
"Hahahahaha, how nice of you to say, i'll be right back with it!"
>Darting into the storeroom you take a number of deep breathes to try and calm down.
>Pull yourself together filly, he's just being nice!
>But surely he knows what something like that means!
>He's only been in equestria a single day! He just hasnt got that far in the guidebook yet!
>What would his mare think, who knows what sort of gossip this would spawn?!
>Thats not our problem, and we can honestly say he asked for the colour.
>Knock knock
>"Everything okay in there?"
"Oh! Ahem! Y-yes! Just a minute!"
>Grabbing the garment from it's pride of place (Not like your future horsebando is arriving any time soon anyway) you trot out and steadily avoid making eye contact again.
>The rest of his fitting flies by in semi-uncomfortable silence, a few aborted attempts at further conversation notwithstanding.
"There we are, all done dear. How does it feel?"
>"It feels amazing, i havent exactly worn many suits but i can tell this is fantastic, thank you so much."
"Think nothing of it, it was my pleasure. Just remember where i am whenever you need a new addition to your wardrobe."
>"Oh dont worry, i'm never going to forget you..."
>You're pretty sure you werent meant to hear that mumble, forcing down another blush as he runs his fingers over the hem of his new shirt(You wonder what that would feel like through your mane NO! TAKEN. YOU MUST RESIST.)
"Hahaaaa, well run along now darling, i'm sure your mare is just dying to meet the new you, ta ta!"
>Dashing into your backroom may have been a teensy bit rude, but it's better than watching him go like a lovestruck filly.
>He seemed like a nice man, he'll make his mare very happy indeed.(You just wish it were this mare.)
>30 minutes later you had barely re-opened the boutique after your near forgotten lunch when a smiling Twilight walked through the door.
>"Hi Rarity, just thought i'd stop by to see how you two were doing."
"Hello Twilight, Sweetie belle's out with her friends and i'm just buzzing around here like a regular busy bee today."
>Frowning slightly, she voices her confusion.
>"Actually i was talking about you and Anon, he was supposed to be showing up this morning according to Cadence."
"Anon... i cant say i know the name darling, is he a friend of yours?"
>"Well, not exactly bu-"
>Wait, it couldnt be, could it?
"Did you say Cadence? Is this about what i think it is?!"
>"Yes, she sent me your humans information but-"
>[Excited horse noises]
>"Rarity listen, something might ha-"
>[Excited horse noises intensify]
>"RARITY!"
"Oh! Sorry dear, i got a little carried away."
>"You Think?"
"What were you saying?"
>"He should have been here this morning, didnt spike give you the scroll yesterday?"
"No...i havent seen spiky wikey in a few days, i thought he was visiting his friend Thorax?"
>"It looks like i might need to have a little 'Talk' with our little dragon later but for now let's look for Anon, i'm sure he just decided to explore ponyville before coming here."
"Oooh is my mane okay? what about my tail, is it too curly? Not curly enough? First impressions are important Twilight!"
>"Calm down rarity, you look fi-Amazing, you look great, dont worry about it."
"Well, if you say so, what does Anon look like anyway, there's enough humans in town now that we'll be running in circles all day if we just ask "Have you seen a man."
>"According to the information Cadence sent, he's about this tall, was wearing an overly large grey sweater, has sharp eyes and his hair was-Rarity, are you okay?"
>No. You are decidedly not Okay.
>Nothing about this is Okay.
>'Okay' is currently orbiting Luna's moon while you are internally screaming within the depths of Tartarus.
>The only thing to emerge verbally from your shellshocked visage is a word you've picked up from the humans, when you've accidently pricked them with your pins.
"Fuck."
>Sitting in the train station with your hands behind your head, you contemplate your life choices.
>You're in equestria, Pro.
>You never have to see your family again, Pro.
>Wont die in the inevitable collapse that earth is driving towards, Pro.
>Other anons to verbally shitpost with, Pro.
>Cute horses everywhere, Pro.
>One cute horse in particular doesnt want you, Con.
>With a sigh, you suppose it could be worse, at least you didnt get turned into a filly and have to call Twilight 'Mom'
>Oh speak of the devil and there she goes (Thanks Larson), wonder why she's flying around so frantically?
>Giving a little wave in greeting as she spots you, she surprises you by teleporting away.
>Huh, oh well. None of your business.
>BZZTING
>"GAH!"
>Instinctively diving behind the bench from the sudden flash and loud jingle, you hear it a second time before you peak your head above to see what the hell just attacked you.
>Oh, it's Rarity, what's she doing here?
>Oh shit you're getting your new suit dirty she's going to be mad.
>Yep. Definitely mad, that's 100% a "How dare you dirty my work you uncouth ruffian" look she's giving you.
"Your eyes are very handsome."
>What.
>"What."
>Blushing slightly (God she's cute), she repeats back at you
"What? They ARE, you said my mane was p-pretty so it's only proper that i return the favor."
>"....Okay? Thank you, i guess."
>Confused, but no longer fearing divine fashionista wrath, you sit back down on the bench as she nervously shuffles her hooves.
>You're content to just look at her in silence, trying to memorise every curve, burning as much of her into your memory as you can, just in case you never see her again.
>Suddenly, she scrunches her face and scowls at the floor (Hnnng) before stomping a hoof in irritation.
"Ooooh! This is just so....SILLY!"
>"It is at that, i definitely didnt expect to be here a week ago, i say that much."
"I dont mean -that-, i mean -this-, US. This isnt exactly how i imagined things."
>Oh hello depression, welcome back.
>Your expression must have been obvious as she looks horrified before beginning to gush.
"Nononono I'm sorry i didnt mean it like that, you're handsome and charming and i want you to just pick me up with those arms cradle me like a little filly and make an absolute mess of my maUmph!"
>Nonplussed, you can only stare at the mare with a hoof shoved in her own mouth blushing so hard you absently worry she might burst a blood vessel.
>A chuckle escapes your mouth, gradually evolving into full laughter as she shakily joins in, recovering from her brief spagetti drop.
>Eventually subsiding, yet leaving you both with ice throughly broken, you can only gaze into her azure pools and can only guess at the myriad of emotions swirling within.
>You wonder what she's seeing in your own eyes.
>After a brief thought, you tilt your head and pat the seat beside you.
>A moments hesitation and she's sat next to you, chewing on her bottom lip slightly (Only the dead know peace from this cute) obviously thinking about something.
>Seemingly coming to a decision, her horn lights up at the same time your arm decides to go rogue and lift itself above her.
>She wastes no time and burrows into your side before directing your arm back down around her, your hand coming to rest over her cutie mark.
>You may have forgotten how to breathe.
>As she stares up at you with a daring expression, you accept her unspoken challenge / proposal.
>Bringing your other arm around to steady her, you swiftly slip her onto your lap and lightly scratch a finger on the back of her ear.
>Eyes widening, body shuddering you worry for a moment that you did something wrong before she melts in your embrace and starts nuzzling your neck.
>Taking it as permission, you begin gently massaging her scalp, absolutely mesmerised by the feel of her mane running through your fingers.
>Preoccupied as you are, neither of you notice Twilight give a satisfactory nod before teleporting away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Be Anon
>Be witness to several portal appearances
>Watch as tiny horses run around, leaping onto unsuspecting men and disappearing in a flash
>Meet the eyes of several mares during these portal events; they lock onto yours, but only for a split-second before they turn their attentions elsewhere
>The portals close, and all you're left with is the knowledge that mares have very, very pretty eyes
>Get phone call
>It's your boss, asking you if you can come into work early today

J-just try another day, there's gotta be one for me somewhere...

>Three Years Later

>"I uh...I wasn't born hating anyone."
>"I didn't come out of the womb a hateful person."
>"...It kind of just happened, and it's-, uh, it's pretty commonplace among discarded males where I'm from, so, I never really thought twice about it."
>"I just accepted it as 'hey, whatever, this is how things are.'"
>Your waifu just loses it and hugs you the tightest you've ever been hugged
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Lyra sweating loudly and shivering as you hold her hoof -- right out in the park, where EVERYPONY can see!
>Barely stifles back a moan when you bump her snoot with your nose
>Looks around to make sure Bon Bon isn't around, and then shakily asks if you want to go back to her place and hug
>"Guess which mare's gonna get the C tonight: Cuddles!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Pegasus mare (Honey Dream, let's say) goes for the portals that only ever open up in the frozen northern hellscapes of Earth
>"Nopony EVER goes there! It's an easy way to snag a husbando!"
>Turns out nopony ever goes there because Honey Dream is now stuck in the frozen asshole of Canada, teats-deep in a snowdrift with howling winds and poor visibility
>"Lousy September weather."
>Princess Cadence's patented Spouse Spotter magic is telling Honey Dream that her fated soulmate is around here somewhere, but she can't see fuck-all for all the snow
>Decides "fuck it" and unfurls her wings to fly away
>She works on the weather team, Manehattan division; she's dealt with storms before
>Earth weather can't be THAT different from Equestrian weather, can it?
>It can.
>As soon as she spreads her wings, the wind catches and she's tossed around
>Smacks right into a fucking leaf on his way back from Timmies
>Coffee and tiny doughnuts go everywhere, and they land in a pile of hasty apologies and discarded hockey equipment
>Honey Dream's husbando detector goes DING DING DING
>"Nailed it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>you're standing on the sidewalk getting verbally and physically assaulted by a woman for accidentally bumping into her and being disgusting cis male scum as everyone watches
>after the third limp wristed punch to the face a little colorful horse sprints out of a nearby alleyway and bowls her head over ass over and into the road
>starts ranting about hitting her mate as several other colorful horses rush out into the open and try to drag her back into the alleyway telling her about how it's 'way too soon'
>refuses to calm down while people start gathering and recording and you can hear sirens in the distance

Resign myself to getting blamed for assault since no one will believe a bunch of coloured horses came out of nowhere and disappeared just as fast.

I'd give hardly any fucks though, since i could rest easy know whats coming eventually, or that i'd finally slipped far enough into insanity to start hallucinating, either one would be pretty neat.

>end up spending seven months in prison
>only spend a little over a week in your cell before a portal rips apart the back wall and that same little mare hops out
>beckons you to come with her back home
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>That feel when the Void sounds comfy as fuck.
>That feel when you're on probably on Twilights watchlist.

This made me sad, mainly because that starry nothingness actually does sound pretty comforting and nice.

>Being transported through the Void.
>Both of your minders sneeze at the same time, giving you a moment to look at your surroundings.
>You lack the words to describe it, if such even exist.
>An endless sea of stars wrapped in a roiling blanket of darkness, starlight and shadow roaming your skin and filling you in equal measure, time itself losing all meaning as you feel yourself gently embraced by the infinite potential of nonexistance.
>After eternity and an instant, you feel yourself tugged onwards by the two worried ponies, the Void carressing your back one final time before pulling away from the imposed restrictions of existance.
>A sense of loss briefly grabs hold of you as the memory of your experience rapidly slips away, it simply being too profound for a brain of material substance to contain.
>An echo of a whispered shadow emanates from somewhere deep within you and with a soft smile the feeling of loss gives way to acceptance.
"Anon...Are you okay?"
>You're better than you were, but she wouldnt understand, she wouldn't have asked if she did.
>"Yeah, i'm fine Twilight, that's one hell of a trip though."
>It's okay, she'll understand when it's her time.
"Haha, yeah, sorry about that, i know it can be a bit scary but you're here now! If you'll just come this way we can start getting you settled in and..."
>You dutifully pay attention to her introduction on your new life, trying to put the obviously worried mare at ease.
>After all, you may have gotten a small glimpse of the Destination, but that doesn't make the Journey any less important.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Be legacy Anon
>One of the few men left on earth
>tfw no new episodes of Dragonball because the animators and writers are mostly gone
>Latest Assassin's Creed came out
>It was shit
>Go online
>Every board except /cgl/ /lgbt/ and /ck/ have slowed to a crawl
>Go to /mlp/ and make a thread
>Post a sad pony face
>"Anyone on here still or is it just me?"
>No replies for an entire day
>Still on the top of Page 1 a day later
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Anon watches portals open and close all over his city
>He witnesses kidnappings (at least, that's how the media is framing them) and snatcher groups composed of the most adorable, happiest little group of cutie-patooties he's ever seen
>The real reason behind these kidnappings is revealed in time; the media couldn't suppress the truth for long
>It wasn't kidnapping; it was rescuing
>Straight from the horse's mouth (or the pony's mouth, in this case) came the reasons behind Equestria's actions
>They didn't have enough males.
>Their birth rates were nearing the negatives, and reports were being thrown around saying that their male to female ratio was anywhere between 1:5 to 1:10.
>Why Equestria's leaders though an entirely different species on a whole different... planet?
>Universe?
>...why they thought humans would be compatible is a mystery to you, but it apparently isn't much of a roadblock for ponies, if the growing number of departing men means anything.
>Every time Anon goes to the mall or to any (formally) dense population centre, he can't help but notice that the crowds grow thinner and thinner with each visit.
>Anon's friends are disappearing left, right, and center.
>His neighbors' houses are up for sale (put up by whatever remaining relatives they have on Earth)
>Every passing day means that the chances of anyone he knows in particular staying put on Earth grows slimmer and slimmer; 90% chance of remaining one day; 88% chance the next; 84% the day after that, and 79% after that.
>...and yet, Anon is still here.
>No pony has come to claim him.
>They've watched him, sure; he's stared them right in the eye, and then observed as they walked away to find some other human to rescue.
>Kidnap.
>Whatever.
>He's about to lose hope, going to bed each night in an increasingly desolate and depopulated world.
>But suddenly, there's a flash.
>A portal!
>...in his bedroom?
>Not even his Japanese anime could have prepared him for this.
>A figure steps out of the blinding light
>It's tall; taller than any other pony he's ever seen.
>The light coming from the portal is drowning out any detail of the pony other than its shape and outline
>He can't even tell what colour its fur is.
>Anon can see a horn
>He can see... wings?
>A horn and wings, huh?
>He didn't know ponies could have both.
>"Anonymous..."
>A mare's angelic, sweet voice fills his ears like music.
>There's a sound that's between a sniffle and a laugh, and it screams "relief"
>"I've finally found you."
>Two feathery appendages wrap around his shoulders and caress his face, and Anon feels his knees go weak.
>Relief washes over him, freeing him of anxiety and fear he never knew he felt until it left him.
>He never knew he felt so cold until he felt warmth seep back into his fingertips again.
>"Let's go home."
>And then there was light, and Earth faded away.

>Celestia and Luna would probably be one of the last mares to get their husbando, the both of them needed to deal with the influx of new citizens during the Day and Night until things settle down enough for them to take time off for Hunting.
>Their anons would be stuck on Earth all that time.

What would... what would happen if Celestia or Luna's human was killed on Earth while they were sorting everything out?
Because you can bet your ass the abductions would cause mass chaos and violence, it would only be a matter of time until one of their husbando's lives was taken in the riots and wars.

>You are Princess Celestia of Equestria, The Rising Sun, The Bringer of the Day
>And you have never felt so powerless
>You protectively cover your mate's body with yours, wings unfurled and gently holding his head aloft
>All around is chaos kept at bay only by the protective yellow shield bubble surrounding the two of you
>A projectile occasionally richochets against it or shatters upon impact as the host nation's military battles it out with rioters and rebels
>When you appeared through a starry black tear between dimensions in all your terror and righeous fury, hastily throwing a shield spell up to protect your fallen soon to be lover, both sides of the conflict quickly moved away and gave you a wide berth
>The damage, although, was already done
>You found him, on his side, lying in a steadily growing pool of his own life essence
>As fast as you were able, you immediately applied magical pressure to the wound to stem the bleeding, applying a layered sound dampening spell to your protective cover to better hear his breathing
>Soft, labored, but still drawing breath
>You let out a shaky, relieved sigh, vision blurring as you lean down and press your nose to his and whisper soft assurances to his eerily still form
"My shining jewel, light of my life... please, open your eyes."
>He sluggishly stirs at your voice, eyes blearily opening and looking at you but unable to focus
>"W...who..." he croaks, unable to form a single sentence
>Giving a pained smile you gently rub your muzzle along his cheek
"I'm here, I'm here. It's okay."
>Tears run down your nose and drip onto his face as he gives a pained wheeze
>"A-Am I dying?"
>You take in a shuddering breath as the thought, the idea, works its way into your head, losing him before you even had him
>Gently pulling his head closer and wrapping your forelegs around his shoulders you nuzzle the top of his head, rubbing your nose through his hair
>He weakly whispers in your ear, though it reverberates through your soul
>"Are you an angel here to finally take me away?"
>You let a sob escape before you can stop it, sitting up and resting his head on your shoulder, wrapping your wings around his body to keep him warm
"Yes, yes, I'm here to take you away, to take you somewhere better."
>Comfortingly rocking him from side to side, you take away the pressure from his wound to begin building up the large amount of magic needed to tear another bridge between dimensions
"Just hang on for me my love, hang on a little longer. I'll get you all the help you need."
>You can feel the wound on his chest staining your white pink coat a crimson red, the sticky feeling of his lifeblood making you sick
>His body rocks with weak laughter before descending into a coughing fit
>"Somewhere better s-sounds... really nice right now."
>Your tears are flowing freely now, no longer certain you made it in time, no longer certain in your abilities
"Shh, save your strength, s-stay strong for me, okay?" you say, noticing the battle around you for the first time
>The shield still holds, framing the chaos around you in a golden hue, a silent canvas of carnage
>You can see those caught between the battling sides, bodies ruined, entirely motionless as more fall to join them
>The terrifying thought that the one in your hooves and wings could have been like them enters your mind, struck down before you even had the chance to comfort him
>Your magic reaches its zenith, the raw power being weaved into the spell necessary to bring your one and only home
>Luna should be on the other side, ready to receive you both with several teams of Equestria's finest medical practitioners to take him away
>You hold on to him tightly, as if your life depended on it, as though he might suddenly be ripped from your hooves during the journey
"Let's go home, my sunshine. Let me take you to where you belong."
>Your golden magic wraps around you both, pulling you away from the battlefield you find yourselves in, in a brilliant flash of light
>Back home to Equestria
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>all these wild humans
>tfw domestic tropical human

Now I'm picturing ponies capturing husbandos like they're capturing wild animals

>Anon is a fucking leaf
>Finds a box propped up with a stick that has a string tied to it
>The string is leading to a nearby cardboard cutout of a bush, and Anon can see the tails, manes, and/or ears of the mares hiding behind it
>He can also see their big eyes via the eye-holes they cut into the cardboard
>Underneath the box are Tim Horton's doughnuts and coffee
>...
>"Yes! I caught one! Oh Celestia, these Great White Northern Anons are usually so hard to catch, since they hibernate 6 months of the year!"

>Be Anon, walking around wondering where everyone went
>tfw people are getting kidnapped by interdimensional demons but you don't care
>Out for a walk anyways
>Suddenly spot your three favorite things all together
>A DVD copy of Norbit
>A bunch of licorice jellybeans
>And a jar of crunchy peanut butter
>Looks like you were getting lucky today

>Be Anon
>Be in a box
>Hear excited voices chirping all around you as you're carried away
>You never claimed you were ever a particularly clever man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Everyone on /mlp/ seems to be gone, all of them happy and safe with their waifu's.
>Everyone but you.
>That's okay though, you knew you weren't good enough for any mare.
>You certainly weren't deserving of such a wonderful thing, you know that.
>You do wish your chest would stop hurting though.
>It's been hurting ever since the last person had been accepted into Equestria...three months ago.
>Your chest really hurts, it's kinda hard to breathe as well.
>Maybe you should call a doctor?
>No...you really don't want to waste anyone's time, you'll just tough it out.
>Like you usually do.
>Pain starts to radiate from your left arm as well as the usual pain in your chest.
>Is it getting darker?
>Maybe some rest would-

When Anon fell face down onto the carpet, he didn't seem to react. He just laid on the ground, only the minute sound of wheezing coming from him.

He never got up.

>Be Celestia, a very happy princess.
>You had finally gotten all of the paperwork and various diplomatic and bureaucratic crap done.
>You could finally meet your "husbando" and the thought made you giddy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Be Anon
>Ever since men started disappearing left and right, it became illegal for a guy to go out without a woman with him
>Right now you're walking to a Blockbuster that still exists and being escorted by two lady police officers one of which doesn't look like they could do the job of a police officer
>The other one looks like she could crush a brick between her legs
>Super dyke
>You walk into the men's bathroom at Blockbuster
>It's pristine
>No one has used it in years, if ever
>You stand up on the toilet and open the small window by the ceiling, looking out
>It wasn't much of a view
>A knock on the door alerted you
>"Hurry up in there, we're having a gateway occurrence nearby and we're on high alert." it was the dyke

>Male population is low
>Male population must be guarded/protected
>Men are paired off exclusively with lesbians for the sole purpose of keeping him "safe" away from ponies
>"What do you mean, 'why exclusively lesbians'? Most women out there are having a hard time as it is finding a male partner now that all those little fuckin' horses keep snatching them up, and the last thing we need is ANOTHER kidnapping because your guard was too busy getting dicked by you to hear the sound of approaching hooves."

>Anon hears a door opening and then closing
>The Dyke walks in
>She looks left and right, and then locks the bathroom door
>She smiles at you and starts to undo her belt.
>"I lied about being gay."
"Wh-what?"
>The police officer throws off her hat and undoes her hair-bun, whipping her hair free like it's one of your American pornos and/or a shampoo commercial.
>"The test is to make out with another girl for ten minutes, right? I'm bisexual, so I passed."
>She unbuttons her shirt and reveals that she isn't wearing a bra.
>"Wanna have some fun before the rookie actually puts her police training to use and investigate what's taking us so long?"

>You are Anon, and you're a good little austist who browses all kinds of image boards; naturally, you are afraid of sex with girls..
>As soon as the portals opened up and adorable ponies poured through, you immediately decided that the reason behind your continued virginity (well into your adult years) was because you were retroactively saving yourself for your real soulmate.
>A horse.
>You take a nervous step back, thankful that you actually came into the bathroom to shitpost on your phone; if you had to pee like you told your guards, you'd have your dick out in the open RIGHT NOW.
"N-Now wait just a moment here," you stammer, continuing your backwards movement, "This is against the law."
>The woman chucks her shirt into a pristine corner and proudly displays her breasts to you.
>"Against the law? Sweetheart, who are you going to tell?"
>She lowers her aviator glasses (the ones that every police officer gets issued) and sends you a smoldering gaze.
>"The police?"
>She cackles and makes her way over to you, stopping only briefly to hop one-legged out of her black slacks.
>She keeps the cuffs, though.
>BANG BANG BANG!
>The door rattles in its frame, and your formally-gay policewoman spins around to stare at is, distracted from her stranger-danger.
>"Shit."
>She rushes around and snatches up her discarded clothing and starts dressing as quickly as possible.
>"That new buck's doing better than I expected her to."
>She tugs her pants up and starts to do back up the belt.
>"In some ways, I'm proud of her for learning so quickly. In other ways, well..."
>She looks at you over her shoulder, and her eyes linger on your crotch.
>"...maybe next time."
>>"Open up!"
>The officer freezes, shirt half buttoned up and one tit still hanging out.
>"...that's not my partner."
>Slowly, she reaches for the taser attached to her belt.
>To your surprise, she shuffles in between you and the door and takes a protective stance.
>She blindly shoves an arm behind her and pushes you further away from the door.
>"Get back, sir."
>Wasn't she just about to rape you and steal your precious seed?
>Why is she trying to protect you now?
>WHY ARE GIRLS SO CONFUSING
>>"We know you're in there! Come out with your hooves up and release the husbando!"
>Meanwhile, just outside the door...

>"That's right, close your eyes. It's okay, nopony's going to hurt you. Shhh.... shhh-shh-shhhh...."
>The sapphire-blue mare rocks the young woman back and forth.
>The human's eyes start to flutter closed, and her body relaxes as she drifts off to sleep.
>Back-to-back long hour shifts will do that to anyone.
>You turn your back to the pair and focus on the bathroom door instead.
>It's never easy to watch the Naptime division do their job.
>You were only assigned a couple members from their team because Control knows that you've got an iron tummy-tum-tums, and you can stomach overseeing a textbook sleepy-times maneuver.
>You just hope to Celestia you won't have to do the same thing (or worse) to the human woman holding your husbando hostage just beyond the locked door.
>You are Captain Goldie Hooves, and it's time to make your approach.
>The explosives division (you call'em "The Whammy Ka-Blammies" because you know they don't like it when ponies call them "The Whammy Ka-Blammies", and you like to tweak their snootles sometimes) puts the finishing touches on the charges.
>Magiplastic explosives set on the hinges and the deadbolt lock are primed and readied, and your horn lights up as you cover you and your team in a protective magical bubble.
>With a flash of purple light and a deafening bang, the bathroom door is thrown inwards and smashes against the far wall.
>Immediately, your well-trained team of human-snatchers rushes inside
>With one last glance at the Naptime division (again, given the nickname because they don't like it when ponies don't take their profession seriously) to make sure the human female is still unconscious, you fall into line behind your team and take up the rear.
>You're sure that your team has the other human female under control, but you don't stop to check.
>You have eyes only for the human.
>Specifically, YOUR human.
>You smile at him, and he shyly smiles back at you.
>You take a few slow, short steps towards him, and you're pleased when he doesn't flinch away from you.
>You hold out your hoof, and the human slowly reaches out and takes it in his warm hand.
"Are you ready to go home?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Husbando-snatching unicorn team closes in on a group of males
>Captain Horse is sure she's going to get a commendation for this
>Suddenly, a team of pegasi swoop in and grab all the humans
>Captain Horse cries herself to sleep that night
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Mare doesnt want the drama of surprising you at work, decides to wait for you to get home.
>You're running a bit late so she decides to grab a quick snack.
>You walk into your kitchen to find pic related on your kitchen counter.

>Waits for you at home
>Got the manila envelope with your details on them
>Name, date of birth, home, work, hobbies, schedule, creepy photos of you taken from bushes and around corners (and always taken from behind you)
>Princess Cadence swears she doesn't have a fetish for voyeurism
>And most importantly, a big fat section devoted to how compatible you and your pony are, complete with an almost poetic listings of reasons why you'll like each other
>The less you think about how weird this entire process is, the better.
>You, meanwhile, are ignorant that you've got a pony waiting for you somewhere
>You're even more ignorant that she's in your house right now
>You have to stay late at your job because half of your co-workers have been snatched up by ponies and it's up to you to pick up the slack
>Get home late
>House smells like food
>Go into kitchen
>See cold dinner sitting on table
>Wonder when burglars became so thoughtful
>Go into living room to see if you still have your TV
>Find tiny horse in a slinky dress sleeping on your couch making sleepy horse noises
>Wonder where the cameras are and when you can expect to be implicated for bestiality
>Again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>The portal does strange things to the humans and their possessions.
>The effect wears off after a few days and seems to have no lasting complications.
>Twilight sparkle theorises it's equestria itself giving humans some extra perspective.
>All you know is that your human in particular really enjoys your winter fluff, and thus, life is good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>You've been ignoring Cadance's letter for weeks, not even bothering to unwrap them at this point
>The pile is beginning to accumulate next to your bed
>Some shit about husbandos for everypony
>You'd rather die alone than be added to some chump's herd as yet another conquest
>You look up from your book as another letter came in
>You threw it aside as soon as you saw the seal of Cadance on it
>From what you'd heard, beings from some futuristic world with advanced technology are dropping everything to live with mares in Equestria
>Must be some spawn of Tartarus
>Who would give up a world with amazing things like automatic carriages and those flying things and rockets that could go to the moon
>Who in their right mind would drop everything, family, friends, their entire lives, just to come be a househorseband?
>Only an idiot or a trickster
>And Raven Inkwell, assistant of Princess Celestia, fell for no trickery
>Today wasn't important, it was your day off
>Celestia was with her horsebando today, enjoying a "day off" as well
>You were going to head down to Canterlot's outskirts and throw rocks off the cliff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>tfw your waifu thinks you're a chad just looking to score some horsepussy.

Oh god, imagine if your waifu rejected you. That would hurt so fucking badly.

>Be Anon
>Portals, ponies, etc
>Be immensely surprised that there is someone out there who is essentially your soulmate
>You were sure you were going to die alone, even taking into consideration the enormous influx of thousands and thousands of mares who want nothing more than a loving partner
>Feel feelings in your heart for the first time in years
>Hope, happiness, and like the thick blanket of depression has finally lifted
>Someone out there is perfect for you
>Someone out there WANTS you
>You stand up straighter and you can look your mirror's reflection in the eyes
>Receive another letter saying that there's been a complication and your soulmate (soulmare?) isn't in a position to abandon her duty and go through the portal, so you have to go to her
>Go to Equestria
>Read the directions and wander to your waifu's place of work: Canterlot Castle itself
>She's more beautiful than you ever imagined a small horse could ever be
>You gaze into each other's eyes...
>...and she starts yelling at you
>Cue 15 long minutes of ranting in excruciating detail about exactly why she doesn't want to be with you and ending by telling you to fuck off (nicely, because she's a pony and they don't use words like "fuck")
>Chest hurts
>Feels like you're dying inside; she doesn't want you
>She refuses to talk to you any further
>Turn around and walk away so that she doesn't see you cry (and become even more fundamentally disgusted by you as a result)
>Leave
>By the time you reach the portals, you've forcefully repressed the memory of your encounter with her, and you only vaguely remember what she even said to you, but the pain is still there
>Go back home
>Phone up boss and ask for your old job back
>Watch the news every night and listen to the news anchor (a different one from last week; he's in Equestria now) talk about how men continue to leave Earth and never come back
>Decide to go to bed early

>She's perfect for you
>She's your other half
>Likewise, you're perfect for her, and you're HER other half
>Her fated mate
>The person (or pony) who will love you the most, more than anyone else ever has or ever will
>The one most inclined to see you as beautiful and wonderful
>And she doesn't want you
>Wanna know why?
>Because you're you.
>That's why.

Alright, I'm done now. It's even starting to bum ME out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>leaving work
>little girl approaches you and offers some beer, latest record of that band you like and car magazines
>kinda too good to be true but okay, how bad could it be
>it's a trap
>she's a mare in disguise
>deceptimares
>bunch of mares burst out of some bushes as you approach
>they tie you down and force you to take part in their lame tea parties
>instead of beer you have to braid half a dozen heads of mane over and over
>instead of AC/DC you have say nice things about their dumb outfits
>instead of car talk it's endless piggyback rides
>hours pass and after torturing you with songs about friendship, they eventually throw you out and go through a portal
>used up, covered in make up, glitter and hairbands, utterly cute from their twisted makeover
>climb in the shower and cry on the floor for the rest of the day
>no matter how hard you scrub, the shame doesn't go away
>too scared to go to the authorities or tell anyone
Stay safe out there, anons, there are some sick ponies out there.
Do not fall for offers to take you to a barbecue. Never follow them anywhere.
If you're being tailed by little mares, stay in well-lit, crowded areas.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Celestia, being a thousands year old monarch knows every political and negotiation trick in the book
>Earth nations try to curry political power and siphon material wealth from Equestria in exchange for the extremely specific people the ponies are after
>Recognises a shit deal when she sees one
>Turns it down
>Gives the green light to the human abduction teams that were already on stand-by
>It's not like she didn't try asking nicely
>It's not like there's anything Earth governments can immediately do
>Humans are simply whisked away in moments
>No way to feasibly tell which humans are targets for abduction
>No way to detect active portals because not enough equipment to cover everywhere
>No way to stop them from happening
>People are abducted from their beds, out of their cars, while they're at work, mid conversation
>Doesn't matter where they are or what they're doing or even if it's broad daylight
>Figure out which humans are candidates and pack them into a concentration camp
>Portal whisks away the entire barracks building
>Load them on a train to keep them moving
>Portal opens up on the track and the train just drives on through and comes out the other side moments later with just the driver and guards on board
>No defense. No wall, no gate, no barrier devised by science will keep these mares from their solemn duty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>When the first teams sent to Earth came back ragged and exhausted after only an hour, Twilight knew she and Cadence were going to run into complications.
>The reports are startling. How in tartarus do these humans even function?
>The gravity is so crushing that only the strongest pegasi could get off the ground.
>The air is a thin miasma of disease masquerading as oxygen.
>Over 95% of the world's water is filled with toxic levels of salt
>The sun doles out burns to those that linger in the light.
>The weather rampages in uncontrolled city-wiping storms.
>The flora and fauna, while seeming tamer than Equestria's, is actually as savage as it is underhanded.
>The planet itself has so little in the way of metal and mineral resources.
>Twilight and other unicorn scholars have used scrying and astral projection to see other planets before much like earth, yet none ever had creatures that made it past the level of simple animals.
>What makes Earth and humans different, Twilight has no idea.
>All she knows for sure is that the next generation of ponies are going to be hardy. Very hardy.

>Humans keep rebuilding no matter how many times their cities are destroyed
>Instead of being the hunted they became the hunters
>Through manipulation of inherent traits they were able to vastly increase the variety of their crops and livestock
>Despite everything their hostile world throws at them they've learned not only how to survive, but thrive.
>Oxygen only comprises a small amount of the planet's atmosphere, the rest is unbreathable nitrogen

>A few test-humans go to Equestria to see how they adapt
>Most of them can't get over how good the air smells and how much healthier they feel
>Twilight feels her heart break just a little bit when one of them marvels that he can drink water straight from a river (aka a natural source) and not get sick from diseases and pollutants
>Conversations turn to human courtship rituals
>The humans have stories about successful relationships, and they have stories about unsuccessful relationships
>Twilight gets curious and scrys (scries?) on human couples on Earth
>Finds cases of successful relationships, sure, but is overwhelmed by the enormous number of unsuccessful relationships and the consequence that the male humans often suffered as a result of them
>"Why is he giving half of his money to his former lover? Why isn't he allowed to see his children? Doesn't anyhuman even care?"
>The answer is a resounding "no"
>A plan is born
>It's better in Equestria, isn't it?
>Cleaner air
>Cleaner water
>More resources
>Overall friendlier inhabitants who value love and friendship above all other things, and whom don't seem capable of casual acts of cruelty
>A letter is sent to Princess Celestia and Luna, and high-ranking military mares are summoned for a secret meeting
>"Mares for Men"; subheading: "No Man Left Behind"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Tell Twilight about M.A.D
>"So... in essence it's like two ponies holding a spear at each others throat, if one uses his spear than the other has the chance to use -his- resulting in both of their deaths, so neither of them uses their spear."
"So then why have the spears in the first place?"
>"In case the other guy stabs you with his before you can react."
"Why would he do that?"
>"Either because he wants your stuff or because he doesnt like you."
"Humans are weird, i'm glad equestria doesnt have that sort of problem and we solve most problems by talking things out."
>"How world shattering would it be if i said that you kind of do."
"About a tuesday."
>"Discord is friends with Fluttershy."
"..So?"
>"Which means he'll do favors for her, give her presents and defend her if she's in trouble, right?"
"...right?"
>"Trouble such as 'The jews are invading.' "
"Gryphons anon, you need to work on your pronunciation, and why would they invade equestria?"
>"Money, land, adorable little mares to cuddle, the why is irrelevant, they dont even have that as an option because Discord could turn their entire army into swiss cheese and let loose a horde of mice with two snaps of his claw."
"But he wouldnt do that, he'd sooner just kidnap fluttershy and play pranks on everypony."
>"Right. But THEY dont know that."
"...Oh."

>After this revelation, Twilight decides to investigate if their are other 'M.A.D.' equivalents that Equestia might have.
>Goes around asking other humans if certain items Equestria has are
>Gets told that the EoH counts as one too
>Is shocked as one tells her that Luna and Celestia can be counted, as they control the sun and moon
>Asks why.
>Nearly faints as the human goes into unnervingly extreme detail of what could happen if the sun or moon doesn't come up or go down.
>Decides sneak some human science and military books in order to understand this mindset and if theirs anything she missed
>Has a small breakdown after finally understanding just how deadly ponies can be if they wanted to.
>followed by a Lesson Zero-teir breakdown after finding out how humans conduct war and figuring out how a 'nuke' works, which could lead to the destruction of Equestia if humans wanted to.
>Is now both terrified and paranoid about letting humans into Equestria, but doesn't want to have the husbandos and waifus be lonely and sad for the rest of their lives.
>Doesn't mention what she learned to the Princesses so this won't happen, as she isn't that cruel of a pony.
>She also goes into Spergle mode when other ask her about it too.
>hfw
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Anon hand!
>For the mare waiting on her special man to come home, whether it's from earth or from work, Anon hand will help deliver that calming feeling of his affection.
>Feature's include:
>Fully articulate, posable fingers!
>Up to an hour of warm palm after only two minutes in the oven!
>Available in a range of sizes from Dwarf to Goliath, Anon hand could be just the friend you need on those cold lonely nights!
>Order yours now while stocks last!

>hordes of mares come flooding into local hospitals and clinics with tails tucked between legs and bright red faces to get their toys... removed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>ywn lavish her beautiful, perfect, tasty, lovely little teats in endless physical attention
>ywn idly play with them, running your fingers over them, massaging them gently, and giving them a loving little squeeze as you sit together on the couch
>ywn lick them sensually, taking in the flavor of her soft little mammaries, taking in the feeling of them, soft and silky, against your tongue
>ywn lightly nibble at them, relishing the unrestrained moans of pleasure you elicit from your perfect little pony
>ywn suckle on them as your fingers go to work elsewhere, bringing her to the peak of pleasure
>ywn wrap your lips around them and draw out the warm milk within
>the milk that is because of your love
>the milk that is created and flavored by her sweet, wonderful, perfect little body
>the milk that will feed the baby you two have created
>the milk that is the physical manifestation of your absolute love
>the milk that now nourishes you
>ywn imbibe her life-giving love in another of those vain efforts that all lovers exert to truly come together as one

this nigga got the right idea

>ywn lovingly caress your mare, burying your naked member as deep as you can and climax together after hours of passionate lovemaking
>ywn watch her eyes roll back in her head and kiss her slobbery lips as you fill your mare with your sticky dna
>ywn hear her giggle in exctasy as she feels your shooting seed tickle her uterus
>ywn cuddle her to sleep and caress her belly and look into her eyes, knowing that your living sperm is fertilizing her eggs
>ywn kiss her belly then her lips every day before heading off to work, noticing that every week she's getting a bit rounder as she incubates and grows your donor cells
>ywn settle down for movie night and cuddles
>ywn notice she's leaking something on you
>ywn watch her embarassment when she realizes her teats are dripping
>ywn brush it off as completely natural and tell her to relax while you relieve her pressure
>ywn casually lick and suck on her engorged teats while she leans back and enjoys the movie
>ywn taste the sweet concoction of fats and proteins that her body produced in response to her insemination
>ywn start hourly milking sessions as her body produces more and more milk to replace what she lost
>ywn see her roll over and spread her legs complaining that her nipples were getting chafed and she needs a suck

>ywn embrace her passionately, laying softly down upon the bed locked to each other
>ywn get erect as she lays there, eagerly awaiting you with a passionate gaze
>ywn gently spread her legs apart, rubbing your glans around her lips, playing with and teasing them while also softly pinching and rubbing her clitoris, causing her to feel such pleasurable titillation, breath increasing
>ywn feel her mare juices beginning to coat your penis as you now start prodding her marehood, teasing so much as she feels you just about to penetrate, but pulling back just before it enters
>ywn finally penetrate her, the purity of warmth finally surrounding your penis and grasping it tight as she desires you wholly
>ywn start moving in and out slowly, listening to her whimpers of pleasure as you continue to stimulate her clitoris
>ywn hasten your pace as her breathing becomes even faster and louder, feeling every breath of desire on you
>ywn smell the emanating erotic aroma coming from her marehood as your movements move the air around you
>ywn look into her eyes in these final moments of ecstasy with all your sensations stimulated, the feeling of her body, the smell of her marehood, the sound of her rapid breaths in pleasure, the sight of her wanting gaze
>ywn finally climax in an eruption of orgasm as she does too, each of you grasping each other tightly as your cum flows out in powerful shots, legs wrapped around you and her vagina taking it all
>ywn feel that post coital haze of purity and clarity, as your love for her and her love for you is reinforced in the strongest of bonds
>ywn pull out moments after and embrace her once more with a passionate kiss, stating with finality of intercourse in ragged breath "I love you so much"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For mares worried about how to care for their Anons:
Anons have evolved to live under harsh climates and with very little resources to survive. Fruits, vegetables, meat, beans, nuts, grains, and most other things are edible by humans. They can eat some flowers as well, such as daisies. Humans can survive in any biome of Equestria, from the tundra to desert.
Your human's immune system is fairly strong, depending on the human, and can handle the same illnesses as you can.
Human mating can last anywhere from a few minutes to several hours, most humans being brought into Equestria are very loving so you should look forward to being loved tender all night.
Human culture is more reserved than here in Equestria, so your human likely hasn't even been hugged in over a year if ever, please make sure he knows he is loved and he will do the same for you.

>Human culture is more reserved than here in Equestria, so your human likely hasn't even been hugged in over a year if ever, please make sure he knows he is loved and he will do the same for you.
>your mare never stops touching you because of this

>Be little mare
>Out on husbando hunt, looking for a certain anon
>Give his leg a hug
>He stops running and falls to the ground
>Climb on top of him and lay on his chest
>He doesn't even struggle and hugs you back
>You just took his hug-ginity and now he's yours forever
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Anon #5
>Literally the fifth Anon rescued by the Human Immigration Initiative
>So far, your days have been spent playing with Shining Armor around the castle and annhilating the guards at games of ball-in-a-cup
>Everyday has been some new fun for you
>Until Cadance got ahold of your match
>She'd done this for the other four Anons, but only your match took so long to come and collect you
>She was going to be another day
>You hadn't even met this mystery mare yet, but Cadance could already tell you were nervous
>Right after an intense match of throwing cards into a hat, Cadance pulled you aside to talk to you
>"Anon, I know you've been anxious about this all, but I want to tell you it'll all work out fine. She's very excited to meet you."
"How are the other Anons doing?" you twiddle your fingers
>"One couple is planning a wedding already, they're all doing fine like you will. The wait must be killing you."
"I feel like she doesn't want to see me."
>"That isn't true, she's coming from a very far corner of Equestria to meet you."
"Why can't I know anything about her yet?"
>"It's for the best that you meet her when you meet her."
"What if she doesn't like me?"
>"That shouldn't happen."
"Shouldn't?"
>"The crystal heart isn't some magical spellcasting artifact that forces love onto everypony. It shows the best possible matches. Just go in there with an open mind and an open heart and you'll see she's the one for you just like you're the one for her."
>"Wait... What if she doesn't?"
>"She wouldn't be travelling across the country if she wasn't interested."

>Several hours later, after some O&O with Shining and his usual rpg squad, you were sneaking around the castle looking for some orange juice or other breakfast drink
>Cadance tapped your shoulder, scaring you out of your excellent hiding spot behind a potted plant
>"Anon, she'll be here in the morning."
"Already? Am I ready?"
>"You'll do fine, Anon." she places a hoof on your shoulder reassuringly
>You look around the corner
"Can you tell me about her."
>"I don't see why not. She's related to Luna."
"Wait, Celestia?"
>Cadance laughs hysterically
>"What?! No!"
"What else can you tell me?"
>Cadance puts some shades on you
>"You're going to need these. But I'm afraid I can't release any more until she gets here."
"Can I have some orange juice?"
>"Sure, it's in the kitchen."
"There's a guard outside the kitchen."
>"He'll let you in."
"Oh."
>You walk into the kitchen, past the guard with no issues, and get a cup of orange juice
>Cadance teleports off to go do some princess things
>You try to drink from the cup and have a retard moment, spilling it all down your chest
>The guard snickers at you

>Skipping right over the shameful "I ruined my own clothes" laundry and excited packing for tomorrow
>The next morning
>Breakfast is waffles with Shining, Cadance, and Flurry
>You get to be the older disappointment son for today
>Flurry makes some really intense eye contact with you
>Patrick Stewart's voice rings out in your mind
>"Greetings, human. Enjoying this meal with my family?"
>You look around
>"Look ahead, you oaf. It's me, Flurry Heart."
>You look at Flurry, who has stopped eating to stare at you
>"The others cannot hear us, but I have seen the future. I would suggest you run, Anon."
>Wait. Babies don't talk
>"I do, I'm attempting to warn you, you fool. You have only minutes to escape."
>You ignore Flurry's telepathic assault
>"Flurry, stop using telepathy on Anon. He's starting to twitch." Cadance says
>Suddenly it feels like a large clamp has been removed from your brain as Flurry crosses her arms and pouts
>"Sorry, Anon, she just learned how to do that." Shining adds

>For a few minutes you're able to enjoy breakfast with the royal family
>A guard excuses himself in and whispers to Cadance
>Lovebutt gets this wide grin and turns to you
>"Oh, it looks like you have a visitor, Anon." she says
>With Flurry giving you the stink eye, you proceed to get up
>Cadance eagerly drags you out of the room towards where two guards are posted
>They aren't crystal guards, they're black bats
>Like, so black that the only way to outline them was with purple
>Their armor is gold but is plated with some horribly colorful material
>"Anon, this is Luna's and Celly's sister, she's very excited to meet you." Cadance says, pulling you down the hallways as the guards followed
>Cadance rounds a corner into the foyer of the castle
>There stood an alicorn
>She was also black and colorful
>Good god, it hurt to look at her
>"Anon, this is Princess Neon Boom of the Kingdom in the Sky. Go say hi." she pushed you towards the mare
>The first thing you noticed was how tall she was
>Cadance was kind of big, almost as tall as you, but this new Princess stood over you
>She hasn't said anything
>You put the shades on again
>The princess shoots you a toothy smile
>Should you say something?
>Is she going to say anything?
>"He-"
"Hi."
...
"Sorry, you go first."
>"Hey."
>Cadance may decide to step in and help

>Neon opens her mouth like she's going to say something but closes it
>"Would you... come with me?"
"Where?"
>"Uhh, a walk. It's kind of warm in here."
>It didn't seem all that warm
"Okay."
>Neon turns to walk, wrapping a wing around your back and enveloping you in eye-damaging vibrance
>"See you two later!" Cadance called as Neon left the room
>While she walked with you, she was trailed by two of those edgy bat guards
>She turned to you, examining you closely as if looking for any defects
>"So you're one of those humans Cadance has been going on about."
"What was she saying?"
>"She said some good things and some bad things, mainly good. Mostly talking about a whole world of lonely horsebandos for us lonely girls."
"How did you find out?"
>"With Luna's recommendation I got into the very first trial run of the Initiative."
"Are you excited?"
>"Are you?"
>Neon turns a corner, stopping across a busy plaza from the stadium and sitting at a bench
>You sit down next to her on the small bench design for ponies
>"I'm really sorry about the wait, it's just I arrived by barsoom and they can take forever to travel at night."
"It's no big deal."
>"Be honest, I don't look ridiculous, do I?"
"What do you mean?"
>"The colors and everything."
"Oh yeah, you do."
>"O-oh..."
>You lean into the princess
"That's not to say you're not cute, because you are."
>"Th-thanks, Anon." she leans into you as well, wrapping her wing around your back once more

>For a while, you sit and talk with the princess
>She is very sweet actually
>"So yeah, in all of 700 years I've never even gotten a kiss."
"Well shit, I'm on a 23 year streak."
>A forlorn Neon smiles
>"A lifetime is a lifetime, isn't it?"
>You nudge her side with your elbow
"Don't be so sad, Cadance hooked you up with a pretty good special somepony."
>"You're kind, Anon. I have a feeling we're going to enjoy being together."
"I think so too."
>Neon sure does enjoy winghugs
>"I was hoping you'd come back with me."
>You shrug
"I'd love to. Do we need to tell Cadance?"
>"I already know!" Cadance said right behind you, scaring both you and Neon off of the bench
>"Land's sake, Cadance! Don't scare me like that!"
>You brush yourself off
>Neon steps over and helps you up, being a bit more of a hinderance to you actually standing back up
>"Are you okay, Anon?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine."
>"Well if you two are going to be off, I'd wish you the best of luck, but you don't need it." Cadance skips off happily, singing into the distance
>"Oh gosh, I'm bringing a colt home!" Neon sung in a giddy tone
>She walked with you, her wing pushing you to walk a little faster as she half-skipped in excitement


>A barsoom is a boat with large feather-like wings protruding from the side that allow it to glide over sunlight
>It works best in the daytime, when sunlight is plentiful, but at night they are slow and low to the ground
>As Neon brings you aboard her vessel, you wave goodbye to the Crystal Empire
>They probably didn't see it, though
>"It'll take about a week to get back home, so we have time to talk." the royal rave says
>Without so much as a formal departure, Neon's guards board the barsoom and the crew takes off
>She seems unaffected by the sudden lurching of the ship, whereas you needed to be braced to keep standing
>To which the princess kept a tight grip on you with her wing
>You wonder how strong her wings are, briefly imagining what inescapable snuggling you'd be forced through
>She seemed nice enough, and Cadance allowed it
>"Do you want to go down?" she asked, but her voice was drowned out by the roaring winds above deck
"What?" you call out, despite being right next to her
>She turns red, "Not like that! I meant below the deck!"
"What?"
>She walks you into the cabin and sits down on the desk
>"I figured I should bring you inside, it's a little too windy out there."
>Your ears pop from the altitude
"Thanks."
>"Who would've guessed my special somepony was in another universe entirely." she laughed
>The ship rocked to the side
>"Luna told me how well she and her human got along, she said I should at least apply."
"And you got me."
>Neon's smile faded
>"What's wrong?"
"I was just thinking a princess would do a lot better than some average guy like me."
>"Well it's been longer than five minutes and you haven't found an excuse to take off. So I'd say we're doing great so far."
>Neon grabs you with her magic and pulls you into her lap
>It felt like pins and needles across your entire body
>Ponies usually sat in your lap, this was different and it scared you

>With you in Neon's lap, she held you close to her chest like you did with ponies
>"Cadance told me you didn't get to see much on Earth in the line of beautiful places."
"Not really, it was pretty gray."
>"We're passing by Cloudsdale if you want to see it."
"What's that?"
>"It's a pegasi city in the clouds."
"Holy shit what? Let's go!"
>You scramble out of her lap, dropping to the floor with a dull thud and go back to the deck of the ship
>She was right, there was a pegasus city all in the clouds
>There were little clouds that had been shaped into buildings and bridges connecting clouds and a cloud stadium
>And one large cloud had a liquid rainbow pouring out of it
>And all of the little winged ponies were flying around the city
"Oh my god! Look at all that!" you stare in awe at the city
>"Don't have anything like that on Earth?"
>The only thing that could compare to Cloudsdale was maybe-
>Nothing
"Nothing like this."
>"Oh! I know this great place for food in Cloudsdale, you wanna stop?"
"Yeah, that sounds good."
>The barsoom lurched as it turned towards Cloudsdale, the wings folding back as it slowed down to dock
>A few pegasi passed over the ship curiously as it came to a stop
>Neon took a careful step out onto the pillowy surface of the cloud
>You followed suit, only to drop through the cloud
>As you came out the underside of the cloud you struck the solid roof of a cloud home below
>Ah, solid ground
>Seconds later, the princess lands next to you
>"Anon, are you okay?" she lifts you up
>You wait for the pain to go away before moving
"Yeah... Feel fine."
>She sighs, giving you a crushing hug
>"Thank goodness, you had me worried for a minute."
>She brings you back onto the ship and pulls out a large book
>"I know there's a spell for cloudwalking in here..." she mumbles, nosing through the pages
"Cadance didn't need a spellbook, I don't Twilight did either."
>Neon huffs in frustration
>"My talent isn't memorizing every spell ever invented like Twilight."

"Sorry."
>"No, it's just. Magic is hard."
"I wouldn't know."
>"I can't find it. We can just order out, I guess."
>A guard takes off to get what you assume is her usual order
>You place your arm across Neon's back
"Nothing wrong with that."
>"Yeah but-"
"But what?"
>"I was wanting a date, or something like a date."
>You almost touch her mane, but opt against sticking your hand into the mysterious void and just scratch behind the alicorn's ear instead
"You already have me, no need to try and win me over."
>"I..." she stops, giving you a shrug and silence
"What?"
>"This isn't like my yakyakistani comics. There's no way a sweet colt just falls out into a mare's lap and suddenly they're in love."
"I mean, Cadance kind of passed me off to you."
>"A colt like you needs to be wooed."
"Listen, the fact that you think that means a lot to me, but you've already gotten ahold of my heartstrings."
>"How? We haven't even held hooves, or those spidery hoof things you've got."
"Because you've been nothing but nice to me since we met, no one has ever been excited to see me except for you. It's random little things, they just mean a lot to me. It shows you care, and I haven't really ever had anyone else in my corner like that before so I'm going to be there for you too."
>"That's- You're really going to stay? I haven't driven you off with... you know, everything?"
"I'm staying."
>Neon's face reddens
>"Where have you been all my life?"
"For most of it I didn't exist at all, but then I existed in another universe, now I'm here."
>One of the guards returns with a takeout box

>Neon looks into the box and then back at you
>"You guys can eat stuff like cheese and flowers, right?"
"I think so."
>"How do you not know what you can eat?"
>You shrug
"I've never eaten flowers before."
>"I can try to pick the flowers out."
"What kind of flowers are they?"
>"You don't know what you can eat, what does it matter?"
"I think some flowers are okay to eat."
>"I'm just gonna pull them out for you."
>A moment later, Neon passes you a decimated grilled cheese, sans any flowers
>It was pretty good
>She looked to be enjoying hers much more, eating very loudly
>After a few seconds she noticed you looking
>"Something on my face?"
"Nope."
>"You've never seen Equestria outside of the Empire?" she asked between bites
"Only been here a few days."
>"The Empire is pretty cool, but you should see my kingdom."
>Her wing wrap around your side again, dragging you into her embrace
>"Don't tell Cadance but mine is a lot cooler." her breath was warm on your ear
>"You're- You smell kind of good. A little salty."
>Neon Boom you need to stop, this is going too fast

>Her mouth was right next to your ear
>Nothing happened
>"Sorry..."
>Neon turned back to her sandwich, her wing loosening its grip on you
>You felt slightly relieved, but also a little let down
>She didn't talk much to you for the rest of the evening
>You're left wondering if you'd done something to offend her
>Good job, Anon
>You fucked it all up in under a day
>Then a weird situation came up
>Where would you sleep?
>Also you didn't know your way around the ship
>As the sun sunk below the horizon, the barsoon sunk down above the ground, soaring just above the treetops as if they were an ocean
>You stepped below deck and checked around the ship
>Eventually you came across a room with two guards at the door
>"Stop right there, Anon."
>One guard knocked on the door and opened it a crack
>"Princess, Anon wants to see you."
>You hear a quiet, muffled reply
>"Y-yeah, let him in."
>The guard held the door for you
>Neon Boom was in her pajamas
>They were a light pastel pink, which contrasted with her insane coloring
>"Hey Anon." she says
"What happened?"
>Neon sighs and looks at the ground
>"I gave you some space, I went a little over the line earlier."

"You didn't do anything, you're fine." you try to calm her
>"I just- I was thinking I almost went too far and scared you off."
>You walk over to the princess and touch her nose
>Royal boop
"It'll take a lot more than that to scare me off. We've got Cadance's blessing so I'm not going anywhere."
>"I'm sorry for giving you the cold haunch."
"It's fine, I do have a question for you though."
>"What?"
"Where am I sleeping tonight?"
>Neon looked at the ground
>"Well, since I thought you needed some space, I had the guards prepare a cot for you in the guest room."
"I think some space is the opposite of what we need right now.",
>The rave princess met your gaze anxiously
>"As in, sh-sharing a bed?"
"Yeah."
>"Oh! I've always slept alone, do you like snuggles?"
>Neon scuttled to her bed and laid down, holding up the blanket for you
>You pull off your shoes and climb under the blanket next to the alicorn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"Just fill out this form and we'll match you with your Waifu anon."
>"What do you mean this is worthless, this is basic survey information."
>"You favorite colour is very important anon, what if you liked green but got matched with a yellow mare?
>"You've done hundreds of these tests before?"
>"...Oh ponyfeathers, FINE, the form isnt necessary, but what IS necessary is that you think it is so that you put a lot of thought and, most importantly, -emotion- into into your answers.
>"We then pass those over to Princess Cadence who can cast a spell which will match you with the mare whose emotions most resonate with yours."
>"Of course, now that you know all that and wont be able to do that subconsciously you're going to have to do this the hard way."
>"Here's a piece of paper, quill and ink."
>"Think of yourself, what you are, who you are, feel the edges of you that is the seperation between your self and existance.
>"Keep that in the forefront of your mind, and then complete your circle."
>"...Yes i just want you to draw a circle, but it has to be mathematically perfect."
>"Yes this is going to be hard, but you want to meet your Waifu, dont you?"
>"I'll leave you to it then, dont worry about messing up, the ink will flow back into the pot if you dont get it right and turn red when you do."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Cadance assigns you a mare to help lift your spirits and find you something you can work towards and be proud in
>she pulls you back from your thoughts of self hatred and general malaise, sticking nearby to give you the close contact and support you need so you don't fall back into the same ruts and despair
>over the weeks and months begin seeing genuine improvement, a sense of happiness with yourself and your life
>she's still there, helping you out when you need it and generally being a great friend
>start falling for her, can't help it after all she's helped you through
>nervously and awkwardly tell her, saying you'd understand if she didn't feel that way and would like to stay friends
>let's you know that Cadance actually assigned her to you because the Heart said you were a perfect match and if she helped pull you up, she'd have a faithful and loving husbando for life
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>tfw fear of intimacy

Don't worry, Anon. Your mare would be very touchy feely to get you used to the feeling of being loved. She'd be sure to always be brushing against you, or laying across your lap and napping, or hugging and nuzzling into your neck.

Eventually she'd even bend down face first, flanks up and lift her tail aside and tell you to explore all you want until you're comfortable.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Go back to Earth on your waifu's insistence
>She wants to meet the family and few folks you called friends
>You're so used to her pony mannerisms you neglect to tell her things are different on Earth
>Your parents are asking how you've been and saying how much they've missed you while your waifu does her scent routine and otherwise tries to get you to literally wear her
>"It's uh..n-nice that you found someone, son."
>She gets a snout full of crotch inhales audibly
>'Ah fuck yeah, warm~...'
>"Alright, your mother and I will leave you two alone, see you at dinner."
>She suddenly stops
>'..Was that them? Were they your parents?'
>Haha, yeah
>'A-AND YOU JUST LET ME WHORSE AROUND IN FRONT OF THEM!'
>That'll do, mare, that'll do
>Tailslap.avi
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>a mare will never press her nose right at yours
>swn inhale when you exhale and make you do the same
>swn wash your face in her hot moist breath
>swn look you directily in the eyes while she's doing it
>swn breathe faster because she's getting excited
>swn finally give up and give your nose a greedy wet lick
>swn move right at your ear but say nothing
>ywn hear her bothered breath right there, complete with hearing her swallowing her saliva and pushing the air out against your ear in a quiet giggle
>swn whisper right in your ear, viscous words dripping right in you like honey
>swn say words of encouragement and love, but also tease you a bit when she notices you enjoy it so much
>swn act playful and say something really lewd just to see you react to it
>swn get serious and say how much she loves you
>swn nibble at your ear, moaning softly right into your brain
>swn kiss your ear, lick it and then insert her tongue in it a bit
>swn finally say that she loves you and wants you to do the same thing for her
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>nervous single-mom waifu meeting her husbando for the first time

>"Ah...um...Your wife? "
>You blink and stare, lost in thought
>You had just gotten back from a long grueling day at work, and some Swiss cheese looking motherfucker claims to be your wife?
>Last time you checked you are not married, and especially not married to whatever the fuck this thing is
>Hell, how are you not screaming like a bitch, and running amuck in a panic?
>However, no natural instinct actually overtakes you to feel any form of fear for this thing
>Instead some part of you decides to humor your mysterious guest
>With a smile, and a grunt you reply to your "Eagerly" awaiting wife
>'Ahh!! Honey! Almost did not see you there be it being so dark in her ehh?'
>The things ears twitch nervously, almost like it could not believe you were believing the shit coming out its mouth
>"Uhh ehe...Oh y-yes honey! It rather is dark in here is it not? "
>You find it hard to hide your smirk
>Well it certainly sounds female that much you are sure about.
>So good on you for being a straight heterosexual male who married some fucked donkey cheese looking ass
>Anyways you shrug your shoulders, and proceed to unceremoniously collapse in the nearby loveseat in your apartment
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>People start getting kidnapped by demons from another dimension
>It's been about a year and most of the guys are gone now
>That means one thing
>The city facilities public gym is empty
>Aside from your usual crew of the gym grandpa and some various married guys, there is no one to bother you for most hours
>Yet another good day to lift
>Although your job kept increasing your hours because there was not enough manpower to unload the trucks
>So you cut down to part time and now they can only cap you off at 32 hours a week instead of the 70+ they wanted
>Yeah fuck that
>Money is money but your time is worth more than $10 an hour
>You even got to live at the old boxing gym downtown
>No one was really around to enforce the foreclosure or kick you out, so you moved right in
>Felt good to live there
>Aside from the rolling power outages and 4chan slowing to a crawl, life was good

>Realistically, you could search for another job, but you'd have to deal with HR departments
>You were busy in your gym home beating the shit out of a punching bag at 2am
>The power went out and the bag came back at you in the dark, knocking you onto your ass
>Faggot punching bag
>Your playlist stopped because of the power outage
>The wifi would take a few minutes to get back up again
>Truly, this was worse than 9/11
>As the lights flickered back to life you look up at the swinging bag, your nemesis
>That sand-filled faggot pushed you over for the last time
>You get back up and hit him one more time
>"Are you... Anon Yancy Mouse?"
>Who used your middle name?
>You turn
>It was one of those interdimensional demons, finally come for your soul
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Cloudsdale
>Just got off work at weather factory
>Work as a violet mixture engineer was okay
>You made the purple part of the rainbows
>You were a little pegasus named Windstar
>And your home would be empty when you got to it
>You clock out and grab your lunchbox
>As you step into the lobby of the factory to leave, you spot a poster on the messageboard
>Lonely?
>Tired of herds?
>Cadance has a solution for -you-!
>It had a happy pegasus that looked eerily like you on it next to some strange creature
>Weird
>You ignore it and fly home
>You spot two billboards with the same pegasus on them
>When you get home, you find a card stuck into your door and an email on your laptop
>You ignore them and go onto 4hooves to funpost a little

>Navigate to /mlh/
>Start browsing the catalog
>There's an unusual thread sitting at the top of page 1
>The image was that poster you saw at work
>You refresh the catalog
>It's still sitting at the top, despite having no replies
>You open up the email
>It's from MiAmoreCadenza@CrysEmp.ce.gov
>Obviously this thing is going to follow you around
>Hi, Windstar!
>You've been selected-
>Close that scam shit out
>It opens itself up again
>Close it out again
>The email opens up again
>Shut off your battlestation
>The screen lights up again, displaying the email
>Pull the plug on your computer
>The screen lights up again
>Stupid magic viruses
>You mash the power button on the monitor to no effect
>You've been selected for a trial program by Princess Cadance, the crushing magnitude of your isolation is not acceptable and the issue is due to a grave shipping error many years ago.
>Please report to the Crystal Empire with the attached ticket as soon as possible
>By the order of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza
>See you soon :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"Hallo, mares! You wan husbando?"
>"Crazy Baklav have deals!"
>"Maybe you wan green, muscular type?"
>"Baklav have all different models choose from!"
>"Funny one! Somber one! One who never shut up! One who is good at making house!"
>"Bring the fillies with you, Baklav have somep-,oop, someBODY for everypony!"

>Smaller than normal, jawa-like horses start kidnapping husbandos and fitting them with restraining bolts
>They sell such husbandos to less than reputable mares who lean more on the side of owning a husbando rather than being matched with one
It's /still/ preferable to a 3dpd

>Be Twilight.
>You're walking through the Canterlot market.
>You couldn't stay in Ponyville, not after your one left you...
>You loved him so much, and you thought he loved yo-
>NO! Bad Twilight!
>You're here to forget him...
>It feels like you can still hear him though...
>"Twily! Hey Twily!"
>Seriously it's like he's right here.
>"TWILY!"
>You look over to the yell and see a human chained to a shop.
"Anon!?"
>"Hi honey!" He calls giving you a wave.
>You quickly run over to him and start trying to get the chains loose.
"What are you doing here, why are you chained up!?"
>He puts a hand to his chin thinking.
>"Well, I was walking towards Sugar Cube Corner when this little jawa ponycame up and asked if I liked sand. Obviously no, it's small and gets everywhere. Then he pulled out this tazer thing and poked me."
>"Ah, I see you've taken a liking to the one who never shuts up!" The shop keeper says troting up to you a jew like smile as Anon would call it.
>You puff up your cheaks and glare down at the jawa.
"I'd like to think so, seeing as he's MY horsebondo!"
>You say lighting up your horn.
>The jawa looks around a bit.
>"Heh heh, well umm you see..." He continues stuttering for a bit before yelling. "The goy are on to us! Run away!"
>As it yells this even smaller jawa come rushing from the back and grabbing everything except the humans.
>Within seconds the store is completely gone, the only thing left is a few confused horsebondos.
>Anon nudges you to gain your attention.
>"Can we go home? Pinkie's got these really good cupcakes I want you to try."
>You glare at him.
"I've been sleeping cold and alone. When we get home we're snuggling. -Then- we can get cupcakes."
>"Yay!" He shouts picking you up and hugging you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>You're Anon
>And you just got dumped
>By a gryphon, no less
>Condense was wrong! WRONG!
>Everything went fine for about a month until she just stopped loving you
>That was literally her reason
>That she stopped loving you
>And it broke your stupid heart
>So you're heading back to the Husbando Initiative HQ in the Crystal Empire to cry to Cadance about it
>There has to be a mistake

>Cadence crosses "Gryphon" off the applicant list after the 5th human came back to HI-ANON (Husbando Initiative - Accompaniment and Native Ontological Network division) HQ with a broken heart and made a note to place the other gryphone matches under observation.
>She was hesitant to include the species in the matchmaking spell due to reputation but gave them the benefit of the doubt after Twilight's friends and those 3 fillies vouched for two gryphons in particular.
>Well no more, if they want love they're going to have to do it the old fashioned way, there's enough lonely mares and men as it is without putting unreliant scatterbrains into the mix.
>Thank celestia the dragons have had no problems, although the request for "More arms so we may lay siege upon the holy land" was a tad worrisome, the empire was running out of silver.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Cadence leads an agressive charge into human politics to secure easy emigration rights for the humans she wants.
>Obviously, some are resistant to the idea and try to stonewall her.
>Too bad Cadence can drag out any proceedings for DAYS by refreshing herself with magic and refusing to let meetings end.
>One meeting even took 4 days before the sleep deprived negotiators and notaries finally just let her have everything she wanted.
>And this is how Equestria both gained a growing male population and learned to add time limits to debates.

>"And that concludes the one thousand, seven hundred and eighty six reasons why a mare is good for a man."
[sounds of human relief ]
>"Moving on to the one thousand, six hundred and fifty eight reasons why a man is good for a mare.."
[human internal screaming]
>"Reason the first: Hands."
>"Reason the first subsection one: Hands have fingers."
>"Reason the first subsection one dash one: Fingers are good at brushing manes."
>"Reason the first subsection one dash one A: Mane brushing is an intimate bonding activity."
>"Reason the first subsection one dash one A point one: Intimate bonding activities are important for new and old couples alike."
>"Reason the first subsection one dash one A point two: Having your mane brushed is-"
[human external screaming.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Waifu wants to visit your family for a human christmas this year
What do?

Attempt to keep my cool as the initial shock passes over everyone until my grandmother threatens to disown me, then give her the middle finger and walk out of the house for the last time carrying my waifu.
Nothing of value lost.

>"Is that what a smart person would do?"
>"Anon, why a pony?"
>"I can't believe I raised a pedo, after all the hard work I put in."
>"Oh, she's older than you? She's still an animal."
>Your waifu is viaibly upset at this point
>Mom starts talking shit about how your waifu can barely control her emotions
>Dad just sits there in silence like a fucking retard
>Point out numerous times that your mom lets her emotions get the better of her
>Like that one time that you didn't get her the right kind of pudding at the store and it meant you didn't care about her
>Waifu sitting in silent anger now
>Your grandma is spanish and ancient, has no idea what's happening and just now noticed your waifu is a mare
>"Buck this, Anon! Your family is horrible, you were right! Let's go spend Hearth's Warming with my parents because they like us!"
>You and waifu leave through a portal
>Grandma asks if anyone else saw the pony
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>when it suddenly hits that you will never rock your foals to sleep in your arms while your waifu dozes against your side

Smell and touch are the two senses most adept at evoking memories of fondness, happiness and nostalgia, as well as evoking feelings of contentment and wholesomeness.

>yfw you will never touch your waifu's soft body with the slightest and gentlest direction, smelling the subtle scent of her and her mane as you brush your own face against hers, eyes closed and imagining, trying to recall any moment of greater bliss and peace but finding yourself unable, lulled through the fantastical dreamscape of love and hearing only her soft and rhythmic breath, feeling her intimacy shared with you and only you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Waifu spitfire.
>She has interesting ideas on motivating the recruits.
>Getting caught practically guarrentee's no more training for the rest of the day, meaning they have to work harder to make up for it.
>Meanwhile you get to stay /fit/ and platonically cuddle a soft pony at the same time.
>At the end of the day enjoy some alone time with your waifu.
Where she aggressively asserts that you are hers after watching you run after other ponies for a couple hours.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"Eyy adventurous mare?" the strange stallion says, "You-o have a special colt waits for-a you-o at home?"
>His accent was a mix of italian, russian, and middle eastern
"No."
>He laughs
>"You-o have many colt on adventures? New ones every night?"
"N-no."
>He nods in understanding
>"Ah, you-o never have colt. I have many husbando for sales, adventurous mare. Good prices, good husbandos."
>You turn to leave
>"Maybe you-o want quiet one, he clean house for you. Maybe you-o want the strong stoic one. I have chatty one too."
>Keep on walking
>"Very good husbandos, many discounts I can make-a for you-o."
"I'm busy."
>"You-o too busy for loves?"
>You stop
"I'll talk to Cadance if I need anything."
>"Much better than-a Cadance here. I have many Anon very excited for waifu."
"Now why don't I believe you?" you reply in a sarcastic tone
>"Come, adventure mare. You will see."
>You turn and walk with the stallion back to his building
>He lets you inside and shows you the Anons
>There are several of them doing things around the building
>He points to one of them that was clinging to a ceiling fixture
>"That one like climbing, but I must keep inside."
>The stallion points to another one that was missing a leg
>That one had a wooden peg prosthetic
>"He is reason why I keep Anons inside. Gryphon like to swoop down and eat Anons. They having soft meat."
>He points to a quiet one sitting in the corner
>"He not like to talking. Mysterious, yes?"
"Sure."
>"That one get bought by sky pirate captain, return a month later."
>There was a clack of claws at the door
>The stallion opened the peephole
>"Oh it you-o again, fuck off gryphon!",
>"I have money! I'll buy one from you!"
>"They for loves, not eat! Fuck off or I come out and kill you-o!"
>"Fine!"
>The stallion places a wooden plank across the door
>"I sorry, gryphon very sneaky. I no sell to them."
>He returns to you
>"For you, 200 bit or 30 storm buck."
>200 bits? That was kind of steep
>"I give you-o any Anon. Promise be nice to him, they very sensitive, yes?"
"Why not. Give me that one." you fork over the money in storm bucks and point to the climbing Anon
>The stallion counts it up, losing count at 17 and having to start over
>"Anon, come down! You-o have waifu now."
>The Anon dropped to the floor, landing on his side
>He rolls into a sitting position and holds his head
>"Hello."
>Daring, what have you gotten yourself into

>AK Yearling looked up from her typewriter and sighed
>Most of her stories were based on her own experiences but this one was fantasy
>A mare could dream...

>She looked back to the typewriter
>Yearling hoped she'd eventually get an appointment with Cadance

>Just a simple hello
>You waved a hoof
"Hey Anon, I'm Daring."
>Anon's hand extended and caught your waving hoof
>Weird human mannerisms
>"He is excite to meeting you-o, Daring.",
>"Where are we going?"
>You lead Anon back to the door
>He turns and waves to the other
>"Bye guys!"
>One waves back, another calls him a fag
>The stallion pulls the plank up and lets you out
>You and Anon step out into the grungy settlement
>He keeps close to you, your wing brushing against him
>That gryphon from earlier cuts you off at one turn
>"Ah, just who I was hoping to run into. I have 300 bits for you for that Anon." she offers
"No. I'm keepig this one.", you say, much to the gryphon's disappointment
>The gryphon rolls her eyes and walks past, bumping into you
>Rude
>You have to think, this whole ordeal had distracted you from your adventure
>What crazy shit were you up to before this?
>Could you bring Anon with you?
>You'd have to get to know him before you could bring him on any adventures with you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Spa twins are sick of ponies thinking they share 'everything'
>When they both get husbandos they brace themselves for the inevitable question.
>Are pleasantly surprised when upon meeting them together, the men simply look at the pair, look each other in the eye and shake hands with a simple "Nope." before escorting their respective mare to different restaurants.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>no built down-to-earth simple earth pony to live a slow life with in some rural area where there's barely anything to do but be with each other and that's alright for you both
>no svelte active pegasus to chase after dreams together, helping each other find motivation to go through each day and strive to better yourselves together, being there for each other and never losing sight of what's important
>no fragile tender unicorn to pull out of swift city life, anchoring her with much needed stability and comfort that she craves while she finds ways to make your life interesting so that you experience and share all kind of things together and live your life to its fullest
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>no sweet little mare who you feel safe to bear your heart to, your poor lonesome heart that's filled with love you've never had anyone to share it with

>no music mare who is shocked that you talk to her like she's any other pony, rather than a celebrity
>who needs you to cuddle and massage away the all the little aches she picks up while performing
>who can depend on you to bring her coffee as she stays up late nights working on her next big hit
>who is inspired by the stories you've shared with her and the time you've spent together
>who feels comfortable enough to drop her stage presence around you and only you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>You know that your chances of being matched to a named character, let alone a main one are slim to none.
>And you're fine with that. You're a normal guy and a quiet life plus a loving wife sounds divine.
>Monsters, demons, gods, and other deadly nonsense? No thanks.
>But when an armed contingent of guards are your escort through the Husbando Embassy, you know something is up.
>You're lead to a private room where you're told your match is on her way.
>And not a minute later, a hopeful Princess Twilight, THE main character and the mare with the single most turbulent life ever seen walks in.
>And she's not there to introduce someone else.
>Oh shit

>And she's not there to introduce someone else.
>Instead she's here to inform you that your match is "technically" on her way but it may take some time
>Meanwhile you're free to live in Equestria as you see fit, Twilight assures you she'll personally infrom you when your match arrives.
>After a few years of living a dull lonely life in some nowhere village you start to suspect the princess wasn't really all that honest with you.

>implying candyass would allow you to be forgotten after she went to the trouble of pulling you across dimensions
>implying a nerd like twalot wouldn't keep extensive records on not just you, but every human that comes through

>It's been ten years now.
>You've settled down in that village and sympathetic ponies are good to you, knowing your misery.
>Giving up was never so hard but you live on.
>Suddenly, Twilight arrives. With one companion.
>The princess introduces you to a thin, lanky teenage-looking unicorn mare with freckles and the widest smile you've ever seen.
>She looks barely of age and Twilight says it's her birthday today.
>The day when she finally can legally become a bride.
>She's your match.
>Crystal Heart has paired you with a foal at the time and to prevent confusion Cadence ordered to keep it a secret from everyone but the parents and the filly herself.
>Twilight took her under her wing and taught her everything, from magic to manners, and everything there is to know about humans. About you.
>She couldn't wait to meet you. She's been waiting for years for this moment. Just like you've been.
>There wasn't a week without her asking why can't she meet you right now and it pained Twilight to keep this up for all these years.
>Twilight watched her become a beautiful and smart mare, all for you. Just for you.
>And now, both of you stare at each other, realizing that this moment has finally arrived.
>Twilight dashes away a single tear with her wing as she watches you hug and cry of joy.
>Later she profoundly apologizes for what she had to do.
>You don't even hear her, carrying your mare on your arms without taking your eyes off hers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's probably a prank

>You think it's a joke.
>Say they must have been spying on you to pick Twilight of all ponies for this prank.
>Your autism overrides your common sense and you start listing all your Twilight paraphernalia as 'proof.'.
>One minute in and she's gobsmacked.
>By minute four she's blushing fiercely.
>Six minutes after you started you've procured a whiteboard from somewhere and are drawing charts.
>Eight minutes in and her wings are starting to hurt as you describe in excrutiating detail all the thing's you'd do to Twilight if this were real, only half of which were sexual.
>By the end of your rant you're both wide eyed, panting and have locked gazes.
>One full of doubt, fear and hope as his autism finaly subsides, the other with shock, sympathy and embarrassment.
>Both filled with desperate need.

>A brief silence ensues before a muffled thud is heard by the two guards stationed outside.
>A moment later muffled moans emminate from the room and the guards exchange bits, one learning the important lesson of never betting against the power love or autism.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Twiggles is too autistic and refuses you
>Sunbutt sees this and steals you
>Suddenly Twilight realizes she's about to get SUNNED and tries to take Anon back
>Celestia doesn't want to get SPARKLED and suddenly it's a magic battle for Anon
>Luna doesn't know what's happening but wants to fight
>Battle of the gods

>Luna looks at the two fighting.
"So, why is our sister and her student fighting?"
>"Apparently they both really want me... wonder if a threesome would be out of the question."
>After looking at the fight for a bit more Luna speaks again.
"I want in."
>She says before grappling Anon by the neck and pulling him into a open mouth kiss.
>"You bitch!" Is heard before Luna magics up a shield to block two magic shots.
"Thank you!"
>Luna says before taking off into the skirmish.
>Anon stands there stunned.
>"H-Holy fuck..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Before coming up with a spell to automatch with the Heart, Cadence had to manually do matches with the Heart's assistance.
>When she puts in the first human name without narrowing down what the man wants and tolorates in a lover, she ends up with most of Equestria as matches.
>Well that can't be right. Even with no hard parameters, she should only get a hoof full of 'perfect' matches.
>She tries again with another name.
>Same thing; nearly all of Equestria is match.
>Again and again she tries, but it's the same thing. Nearly every free mare sans polar opposites fit.
>The humans can't possibly that willing, could they? What could drive them to that?
>The pinkest princess tries not to think about it as she works.

>time to narrow down the search by the checklist they filled
>let's see, search parameters:
>"is a mare"
>"won't reject at the first sight"
>"is willing to give it a chance"
>"enjoys cuddling"
>possible matches: 99% of all the mares in Equestria
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Chrysalis signs up for the Husbando project
>fake profile, naturally
>gets matched with an entomologist
>shenanigans ensue

>Changeling shows up at Anon's door
"Hello?"
>"Yes, it's me your wife."
"I'm married?"
>"Yes."
"I've... been alone for so long. Where have you been?"
>Anon breaks down crying
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"I know you're probably feeling pretty bummed out right now, well. Probably totally heartbroken, Anon. But now is not the time to not be hopeful."
>"The crystal heart finds the most compatible matches, not the best ones. What you think might be your one and only might be the wrong one for you, although it's not usually the case. Even if your most compatible match didn't want you, that doesn't mean there's nopony else out there for you. You've got a gift that not many other Anons get."
>"You get to go out and pave your own path, there's a mare out there that might not be your perfect match but she'll love you just as much and you and her will make it work. That work will be what brings you together and the differences will shine. You haven't met her yet, but you're going to cherish her more than anything, and if you're worried that you'll never find her, just remember that love works in mysterious ways and you two will get drawn together sooner or later."
>"There's a lonely mare somewhere out there and I'm making it your official Princess Cadance assignment to go and rescue her!"

>You get to go out and pave your own path, there's a mare out there that might not be your perfect match but she'll love you just as much and you and her will make it work

Basically, like at home. Fuck it.


>"Stop being a little bitch and go find her already, boo hoo you have to put in some work just like any other normal pony and you don't get a waifu handed to you on a silver platter. She's out there and she's wondering if she's going to be alone forever while you sit here and cry about it.

How do you even find her? Walk around towns asking every single mare if she's the one for you? Make an ad in a newspaper? Make a habit of billposting in every place you go, with "wanted: pone waifu" posters? Ask ponice to conduct a search?

>Go adventuring
>Follow your dreams in the literally infinitie possibilities of Equestria
>Become a pirate captain
>Have brief rivalry with another group of pirates
>In the middle of a fight you lock swords with the sporty and grungy pegasus captain
>Lock eyes with her for just a second
>See a small flicker of the famed love gaze of ponies
>Distracted by her stare, she knocks you down
>Rather than killing you, she takes something precious from you
>"If'n ya want this back, you'll find me and me crew at Craggy Cove! Argh!"
>After a few more fights you fall in love with the tomboy pirate captain who playfully bumps heads with you all the time
Get on my level, sweetie

I don't like adventuring and pegasi

>Become a scholar, fucking dork
>Studying the arcane magicks and all that stuff
>Meet a nice older unicorn who takes you under her metaphorical wing to teach you
>Grow really close to her
>Find out she's married
>Disappointed about that
>For the whole time you've known her she's been talking to her daughter about you
>She's about your age
>One day she brings her daughter to the library to finally meet you
>You're not all that good at any magic but she thinks you're some kind of elder wizard god because you can do magic without a horn
>Older unicorn really trying to set you up with her daughter
>It all works out swimmingly
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Mrs. Match-mare, make me a match.
>Tell him I'll love him, with no strings attached.
>Give him a warm heart, and eyes that bewitch me,
>And ten fingers so that he scritch me!

>Mrs. Match-mare, I'm so lonely.
>There are no stallions to be my one and only.
>I know that he'll be such a catch~
>Mrs. Match-mare, make me a match.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>You'd never considered that being matched to a "canonized" pony was even a possibility.
>They were like figures of legend or history to you. As distant as they were insiring.
>You were humble. You never thought of yourself as 'having a waifu.' You just wanted a shot at happiness. A try at true love.
>But, having Cadence personally introducing you to your match was a little unusual. She didn't have the time for every-day matches.
>The guards were unusual. Were you meeting Nobility? Was land and a title in your future?
>Cadence was TENSE. She was controlling herself well, but every step down this hall was clearly making it worse.
>You turn the corner into a shorter hall, with a large door at the end. Celestia stands in front, an expectant look on her face.
>The three of you pass through that door into some sort of airlock arrangement; the first door closes behind you before the second is even unlocked.
>Now YOU are nervous. Who in hel-Tartarus were you matched with?
>But there is no time to ruminate. Cadence is pushing you in through the last door, and Celestia walks ahead of you, blocking your view.
>"Come out, He's here. You're not going to get another opportunity like this...."

>Flurry heart
Fine, twist my arm like that why don't ya
>You hear a high, feminine voice cry out from somewhere ahead
>"AUGH! Really? Auntie Cel too? It's like you think I'm going to EAT him!"
>You peek around Celestia's mane, which had been annoying blowing in the aetherial wind directly into your face, to see..
>A lithe, pink-white alicorn with curly purple-blue hair.
>An alicorn with a very upset expression her face.
>Yep, that's the Heir to the Crystal Empire alright. Flurry Heart.
>Celestia speaks: "Don't mind me. Pretend I'm not here. (don't make any sudden moves.)"
>That was an incredibly shitty whisper, and Flurry's expression going flat tells you she heard it, too.
>"I'm NOT a monster! Why are you TREATING me like this?"
>Cadence tries to butt in, saying "Honey, look. It's just to be safe. Cely and Luna both went through what you're going through, and they know what's best.."
>Flurry turns around with a huff, and I think I catch a tear falling before she runs deeper into her.. princess' suite?
>Everyone sheepishly stands around, staring after her.
"Does anyone want to explain what the hell is going on?"

>Celestia starts. "I suppose it's only fair that you understand."
>"You are, infact, Flurry Heart's match."
>"She's been looking forward to meeting her true love since a very young age."
>"However, Ms. Heart is the first natural-born alicorn in a very long time. Pony society at large doesn't know about their... quirks, growing up."
>"I, and Luna, can speak from personal recollection that a growing alicorn mare can be.. well. Wild." She chuckles, blushing a little.
>Cadence speaks up: "We just want to make sure that nothing gets broken. Bones, minds, or hearts."
>"So.. go talk to her. We'll be discrete, promise."
>You have no idea what to make of that. Equoid super-puberty?
>Well, she IS very pretty. And If Candy or Shining are anything to go by, you have no doubt that she's a great pony (Or will grow up to be one?)
>And the Heart is infallible. At least, that's what everyone says... True love.
>That'd be worth a few broken bones. It might hurt, but you've seen what healing magic can do.
>It'll be worth it.
"Wait, did you say minds?"
>"Nevermind that, chase after her!"

>Apparently 'chase after her!' means 'Get teleported after her.'
>You land, thankfully on your feet, in some distant room of the castle. Flurry is sitting on a couch, facing away from you.
"Uh. Hi, my name is Anon. Those rainbowhorses back there told me that I'm your match."
>She turns with a start, wide-eyed. She'd been crying.
>"O-oh.. um. You're not afraid of me? Aunty Cely and Luna keep telling everyone that I'm going to do something awful to you. But I'm not!"
"Well.. I don't think you're a monster. I don't think you want to hurt me. I want to get to know you; I'm not going to take their word for it."
>You cautiously step over to the other end of the couch, and sit down to speak to her at the same level.
"But. I DO have to wonder, a little bit, about all the guards and wards and such. If you don't mind telling me your side, of course."

>Her face scrunches up adorably, and she groans quietly under her breath
>"Ok. I DO deserve a little bit of that... but it's been years! YEARS, Anon!"
>"I might've done some.. ill-advised things, out of excitement. Anticipation. From the raw POWER.."
>"I'm not a Goddess. Not like Cely- Celestia, or Luna. But being an Alicorn is.. exhilirating!"
>"You probably know, that I flew from a very young age. I love flying, still do." Saying this, she sits a little prouder.
>"But the Magic... Anon, I can't describe it. I'm SO STRONG. I think I might be stronger than Twilight, sometimes. Natural blood, I think..."
>"And the first year, when I really started growing into it, It went to my head." She looks down to her forehooves;
>"I did things that I'm not proud of."
"Well, I can understand that. I can certainly imagine myself in my teen years, if I was suddenly a reality-warper."
"I'd probably be stuck behind a weird magic airlock, too."
>"Airlock?"
"It's a thing on Earth. An arrangement of sealed doors, that only one opens a time, to keep something in or out."
>"Ah."
>The silence stretches on for a moment, as you alternate stealing glances at eachother.
>"So..."
>"Do you think I'm pretty?"
>Now the glance is more like a stare. You're nearly forzen, in direct contact with two soulfull teal eyes.
>You swallow a sudden mouthfull of saliva, and answer
"Yes."
>"Even my weird stripey hair? I know striping is normal, but teal and purple?"
"Even your weird stripey hair. Uh, it matches your eyes, you know."
>You think you detect a blush beneath her light pink coat, at your words.
>YOU definitely blush, having said it out loud.
>"Can.. can I ask something maybe a little embarrasing?"
"Shoot."
>"Can I get a hug?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>mare learns of Anon's fear
>tries to help him overcome it gently and step by step
>one day he's ready to get touched for longer than a few seconds
>she embraces him and keeps him close tenderly
>"See? Nothing bad happened. You're safe with me. I promise you, nothing bad will ever happen to you when you're with me."
>She insists on not letting him go so he understands how safe he really is in her hooves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!"
>You walk slowly down the road towards your new home, a wide grin on your face as you watch your new pony hop up and down.
>Lyra Heartstrings, she's named. And she's been waiting a long time for you.
>As soon as the Human Initiative started, poor Lyra was among the very first to sign up for her human.
>She loved humans, she somehow knew of them even before the princesses.
>Maybe she fell on her head at some point, or there's some secret pony cartoon starring humans that you don't know about.
>Either way, she waited eagerly for a response from Cadence - surely, being in the first batch to apply would mean she'd be the first to get her waifu.
>Instead, time just kept on passing, and the others all got paired up and lived happily ever after, and she just kept waiting.
>It had been nearly a year since the program started, and Lyra had given up hope.
>There was nothing she wanted more than to love someone, and be loved, ESPECIALLY by a human.
>She was certain nopony was more thrilled about the prospect of meeting humans than her.
>And yet she was never matched.
>Until now, until you.
>She'd poured this all on you the second you got off the train, then spent another moment or two sputtering apologies for being weird.
>You just laughed and booped her nose, and she squealed and hugged you tight with all four of her hooves.
>You don't know why, but as soon as you saw her hopping up and down in the back of the crowd of ponies at the station, you were overcome with a great sensation.
>Of belonging, or comfort, or something. A great feeling that you had just, for the first time, laid eyes on the other half of your life.
>The other half of your heart.
>"Hey Bon Bon! BON BON!"
>She's waving frantically to another pony that must be her friend.
>Bon Bon just smiles and waves back, before seeming to notice the big human standing next to her for the first time.
>Then she gasps and breaks into a trot top join the two of you.
>"Oh, you got your human finally! Good for you, Lyra!"
>Lyra rushes over and hugs her.
>"I KNOW! Do you see him?"
>She looks again at you and nods.
>"I see him."
>Lyra thrusts a hoof out, pointing at you, her other leg still tight around Bon Bon's shoulders.
>"DO YOU SEE HIM THOUGH!?"
>Bon Bon's brow furrows just a moment, but she regains her composure and giggles.
>"Yes, yes, I see him, Lyra. And he looks like quite the keeper, too!"
>Lyra and races back over and weaves herself between your legs.
>"Oh, he is SUCH A KEEPER!"
>You wave to her friend.
"Hello, I'm Anonymous. It's good to meet you."
>"Nice to meet you too, Anonymous. I'm Bon Bon. I don't think I have to tell you that my Lyra's been waiting for you for a long time."
>You laugh.
"Oh, she told me all about that."
>"We can call him 'Anon' for short! That's-"
>Lyra cuts herself off midsentence and tugs at your pant leg.
>"Is-is it okay if I call you Anon?"
"Okay, then can I call you sweetheart?"
>"Sweetheart...."
>Lyra's cheeks turn pink and her pupils dilate just a bit.
>Inside her eyes, you swear you could see little hearts.
>You've only known her for about half an hour and she already just makes you want to fucking melt.
>Bon Bon just stands there, awkwardly watching her friend bury her face into the side of your pant leg.
>You both share a glance; she cocks an eyebrow and shrugs.
>This is how she's always been. An excitable, eccentric little thing.
>You feel a tight tug on your pants again, and you look down to see Lyra's got a grip of your clothes in her teeth.
>Her eyes are closed and she's kind of making a small whimpering noise.
>Worry overtakes you, and you lean down and place a hand lightly on the back of her neck.
"Are you okay, sweetheart?"
>She returns to her senses at your touch and smiles back at you. Little tears look to be forming in her eyes.
>"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to... Do that. It's just -- I'm just...."
>She takes a moment to gather her words.
>"...I'm just so, SO happy we're matched!"
>You smile back at her, take up one of her hooves, and gently lead her out from beneath you.
"You are a strange little unicorn, Lyra."
>That was meant to be cute, but instead, her smile drops and so does her gaze.
>She quickly rubs the back of her head with a hoof.
>"Oh... I... I didn't mean to be strange... I swear I'm more normal than this."
>Oh, is that a weak spot?
>Shit, whoops.
>Nothing you can't fix, though.
>You just laugh and cup her head in your hands.
"Well, I certainly hope not. Because you are just my kind of strange."
>At that, she beams again.
"Now, how about you take your human to his new home?"
>You let go of her face and absent-mindedly pat the side of her cutiemark.
>Oh yeah, that's her butt.
>Lyra's cheeks turn red at her touch, and you worry that you might have gone too far with that.
>But instead, she bites her lip and turns to Bon Bon with this great, goofy smile.
>Bon Bon rolls her eyes.
>"Aaalright, you two... Try not to wake the whole town up, tonight."
>She gives one last hug to Lyra and walks off.

FIN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Be pone
>A little sad that humans aren't as big as you thought they'd be
>They're about as tall as you, and their shape meant they had so little mass compared to you
>You didn't mind
>They were still sweet and loving
>Except yours
>Your Anon was shy or afraid of you or something
>The only room he'd share with you was the living room but he wouldn't come near you unless he had to
>You wrote Cadance about it but she hasn't returned your letters
>He would always slip out of the room whenever you walked in
>He wouldn't ever get close enough to hug
>What was wrong with him? What was wrong with you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Be Anon, just kind of hanging out at the local mall
>It was pretty empty anyway since people started disappearing out of thin air
>Suddenly you're not outside the empty hot topic, wondering if you could go unfold a bunch of Rick and Morty shirts to inconvenience the landwhale goth chick
>You were in chains, on your knees, next to ten or so other equally surprised guys
>Three little ponies walk in, two by the only door and one begins talking
>"Alright boys, if you want a picture of your future imagine a cute little mare like me. Sitting on your face. Forever."
>Cool
>Some of the other guys didn't seem to excited about that
>But all this talk of someone sitting on your face had you hard as a rock already
>New academy record
>"Anyone have a problem with that?"
>The group began to express dismay immediately
>You waited until an opportune moment of relative quiet to voice your own opinion
"No, that sounds cool."
>The guard immediately looked at you angrily
>"Oh, a wise guy?" she stomped over to you and turned around, showing off her fat bat ass
>You notice the look of disgust from the normalfag sitting next to you
>The guard hikes her tail up, moving closer to you
>When your head came against the wall you had nowhere else to go
>"Surely you don't mind if I have a seat here?"
"Nah, it's cool."
>The guard huffs in annoyance before sitting back onto your face
>In this foreign land, you try to be a nice houseguest
>You open your mouth and start playing with the mare's slit, working your way up and across her ponut, making sure to give it a few roundabouts before grazing her dock
>You know, just as a free trial
>She pulls off as soon as you stop, breathing heavily
>"Take this one for immediate husbando assignment... S-sort and process the rest."
>The normie next to you scowls in disgust
>"Fucking nasty."
>You give him a marecum-covered smile and spit some of the lubricant into his face as the two guard unchain you and drag you off
"Fag."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>AK stared at the words across her typewriter as they came out
>This ws stupid
>Daring Do wasn't the kind of mare to do any of this
>Maybe she wasn't a loner, but she wouldn't open up so quickly to someone she'd just met
>It was hard to tell where Daring ended and Yearling began
>At times it felt as if Daring was just a placeholder name, a fake persona for her adventuring
>Almost invalidating Yearling's existence
>She'd become Daring Do
>Of course the events in her books were at times exaggerated, and Daring was a little more... daring than Yearling could ever be
>And even here, with this fictional, perfected version of herself, she was alone
>Yearling pulled the sheet out of typewriter and crumpled it up angrily
>She hated that she'd ever put ink to paper and created this monster that consumed her being
>A goal to which she could never live up, and one where she could still never get what she wanted most
>Daring was confident and tough in the face of danger, when Yearling was timid and just wanted to go home
>Daring fought the bad guys head-on when Yearling desperately looked for a way out
>And Daring could get any colt she wanted while Yearling sat on a waiting list for Cadance
>Yearling rested her head on the tabls with a tired groan
>A simple bit of wish fulfillment put to paper had ruined her for the evening
>If only she were more like Daring
>Yearling walked into her kitchen and got herself some orange juice
>She stared into the cup for a long time, hoping for answers from the drink
>Nothing
>She took a sip from the cup, savoring the overpriced elixir for all it was worth
>A letter slid under the door, stamped with the seal of the princess of love
>Yearling looked back and forth from the orange juice to the letter
>Maybe it did have answers yet
>AK picked up the envelope, pulling off the wax seal and unwrapping the letter
>Dear AK Yearling,
>I hope this letter finds you well, as it found me in stressful bind. Your number has finally been pulled, and there has been an issue in the collections department. Your human, Anon, is nowhere to be found on Earth and I fear he may have already been taken by hired husbando hunters. Worse yet, the crystal heart is having a great deal of trouble locking onto the frequency of his heart which leads me to believe something has gone terribly wrong with his psyche.
>I hope for the best for your human but things do not look well, luckily, you happen to be just the mare for the job. I know if anyone can find him it'll be you. All I am able to find out is that he's west of gryphonstone.
>Even if Anon has been defiled or broken beyond repair, I ask that you find him and bring him back, even if you no longer want him. Seeing what can happen to humans caught by husbando hunters makes you realize just how fragile they really are and I want to make sure he's okay.
>Good luck,
>Princess Cadance

>Yearling stared at the letter first in anger, then in sadness
>Of course her one chance at happiness would get stolen by some hook-beaked catbird
>Of course that would happen
>It only made sense that Yearling just wasn't allowed to ever be happy
>AK set the letter down next to her typewriter and sat on the couch to think
>But mostly stare at her hooves and cry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Be filthy sand nigger known as Towel.
>So a pack of degenerate horse fuckers get what they want but you don't get your seventy two I.T guys?
>BULLSHIT!
"LALALALALALA!"
>*Boom*
>...
>Be Towel.
>Apparently heaven is better than you thought!
>Much less hot then your sand hut village.
>Much cleaner air than it too!
>"Towel! For trying to kill a horse and another man you've been sent to hell!" A giant red monster says. "And for doing it for a false god you'll get your seventy two virgins!"
>Yes!
>"Seventy two virgin deamons to train on your asshole for all of eternity!"
>Even better!

>Be Anon.
"Wifu! No!"
>You shout as you pick up the upper half of your wifu.
>You hold her close and cry into her mane.
>You don't even notice the guard approach.
>"Huh, sub humans again? Alright I've got this." With that the guard lights up it's horn and with a burst of magic wifu is all better.
"Wifu!"
>Wifu hugs you for a bit mumbling how much she loves you before looking under herself.
>She get's a wicked grin.
>"Um, guard? I hate to be a bother but my teats were a bit bigger than this."
>The guard looks at her clearly able to tell she's lying.
>"Eh, buck it." And then made her crotch tits bigger.
>"Yay!" Wifu cheers trotting in place happily as her teats jiggle a bit.
>Today was a muslims are still fucking stupid even in a magical land.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>ywn take your mare to the opera
>ywn manage to get fantastic seats in a private booth because only the best for your mare
>ywn indulge her exhibition fetish as you fuck her periodically throughout the show, her pendulous crotchtits swaying outside of her hastily displaced lingerie
>ywn look at her with an exhilarating mix of mischievous glee and anxiety as she tries to stifle her moans, bracing herself against the railing of the booth, both of you so very exposed but entirely unnoticed
>ywn make her moan anyway during the aria, when everyone dismisses her mewls of pleasure for crying over the performance
>ywn take your mare at the opera
Cadence please I need it
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Rub your waifu's belly whenever the foal is kicking.
>Do this so much that even after being born, your children still find comfort in holding your palm from the prenatal experience.

Jesus Christ I might have a heart attack from how cute and adorable that would be

>Waifu just gave birth
>The little one is really rowdy and not keep still or calm enough to nurse from your mare's teats
>Hold them in you arms with one of your hands under their head and the other over their tiny belly gently rubbing it
>They calm down quickly, cooing and mewling softly
>HNNGG
>Good thing your already in a hospital
>Getting down on your knees next to the hospital bed, you hold them to one of the two baby ambrosia fountains of your mare
>Your little bundle of joy lays there in your arms and nurses from each of the teats for a few minutes before having their fill
>Guess those prenatal belly rubs did come in handy
>After you bring them up to lay them with their mother you see she has a bright and happy, if not tired, smile as well as a few tears
>The great feeling of fatherhood is much better than you could ever have dreamed and you wouldn't have it any other way
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Man loves mare.
>Mare loves man.
>They engage in consensual cuddling.
>Levels of physical contact in general are extremely high.
>Intimate behavior status is healthy.
>Penis is placed inside vagina multiple times.
>Foals are conceived.
>Cadence scratches another mare off The List™
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Oh girls, i can hardly wait, when are they opening the portal again?
>We've told you a dozen times, it's opening _______. Just be patient!
>But i'm so excited! We're going to hug and he'll brush my mane and then we'll cuddle and then i'll sit on his face and he'll brush my tail and we'll snuggle and all we have to do is share love! What's up with that?
>Apparently their world is run by griffens, and you know how those birdbrains get if you put them in charge of something.
>I thought the only species that could talk in their world was humans?
>Oh they are, but the translator spell makes the word they use sound like 'gryphon'.
>Wow, that must really be bothering Twilight, you know how she gets about things like that. So when is the portal opening again?
>[groaning horse sounds]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Husbando programme has been running years, thousands of Anons are now living in Equestria
>New bad guy of the season tries to conquer the ponies but hasn't heard of the new residents
>Anons go apeshit at the attempt to enslave their waifus and some deep rooted warlike instinct kicks in
>Equestria no longer has the reputation of being a place full of pacifist pushovers so long as you can neutralise the alicorns

>chants of "desensitize and face the bloodshed" echo in the distance
>the villain is completely unprepared for this level of violence as he keeps losing constructs to ambushes and people literally beating them to pieces with rocks, iron poles, or any weaponized debris they can get their hands on
>one day wakes up and finds a naked, war-painted anon with a knife in his teeth and a spear (actual spear, you guttermind) pointed at him
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Be Purpl- I mean, Sparkle bu- Celestia dammit!
>Be Twilight!
>They call you so many different names you start to think they are your names sometimes!
>You've been teaching a bunch of humans how to use magic.
>You were so excited to see different creatures so willing to learn about magic.
>You still are, but they're... strange.
>N-Not the bad strange!
>Just strange.
>The ones that seem to be less intelligent learn magic faster, while the ones that know alot learn much slower.
>Perhaps it's mental thing?
>Like teaching a foal how to walk vs. A adult...
>You should see if you can get younger humans.
>Later! Right now you're a teacher!
>You're currently trying to teach them how to make food via magic.
>The 'Special' humans did it with bearly a sweat.
>Although the others are having trouble.
>"This is bullshit!" One yells. "I can't spawn one fucking grape!"
>He then points to one of the 'Special' humans.
>"Yet that faggot can make ham sandwiches without even trying!"
>The human he's pointing at smiles.
>"Hey Anon."
>"What?"
>The human he was pointing at closes his eyes and focusses.
>All of the sudden a bunch of floating green sandwiches appear in the shape of a less than mark.
>The angry human glares at him and yells "Fuck off!"
>The other just starts making alot more sandwiches.
>"See!" The angry one says pointing at him. "It isn't even because he's hungry! He doesn't even eat the fucking things!"
>"Oh cool, I made a grape!" A human in the back corner who insisted to set his desk be on a step says holding his grape.
>"Fight me faggot!" The angry one yells at him.
>He stands up and spreads his arms.
>"I have the high ground! It's already over!"
>The angry human looks down and comfirms the other did infact have the 'High ground' before slamming himself down in a huff.
>You really hope Celestia is having a easier time.

>Meanwhile in Canterlot.
>Be Celestia.
>Pic related.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>ywn spend hours playing with her marebits, cuddling and burying your face in her floofy mane

>just sitting back under the blankets with her, her leaning back against your chest with a totally relaxed and blissful look on her face as you run your fingers up and down and between her vulva, occasionally rubbing circles on her clit when it winks out
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Ywn create a new life with your pony wife
>Ywn never give her back and tummy rubs to ease the effects of her morning sickness
>Feel a tiny hoof press against you as you run your hand over her abdomen
>Ywn witness the birth of your child and cry tears of joy when you see them in their mother's arms

So make sure to have lots and lots of sex with your waifu to keep her happy and healthy throughout the entirety of her pregnancy.

A happy, healthy mare gives plenty of happy, healthy foals!

>tfw your wife gets addicted to preggo sex
>even worse, the feeling of your cum splattering against her cervix and pumping deep into her uterus drives her up the wall
>she literally can't keep herself from getting knocked up again
what a horrible conundrum
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>You look up from your current project, crochet needles still in wing and half finished blanket in hoof
>There he is again, your love, your one and only, your gift from another world, staring out through the glass doors to the patio out into the garden, looking but not really seeing
>You hate it when this happens to him, you already know where his mind is, what he's thinking
"Honey?" you call out to him
>But he doesn't register your voice, continuing to absentmindedly rub the stubble on his chin, still staring into the sunlit lavender and tulips
>Frowning, you put down the needles and gingerly set the blanket onto the coffee table
>You grunt as you work your way out of your comfy chair with some difficulty, distended belly making it hard to to move about
>Wiggling around and rocking back and forth until you get your hooves under you, you drop to the wooden floor with a clacking of hooves
>Giving a tired huff from the effort, you waddle towards your husband, still blankly looking out the door
>Making it over and standing by his side, you turn to look out the window with him and admire the beautiful flower garden you've made together
>You can't help but happily smile as you imagine your foals growing up here, playing in the garden together
>Looking back up to your lover's face shows he's still lost in his own world
"Sweetie?" you softly say, brushing a wing along the hand by his side
>He jolts, head jerking down as his eyes meet yours, the haunted expression in his face flashing by so quickly you almost didn't see it
>He breathes deeply, hand that was on his chin moving to his chest
>"Good lord, dear, you scared me. Don't sneak up on me like that." he says, looking down at you with a smile
>You can't help but raise an eyebrow at him, smiling drolly
"I don't know if you can tell," you say, wings folding down to caress your bulging belly, "but I can't exactly sneak anywhere."
>The humor leaves your face as you look at him with concern, your love looking back out the window to avoid your gaze
>You reach out and hold his hand in the crook of your wing, feathers meshing with his fingers
"It's okay, love," you warmly tell him, "I'm here, you're here, neither of us are going anywhere."
>Releasing his hand and fluttering your wings to get eye level with him, you only get a hoofs length off the ground before you get too tired to continue and drop back down
>You huff in frustration and he looks at you with a watery smile, kneeling down and reaching out a hand to caress your cheek and brush your hair back
>You can't help but give a happy coo and push back into his hand, absorbing his affection like a sponge
>He chuckles, your warmth and eagerness washing away his lingering bad feelings like a refreshing wave
>"I know, I know you're here. I just get lost in... memories, sometimes." he says, scratching underneath your chin the way you like it, eyes closing in pleasure
"Well stop it," you relaxedly murmur, "You're here and home with me, you should be cuddling and pampering your pregnant wife." you only half jokingly say, cracking open an eye and smiling at him
>He laughs this time and gently picks you up, cradling you in his arms and rocking you back and forth
"I'm not a foal, you know!" you say, scrunching your nose and playfully batting at his chin with a hoof
>Humming in thought, he smirks down at you
>"But I'm not rocking you, I'm rocking the foal."
>Scrunching harder at him, his smirk only gets bigger
>"Besides, I know you enjoy it when I do this."
>You acquiesce and release your scrunch as he walks you over to the couch
>He's got you there
>When he gets to the couch he slowly sits down and places you in his lap, hand reaching out to rub soft, gentle circles on your belly
>Melting into him and leaning back, you nuzzle into the underside of his chin and sigh happily, wings lazily drooping down to either side of his legs
"I'm glad you're mine," you sleepily whisper, "I'm glad you came with me back home."
>You can't see his face, but you can hear the emotion in his voice when he responds
>"I am too," he says, leaning back and kissing the top of your head before his arms gently wrap around you in a hug, "I'm glad to finally be home."
>You drift off to sleep there in his warm embrace, as tears pool in the corners of your eyes from pure happiness
>Yes, you're both finally home
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just want to hold a little mare in my arms. Tell her over and over again how beautiful she is, how precious she is to me. Shower her with kisses. Massage and rub and scratch her all over and bask in her little squeaks and nickers of satisfaction as I make her feel wonderful. Worship her like the little princess she is and never let her go no matter what.

Hold the mare. Make her know she is loved. Never let her go.

I wonder how much ponies like to kiss. I'd be kissing my little mare all the time. I wanna taste those velvety soft lips, feel the tickle of her warm breath through her muzzle on my face, taste her saliva as our tongues dance in each other's mouths. I'd never get tired of it.

This. All mares deserve it. All of them need to know how precious they are, how cute and beautiful they are. Especially those who don't think that way, they need to know that they are perfect. Every insecurity must be breached and destroyed with eagerness that would make her doubt you're actually serious. They need to be showered with affection, worshipped like goddesses until there's not even a shadow of doubt in their mind that they are the cutest pretties little miracles of the universe.

>Especially those who don't think that way, they need to know that they are perfect.

This is probably my biggest fantasy. Taking an "average" mare, not an ugly one but not one that the stallions are lining up to be with, one with self-esteem issues always trying her hardest but never attracting a mate until I came along, and making her feel like the most gorgeous goddess that ever graced the face of the planet, worshiping her body from head to hoof, muzzle to tail, telling her how I must be the luckiest guy alive to have landed such a lovely little cutie, and pampering her for the rest of her life.

If I'd able to make a mare feel special, feel needed, wanted, catered to, worshipped, then I think my life would be complete. I want her to know exactly how amazing she makes me feel and that a chance to be with her is worth everything in my life. That she's that very special mare that made all of my dreams come true. That I need nothing more than to know I've made her happy, because she already has made me happy just by being with me. I think it is man's true calling to make his mare feel like that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>She'd want to do the same for you
MAN
A
R
E

DREAM
TEAM

>she wants you to feel the same
>she faces a deep seated self-loathing and layers upon layers of insecurities about everything, from your body to your character
>doesn't give up and instead sees it as a challenge
>little by little she peels off everything negative you know about yourself
>her main instrument to push it is your own affection to her
>she refuses to let you shower her with it unless you accept hers just as well
>unconditional, worship-like love in both words and actions
>if you think she's perfect you need to allow her to say you're perfect as well
>you brush it off as her trying to repay you for your own actions but she doesn't ever stop
>nothing you say gets to her and she continues to try and get to you - just like you do it with her
>you push her and argue with her to no avail, in the end she gets what she wants
>she can whisper sweet nothings into your ear for hours as she hugs you from behind and kisses your head in between praise she sings for you
>wants to kiss and lick you all over saying how handsome you are
>you're not getting any chance to do the same until she does it to you
>it takes a form of sort of a competition to outperform one another, a struggle to fluster and pleasure each other more and more
>she will never finally break the ice and wind you up so much you'll get overly emotional over it
>she will never answer your every retort with even more affectionate words
>you will never feel your heart melting completely, giving up to her unrelenting kindness and desire to please you
>you will never cry into her chest while she holds you and kisses your head all over, saying how much she loves you
This is just TOO good, even for a fantasy. It's too much to even think about.

>Thinking about a mare saying those kinds of things.
>ERROR 404 MENTAL IMAGE NOT FOUND
>Trying to imagine the seperate actions out of order results in mild anxiety.
>Realise everytime i think about a mare i'm giving everything and not receiving anything.
>Literally cant even imagine sincere affection happening to me for it's own sake.
Ever have that moment where part of your worldview just up and shatters?

Now imagine if your mare thinks like this too. Like she's unlovable and doesn't deserve the things you do to her. You worship her, you kiss every inch of her body with unsatiable lust in your eyes and she doesn't even know what to think of it since she never even liked herself and all of her fantasies involved only giving her partner all the affection.
Imagine how you feel giving her all of your love and try to imagine she wants the same. Now imagine your reaction to her doing everything you want to do with her, and imagine her reacting to your affection that way. Love your mare all the way, love her with no second thoughts, but please allow her to love you too with the same vigor and passion you love her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>The mare is worth all the love a heart and soul can give and more
>Mare doesn't think she's perfect
This is sort of fucking with my brain right now, I think I know what a computer trying to process a paradox feels now

>Husbando loves you with all his heart
>Tells you you're the perfect cutie little mare he always dreamed of
>He's been lonely for so long but now he says that you've saved him
>Appalled by your insecurities you've been dwelling on your whole life like not being fit or having an unimpressive mane, tells you that you're perfect the way you are
>He's so good to you it almost feels unfair and undeserved
>Suddenly, you learn that he thinks he's not that great
>That he outright dislikes himself
>But how can this man who has so much warmth to give, someone who made you feel like a princess, be so harsh on himself?
>It's just impossible, isn't it? It has to be a mistake
How does a mare deal with this feeling?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>When Cadence established the Initiative she tried to pick the loneliest men and mares first, those who are in dire need of companionship.
>She knew there's a lot of men craving love they deemed impossible in their world.
>But the princess was also surprised to see how many lonely mares the Crystal Heart has found.
>She never imagined there's so many of them. Every city, every village, there's bound to be a sad, unhappy, lonely mare.
>More in cities, of course. Manehattan seems to be the most depressed city if the Heart's judgement is to be trusted.
>A list of all the potential candidates for the initial matching program couldn't be completed in a single day.
>It's strange. When you come to the city, you usually see happy ponies. Friendly ones. Those who wonder around town because of business, because they want to show off a new dress or just because they feel like it.
>The are confident, sometimes extravagant. They live their life to its fullest in the city's fast pace.
>But in the background there are so many more of those who don't. When you walk down the streets you don't even pay attention to them.
>They live like shadowy apparitions and there's no pony to care if they even exist. They might as well not be there at all.
>Take a look at this picture right here. Can you see one of them?
>No, there, in the background. No, not that one, the one you can barely even see the top of the mane of.
>She has stopped to see what all the ruckus on the street is about but the crowd was pretty thick and she decided to not linger.
>That's the only time you'd ever even notice her. And you wouldn't if I hadn't pointed her out. You're not even sure you were looking at the right pony, are you?
>But honestly, who can blame you? She's that unremarkable.
>Who is she then? Does it even matter?
>She's a unicorn. No magical talent whatsoever. She dreamed about becoming a scholar or a magician when she was a filly but her parents wanted her to have "normal" education.
>Her paper and quill cutiemark sealed the deal. No magic ability there.
>The special talent of this mare is calligraphy. She can write pretty letters. That's it.
>She was too young to realize that her dream slipped away from her, only later she knew that her future was decided without consulting her.
>It became an insecurity of hers. She shaped up to be a massive underachiever.
>Letting opportunities slip and not believing in success seems to be her other talents because boy was she good at it.
>If somepony praised her it made her anxious. She didn't deserve it, it was a fluke, it's fake success.
>She has to stop doing it before others learn what a fraud she really is.
>That kind of reasoning eventually lead to her not doing anything at all. And that's when other insecurities came knocking.
>Unicorns are known to be elegant, charming, wise and inspiring. Well, she's none of those things.
>She never cared after herself that much. Her mane wasn't impressive and her coat was pretty dull. There was no silky shine to it like on all the covers of flashy magazines about mare beauty.
>She has read some. It left her bitter and nothing else.
>Her muzzle was also a bit short for her head. Eyelashes - not that rich either.
>Ears could be smaller too. She had lots of hats to cover those up and they were uncomfortable, but hey, it made her more comfortable with herself so that kinda works?
>So yeah, she dislike how she looked. On top of that, really unimpressive height, legs a bit too curvy. Nothing of the unicorn's elegance that she wanted and looked up to.
>What else she dislikes about herself? Well, everything.
>Two friends. One moved to another city and they just send each other letters sometimes.
>Second one is a mare even more miserable than she is. Just a stinky NEET of a mare, a former classmate.
>She thought that maybe she's just friends with her because it makes her feel better about herself. But it's completely the opposite.
>It's depressing that her friend just now goes through a lot of problems she herself faced before. And she can't help her.
>All she can do is listen to how depressed she is all the time and do nothing about it because she herself knows no way out.
>If she knew, she'd be out of this situation in no time.
>Family is alive and well, somewhere on the other side of Manehattan. She doesn't visit.
>Her job is, you guessed it, working with documents and papers.
>Writing, re-writing, copying, documenting and just everything that involves writing, really.
>She doesn't feel in any particular way about it. It's a special talent so might as well make it work. She does enjoy writing.
>Making all those pretty letters, beautiful curves of ink, seeing how her fontwork comes together on a postcard or a poster, or an invitation...
>It just makes her realize she lacks that elegance and sophistication inside herself.
>She is dull. Nopony likes that.
>Overall, her life is just a series of boring days at work and boring evenings at home.
>Of course, there's no private life to speak of. Stallions never really noticed her and she never tried being noticed.
>She's in her best years now, if you can call it that, but she's used to being alone.
>Every single day she walks down that street to her work and back.
>You would never even notice her if not for that picture.
>How many mares are there that live like that? How many mares spend their life rotting in mediocrity of their existence without anyone to shelter them from themselves and make them feel like they matter?
>Apparently, more than anypony expected.
>Cadence scratches her head with her quill and gets to writing invitations.
>It's gonna be a LONG day at the newly established Initiative.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>tfw you gaze into the murky shadows where no one cares to look and see something gazing back at you longingly

>Little calligraphy mare walking home from work
>Anon walking to the store to inconvenience them with his strange dietary needs
>Anon notices behind even the background ponies there is a shadowy mass
>The unnoticeable ponies
>Taking it as a challenge, he stares into the darkness
>Sees a little unicorn, just barely divided from the blackness
>She stops and turns to him
>She realizes you're staring
>He waves
>Little mare pulls her hat down shyly and keeps walking, disappearing into the blackness once again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>You're walking down the street one day before a flash of light briefly blinds everyone, resolving into a group of mares.
>They quickly scatter in all directions while looking around at everyone
>One of the mares trots over to you with a happy expression.
>"Hello, it's nice to meet you."
What do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>The Heart matches an Anon to Nightmare.
>The last remnants of Nightmare inside Luna that weren't blasted away by the Elements sense the Heart's pull and forcefully leave Luna, manifesting a weaker Nightmare.
>Owner of Equestria she may not be, but promised love is a good reason to be out and about.
>And with the laws set in place to facilitate matches, Nightmare gets her criminal record sealed and pardoned, but there is nothing stopping her being recognized as a legitimate ruler since she's an alicorn.
>Now she has royal privilege, access to the treasurery, a nearly duty free life, and an exotic lover at her side.
>Meanwhile Celestia and Luna are still being worked to the bone and their matches still haven't shown.
>Truly, good things happen to bad ponies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>In an effort to fix equestria's population and relationship imbalance, Princess Cadence, Princess Twilight and Starlight glimmer combine a matchmaking spell with the friendship table and an assortment of cutie marks from volunteers.
>Aside from one or two matches with stallions, in different parts of equestria the rest of the marks float unsteadily above the map as if unsure where to go.
>As testing the spell on inanimate objects resulted in a clear "None found." response, as does specifiying the parameters of the matchmaking spell to absurd levels, the mare's partners must exist somewhere outside of the map's ability to display.
>Senses tingling, Pinkie pie wanders in and asks how she can help with the party.
>Frustrated with the nonsensical results, Twilight tells her there wont be a party if they dont figure out where the map is pointing.
>Looking at it speculatively for a moment, the pink pony hms to her self before pulling a small mallet from her mane and grabbing it in her mouth.
>She lifts a hind leg into the air behind her before spinning around for a moment.
>Coming to a dead stop, she double takes three times, the crowd starting to whisper at her strange (even by her standards) behavior.
>Suddenly launching herself to the left side of the room, causes a scattering of confused mares while launching herself to the right earns more scattering along with yells, she returns to her original spot balanced on her front right hoof.
>All hooves firmly on the floor, she starts swinging her body around in a large arc, legs inexplicably extending like rubber to keep her original postion.
>Beginning with a short little hop onto her plot, she jumps randomly in place for a few seconds with all sorts of party themed sounds coming from her mane before landing on all four hooves, rearing her head back and
>Tap
>With the sound of cracking glass, a small square hole about the size of an average window appears where she struck the air, the qt marks rushing through it.
>While everyone stares gobsmacked at her literal breaking of reality and the swirling shadows within, the pink pony in question dons a hunting cap, pulls an oversized butterfly net from her mane and places a rose in her mouth before leaping through the hole with a muffled battle cry.
>An hour later, a frantic Twilight sparkle trying to figure out how to get her back is scared out of her wits by a tall human looking creature carefully crawling through the reality tear while carrying a babbling pinkie ("HI Twilight! Have you met my husbando anon yet should we call him husband or horseband since he and his friends call us waifu instead of wife i really dont mind but i know you're funny like that) and wearing the butterfly net.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"YOU SORRY SACKS OF MINOTAUR SHIT THINK ANY HUMAN HUSBANDO WITH HALF A BRAIN IS GOING TO SPARE YOU A PASSING GLANCE IN YOUR STATE?!"
>"I'VE SEEN BETTER FIGURES ON BEANBAG CHAIRS!"
>"YOU MARES DO OBSTACLE COURSES LIKE OLD PONIES FUCK!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But what if I want a tubby waifu?

>”Unf... You like my chub, don'tcha Anon...”
>”Yeah, keep rubbing my tummy like that.”
>”I'm not like all those other, skinny mares, am I?”
>”I've got plenty of flesh to grab and fondle... And you love every singly inch of it.”
>”Why don't you... Yisss.... Exactly like that. Massage and knead my flanks, Anon.”
>”Celestia... You turn me on like nopony else.”
>”You actually appreciate my curves and know how to properly treat them.”
>”All the other stallions just mounted me, not caring about what they have in front of them, but you... You are the first one to really appreciate my figure.”
>”Not that I just slept around like a common slut, no...”
>”But a mare has her needs, yunno? Especially during her estrus cycles...”
>”Don't worry though, Anon...”
>”I might not be able to give you my maidenhood any more, but...”
>”There is still one place that is still clean... Pure, so to say...”
>”And I saved it just for you.”
>”All the attention and care you gave to it... I noticed it.”
>”You just can't get enough of it.”
>”And... Oh my...”
>”Are you blushing?”
>”So you know of which place I am speaking of...”
>”Mhm...”
>”There...”
>”Any mare's most forbidden hole...”
>”And...”
>”I want you to take it.”
>”Make it yours, Anon.”
>”You don't even have to worry about any sanitary reasons.”
>”I have taken care of that earlier~”
>”Just...”
>”Heh...”
>”Give me some time to adjust to your... Mhm~... Your girth,”
>”I'm sure you want this to be enjoyable for both us, don't you?”
>”That's what I thought~”
>”I'm... I'm ready, Anon.”
>”Make me yours.... And please don't hold back.”
>”I can't get pregnant from there~”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>a mare will never tell you that she needs you
>not just wants you
>want can be as fleeting as a summer day
>If you loose something you want, you will still ultimately be fine
>to be wanted may sound nice, but it's nothing compared to being needed
>your mare will never need you by her side
>you will never be such a vital part of her life that she cannot function without you
>your prescence and love is not just something she values or wants
>it's like oxygen to her
>as long as you hold her close at nights, everything is good in her life

I never asked to be born, so I didn't really expect much out of life. But the fact that we are separated from true love by an unsurmountable wall seems a tab bit cruel to be. Which god did we all collectively piss off in our last lifes?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you think Cadance has an Ultra form like Nightmare Moon and Daybreaker?

Thotbreaker?

>Cadence knows about Nightmare Moon and Daybreaker.
>"Ha! I'll never freakout hard enough for that to happen."
>Goes to Earth

>Becomes Dissonance, the Crestfallen
>All shall love and despair
>earth actually improves because even though she's forceful she still matches people correctly

>"Honey, dont you think this is taking things too far?"
"Shining, i love you, but this needs to happen."
>"You cant just take over an entire civilsation because some relationships dont work out!"
"Think back to our wedding for a moment, do you remember Chrysalis?"
>"What does she have to do with anything?"
"Do you remember how it felt when you came to your senses and realised that the pony you loved was actually a fake, just a monster that used you before tossing you aside when you were completely drained?"
"Now imagine if most ponies were like that, if that sort of behavior was accepted, nay, encouraged!"
"Imagine a world where Love itself is a mere candlelight, flickering in an ocean of violent filth and depravity , struggling to stay aflame in those darkest depths."
"That fire will be saved, i will nuture and add it to equestria so that both shall entwine and rise into a roaring beacon of defiance against the cold despair of loneliness!"
"Even if this world's rot must be burned to cinders, neither Man nor Mare shall EVER BE ALONE AGAIN!"
>Descending into maniacal laughter after her shouted proclamation, Shining absently rocks Flurry heart as she giggles alongside her mother.
>He hoped Twilight got here soon, surely she'd be able to talk some sense into his wife after researching these humans recent history.
>Surely it cant be THAT ba-
>A bright pillar of raspberry coloured light off in the distance accompanied by a faint, but familar sounding scream of frustration causes him to drop his head with a sigh, Flurry giggling once more as the delayed shockwave causes the trios manes to fly in all directions.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Image
I imagine Cadence does something like this or similar.

>Cadence goes around poking holes in any condoms she finds
>Replaces contraceptive pills with sugar tablets
>"Sex should be rewarded with a child! Not just with an orgasm! You don't like that? Stop having sex, lol."

>she takes you to meet your waifu
>you meet and hit it off
>she's going to leave to give you both some alone time
>but first she magics your wallet out of your pocket and rifles through it, pulls out any condoms you have and promptly chucks them out the nearest open window

Princess Mi Amore "Sex for the sole purpose of procreation" Cadenza

>Princess Mi amore "Put a Foal in every hole" Cadenza.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She would also have to outlaw oral and anal. Can't get preggers there

>"I don't understand, Anon, how do you hope to ever conceive with your waifu if you don't put your privates in the correct hole?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Be Gilda.
>You're hunting husbondos.
>You were pointed this way by a couple of mares.
>Just as she said there they are.
>A whole herd of them!
>You load your tranq gun and take aim at one squating while useing a laptop.
>Weird...
>Why not just lay down while using it?
>Oh well!
>You fire!
>The shot was true as it hits the Anon's arm!
>Yes!
>Wait... did it just fall off!?
>Looking at the dart you see that the needle bent.
>"Ahh nuu cheeki breeki!" It yells.
>All of them are up!
>Wait... squating, immunity to bullets *possibly gained over time*, and weird speech...
>Oh Celestia!
>These aren't normal Anons!
>They're slav Anons!
>As they rush your position *Probably smelled the griffion vodka on your breath* you hear a battle cry https://youtu.be/sg1kuRvHYWg
>You run as quickly as possible to get away from the slavs but due to their squat powered legs they catch up.
>You're not going to be able to sit right for awhile...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>I think that any Anon who'd really click with Maud would necessarily be too weird to be a greentext protagonist.
>implying weird aren't fun protagonists for green

>The program matches Maud's almost blank profile preferences with a scrappy human with a penchant for ADVENTURE.
>The program sets up a date to see if they get along well.
>Maud arrives on the dot
>Anon shows up 40 minutes late, covered in dirt and scratches
>"Oh my Goodness, are you alright sir?" The mare from the program asks
"Sorry I'm late, was not expecting to have to wrestle Diamond Dogs today, wowee, Equestria's like an RPG I tell you what"
>Maud only stares blankly, slowly blinking once.
>"Right... A-Are you okay with going through with the meeting? We can reschedule"
"What? Nonsense, we're all already here"
>What proceeds is the most awkward date the mare's ever witnessed
>Just absolute quiet for minutes on end, only broken by quick questions and quick answers
"You're very cute, like the profile said. I like how calm you are"
>"I do not much care for physical appearance, though I find you an acceptable human"
"What do you like? Any interests? Mine include gem hunting and other fetch quests for people outside of town."
>"... I like rocks, specifically I hold vast interest in geology. I also take care of a pet rock, his name is Boulder"
>Maud shows him the rock
"Awesome."
>She seems to be listening in on the rock before simply stating "He says you are awesome as well."
"Gneiss"
>Maud blinks, her expression hiding the fact she enjoyed that pun.
"I found this rock in the shape of a heart a while back, it's really nice to the touch"
>"Ooh" she coos monotonously
"Yeah, why don't you have it?"
>Once the meeting ends, Anon gives his goodbyes and leaves the rock on the table for Maud.
"Maybe you and I can go rock gathering one day"
>
>"So, what do you think?"
>Maud holds the rock in her hooves
>Her face barely changing
>"I am positively beaming, I readily find him acceptable"
>"Riiiight..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
may contain feels, boner, and heart boner inducing substances

>ywn impregnate your waifu
>ywn notice her belly starting to swell
>ywn rub her belly as she hums in delight
>ywn get chub every time you look at her new pregnant form
>ywn notice that during your daily cuddle session that her teats have started producing milk
>ywn taste the sweet nutty ambrosia her small body is producing that will soon be sustenance for your child
>ywn gently make love to your waifu with her sitting on your lap and her swollen belly facing you
>ywn reach orgasm at the same time with your waifu clinging tightly to you
>ywn hear her declare her love for you and her hope that nothing bad would ever happen to her soon-to-be family
>ywn be able to return her love and share the same hopes and dreams

Condense y do we suffer?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is popular theory that humans give off pheromones, a proposal supported by quite a few studies. In particular, sex pheromones: Untraceable smells secreted and detected by mates in close proximity when their partner is aroused. If their real-life counterparts are to be given as example, it's very likely that our ponies would be able to detect when you are and are not aroused, from quite the distance. Using this chain of logic, it's particularly plausible that they would be able to detect the intensity as well. This means that your mare will be able to respond much more effectively and accordingly to your needs then a women ever could.

Merely another piece of evidence towards why mares & men are meant to be together.

>it's like walking with your dick out at all times, if you're aroused it's gonna be obvious
>the mare KNOWS when you want her
>in a newly formed relationship mares often get extremely flustered by being so desired by their partner, more so if they haven't done anything with each other yet
>sexual tension gets turned to eleven, especially if the man has no idea she can detect his arousal
>later, when the couple is active sexually, it can be a powerful tool for pleasing each other
>not only she knows what gets you excited the most, she basks in the feeling of beeing irresistible and wanted by her man
>feeling sexy and desired makes her more confident and daring
Perfection.

>anons gather for a monthly party to just shoot the shit and catch up.
>pinkie only hosted it the first time because afterwards she nearly broke her husbandos pelvis due to all man scent she was smelling all night.

>she didn't expect it to be like this
>spent the whole day on edge, basically like going through your day with a raging boner you can't get down no matter what
>she had to contain it for so long
>finally it's evening and she has time alone with her husbando
>all hell breaks loose
>she needs relief and he's gonna give it to her
>she'll do everything in her power to get it
>she desperately needs to be touched, groped, caressed, kissed and fucked out of her mind by her dear hubby
>as he holds her close and makes her wish come true, holding her close as he ruts her, she keeps her nose at his sweaty body, relishing his scent that drives her mad with desire
>the scent of wanting her, needing her, craving her
>no words need to be said, his body already says it all
>there's nothing he wants more than her
>inhaling it deeply again and again she doesn't want this to ever end
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>be princess Celestia
>Daybreaker got matched, they separated her from you succesfully and she went to live on her own with her man.
>Every month she sends you a letter in which she mocks and taunts you that it's her who get to live a happy family life.
>Soon enough NMM gets matched as well. They separate her from Luna.
>Then, Luna gets matched as well. She doesn't spend much time with you anymore as she sees you being unnerved by her new status.
>For some time Twilight shares your loneliness but eventually she gets a human of her own.
>Nothing for you still.
>Both her and Cadence don't bring it up and avoid that topic. They pity you. They don't have to say it, it's pretty much obvious.
>Are you that unlikable? Or, perhaps, too demanding? Is there no man that could possibly be perfect for you?
>It saddens you. You start to feel bitter. But then another things comes on.
>All the anguish and venom you accumulate don't go anywhere. It doesn't feed the violent inferno in your heart because it simply isn't there anymore.
>All your passion, all your unbridled emotion just waiting to be unshackled to bring demise to everything around you is now gone, taken away together with Daybreaker.
>Instead of hellish flames there's cold gaping abyss in your heart.
>Even if you still mask it, you grow colder by the day.
>This star won't go supernova like it was supposed to. Instead, it will be extinguished by the vacuum inside of it when the feelings finally get the better of you.
>Time passes. Daybreaker's human passes and she had to be confronted due to using forbidden magic to keep him "alive". She's nowhere to be found, leaving her children behind. Leaving you without fire.
>All princesses outlived their husbandos and tried to cope.
>Their children play with you now. They love you. Almost like you're a motherly figure to them too, like you were for Twilight.
>Yet you are still alone, flame fading slowly but surely.
>The husbando program ends.
>No chance left for you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>everything is going well
>you, and hundreds of thousands of others have found your pony wives
>some have even produced children (no we don't care how or what they look like)
>a great rumbling is heard on the horizon
>the princesses gather all of the anons together, to inform them that the End is coming
>no, there's nothing that can be done about it
>no, there's nothing that can delay it
>all that can be done... is to accept it
>as the dark tide crests the horizon, a keening wail of despair precedes it
>soon, the world is washed away in a great blackness
>everyone is ejected back to Earth, at the moment of their departure.
>only their memories remain, their wives and loves now locked in their hearts and minds
>for some, the memories fade as nothing more than a good dream
>for others, madness follows as they know the way back is sealed forever, their love and happiness stolen from them
>the end has come
The End has come.

>you lurch forward in a panic
>first things you notice: a whisper of warm air across your cheek and the warmth of a fuzzy body pressed against yours
>you look at your mare
>she's registered your movement, her forelegs are holding onto you tightly
>no signs of her being awake, though
>your mind pores over the events that brought you here
>you remember being torn out of her arms, cast into a moving black swirl in the sky like you were being flushed down a cosmic toilet
>the look of terror and anguish on her face as you slipped away
>tumbling and yelling through nothingness
>hitting the floor of your old bedroom full force
>then this
>
>you reach over and stroke her ear
>she leans into it, murmuring a bit
>the soft thrumming of your mare's heartbeat helps slow yours down
>you look over to the side of your bed and your heart almost skips a beat before you realize who it is
>there's a large blue horse sitting there, starry mane and black breastplate
>why are you not surprised
>she doesn't speak, but gives you a look of gentle understanding
>surely she must be getting tired of your mind's shit by now, but she always comes whenever the nightmares do
>you look back to your waifu, who is still murmuring
>you kiss her forehead
>she manages to blush a bit despite still being asleep
>d'aaw
>wait, if you're in your bedroom, how is Luna here?
>you turn to face your royal guest, the question ready on your lips
>moon horse isn't there
>are you awake or asleep?
>
>does it really matter, while you have your beloved in your arms?
>you squirm a little, trying to get comfortable again
>waifu is having none of this
>for a little poner, she has one hell of a grip
>even so, you find the right spot
>eventually you doze off again.
>you'll have to have your rest for tomorrow, after all
>you promised something really special for her birthday
>and the ring is still right here, under your pillow.

Things will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>life isn't a test
>you're not meant to spend your years yearning, hoping for your waifu until you finally die and meet her in your old age
>this is it
>a 9 year journey, weeding out those who only cared to watch a show, to be entertained
>those who stay, those who love their waifus dearly, who have held on for the entirety of the show to its very end, will have their ways paved to their mare
>for they show true devotion, a desire to love that many others could not share
>for them, they have the choice, either to be accepted onto equestrian soil, or to spend the rest of their years here
>not because of magic, or the scientific properties of the gateway between worlds
>but because this is finally it
>the end of the ride
>and those left on it, have truly proved, that there is no love purer, between a man and a mare.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Mares wait for their loved ones in Equestria.
>But they can't just rip them from their homes and lives no matter what, so they mark the humans who wish to truely go to Equestria and mean no harm.
>When marked they will be given a certain age to appear in Equestria as, mostly their wifu's age (This does not apply to immortals) after 'passing'.
>Husbondos show up in Equestria slowly one by one.
>It's almost always the same.
>Their mare will rush them and jump into their arms and the two will cry tears of joy.
>But suddenly there's a influx of arrivals.
>The mares don't complain and rush their humans all the same.
>But whenever the mares do ask what the increase was the answer is the same.
"I couldn't live without you."
>The mares find this to be the most romantic thing they could hear.
>The humans know the truth.

>suicide pact on series end is the one exception that allows us into equestria.

WE GO TOGETHER.

>Anon's get together and form a suicide pack.
>One Anon brought a huge thing of poisoned apple cider so they could all end it.
>The poison takes a bit to kick in after drinking but they figure it's safer to go together.
>All the Anons have a glass and begin to count down.
>"1, 2, 3" They say before bottoming it down.
>It's at this point a Anon is heard sniffling.
>A Anon ask him what's wrong.
>He holds up a completely dry glass.
>"Guess... guess I get to answer for this huh?" He says before laughing, then sobbing.
>The other Anons quickly try to think of something to help their comrade but the poison kicks in and the start dropping.
>Two Anons are left standing.
>One barely awake the other approaching him to see why he's still fighting.
>He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a gun.
>A Colt 1911 with the words "To Equestria" on the grip.
>With his last bit of strength he hands it to the other Anon and whispers "D-Don't keep her waiting..." Before falling over.

>Be the last Anon.
>You hold the shining excape.
>You place it to your head.
"I'm sorry I made you wait so long honey-"
>You say as you begin to pull the trigger.
"-but I'm coming."
>...
>You sit up from a grassy field.
>You feel... good.
>"Hey, look who made it!" A voice says behind you.
>You turn to see all the Anons, and infront the one who gave you your way out.
>You rush up and give him a hug.
"Thank you!"
>He pushes you away.
>"Hey now! Don't get gay on me infront of your mare, she might get jealous." He says pointing you to your left.
>There stands the mare of your dreams.
>Your pony wifu.
>She rushes up and hugs you saying how happy she is you're here and how she'll never let you be sad again.
>You can only cry into her fur as you think one thing.
>We made it...
"We finally made it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>You get matched with Spitfire
>Despite her status as a world class athlete and celebrity, she ends up scaring away any male that tries to get close to her thanks to her intense personality.
>Recently into her 30s, Spitfire reluctantly acknowledges that she's not getting any younger and that her little known dreams of a family will slip past if she stalls.
>So she signs up for a husbando, skeptical but hopeful.
>First meetings go off without a hitch, and you click with her like magic
>But she's still a troubled mare. Being a Wonderbolt is all she knows and the prospects of a real relationship, having an equal, frighten her. Add that to the looming dread of her prime slowly passing, and you get a mess.
>But by god, you did not get this far just to give up because you hit bumps in the road.
>It ends up being one of the rare cases where the waifu is the one more in need.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DENY DEATH
PUNCH THE BONY BASTARD

>She finally has the children she has sought for so long
>But its not enough
>Its never enough
>Not when, for all she knows, it could all go up in smoke in an instant
>This, plus nearly unlimited resources, makes her have a lot of kids
>Literally hundreds of them
>If they weren't all siblings, the alicorns would be well on their way out of extinction
>And she cherishes each and every one, along with each and every moment she has with him
>This goes on for all of Anon's life
>By the time he's on his deathbed a century or two down the line, they actually had to build something the size of a stadium just for all the kids
>A tomb and monument in one, fit for the hero that brought the Alicorns back from the brink, and made an old mare so very, very happy
>And they're all there, trying to be as close to their father as they can
>And Celestia's right next to him, trying not to cry
>He tells her not to worry
>That he'll always be right beside her
>She breaks down
>Swears that she will take no other lover for the rest of her life
>That her family will be more than enough, until the end of days
>He reaches up and puts a hand on her cheek, and smiles
>His eyes start to droop
>His fingers slowly uncurl
>His eyes close
>And his hand falls to his chest
>It starts to rain
>From hundreds of colorful little clouds

BUT WAIT
THERE'S MORE

>Ponies are like Orks
>If enough of them believe, then things start to Happen
>How do you think the Elements went from ideals to a tangible force?
>Some of the "children" have had their own families
>Some of them have been in this position before, but reversed
>And in the instant where their Anon starts to fade, and their Mother starts to wail, each and every one of them wants nothing more for their Father to stay with them forever
>They only notice that all the wrinkles have faded when he speaks once more, in a voice
>"Hey there pretty pony, what's got you so sad?"

>anon gets up
>Celestia, choking back tears, greets him with a single phrase
>your wings are so pretty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Bat pony is not at all shy or demure.
>The moment you are brought into the waiting room and introduced to her, she flies up to you with an ear-splitting "EEEEEEE!!!"
>She grabs onto you with all four legs and wraps her leathery wings around your shoulders as she peppers your face with kisses.
>She is an insatiable cuddlebug and she won't let go of you, even as you complete the immigration process and medical examination.
>She works as a member of Princess Luna's Royal Guard.
>She is determined, no matter what, to make the love between her and you grow.
>The first moment you are alone together, she tries to get under your shirt and into your pants.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Pony tufts hold scents remarkably well.
>A face full of tuft is really a tuft full of pheromones and natrual mare smell.
>While stallions have built a resistance to mare pheromones, humans have no such thing.
>That's why the husbando guide recommends giving your man a light Tuft Huff if he's feeling down or despressed. Works especially well on homesickness.
>... And to get him in the mood, give him five or six uninterrupted seconds of the tuft.

>ywn tuffy huffy your mare

>tfw you get addicted to it

>We love their smell.
>They love our taste.
>Get addicted to each other.
>Multiple couples are subsequently hospitalised due to dehydration.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>ywn use your knowledge of the future to be OFFICIAL TIME PATROL AGENTS with your waifu
>ywn show up to Starlight's village and burn her shit down before Twiggles even gets there
>ywn take her to the Canterlot wedding to fight changelings
>ywn take her to Canterlot again to fight those big yeti nigs in the movie
>ywn be superheroes with her

>"Heads high, ponies! Marching proud!" Starlight shouts as a drum begins to pound
>The mane 6 watch as the musical sequence begins
>"In our town! In our to-" a brick flies out from the sidelines and strikes Starlight in the head, rendering her unconscious
>A masked biped creature along with a masked pegasus mare jump from hiding
>"Gotcha bitch!" he shouts
>"Oldest trick in the book!" she adds
>The duo strike a pose as spotlights appear on them
>"Starlight "The Glim Glam" Glimmer you're under arrest!" the man says
>"For attempting to alter the timelines!" the mare finishes
>"Who are you two?" Twilight asks, visibly confused
>"The official time patrol! Here to save the universe!" the masked mare says
>"Thank us later!" the man strikes another pose
>"Uhh, okay. Thanks?" Twilight tilts her head
>The masked mare gets in close and pokes Twilight, "He said thank us later!"
>The man picks up Glimmer's unconscious body and slings her over his shoulder
>"Hey, you wanna go put stuff up her butt?" the man asks
>"Wh-what? Wha-what happened?" Starlight started to wake
>The mare smacks Starlight with a loud jingling bag, knocking her out again
>"I got the marbles, bend her over!", the mare shouts
>"You two... have a lot of energy..." Fluttershy whimpers from behind Applejack
>The whole village watched in disgust and horror as the two masked heroes stuffed Starlight's ponut with marbles and then shook her around to see if she would jingle
>They then left and the story picked back up where it left off, only Starlight's ass really hurt for some reason nopony would mention
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Be Anon.
>You got your wifu!
>Apparently she's a princess but you don't see her as that, she's your snugly wifu!
>When Cadence told you about how she turned into Nightmare because she felt unloved you made it your vow to make sure she never felt alone.
>Even if she fights it sometimes.
>"Dear, please. I know you like your cuddles but I'm trying to work." Luna flaps her wings a few times to try and get you to let go.
"No. It's midnight, midnight is primary snuggle time."
>She sighs.
>"Listen I understand that but I have to get this don- Woah!" She yelps as you lift her up. "W-What are you doing! Put me down! I am your princes-"
>She's silenced by a boop to the nose.
"Not right now you're not. You worked all day and are now trying to work all night. Right now you're a troublesome wifu."
>"We art the night!"
"You art the fluff!"
>You say as you drag back the blankets and lay her down.
>She stuggles to get up and escape but before she can you're in bed holding her tight.
>She puffs up cheeks and groans.
>"This is demeaning."
"Shhh"
>You hum as you begin to rub her stomach.
"Just go to sleep dear and enjoy your rubs."
>"B-But work."
>You begin to rub a bit more and soon her breathing becomes more shallow as she falls asleep.
>You love your wifu.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Your future waifu has a crudely-made plush version of you
>There's a small chance it could work as a voodoo doll

Your waifu will hold it close every night until she has the real you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had a little idea for a prompt that could be quite a long story.

>The ponies are angry with their leaders for their seemingly lack of action toward the colt shortages.
>To stop the ponies from revolting, the husbendo initiative is created.
>You are one of the first to be brought over. Matched with none other than Celestia herself.
>Word spreads, and ponies are PISSED/jealous, claiming it was all just for her.
>They demand your waifu is removed from power, setting up a group of unicorns to raise the sun in her stead.
>They are not monsters though. So they let you both live in a small shack on the edge of town.
>Her fellow allicorns wish to help, but can't be seen publicly helping a """"traitor"""".

>-Teaching her to live a simple life
>-Snuggling for worth on cold nights
>-She may even have to get a job at a bakery or something.
>-No more high priority meeting or dignitaries to entertain. Just a rich simple life for you both.

>After a while the number of anons brought over quells the ponies anger. They see the error of their ways, and Celly is reinstated as their leader.
>She still loves to leave her balcony doors open on cold nights, forcing you both to cuddle fiercely for worth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>pic
Should add 'fire selector' to where her clit is.
Give it a lick and your Ponyrifle turns into a Ponyshotgun, shooting out all the seeds she has in her mouth at once.
Gotta be careful though, if you use that mode too much she'll overheat and you'll have to wait a few seconds as she pours excess liquid lubricant out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>get to ponyland
>finally lay to rest the fear you're dreaming
>love your wife
>time goes on, she only seems to become more beautiful and vibrant
>a new worry roots itself in your heart
>what if other ponies start to understand why you love her so?
>what if she starts getting hit on while you're not there?
>what if ponies aren't actually perfectly monogamous and willing to drop any sort of courtship once they know their target is taken?
>this is the second-most-common nightmare Luna has to deal with

>"Cadence, please do SOMETHING about it! I'm so tired of seeing all these dreams of self-doubt and anguish. Can't you just tell them this doesn't happen in Equestria? Every single night, again and again, almost every single one of them - broken, cheated, discarded. I don't think I can take much more of these hellish nightmares."

>at first the humans situation is confusing.
>they are obviously capable of great amounts of love, and basic observation shows they dont have the same gender imbalance issues that equestria has, nor is their society primitive enough to warrant purely instinctual mating practices.
>so why do so many hearts cry out in pain?
>unable to figure out the reason, she tentatively starts asking incoming men exactly -why- they agreed to come to equestria.
>after the 15th variation of "So i can love someone that might love me." she stopped asking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>After another long night of balming the troubled minds of her little pony's new husbandos, Luna retreats to her bedchambers
>There behind her velvet curtains she immiserates her lonely self, crying into her pillow, longing for the day her match is found
>When she can share her night, her heart and her bed with another
>When she will have arms to fall into and a gentle heartbeat to lull her to sleep after her nightly toils
>But mostly for when she can hold her other half in her hooves, wrap him in her wings, and dispel him of the same fears she's witnessed ad nauseum
>It's been almost a year now
>In that time she's seen thousands of husbandos pour in through the portal, watched her little pony's relationships blossom like a vast field of flowers, alone all the while
>It's gotten to the point where she worries there's nobody out there for her, that no one exists even in this other dimension who would fill the crook of her crescent moon despite Cadance's assurance to the contrary
>More than that, though, she's tired
>Tired of waiting, of being alone, and of the longing dreams that haunt her sleep
>But she has to sleep to get ready for the next night's work
>Slowly her tears dam up and her cheeks become matted and dry
>Her breathing steadies, and at length sleep comes
>Hopefully tomorrow Cadance will send word
>Hopefully
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Celestia has tons of admirers and lots of humans expressed their interest in her
>still doesn't get matched because they aren't really compatible with her
>it's the same situation as ever, just like with all the ponies who wanted to get to know her and then got scared when they managed to get to "the real Celestia"
>if only she got matched she'd know that her partner would look past everything she is and wouldn't get intimidated or weirded out
>but she doesn't
>even though so many people seem to want to be with her, they probably assume so much about her they fail to see how they are not matched
>but she knows that it's probably because she's nothing like they think she is
>one more chance of getting any sort of real, unconditional, pure and intimate love squandered by no other than her own true self
>she goes to sleep every day wishing she could be just like they see her
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>When no one's looking, not even Luna
>She's rude, crude, and has a dark sense of humor for pony standards
>She likes to make jokes about your impending mortality and how she'll miss that sweet dick of yours
>Shit, don't cry Anon
>Come on, don't be a faggot about this
>You need a hug? Get over here...

>she's actually the walking incarnation of Suicide Squad Joker memes
>she does absolutely inane mundane things and thinks she's breaking the law or something, she's sooo cool and edgy for it
>so in other words she's absolutely obnoxious and insufferable most of the times, thinking she's the master troll and not obvious at all
>however she also realizes it's because of her insecurities screwing with her head for a thousand years
>jokes about it too, her jokes are really dark sometimes
>it's the kind of jokes someone who doesn't give a single shit makes
>she knows no one will do anything about it though
>other than that, she's rude and crude with her humor, most of all self-deprecating
>no matter how many distasteful dick and mom jokes she'll throw at you, you'll always hear more things about herself than you in the end
>she doesn't hide she's desperate for basic interactions that are meaningful and genuine but she doesn't seem to believe she'd ever get them
>treats sex casually in her jokes but at the first sign that you want to even pet her she recoils in fear and laughes your every andvance off, secretely being scared of actual intimacy
>indeed she is more hopeless than anons here, deep down being sure no one in the right mind would love her
>gave up on changing long ago since there's no point, she can act regal in public and that's enough for everyone around her
>she'll just end up scarring you if you get too close, she's too much for anyone with no exception
>it's almost like she wants to prove that she can't be loved so she assaults anyone who gets close with everything she's got
>when they leave eventually she just jokes that she expected that and adds another candidate she shot down to her list of failed courting
>in her bitter triumph as she does that no one can see tears welling in her eyes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>tfw no pony wife to come home to everyday
>tfw no pony wife that always gets excited when she hears you open the door
>tfw no pony wife that makes sure her hair is how you like it
>tfw she will never jump into a tight hug with you
>tfw she will never have already started cooking that dinner you love so much
>tfw she will never want to just be with you, cuddling or talking or playing or whatever, just as long as she's with you
>tfw she will never tell you how much she loves you through tears

>tfw no foals to come screaming around the corner to jump into your arms
>tfw no pone wife to come give you a hug and sandwich your children between you both
>tfw no foals to giggle as you and your pone wife share a kiss and nuzzle your babies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Visit the colony.
>Notice an interesting thread.
Turns out it's relevant to /nmp/

>Epona was a protector of horses, ponies, donkeys, and mules. She was particularly a goddess of fertility, as shown by her attributes of a patera, cornucopia, ears of grain and the presence of foals in some sculptures.
>Epona is a nurturer, a protector, and she herself is said to be the result of a coupling between a man and a mare.
>Epona was born somewhere between 50-52 bce during the Iron Age. Her father, not liking women, took a mare to mate and she bore a beautiful white filly. Epona being born half mare and half human was named by her mother thus giving Epona the ability to shape shift from horse to human.

>she herself is said to be the result of a coupling between a man and a mare.
>Her father, not liking women, took a mare to mate and she bore a beautiful white filly.
Personally, i just gained a new deity to worship.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Been staring at the letter for hours.
>You've been matched with a human.
>...a human nearly half your age
>Surely there's other better candidates than you?
>Younger? Attractive?
>But your daughter had been very insistent on this.
>"You deserve to be happy too!"
>"Humans are very loyal and loving!"
>"At least meet with him before declining him!"
>...meet him, get his hopes up and see them crumble to dust as he sees the old, boring bag you are.
>Sigh.
>Another glance at the letter.
>...signed by Cadenza Mi Amore; Princess of Love.
>...
>Without a word you leave a mark in the agreement section and your signature.
>Maybe this 'Anonymous' will surprise you.
>A small smile grows on your face.

Speaking of mature mares, what's the name of that gray OC with gold eyes?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>you and your family are relaxing in the living room
>then a portal appears and out come both a little pony mare and a big pink unicorn/pegasus hybrid
>the big one says that with the help of magic they opened a portal hoping to find Anon Y. Mous
>she explains that the little mare was looking for their special somepony and it turned out to be Anon
>they ask if you would like to go to Equestria with them and live with the little mare and become a couple
>the mare for her part never stopped looking at you with a worried and hopefull look hoping you would say yes so she could stop restrainig herself and jump into your embrace
>you are not the first human that has been ask and many others are already living happily in Equestria with their respective mare

how do you and your family react?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>full body pin
>arms around her back and legs holding her hips in place
>dick rubbing against her puffy vulva the whole time

>her heart pounding in her chest as hard as you're pounding her

>These niggas going on about teeth.
>Forgetting about their nails.

>Having sex with your mare.
>She's already a puddle from human stamina and hot monkey dick
>Lost in her pleasure.
>Then suddenly she lets out a surprised breathy gasp as you run your nails through her flank, feeling her soft coat and triggering a primal instinct she didn't even know she had.
>Though your nails are barely anything and you keep them trim, it's still enough to evoke the claws of a beast that just caught her in their pounce.
>Fear, exhilaration, pleasure.
>One eye wide, the other lidded from the pounding you're giving her still.
>Heart feeling like it'll rip right out of her chest.
>Her one part of her brain screams danger, but another part and her quivering sex say otherwise.
>Full blown confusion
>The weirdest, most confusing orgasm she's ever experienced comes around as you hilt yourself and lightly run your teeth through her shaking body, lightly nibbling while climaxing as well.
>She ends up a complete mess of emotion, torn between what she just experienced.
>Have to calm down a waifu in tears.
>Have to be berated by waifu after she calms down about whatever it is you did.
>Waifu finishes with a "Warn me next time" and a promise to explore this strange feeling after she's prepared her heart.

They'd probably have really strong reactions from being pinned and completely immobilized. That would mix some healthy doses of fear and nervous energy into their arousal and lust.

Even just strongly hugging and embracing them closely during intercourse would do it.
>pull your waifu as close to your body as possible during sex, pinning her wings to her back and locking her forelegs in place between your chest and hers, hindlegs to either side of your hips and weakly, helplessly kicking as the sensation of total loss of control pushes her to orgasm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>You'll never be paired with a unicorn waifu that likes adventure.
>You two will never adventure in Equestria and travel as the perfect party dynamic of big n tuff frontline fighter and smol and dainty backline mage.
>You'll never defeat your enemies through jolly cooperation and the power of love
>You'll never search for gems to sell with your waifu to cover life expenses and gear upgrades.
>You'll never make love under the stars
>You'll never travel from settlement to settlement, and check billboards for "quests" as the first thing you do.
>This will never be your life.

What's up with all the generic married life going on in here? Yeah, there's nothing wrong with boring married life, it's comfy as all hell, but if you're in Equestria wouldn't you want to go out there and do stuff that would be impossible back on Earth? A magical land filled with mystical creatures and magic, and you want to stay inside with your waifu and work a menial job in town.
What if ponyland's sun gives humans a power up ala kryptonian?
What if ponyland's oxygen is so abundant that humans are walking around like they're doping all the time?
What if cartoon physics also apply to humans?
I'd still do it without any of the above, but what if.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Right, I'd like to try something here.

>It was a nice day in Ponyville
>Like every other day
>Birds chirping
>The wind blowing through the leaves
>The sun beaming down, warming the residents as well as the colts and fillies playing outdoors
>Indeed, such a day would be considered perfect for any pony…
>All but one
>Past the Quills & Sofas store, at the threshold of ponyville, atop a hill in a clearing surrounded by weeds
>There lay a house
>A small cottage of wood and stone
>This peculiar home looks unkempt, abandoned, but that is only its exterior. For the purpose of aesthetics you see
>Inside it’s a cozy place, though as cozy as one can consider gloomy décor
>"Enter at your own peril" a sign would say
>And word of a pair of bright colored eyes always watching from a window is passed around plenty of ponies that spend time in the surrounding area overlooked by this cottage
>Always watching…
>
>Be Anonymous, you are part of dem programz
>Nah, seriously, you are part of Cadance’s love initiative, fixing the gender disparity and the loneliness caused by it, by giving mares their perfect otherworldly “husbando” through the wisdom of the Crystal Heart
>All well and good on paper, but what the hell are you supposed to do when you’re matched with a pony that was trapped as a statue for crimes against the crown?
>You sip from your mug, enjoying the sweetness of chocolate milk as you look at your living room.
>Poorly lit by candlelight and devoid of anything beyond a sofa and a stone coffee table filled with parchments and plans
>Your eyes lock onto your wife as she peers through the curtains of the window.
>A young batpony mare with leathery wings, noticeable fangs, slit golden eyes and fluffy chest and ears.
>Her name is Midnight Moonlight.
>A name that brings a smile to your face.
>It just has a nice ring to it, rolls off the tongue, sounds redundant but isn’t, it’s just a really fun name to say.
>Midnight Moonlight, Midnight Moo- A-Anyway…
>She’s supposedly a follower of Nightmare Moon herself, but unlike everyone else though, she still kept going even after Nightmare Moon was banished to the moon.
>She tried to use Princess Celestia’s moment of weakness at the loss of her sister to stage a coup and bring eternal darkness upon the land.
>A ballsy move for someone devoid of magic, she was subsequently turned to stone and remained so for a thousand years.
>Kind of dumb to poke the Godlike being when she’s having an awful week, you guess.
>Suffice it to say, she’s free now, on probation thanks to this new initiative.
>No idea how that works, sounds dumb to release a evil criminal simply because “true love”.
>But Condense managed to convince Celestia.
>Funny thing though…
>You are now under scrutiny by royalty, because what kind of person is a villain’s soulmate?
>*Siiiiiiiip*
>You apparently.
>”Peer over yonder, beloved minion, how ponies soak in sunlight and partake in games and pleasantries… Woe are We, that must see such joviality!” She begins, her high pitched voice cracking like a pubescent boy who’s balls just dropped, a strange foreign accent on her speech that if you were to guess, you’d pin somewhere around central to eastern Europe, perhaps Romania.
>The little mare turns her head to you, a disconnected, almost sour expression.
>”We would like to have them cease.” She states with finality.
>Translation: I want them to stop having fun.
“I’m supposed to be your husband, not your minion.”
>This is what sticks to you though.
>”Have We not stated thee to be “beloved”? Husband remains to be seen, for Our esteemed self would never simply let lay ourselves bare under the decree of a simple gem. Hmph” She turns her nose up and gives her cloak a light flourish.
>You stand to her side, your sizes completely at odds as you pop a squat and join her in peeking behind the curtain, mug still in hand.
>*Siiiiip*
>You spot a couple having a picnic as well as a group of children running around in the distance, you’d guess playing explorers.
>There’s also some pony looking under a boulder with a bug catcher’s getup.
“Absolutely disgusting.” You sarcastically say
>Midnight Moonlight trots towards the table, her mane and cloak bopping with the movement.
>”We have been laboring the loving night away, a most cunning plan concocted to take over Equestria and usher in eternal night! Soon such joviality shall end.” She titters evilly to herself
>The little mare pours over the table and you stride to see exactly what she has in store this time.
>Reformed villain? What’s that? Is it tasty?
>She takes some parchment in her mouth and has you take it
>You can’t read ancient dead languages tho.
>”We have developed a poison that renders ponies allergic to gold.”
“Ookay?”
>Midnight seems pleased with herself as she continues.
>“An economical collapse there shall be, when nopony can reach for their precious bits! Keke-muahahaha- ahahah!”
>The cloaked mastermind calms herself.
>”We shall then make Our move.”
“I work at a store you know? If nobody can buy anything how are we going to be able to eat?”
>…
>She puffs her cheeks at you.
>””Beloved” Minion, why must thee always trample upon a maiden’s dreams? You call thyself Our husband, but We have yet to see support nor a scheme from thine.”
>You sigh.
>Fine fine, she wants you to play villain with her, you will… you just hope it doesn’t bite you in your ass.
“A scheme to rule Equestria or to bring eternal night?”
>”Eternal night, ‘tis always the end goal.”
“Well… how about a chain letter scheme?”
>She cocks her head.
>“’tis the postal service you speak of correct? Forgive Us, we are still acclimating to life after a thousand cycle slumber, proceed.”
“We flood the post office with letters to be sent all over Equestria with the words “Now that you have started reading this, you must wish for eternal night and send a letter to Princess Celestia saying “Moon me your highness” or your mother will die in her sleep tonight.”
>MM’s eyes light up.
>”A chain hex! How devilish! As these circulate, more and more shall embrace the coming darkness, whether they so desire or not, surely even the ruler of the sun shall endeavor to make her subjects happy, yet little will she realize…”
“You like it? I’m just pulling shit out of my ass.”
>She looks alarmed for a second before calming down.
>“Oh, ‘tis another of thine human figures of speech. But yes, We like this extremely villainous scheme, Beloved mini-“ She stops herself before thrusting her tufted chest out and spreading her leathery wings proudly “Nay, Beloved husband. For a powerful hexxer and unscrupulous sort that would target mothers, such as thee is unbefitting of a title such as minion.”
>You smile.
>Your wife is just so darn cute.
>*Siiiiiiip*
>Thankfully the small local bookstore you work at is closed today so you can spend the day with your wife indoors, roleplaying.
>You say roleplaying, but you know she takes herself seriously.
>You are now writing a bunch of letters manually.
>You miss having a printer…
>Midnight Moonlight is beside you, she’s tittering to herself as she neatly folds each paper and puts it neatly inside envelopes, using her tongue to seal them and then stacking them.
>”We shall deliver these under cover of darkness, while ponies are a-bed. Task fit for a bat, We are endearing ourselves to this scheme more and more.”
>Suddenly one of her ears flick.
>She sours visibly.
>”The warden cometh!” She scrambles to hide the damning evidence, deciding to use her cape to cover the coffee table.
>There’s a knock at the door.
>About the scrutiny thing mentioned earlier.
>Ponies might let villains loose, but they at least have the common sense to monitor them.
>Also you.
>Again, what type of guy is a villain’s soulmate and all that.
>Think of this as a weekly visitation from a parole officer.
>You stand up and go for the door.
>”H-Halt!” MM quickly brushes herself all over your legs like a cat.
>One large cat.
>She lifts herself to your stomach and rubs her face all over your shirt.
“Huh… What are you doing?”
>She looks up, face, coat and mane all fuzzed up.
>She gives you a look.
>Not the kind of look you get 5 minutes into Netflix and Chill, but one that says “Trust me.”
>She gives you a tiny ineffectual push towards the door and skitters to the sofa as another knock at the door is heard.
>”Hello? I know at least one of you is home, it’s me, Twilight Sparkle! here for the weekly check up, hehe.”
>You sigh and open the door.
>“Oh, good afternoon Anonymous!”
”Princess.”
>Twilight Sparkle beams a smile at you.
>”So, how are you two settling into Ponyville?”
“On a rating?” You ask as the princess steals glances behind you into the dark interior of your home. “I give it about 10 chocolate chip cookies out of 20 Twinkies.”
>”Ten chocolate chip cookies… out of 20 twinkies…” She narrates as she magically takes notes. “Wait… what kind of human rating is that? It makes no sense!”
>You give her a toothy grin.
>”Forget it, may I come in? I need to see if everything’s going alright, see if everypony isn’t up to any mischief.”
“Nope, no mischief here, miss chief, feel free to come in.”
>You stand aside as the princess wipes her hooves on the mat and steps into the living room.
>”Kind of dark, only two things come up from such lighting arrangement and one of them isn’t good…”
>As she scans the room she accidently boops noses with Midnight Moonlight.
>”Eeek!”
>She falls on her rump while MM continues to rest her chin on the armrest, eyes now open and glaring at the princess, her mouth in a “^” shape.
>”O-Oh sorry didn’t see you… eheh… g-good afternoon Midnight Moonlight, I see you aren’t wearing your cloak! That’s good, you have such a pretty coat.”
>”’Tis a most unwelcomed sight, We think, that the Princess of “friendship” would deign to visit.” MM rises on her front hooves, no doubt enjoying looking down at the princess, if her smug fanged face is anything to go by “Do not think I stopped looking after Our appearance, Our attire was simply… in the way, so I discarded it over yonder.” She gestures with her hoof to the table.
>“Oh…”
>…
>Twilight Sparkle looks between the mare and you, especially noting the state of your shirt
>”Am I interrupting something?”
>”Surely, between the candlelight and the frazzled mare alone with her stallion, you must know.” She holds a hoof to her mouth
>“Pray, is thy knowledge of the affairs between mare and her betrothed nonexistent? ‘Tis no surprise, for you are naught but a master of “friendship””
>Kek.
>The princess wasn’t expecting that bant, her mouth opens and closes.
>”Oh g-geez, I’m sorry! Weeell I’ll just be on my way, everything checks out, nothing suspicious going on, just marital life, I’ll be here next week to check on you again Midnight Moonlight, e-enjoy yourselves!”
>MM just stares at the spaghetti losing princess, her piercing eyes making her feel even more awkward as what she said dawns on her.
>”Okaybye!” The princess flashes her purple magic and she disappears
>
“Quite the show eh?”
>Midnight Moonlight lies on her side, cutting quite an alluring picture with her frazzled coat.
>Your hand twitches as you resist the urge to rub that tummy
>”Truly, shall we do such display each week?”
>You shrug.
>You can’t take your eyes off of the petite equine creature in front of you
>She seems to notice as she wiggles enticingly and gives you a glimpse of the goods.
“You know, it wouldn’t be a bad idea if we actually went ahead and “e-enjoy ourselves”…”
>You steal Twilight’s line, even giving your voice a higher pitch
>Midnight Moonlight simply gets off the sofa and removes her cloak from the table, the letters still there
>”Surely you jest? To make love during the day is blasphemous, We must carry on.”
>You sigh and sit your ass down again
>But before you start writing more of this shitpost, your wife blows warm air on your neck and nuzzles your chest.
>“Come nightfall you may ravish Us to thine heart’s content, as is proper to honor the Lady of the Night…” she makes herself comfortable using you as her chair, her rump right on top of your dick “…and once we secure darkness eternal, why, we shall indulge as we please~” Her accent, her words… “Ah!?”
>Your erection has made itself known.
>”B-Be patient beloved husband.”

>Be Anonymous, Midnight Moonlight's husbando.
>She actually did it the madmare.
>It's been nothing more than two days after you wrote up that reply bait shitpost pile of letters and had MM deliver them while everyone slept.
>You two even went that extra mile and sent some to other places besides Ponyville.
>Out-going mail is a hell of a drug, not even the mail ponies picking those up knew what they were carrying when they saw that flag up.
>It's currently afternoon.
>You simply man the counter and spend the time reading one of the books.
>Easiest money you've ever earned.
>"Did ya also receive a similar letter Anonymous?" Your boss and store owner asks you "Blasted thing scared the wrinkles offa me, just who does that? Here I was, all excited to receive some mail an what do I get? Me mum's gonna die tonight if I don't go about wanting everlastin' night an sendin' a letter of me own!"
>He paces about; you think this is the most action the guy's experienced in a while.
>"Me mum's already dead, rest her soul, can this make her double dead? I like playin' it safe, is why I'm called Cautious Tale after all, so I wrote the blasted letter right quick!"
"Always err on the side of caution."
>You tell the middle aged stallion.
>These poners are a bit naive.
>You blame the fact they haven't been exposed to shitposting and spam for long.
>"You've got a good head on ya shoulders lad; your mare's a lucky one to have ya. Well, it's about time to close up shop for today. ya free to go."
>You get your daily bits and bid your employer goodbye.
"I'll see you tomorrow bauss"
>"Don't go about opening any letters all willy nilly! word of Caution!"
>You chuckle and leave.
>The sky is between navy blue and purple, you breathe in the crisp air.
>"Tally-ho beloved husband! 'Tis a fine evening is it not?" Midnight Moonlight greets you.
"T-Tally-ho?"
>"Quite so, 'tis how ponies of today greet one another correct?" Your wife seems rather proud of herself
>You shake your head slowly and mouth a "no"
>"N-No matter." MM's regal air is broken by her ears drooping as she realized her mistake "Such a gaff was deliberate! T'was a jest!"
>Trying to sound more modern is still something best not attempted.
>The two of you walk in the general direction of your home.
"I'm happy that you come get me from work every day-"
>"Think naught of it, a wife of Our caliber shan't allow any less."
"Yeah... but do you need to wear that cape every time?"
>She simply flicks it with a flourish.
>"We simply must. Prithee thou should take to wearing such attire as well."
"Nyet."
>You'll never wear a cape.
>Never!
>You walk with your hands in your pockets, wife at your side until you see quite a gathering in the down center.
>Mayor Mare is there, as is Twilight Sparkle.
>"Everypony, Everypony please calm down!" The matured mare gathers the mob's attention.
>"How can we calm down! When there are mysterious mother endangering letters in the mail!"
>This certainly concerns you.
>MM's golden eyes shine with interest.
>"Everypony..." Twilight begins "... Myself along with other experts have found zero traces of magic in those letters, your mothers are safe, furthermore, one kind human pointed out that these are in fact very common and in fact belong to a type of messaging called... *ahem* "Shitposting", it is nothing but "bait" and serves only to get (You)s, whatever that means."
>Well that's the end of that.
>"Phooey..." Your wife however, takes it hard.
>There's murmuring in the crowd as it calms itself.
>"Lastly, Princess Celestia herself as issued a statement "Please do not send me more letters concerning this matter, I will not open or view them, I shall not "Moon" you, it's crass, please behave my little ponies."
>Wait...
>kek, you'd expect her to take it literally as in "give me the moon" not actually see it as mooning them.
"Ha."
>"'Tis not humorous, to be halted immediately..." Your heart breaks at the cute weaponized sadness.
>You spoil her Anon, you thinks to yourself.
>You sigh and raise your hand.
"Excuse me princess, but I have a question!"
>All eyes are now on you, and Twilight's are filled with suspicion that you're behind all this, you just know it.
>You speak to her as well as the crowd.
>You're part of a community!
"Hello, I'm Anonymous, concerned human citizen. I ‘m something of an expert on "shitposting", this human guy, is his mother already dead?"
>"I don't see how that would matter."
"Well, of course he would say those messages are trash to be ignored if his mother's already passed, right? Why would he need to reply?"
>The mob gasps in realization as you gesture drastically with your arms in front of you in a "See, see? It explains itself" manner.
>"Weell, that makes sense, and I realized such a possibility, but like I said before, those letters are nothing but paper, there's no single trace of magic or any binding mechanism, it was simply a prank."
>You smile, letting your inner sperg, the sperg you try to keep deep down, out.
"But Princess Twilight, meme magic is real I've seen it win elections!"
>"Meme magic?"
>Twilight couldn't get another word in edgewise as the mob was back at it.
>"Everypony! Please Everypony, calm down!"
>"T'was an amazing display!" Your wife trots next to you "Thou art to be reckoned with Beloved husband"
"You think so? I just pulled shit out of my ass again"
>She titters as you two walk home
>"'Tis thy talent, to "pull shit from ass""
>You can't help but laugh, a little pony with a potty mouth? You know that's unheard of
>Not like you did anything much
>You simply delayed the inevitable
>Sure some ponies are now calling for Luna to bring eternal night, but it won't be long before another human just up and says meme magic needs to be powered by repeating digits and everybody stops panicking over some silly letters
>"Mayhaps We should "strike while the iron is hot" as goes the saying and set in motion yet another cunning plan"
>You reached your abode, just in time it seems
>It's the tail end of noon, and you go about lighting candles while Midnight Moonlight walks naturally around the dark.
>You take off your jacket and sit on the sofa
>Midnight returns with two apples, one red for her and one green for you
>You dread to ask as you bite into your apple
>But you must
"So, what's your plan?"
>She clears her throat
>"Have thou heard of the Ponyville Daily?"
"The town newspaper?"
>"Quite so, 'tis ripe full of many an article, however, one stands above them, the most cherished piece among the populace. Can thou guess, beloved?"
>...
"The daily quiz?"
>"The daily personality quiz; an enthralling piece whereupon ponies find enjoyment in trivial nonsense as "Which desperate housewife are you"
>Aw yeah, you do those to pass the time at work all the time!
"I'm totally a Honey Sprinkles!"
>She eyes you from behind her thick eyelashes
"D-Don't judge, I read those books to pass the time, plus, they're thrilling and it's hilarious how PG and Christian it is compared with the show back home"
>No wait.
"N-Not that I saw THAT one."
>"... Indeed..." MM rights herself and continues "'Tis a simple matter of submitting one of our own: "Which time of day doth fit thee best"
>She titters to herself evilly.
>"Little will ponies notice Our quiz to be rigged, they shan't see aught but "night" "night" "night"! One and all will surely believe, wholeheartedly, the loving night to be their better fit, they shall clamor for it!"
"How devious."
>"Kuku-bwahahaha- AHAHAH!" Midnight cackles as she lets herself fall into the sofa next to you.
>It takes a moment for her to calm down and for quiet to fill the small cozy abode.
>You really need to buy something, maybe a deck of cards or a board game, because the only form of entertainment you derive beyond books now is being your wife's partner-in-crime.
>She rests her head on your leg and looks you in the eyes.
>...
"What?"
>Her face scrunches, she clearly wants to ask something but her pride won't allow it.
"Come on cutie three point fourteen, you can tell me."
>"Do not call Us by such a ridiculous title." She puffs her cheeks before finally deciding to tell you. "We yet do not understand how a "Newspaper" comes to be, thou hast proven knowledgeable before, perchance could thou instruct Us on how and where "Ponyville Daily" is made?"
>Pfft.
>You know about printing presses and the building in town that writes the thing, but otherwise, you haven't a clue.
"Feed me my favorite and I'll tell you all I know."
>She bares her teeth in a smile and beckons you closer for Eskimo kisses.
>"Thy favorite dinner is already prepared beloved husband, thanks to "refrigeration", how easy it has become to perform house duties, it shan't take ten minutes time."
>Kek, how quaint for someone speaking so regally.
>But you guess even a refrigerator is a game changer for someone who lived a thousand years ago.
>What kind of person is a villain’s soulmate?
>Simply put, it’s something of an enabler.
>Someone desperate to entertain themselves, and see their significant other’s “hobby” as a way to achieve it.
>But at the end of the day, it’s a person that loves them wholeheartedly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
yes please
>tfw no desperate Christmas cake marefirend whose life is a neverending series of reminders of the foal-shaped hole in her life

>your clock had hit its alarm centuries ago
>being deified at the prime of your life meant that you are constantly, forever aware of the fact you're at "that stage" of being a mare
>but no one could handle it
>I mean, who could be partnered with the mare who raises the sun each day?
>what stallion would have the hubris to even try?
>and so it has been for nearly a millennium
>constantly aware, but incapable of taking care of it
>but now Cadence has started her cross-dimensional matchmaking scheme
>surely, somewhere out there, there is a stallion or man who can see past the princess and recognize the absolutely desperate mare inside you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>The Heart matches you to a teen mare. Not quite an adult, but neither a filly.
>It's a bit more common than expected. The teenage years are defining in a life and can be difficult to go through.
>A teenager feeling lonely and isolated sometimes is normal. But for the ones feeling that way most or all of the time, the Heart picks them up.
>Your match genuinely expected to be alone forever, much to the detriment of her home, school, and social life.
>And then she and her parents got the letter saying she was matched to a human.
>An adult human.
>She's obviously thrilled. Her parents? Not so much.
>Your wife-to-be leads you to her room, still feeling sour over the fight with her mom.
>They argued back and forth about your sleeping arrangements. Your fated waifu said the guest room should be yours, and her mother said the guest room is for guests, not invading perverts.
>You understand that she's just doing her duty as a mom and that she's just concerned, but the comment still stung.
>Then you stepped in and said the floor or the couch would be fine until something was figured out.
>Your match would have none of that.
>So she took every free blanket and pillow in the house and dragged them to her room before leading you up there too.
>She closes the door behind you with a sigh and hops up on her bed, stepping over the near literal nest of blankets she made for you.
>You sit next to her, letting the silence go on as you look around.
>It's a generic teen girl room. Posters of bands and anime are on the walls and in the corner is a little desk with some books, a tiny make-up case, and a pone laptop currently turned off. Her closet is closed so you have no idea what's inside.
"You know she was just concerned, right? She's not the one who got matched, so she doesn't understand."
>Your young waifu scowls. "Mom always does this. Every single time something nice happens to me, she tries to take it away. I'm NOT letting her take you."
>You smile.
"Thank you. For everything else, I'm sure she has her reasons even if they're not apparent."
>For a moment is looks like she's going to argue, but she just sighs and suddenly leans into your side.
>You stiffen, still wondering if any of this is as okay as Cadence said it was.
>Slowly, you put an arm around the young mare, and it just feels...
>Right.
>The Heart knew what it was doing.
>She wraps ger forelegs around your middle and buries her face into your shirt. A moment letter you feel her shudder and shiver.
>Wet spots appear on your shirt.
>"I-I was so relieved when I got the letter, you know," she murmurs. "I the sit awake at n-night and think about how unfair it all is. I thought that all I had was a life of being alone ahead of me, that I was being p-punished for being born a mare, but I'd just make it worse trying to tell anyone..."
>You wrap both arms around her extra tight.
>Nothing more needs said.
>It's now that you realize that you stand on a two-way street
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"Anon. Get up."
>You lay on the cold, metal surface in a pool of blood
>Some of it was yours, some wasn't
>"Anon! I said. Get. Up!" the intercom barks
>How did you get here?
>The person on the floor next to you wasn't breathing
-
>"I said kill him, Anon." the intercom demands a third time
>"Kill him."
>You do
-
>"Anon, get off of the damn floor!"
>You struggle to your feet, the blood on you trickling down and cooling your skin
>"Why did you kill that man, Anon?"
"I don't know!"
>"Oh? You're making progress, Anon. Perhaps you can be a monarch one day."
-
>"Anon, our dearest, wake up."
>It was Lunar
>Your strange dreams always disconcerted her
>Not that they were like this, but they seemed to be getting worse each night
>She worried about you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Be Anonymous.
>Be matched to a filly named Sweetie Belle.
>A filly.
>Run that by me again.
>A juvenile equine that is not quite a foal and not quite a mare.
"Wut? Nah man, this can't be right."
>"The heart as spoken Anonymous, and its predictions have yet to be wrong." Condense states.
"First time for everything. Is this even allowed?"
>"She has her cutie mark, that makes her old enough to marry, all that we ask is that you love and cherish her."
"Yeah I've read the brochure, but still... what's her cutiemark about?"
>"Oh, it's so precious: a little musical note inside a star that's inside a shield."
>But what does it mean!?
>"Singing? Though her talent seems to be tied with her two best friends, it's helping other colts and fillies discover their talent."
>Sooo a talent to help others find talent.
>...
"I'm out. Send me back, I have to go back!"
>"No can do Anonymous, you know as well as I do you can't return."
>Shit.
"Why not give her someone closer to her age range?"
>"Well, young boys don't enter the program you know? And Sweetie Belle here is a rare case since fillies usually don't apply, most of the ponies are mares."
"Then set me up with one of them!"
>"Can't do that, come on Anonymous you know how it works, the Heart as spoken, now, off to Ponyville with you."
"No, please! What will other people think!"
>"Yes, and don't worry about it, nopony goes against royal decree."
"That isn't convincing at all!"
>"Anonymous, you have no choice, you promised remember?" Oh Oh GOD NOT THE EYES.
>NOT THE PUPPY DOG EYES!
>You stand in front of a gaudy building contemplating just going rogue
>You look at the papers in your hand then back at the door to the boutique
>Apparently your "wife" lives with her older sister
>Just knock already!
>"We're opeeen~"
>This is about to turn awkward
>You make your way inside, the sound of a tiny bell signaling your presence
>"Well hellooo~" A pale coated mare greets you with interest "Are you one of these humans I've been hearing about? Come in, come in, don't be shy darling"
>A'ght
>"My name is Rarity and I welcome you to Carousel Boutique, I admit my designs are for ponies only, but I would be remiss to not make my interest in trying my hoof at something different known, that is, if you have the time and the bits"
>H-Here goes
"Actually, I was wondering if Sweetie Belle was in, this is where she lives right?"
>"Well, I do admit this is like a second home for her bu- wait, why would you know about my cute younger sister?"
"Huuuh..."
>"Hey sis, who're you talking to?" Like something out of a sitcom, the filly in question enters the scene, you can already hear the live studio audience in your head.
>"Indeed, just who AM I talking to?"
"I-I'm Anonymous." You clear your throat "I'm Anonymous and I-"
>There's a high pitch squee from the little filly "Oh my gosh, he's here! He's Here!" She jumps around you.
>Hnng your heart.
>"Who's here Sweetie Belle, how could you know any humans, they are nothing but mail order husbands."
>Oh God she's right!
>You're the Equestrian equivalent of a Russian mail order bride
>Sweetie Belle can't seem to tear her eyes away from you; she takes in every bit of your appearance as if inspecting a prized relic.
>And she seems pleased
>She turns to her sister while snuggling into your leg.
>"Sis, this is my husband Anonymous."
>Rarity's face says it all.
>And you can't help yourself, the line the little filly used, it's just too perfect.
"Starting today, I'm Sweetie Belle's husband, Anonymous. Pleased to meet you"
>You feel some invisible force push you back, literally flinging you through the door and living an Anon shaped hole through it.
>You groan on the ground over the looney toons shit.
>There's some shouting and harpy-like screeching from inside the boutique before Sweetie Belle comes barreling towards you.
>"Are you okay Anon - you don't might if I call you Anon, right? We're married now, so - you didn't break anything did you?"
>Hnnng, her concerned green eyes are giving you diabetes.
>"Sweetie Belle, get away from that vile beast this instant!"
>"No! He's my husband now! The Crystal Heart picked him for me!"
>"For Celestia's sake, this isn't a pet you have to feed and walk, it's a somepony, do you even know what you got yourself into young lady!?"
>Oh god, ponies are staring.
>"Of course I do! We're husband and wife! I'll love him forever and ever and a-and when I'm older and r-ready we'll..." Sweetie Belle's cheeks turn red as she smiles to herself like a goof "... have plenty of foals and life happily ever after."
>Hnnng.
>You should have gone rogue, you should have ran.
>Now you can't.
>It would kill you to break this filly's heart.
>"That animal won't set a foot inside my home, and I'm calling mother and father right now!"
>"Go ahead, we have the papers right here, I have my cutie mark, so that means I can marry!" Sweetie Belle grabs the Crystal Empire stamped papers you had with you with her mouth and dangles them for emphasis.
>You are Anonymous. Your world is Dateline and Jailtime. Once you were an average nobody. A lonely man searching for a pure love. It was hard to know who was more crazy. You... or everyone else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Kid Anon is an orphan.
>Worse still, he never really got adopted.
>He was a tad bit too precocious for would be parents to want to adopt him over more active and immature kids.
>After he reached 12, it was practically over, no way would he ever be getting out of the damn orphanage without being 18.
>His heart was hardened and his sense of wonder gone.
>That was until a strange magical pony visited him with a proposition that would change his life forever...
>Kid Anon is taken out of the cold, uncaring and gloomy world that didn't want him and into the whimsical land of Equestria.
>To live with foster parents to boot.
>The catch?
>He's to become their daughter's fiancé.
>A lonely filly who for some reason was his biggest fan.
>A filly that wished with all her filly heart to be with Kid Anon.
>So much so that the Crystal Heart heard her pleas.
>So begins his new life, sharing a home with his future wife to be and future in laws.
>It's a bumpy start surely.
>But these two will get in plenty of misadventures together.
>Learning along the way.
>Butting heads too, because even sometimes there's a disagreement between those you cherish the most in this world.
>They will learn exactly what love is, about hardship, but most importantly... about family.
>Coming this summer...
>One filly's attempts at thawing the coldness of a guarded heart.
>A family adventure to tug at the heartstrings.
>Anonymous proudly present:
>Little League & (You)
>“Anon, If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”
>"Y-You too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Condense recommends you go to the gym
>Not any gym though, Goldie's Gym
>At 8am
>On Tuesday specifically
>Show up
>There's a few elderly ponies doing cardio
>And a loud grunting coming from further back
>You pay the 2 bits and sign the paperwork to enter
>There in the squat rack, is Pinkie
>Your eyes are drawn from her godly thighs, up her back, to the bar itself
>It was bending slightly under the weight
>Your eyes trace the bar out to the plates on each end
>8 fucking plates
>You watch as she takes it to the ground and back up with no hesitation
>She sees you staring through the mirrors
>Pinkie racks the weight with a loud clang and waves at you
>"Heya! Come on over!" she calls out
>Quiet music punctuated the silence as you walked over
>You begin to understand Cadance now
>This Pinkie was not like the one you knew before
>She was... stockier
>"Haven't seen you around here before, you new?"
"Yeah, Cadance said I should come here."
>Pinkie looked around the gym, it was mostly empty aside from some old ponies doing cardio
>She looked back at you, ears perked and grinning
>What did she realize?
>"You squattin' today?"
>You were an utter DYEL
"Uhh, maybe?"
>"Come on, you can be my gym buddy." Pinkie wraps a foreleg around your hips and pulls you over to the squat rack
>Pinkie stands up on two legs and pulls the weight off of the bar on one side
>The bar lurches up and falls, scattering the plates on the other side
>"My bad." Pinkie goes around and neatly stacks the weights, setting the bar back
>"You lift often?"
"No."
>"Let's just stick with the bar then."
>You get into position with the bar on your back
>"Mind if I spot you?"
"I-it's just the bar."
>"Just in case, you don't lift often right?"
>Pinkie braces herself behind you, her legs wrapping around your core
>You could feel the intense heat on your back from her
>Your shirt had already soaked through
>"You ready?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>True Love is an actual, observable phenomena. It just does not naturally occur on earth.
>Heart eyes, real physical sensations, and visible magic reactions are just a few things that mark True Love
>Anon, who comes from a rather academic background, just has to know how it works.
>And his matched waifu is the perfect partner to help him figure it out.

>making your way up to the Crystal Palace after a long train ride from where you were... relocated, by a retrieval group of Equestrian Special Forces who ferried you to another world via portals
>your guide, an ornate crystal stallion, leads you up to the throne room to meet with Cadence who will tell you who your mate will be, should you accept her
>upon reaching the throne room doors, your guide bows before breaking off down another hallway, the two well armored stallions standing at attention moving to push the doors open for you, the sounds of them being pushed inwards reverberating throughout the crystal halls
>you expect to only see Cadence inside, but the other present takes you by complete surprise
>Celestia looks over her shoulder at you, eyes opening wide and glimmering, a beatific smile adorning her face
>your eyes meet hers and they root you to the spot, the amount of hope and joy directed at you nearly paralyzing
>she turns to face you fully, foreleg lifting and wings extending to their full impressive, beautiful length and face flushing as she takes you in from head to toe
>you stand there uncertainly, not sure what to make of the situation
>surely she can't be your match, surely she can't be interested in you?
>"Anon?" she whispers, yet you can hear it clear as day despite the distance between you
>your inner turmoil doesn't last long before it's replaced by startled shock as her extended wings give a powerful beat and rocket her across the room directly at you
>you only have time to bring your arms up in anticipation of her slamming into you before she's upon you
>swooping you up into her wings and wrapping her forelegs around you, she uses her momentum to send you both up into a little twirl a handful of feet into the air, giving you a sense of vertigo and a startled yell as she giddily giggles into your ear and her crown flies off to the other side of the room without notice
>you begin to panic as your impromptu aerobatics reaches it's zenith and Celestia tilts backwards, wings and forelegs still tightly wrapped around you in a hug
>before you can yell in alarm however, the telltale jingle of magic being used tickles your ears, a field of shimmering gold enveloping both you and Celestia, descent turning to that of a falling feather
>as her back gently touches the ground, the princess sticks her snout right into the crook of your neck and laughs happily as you try to calm your racing heart
>the soft cocoon of feathers and fur, strong legs wrapped around you in a loving embrace and body beneath you radiating warmth goes a long way to calming your bout of nerves
>"Oh, Anon~" she croons, "I've been waiting so long for this moment..."
>her honey laden voice sends a shiver down your spine and burns your face with a blush, never having experienced such unrestrained want and need directed towards you
"Y-You have? For me?" you say, your disbelief creeping into your voice
>Celestia apparently catches it, as she rubs her face up your neck and across your cheek, letting out pleased hums and coos
>"Of course for you, m-my otherworldly angel," she says with a slight hiccup, "My shining knight, come to deliver me from this everlasting loneliness." she says, driving her point home by shoving her nose into your hair and taking a deep breath
>you catch Cadence past Celestia's ever flowing mane with a hoof over her mouth, trying and failing to hide her giggle fits, breaking down into an even bigger fit when she catches your deer in the headlights look
"B-But when- how long have you been waiting?"
>her grip gets tighter around you as she begins to gently rock you back and forth, pulling her face from your hair to look you in the eyes
>the half lidded, hazy look in her eyes as she stares right into your very being makes your heart skip a beat, her horn giving off a steady golden mist of magic which diffuses into the air around her head, giving her an ethereal glow that frames her face
>"Longer than you know," she breathily whispers, "I've been keeping watch over you for years, ever since I first consulted the Heart and it gave me you." she says with a happy smile
>your mouth works uselessly as you process that
"Years...?" you say in disbelief, "If you've know for years, why did you bring me now? Why not sooner?"
>her smile diminishes some and the question brings her out of her haze, shimmering horn ceasing it's flow of magic, but the pure happiness and joy is still there, both in her eyes and her smile
>"I haven't had the opportunity, the right moment in time to bring you here," she says, leaning in and brushing her nose against yours, "Until now, that is." she finishes, beaming
>she suddenly rolls to the side with boisterous laughter, wings cradling your head and forelegs keeping you close, coming to a stop resting on top of you and staring down into your face
>"Until now, you're finally here." she sighs
>the clearing of a throat, followed by a giggle causes you both to look up
>Cadence, standing right next to you both and looming above the two of you quirks an eyebrow
>"Maybe you'd both prefer a more comfortable and private place to get to know each other, auntie?" she says with a knowing smile, "Somewhere not on the floor?"
>Celestia, despite herself, only blushes a little in embarrassment as she looks down on you and lifts herself off of your chest
>getting to her hooves, she lifts you to your feet in her magic and brushes off whatever dust stuck to you from the clean crystal floors and tucks her wings back neatly to her sides
>"Yes... yes, I suppose that would be for the best." she says, as regally as she can despite her earlier emotional outburst, golden magic reaching out and plucking her crown back up off the floor, depositing it back to it's usual place upon her head
>she hesitates as she turns back to you, then clears her throat and steels herself
>"My dear Anonymous..." she begins, taking a deep breath, "Would you accept my companionship and give me the chance I've been waiting all these years for?"
>you stare blankly back for a moment before you grin, beginning to laugh at the absurdity of a princess like Celestia asking you if you accept her
>her steely resolve quickly falters, ears folding back and wings beginning to droop before you hurriedly catch yourself
"No, no! I'm not laughing at you, I'm sorry princess" you hastily stammer, "Of course I accept you, what kind of idiot would I be if I didn't?"
>she perks back up in an instant, stepping over and wrapping a wing around your shoulders before giving you a kiss on the forehead as she hums in contentment
>"Please, call me Celestia." she murmurs, lips still pressed to your forehead
>you blush, leaning back to look at her, her eyes sparkling in happiness, then hesitantly reaching out and placing a hand on the back of her head, pulling her back in and returning a kiss on the tip of her nose
>Cadence watches intently from the side, awwing at the both of you, then promptly giving an indignant "Hey!" as one of Celestia's wing shoots out to smack her in the face and keep you from view
>"My niece is correct, dear Anonymous. We should get going, it's a long trip back to Canterlot." she says, keeping a wing wrapped around you as she begins pulling you towards the throne room doors
"Okay... Celestia. Let's go." you say, smiling at her as she smiles back
>she looks behind her to Cadence and mouths "Thank you" as she leaves, Cadence responding with a smile and graceful nod
>"Oh dear, I have so much to show you when we return to the castle," she says, facing forward once more and giving a happy prance in place, "And I can't wait to introduce you to my sister, Luna. I'm certain she'll love you."
"I sure hope so..." you grin uneasily
>she leans over and affectionately nuzzles you, turning your uneasy grin into a genuine one
>"I know so," she says, "And I'll be sure to let her take my duties for some time, for I intend to spend much time with you."
>she leans in close and whispers into your ear
>"You have a whole new life here with me, I intend to spend as much of it together as I can." she says, punctuating her point with a gentle kiss to your temple
>giving a flustered chuckle, you softly wrap your fingers around the wing wrapped around you, petting her mane with the other hand
"I look forward to it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>All the other Anons holding their waifus sweetly
>You look at Ponk
>She wants to be held too
>Knees weak
>Arms are heavy
>Palms sweaty
>You've trained for this
>You wrap your arms around her belly
>Straighten your back
>Stance your legs correctly
>Begin the lift
>Hands slipping
>Wrap arms tighter, grab your hands together
>"Come on, Anon, you gotta live it!" she shouts
>Other Anons stopped to watch
>Ponk lifts off of the ground
>Knees shaking
>Almost standing up...
>Your legs feel like stone, they won't go any further
>Ponk starts to come back down
>You set her down and ragdoll to the ground
>"You got mogged, Anon. I prescribe you extra tv dinners."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Pones have sperm donation banks for the unlucky mares who don't get matched, just because of their sheer numbers
>You decide you want some cash on the side, and what better way to make money is there then jerking off?
>Since they pay bi-weeky, you decide you'll come in every day for two weeks. Might as well make the most of it
>There's a nursepone who follows you around to provide magazines and little plastic bottles for collection every time you visit
>Two weeks have gone by and you've gotten your paycheck. Not much more is thought about it
>A month or so later and you come back in for another cash boost
>Your nursepone aid is pregnant
>Wait, so is the receptionpone
>...And so is that one nerdy-looking technician mare
>They all act abashful around you and "coincidentally" got pregnant at the same time
>The same time as your first visit
What do
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>The Mail should've arrived hours ago.

>You are Pop Top, a Salespony and you are tending the desk of the local village shop which coincidentally is your home too. It is a usually slow day.
>Watching the pickled vegetables slowly ferment might as well be your highlight of the year.
>Nothing ever interesting happens in this Village never mind to you.
>Only the creaking door and the clopping of hoof on wooden flooring almost rouse you from your quasi meditative boredom.
"I hope you have ANY news, Bulletin", you groan with a pleading sigh.
>Bulletin is your childhood Friend and local Mailmare.
>She was always a rough rider, wild and untamed; she embroiled you in countless schemes and pranks one of which was just as much as tossing a bucket of water on ol' McGee and running away from trouble as fast as one can.
>In the end though, you two could never outrun the consequences.
>"Its one of those days isn't it Poppy?" asked Bulletin with the dirtiest smile on her face.
"Yes, it's Wednesday.", you answer, wary of her intentions you secure your footing and scan her for possible threats.
>Blue Hat: not bulging, lies normally on her head. Check.
>Uniform: pockets are empty, mail badge is not a squirt flower. Check.
>Satchel: brimming with letters, might lose some if she is careless. Check.
>Wings: no Kick-Me-Letter, no creepy fake bugs, normal cotton white color so not smeared with paint. Check.
>While you eye her leerily she hands (mouths(?)) you some letters.
"You are not planning to prank me, are you?"
>the door slams open as you barely finished your sentence.
>The sudden bang inspired you to jump with the elegance of a cat who fell into a bathtub full of water.
>A large black hooded biped blocks the entrance.
>You eep behind the counter only as much as your eyes poke out to watch this creature.
>Normally Diamond Dog incursions are dealt by the royal garrison!
>Horseapples! Nopony told you what to do in such situations.
>"Surprised to see me Pop Top?", asks that .. Thing .. with thundering voice.
>"Like the fleas in your fur I keep coming back!"
>How does everypony know. You only had fleas once! And that was in Kindergarten!
>"Four years I spend alone in this big World and I missed you~.
>So I organized a little gathering"
>his voice chills you to the very bone, well until he pulled back his hood and revealed his familiar human facial structures.
>Now you are just petrified.
>"Like a birthday Party, except ... not at all like birthday party."
>His toothy smile, baring his canines, gives you more than just the heebie-jeebies.
>"And look all of your friends are here, you are so very popular~.", he finished, plunging the store in oppressive silence which promptly gets pierced by howling laughter from Bulletin.
>"After four years getting my arse kicked in kitchens all around the World", he continues after the laughter died down a little while ... disrobing himself?
>Oh, he has clothes under the clothes, chef's whites to be precise.
>"I can finally present to you the fruits of my labor! Your Friends and I worked very hard for our Reunion!"
>Still perplexed by the Events that unfolding before your very own eyes you start to uncontrollably smile as you realize that Anon, your match, your Love, has returned from his voyage to master the culinary arts.
>Lost in your thoughts you suddenly feel two arms embrace you and the side of a round head press against your neck.
>You place your hooves around him and rest your head on his shoulders. Before you close your eyes to bask in his affection you catch Bulletin sheepishly watching you two.
>The feeling is like Butterflies flying in your stomach. Butterflies made out of the warmth of a hearth fire. Cozy and Comforting.
>You press him closer to you, closer to your heart so that he might feel it beat with joy.
>This reminds you how your father would hug you when you were feeling down as a little filly.
"Daddy~"
>you sigh contently until the realization of what you just said caught up to you like a burning lava wave splashing across your face.
>Your face might as well melt.
>How will you live on with this embarrassment?
>Bulletin will... oh... no.. NO!!
>You feel the embrace breaking.
>You muster all your courage to meet Anons gaze, his eyebrows are scrunched together with a soft smile on his face.
>Shifting his gaze slowly to Bulletin.
>She on the other hoof is quietly giggling answering Anons confused look with a quick shrug and your piercing glare with a zip-motion across her mouth.
>She knows that if she blabbers her life is forfeit.
>As you turn your head to meet his hazelnut brown eyes again you get surprised by two soft lips pressing against your cheek, a soft whisper slides into your ear.
>"Let us Ketchup later~..."
Really, REALLY?
>First he scares you to death!
>Then he embarrasses you in front of your best Friend and now he's making foodpuns!
>That's it, he has it coming!
>With all of your might you punch Anon, he flies across the Room cracks the wall with his impact and lies broken on the floor the Pickle Jars still intact .
>But in reality you only managed a soft tap against his shoulder and your frown quickly got replaced by a smile while falling into his arms again.
>"No I am serious. Folks are waiting outside and I cooked a buffet that would put the Grand Galloping Gala to shame."
>Right now you don't care, they can wait another minute or ten.
>You press him closer to you, closer to your heart so that he might feel it beat with joy.
>This reminds you how your father would hug you when you were feeling down as a little filly.
"Daddy~"
>you sigh contently until the realization of what you just said caught up to you like a burning lava wave splashing across your face.
>Your face might as well melt.
>How will you live on with this embarrassment?
>Bulletin will... oh... no.. NO!!
>You feel the embrace breaking.
>You muster all your courage to meet Anons gaze, his eyebrows are scrunched together with a soft smile on his face.
>Shifting his gaze slowly to Bulletin.
>She on the other hoof is quietly giggling answering Anons confused look with a quick shrug and your piercing glare with a zip-motion across her mouth.
>She knows that if she blabbers her life is forfeit.
>As you turn your head to meet his hazelnut brown eyes again you get surprised by two soft lips pressing against your cheek, a soft whisper slides into your ear.
>"Let us Ketchup later~..."
>Really, REALLY?
>First he scares you to death!
>Then he embarrasses you in front of your best Friend and now he's making foodpuns!
>That's it, he has it coming!
>With all of your might you punch Anon, he flies across the Room cracks the wall with his impact and lies broken on the floor the Pickle Jars still intact .
>But in reality you only managed a soft tap against his shoulder and your frown quickly got replaced by a smile while falling into his arms again.
>"No I am serious. Folks are waiting outside and I cooked a buffet that would put the Grand Galloping Gala to shame."
>Right now you don't care, they can wait another minute or ten.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Soft, warm and sloppy pony kisses.

>Though the method varies between each mare, the most common forms of entrapment are softly spoken words accompianed by a strange sort of stare, a combination which seemingly paralyses the man.
>Having immobilised her chosen mate, the mare will gently embrace him and proceed to administer mouth to mouth contact, directly pouring her emotions into the man.
>Her soft fur and mane will prove irresistable to him and he quickly return her affections, wrapping her in his embrace.
>By now the man is lost to the equestrian and it is imperative that all attempts to seperate him from the mare are ceased lest you provoke a violent reaction.
>Though mares are almost universally gentle, a man separated from 'his' mare during this stage will stop at nothing to reunite with her, his instincts driving him to protect his mate with animalistic ferocity.

>Twilight finishes writing her "report" with a small flourish
>it'd never be published, especially without any first-hoof trials, but... a mare could dream.
>There would have to be some reason humans were so attached to their mares, right?
>Sighing, Twilight put her things away, all in their proper locations
>maybe the response to her application to Cadence's service would come tomorrow

>You know that your chances of being matched to a named character, let alone a main one are slim to none.
>And you're fine with that. You're a normal guy and a quiet life plus a loving wife sounds divine.
>Monsters, demons, gods, and other deadly nonsense? No thanks.
>But when an armed contingent of guards are your escort through the Husbando Embassy, you know something is up.
>You're lead to a private room where you're told your match is on her way.
>And not a minute later, a hopeful Princess Twilight, THE main character and the mare with the single most turbulent life ever seen walks in.
>And she's not there to introduce someone else.
>Oh shit


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Batties are significantly more aggressive and straightforward than your usual Equestrian. Would you be able to handle the in your face affection and, likely lewdness, all at once and right from the beginning?

>Cadence has you waiting for your match to arrive
>Soon enough she does, a bat mare walking through the castle double doors, her piercing eyes immediately tracking you
>As soon as the words "this is your match" leaves Cadences mouth, the mare is upon you, practically wrapped around your head as her lips mash into yours, lewd moans and drunken giggles trilling from her throat
Remember kids, always be ready around bats.

>"I can't believe you're finally here. I can't believe this is really happening!"
>"All of my research, all of my expectations, I can't wait to see if it's really-"
>"Ah, no, what am I saying, I mean..."
>"Sorry, it's just so, I'm so excited, this is my first time having a husbando."
>"No, wait, that came out wrong, I mean it's my first time being r-romantically involved with anypo- anyONE, I mean, eheh."
>"Is it true that humans- No, nevermind, this can wait for later."
>"I have so many things I want to do together with you, I have it all planned out for the next couple of months."
>"I'm sure you'll love it. With me as your partner you won't even notice you've left Earth. I mean, in a good way, of course."
>"It's gonna be great, I'll be the best waifu ever to you. We are, after all, just perfect for each other. If Cadence said that it must be true, and besides, I personally calculated our compatibility - 98.9288%."
>"If you think that's impressive, just wait and see what I have in store for you later."
>"Oh, we're going to have so much fun!"

>CRACK!
>The villain of the week stiffens and then falls over, out cold. The magic macguffin rolls out of the villain's claws.
>The Elements all blink in surprise and at who is standing behind their foe.
>It's...
>... Twilight's husband? Is that a baseball bat in his hands?
>The human turns and looks at the villian's startled mooks.
>"Okay unimportant lackies. Do you see the goddess over there?"
>He points to Twilight, who blushes a deep red.
>"Your boss was getting too rough. I don't like that. Just have your fun, get beat, and go home. No more."
>One of the grunts steps forward with a scowl. "Where do you get off ordering us ar-"
>BANG!
>The grunt jumps back with a yelp, barely escaping a hole to the foot.
>The human holds up a crudely machined pistol that Twilight identifies as an M1911.
>"You go beyond TV-10, then I'll make this unrated and uncut. That means no werewolves, no vampires, no demons, no goblins or goblin darts. If you think I would say no then I'd probably say no. Now shuffle off you little jerks before I actually get angry."
>The man turns and walks towards the Six, not even bothering to look at the panicked, scattering mooks.
>Twilight squeaks when he picks her up and hugs her tightly, then blushes when he buries his face in her chest tuft. "A-Anon..."
>"That enough adventure for a while," he says through the faceful of pony. "It's time to go home."
>Beside them Rarity huffs quietly. "When is MY application going to be answered..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>You get matched to Lyra Heartstrings.
>She's just as memetastic as everyone thinks she is and just the thought of her own husbando once made her cream herself right in the middle of the street.
>Hell, she was the first one signed up.

I know we all say we can handle whatever mares throw at us, but could you really stand up to a whirlwind like Lyra?

>Hug Lyra when you first meet her in what you think is just being friendly.
>She stiffens, goes red in the face, and grins in a loopy way.
>You look down and notice her tail is flagged high and clear marecum is trailing down her leg.
>She laughs nervously. "Ha... I know this is really awkward, but I'm THAT happy to finally meet you..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shame of being easily aroused arouses the mare even more when she sees that you don't really mind it.

I'd have to stop myself from arousing her even further, then teasing her about it, then making her even more aroused in an infinite loop until she pops.

>teasing Celestia to the point when the power of the sun inside of her fueled by a thousand years of loneliness can't be contained anymore and it's all focused on you now
>teasing Twilight to the point when she just snaps and uses magic to get everything she needs out of you
>teasing Luna to the point when her demeanor sompletely drops and she takes you into a dream where everything she wants from you comes true
At this point if you're matched with any single princess you're completely fucked in every sense of the word if you tease them too much.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When one loves into the abyss, the abyss loves back.

>Get taken to Equestria to meet your match
>Cantdance stops half way through the portal, in the infinite darkness of the Between, looking unsure
>"Alright, this is him," she says into the void
>The void answers back with a giddy squee
>Out of the abyss a poner darker than midnight gallops, mane like roiling nebulas and with the silvery eyes of a total eclipse
>She flings herself into you, buries her face in your chest, hooves tight around your waist
>She's deathly cold, and when she speaks her voice is a lilting toll of mourning church bells
>"I've watched so many of you pass," she says and fixes you with a look that could melt entire planets of ice, "all your life before cast aside - your world, your family..."
>A guilty look saddens her gaze for a second
>"... sometimes even yourselves - for the chance of meeting someone, somepony no less, you may never even have heard of that you could love and be loved by in turn. I had never known jealousy or longing before then, as I had never felt mirth until now, until you."
>She nuzzled back into your chest as you floated near to the dimensional bridge you'd come in on, the infinite locks of her mane floating all around, a bit of it tickling your nose
>Cannedants isn't sure how you'll react, and for a moment neither are you until you look down and see her, eyes screwed shut, trying to wrap as much of her little self as she can around you
>You return the hug and run a hand through her mane, the texture hard to describe, like touching the very essence of silk
>Voidpone sighs happily at your touch, and feels just a bit warmer than she had before
>Cadance breathes a sigh of relief before beckoning you two along to Equestria, wondering all the while where the hell the Heart keeps finding these strange mares
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Cadence is doing another batch of matches.
>Then she stops when an odd result pops up.
>She does a redo to be sure the Heart was right.
>Then her own heart sinks when the result is the same.
>The Heart matched a human...
>...To herself.
>She tries to redo it at least ten times with the same result.
>It throws everything she knows out of whack. She's married already! How could she possibly make this work? How is she-!
>Wait. She recalls Twilight saying something about a magic cloning pond. The mirror pool or something?
>Yes... It's perfect.
---
>When you were told that your match was a little unusual, you weren't sure what to expect.
>With magic ponies, it could be anything.
>But you certainly weren't expecting a grinning Cadence to introduce you to... Her eager sister?
>Even in the rather abridged version of the Equestrian history book you got, it should have mentioned another princess...
>What the fuck is going on?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cross-post:

>It's New Year's Eve in Equestria, and so you've been invited to Twilight Sparkle's party at the Castle of Friendship.
>Well, dragged to her party, more like.
>Princess Twilight Sparkle is still dismayed at your continuing lack of progress in making new friends.
>In fact, she told you to your face that if you didn't come to her party promptly at 9PM, she would personally hunt you down and teleport you to the party herself.
>You hate teleporting.
>Four times out of five, it results in you tossing your cookies.
>So here you are, at a party full of candy-colored ponies.
>Only seven of whom you know personally.
>Eight, if you count Spike.
>Pinkie Pie, naturally, has been prodding you to join into the activities.
>Occasionally dragging you into them by the hand.
>Applejack has made sure you always have at least a half-full cup of cider in your hand.
>Not that cider does much for you anyhow.
>The only reason you're still wearing the garishly decorated party hat that Rarity presented you with is that Twilight gives you a look every time you try to take it off.
>Rainbow Dash was late to the party.
>Yeah, she can be late, but you can't.
>You didn't know Starlight Glimmer very well, and thus far she has awkwardly attempted to strike up a conversation with you three times.
>The conversations never went anywhere because your responses were equally awkward.
>So here you are in the corner watching the party, with a cup half-full of ineffective cider and pockets full of spaghetti.
>The magic hour of midnight is fast approaching, but you don't really feel like joining the pony conga line in progress.
>In spite of Lyra's repeated requests for you to put your hands on her.
>There are just a few stallions here, but they quickly cliqued up in little pools of conversation about stuff you really can't find it in yourself to care about.
>Seriously, the gender balance in this town is way out of whack.
>It's no wonder then that-
>"Oh, h-hey there Anon..."
>Speak of the devil.
"Hello Fluttershy."
>What a surprise.
>She wouldn't try anything on you with all these witnesses around.
>You hope.
>You have so far managed to steer clear of "spin the bottle" and "seven minutes in heaven".
>Even when Pinkie tried to shove you into the closet herself.
>"So... are you enjoying the party Anon?"
>Fluttershy is so shy and quiet that if she hadn't of spoken up, you might have forgotten she was there.
"I'm not really comfortable with big parties full of people- er, ponies I don't know."
>"Oh, I understand. You're the type that prefers intimate little gatherings."
>She looks up at you with a hopeful smile.
>"Like, just for two, maybe?"
>Yeah, the last time she had managed to get you alone had ended with you running away as best as you could with your trousers at half-mast.
>Under that shy and kind exterior, there lurks a wild pony full of desire.
"Depends on the pony."
>You keep your answers non-committal, in the hope that she will get bored and wander off.
>No such luck.
>"So have you... found a pony you like yet?"
"No, not really-"
>You clap a hand over your mouth to shut yourself up, but the widening grin on Fluttershy's face tells you that ship has sailed.
>"Everypony! The countdown has started!!"
>Twilight's enthusiastic announcement is met by a round of cheers from the assembled ponies.
>"Well, if you're not formally dating anyone, maybe you would reconsider my-"
>"HEY there Anon! Making any New Years resolutions?"
>Saved by Rainbow Dash, of all ponies.
"I hadn't really thought about-"
>Rainbow playfully pokes a hoof into your soggy midsection.
>"Maybe you ought resolve to get in better shape, dude!"
>Gee thanks, I needed that.
"I'll think about it."
>"Awesome! The magic hour is almost here, you'd better find a partner to kiss!"
"Wait, what?"
>But it's too late, she has dashed off to another corner of the party.
>True to her name.
"What is she talking about?"
>"It's an old tradition." Fluttershy explains.
>"At the stroke of midnight, every pony shares a kiss with someone they love."
>Suddenly Fluttershy's purpose in seeking you out at this particular time becomes all too clear to you.
>Your brain goes into overdrive as you try to think up a way out of this situation.
>"FIFTEEN!" a number of ponies cry out in unison.
"W-well, that's not what we do where I'm from..."
>You lie like a rug.
>"FOURTEEN!"
>The volume grows as more ponies join the countdown.
>Fluttershy looks at you inquisitively.
>"What do humans do on New Year's Eve?"
>"THIRTEEN!"
"Um, well, we find someone we... think of as a friend, and we..."
>"TWELVE!"
"...boop them on the nose."
>Wow, that was just lame as hell.
>"ELEVEN!"
>"We're friends, aren't we Anon?"
>"TEN!"
"Well, yeah, when you're not trying to..."
>You find yourself unable to complete that thought out loud.
>"NINE!"
"I suppose we are."
>You finish half-heartedly.
>"EIGHT!"
>"You can boop my nose, if you want to..."
>"SEVEN!"
>Well... if it's just a boop, that might be kinda cute.
>"SIX!"
>You find yourself imagining how cute Fluttershy's scrunchy face would look when you boop her.
>"FIVE!"
>Maybe Fluttershy doesn't have any lewd designs on you tonight.
>It would be a welcome relief.
>"FOUR!"
"Alright Fluttershy. Here comes the boop."
>You prepare your booping finger and slowly move it towards her nose.
>"THREE!"
>In her typically cute, timid way, Fluttershy recoils slightly from you, her eyes fixed on your finger.
>"TWO!"
>The sound of the ponies voices reaches a crescendo as the climax of the countdown inexorably approaches.
>"ONE!"
>With a sudden smile and a gleam in her eye, Fluttershy parts her lips and leans forward, closing her lips over the tip of your finger.
>You stiffen at the contact.
>In more ways that one.
>"HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!"
>Balloons and confetti drop from the ceiling as Fluttershy slowly sucks on your finger, leaning further forward until she has taken it in her mouth all the way up to the knuckle.
"FLUTTERSHY! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!!"
>Your protest is drowned out by a sea of cheering ponies, as Fluttershy slowly leans back, gradually releasing your finger from her mouth.
>The tip comes free with a soft pop.
>You're too shocked to move, a state which Fluttershy gleefully takes further advantage of.
>Poking her tongue out of her mouth, she slowly drags the warm, moist, quivering appendage up the length of your your finger and the back of your hand.
>Deciding that enough is enough, you start to pull your finger away.
>But Fluttershy seizes your wrist in both of her fore hooves with a grip kinda like iron.
>If iron didn't work out regularly.
>Fixing her eyes on yours, she starts sucking on your finger again.
"Dammit Fluttershy! I said boop, not oral sex! You made it weird!"
>"Hey Fluttershy! Does Nonny taste good?"
>Of all the times for Pinkie Pie to show up...
>Bouncing over to you with wild abandon, the pink party pony leaps up and wraps her fore hooves around your neck.
>"HAPPY NEW YEAR NONNY!!"
>Pinkie Pie sticks her tongue out and licks your face.
>She takes her own sweet time doing it too, in spite of your attempts to pry her off of you.
"Pinkie Pie! Fluttershy! Let me go!"
>You feel a pony grab your other wrist, and see Lyra gleefully rubbing your hand all over her face.
>"Happy New Year Anonymous!"
>She licks it too.
>Starlight Glimmer emerges from the crowd, rears up and wraps her forelegs around your waist, nuzzling your chest.
>"Happy New Year Anon!"
>It's as though someone threw a switch.
>More and more ponies converge on your position, adding to a growing cuddle pile.
>Almost all of them mares.
>Fluttershy has, of course, claimed the prime spot atop your crotch, which is beginning to feel very damp.
>Dammit, Twilight Sparkle planned this!
>You cry out for help as you slowly sink beneath a sea of equine, feminine expressions of affection.
>And it was all started by...
>Fucking Fluttershy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>little mares are so pure and innocent they don't get mad when you're out half the night drinking with your stallion pals
>the concept of "cheating" is entirely foreign and never even crosses her mind
>she trusts your stallion friends to keep you safe no matter how much cider you have
>she wakes up at 2:00 in the morning to the rapping of a hoof on her front door
>opens it to find a big red stallion standing there with her silly ape draped over his back
>she gives a little giggle
>"did my silly 'nonny go overboard again?"
>the stallion nods and chuckles with an "eeyup" as he carries you inside and she helps him set you up on the couch
>tucks you in nice and comfy with a blanket and big glass of water on the endtable next to you, along with a waste can in case you get sick
>kisses your forehead and escorts your stallion buddy out before climbing back into bed with a happy sigh
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>that position
Do you think little mares would enjoy vigorous belly rubs?

I would turborub a mare's belly.

They'd enjoy teat rubs too.

>getting belly rubs and having your teats played with when you can't even remember the last time you were even touched in a positive way
>bust an ovary on the spot and embarrass yourself into a coma

>sitting there frozen in place with your hands still on her belly and teats, she still convulsing and arching her back as her mare-hood soaks the bed underneath her
>as she comes down from her orgasmic high, her dreamy look quickly changes into a mortified one
>a high pitched whine comes from her as tears start to fill her eyes before she, almost drunkenly, reaches out for a nearby pillow to cover her face from you with, her shame turning her cheeks a vibrant red
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Get told your husbando will be here soon.
>Put on your best bow, putting on a dress would be too much for a first meeting.
>Ears perk as you hear hoofsteps outside the waiting room, or would that be 'foot' steps?
>Steps are heard.
>Standing up and looking toward the door, you feel excitement slowly building within you as whoever is outside comes closer.
>As the door opens your tail wagging behind you is barely noted as you gaze at your husbando for the first time.
>When he spots you his eyes seem to light up as a smile grows on his face, one matched by your own.
>Propriety, manners and restraint forgotten, fore hooves bend and wings twitch as you fling yourself at your husbando, his arms encircling and promptly cradling your body as you try to wrap as much of yourself around him as possible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>you’re tired
>very tired
>your hooves are sore, your legs are sore, and above all your back hurts
>walking home tells you exactly how much
>despite your earth pony strength, moving and lifting sick ponies unable to move themselves wears you down after a while.
>especially when you have to work doubles due to high influx of patients and/or fellow nurses being sick themselves.
>you’ve worked 3 this week causing the days and nights to blur together.
>despite the aches and pains you smile to yourself as you think of what’s waiting at the end of the short trek through ponyville.
>as luck would have it, the day your husbando came through the portal would be roughly 11 months after hearts and hooves day.
>you and him only had the train ride home to talk and you ended up spending most of that catching up on sleep.
>you felt bad that his first few days here he was only able to spend a half hour or so with you before you slept, willingly or not
>tomorrow would be different, almost all of the recent patients had been discharged, and enough of your sick colleagues had been able to return to Ponyville General that you had the next 2 days scheduled off

>barring any of the freak occurrences that tended to happen to this sleepy pony town that is.
>opening the door to your cottage you notice the blanket you keep on the couch is wrapped around the ever more familiar form of Anon.
>“I’m sure the bed is more comfortable than the couch.” you say walking over to sit on the couch near Anon’s feet
”It is, but it feels weird without you there, besides i wanted to be up when you got home.” Anon says as he sits up, wrapping the blanket and his arms around you.
>His embrace pulls you close to his chest, able to feel his heart beating through the soft blanket already warm from Anons body heat helps you relax far more than you would imagine possible.
>”I have good news Anon, we get to spend the next two days together. Just you and me.”
>Anon lays your head against his chest, using those fingers of his to pull the pins of your nurses cap, releasing your hair in a small pink waterfall as the cap is tossed to the coffee table
“That sounds wonderful Redheart, but first I have a sleepy pony who needs her rest”
>Wrapped in the warm cocoon with your hair down you can feel sleep pressing in on your mind, your whole body feeling like it’s made of lead, especially your eyelids.
>As your head begins to droop further down Anons chest, his arms wrap tighten around you as he picks you up wholly, carrying you through the doorway to your soft bed and even softer pillows.
>He lays you gently on the bed on your left side, still covered in the warm blanket, your head sinks into the pillow as soft as a cloud.
>As you start to drift away, you feel those wonderful fingers reach under the blanket and begin to massage your front hooves, moving to your rear hooves and up your hind legs as the stress of the past week melt beneath those gifts from Celestia.
>A shiver runs the length of your body as Anon reaches your cutie mark. normally that was a bit ticklish, but now it felt as if all the tension released in your hind legs was pouring out of the hearts around your medical cross.
“Now let me work on your other side, unless you want to walk in circles tomorrow” Anon says with a smirk.
>rolling onto your right side you let him finish working your other hindquarters, stretching out as his hands work their way up your back to the withers.
>With your body now totally relaxed you toss the blanket to the floor, that was morning redhearts problem, and crawl under the sheets.
>You sigh contently as Anons arms wrap around you, feeling his heartbeat as his chest presses against your back.
>as you drift off to sleep, your mind tries to imagine all the things you could do with Anonymous, but in the end you realize no matter what it is, as long as you are together, you will be happy.

Part 2 The next day.

>Opening your eyes you notice the room starting to fill with light despite the curtains best efforts.

>You also notice a set of limbs wrapped around your neck and barrel, holding you close to the one sharing your bed, Anon.

>This is the first time since his arrival that you could just enjoy being held. you shift slightly to press more against him and take a deep breath to sigh deeply

>Or you would have sighed if not for the loud and unlady like sneeze that took you by surprise.

>The sudden movement alerted you to the aching in your head and stiffness in your limbs, symptoms you thought were merely from sleeping in after working far too many hours on your hooves.

>Combine that with the sneeze, your now apparent runny nose, and what you had thought was just the warmth from your two bodies might be a low-grade fever.

>No no no NO NO! this was supposed to be your days off, spent getting to know Anon, the lonely ranch hand from a place he called Texas, and for Anon to know Redheart, a lonely nurse so busy with her career and taking care of other ponies, she forgot to take care of herself.

>Hopefully it was just her allergies flaring up and not the equine flu or a cold. winter wrap up was only a moon past and all the new flowers blooming this spring had hit her worse than normal due to working herself so much.

>You didn't panic long because working as a nurse had taught you to be pragmatic and control what you can. rolling over to rouse Anonymous, you see that he is already awake.

"Hello nurse." Anon says playfully before replying with a more concerned tone and reaching up to feel your ears. "Are you not feeling well? you seemed to have slept very soundly last night at the very least."

>"No, it seems not." you sigh, sounding a little defeated "I had hoped I would not catch the cold that has been going around Ponyville, but it seems my number has come up"

>Sliding out of bed you stiffly walk toward your bathroom. "Anon, can you warm up the kettle for some chamomile tea? I think that and a warm shower should help alleviate my symptoms."

"Of course, I'll warm up some oats as well, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Especially for sick nurse ponies." Anon said with a wink.

>some time later you stepped out of the shower feeling much better, the steam having cleared your sinuses and relaxed your aching muscles. Your lavender scented soap having already eased your headache somewhat.

>leaving the bathroom, you lean down and grab the blanket that yesterday Redheart left for you, and throw it over your back, like a fluffy red cape. it was enough to cut out the chill you felt leaving the warm steamy bathroom.

>plodding softly into your living room, you notice your nurses cap, that had been left on the coffee table last night has been replaced with a bowl of steaming oats and honey with pieces of apple mixed in, surrounded by a plate of toast and with some strawberry preserves, and your cup of chamomile tea.

"feeling any better patient Redheart?" Anon says from the kitchen over the sounds of a knife on a cutting board. "I'm making some vegetable and noodle stew for lunch, a hearty meal like that always helped me feel better when I was under the weather."

>"Yes, I am feeling much better, thank you for coo-" you say turning to look at Anon before stopping and giggling mid-sentence. Now you know where your nurses cap went, and that it looked equal parts cute and ridiculous on his head.

"glad you like it, I figure since I get to play nurse today, I should look the part." He said with a sly smile "You should eat your breakfast before it gets cold."
>Heeding that sound advice you take a sip of your tea, feeling the warmth spread throughout your body. Soon the toast was gone and so were the oats. Being a nurse with your hours meant you didn't see many home cooked meals as good as this and it was just oatmeal. You couldn't wait to try the stew.
>As soon as you finished, Anon came to collect the dishes and pour some more tea, declaring proudly "I'm the nurse today." insisting you lay down and rest, lest he fetch the orderly.
>shortly after your third cup of tea, each with a generous amount of honey, your headache fully subsided. Setting your cap on the table again, Anon joined you on the couch.
>resting your head on his lap he ran his fingers through your soft pink mane, if you were one of Fluttershy's cats, you would certainly be purring.
>"Now that my nurse is on break," you say rolling onto your back looking up into his eyes. "How about you tell me more about you Anonymous. You've been here nearly a week and i've spent more time around you asleep than anything else."
"truth is you know all the important stuff." he remarks, sliding one hand under the blanket to gently stroke your barrel, causing a contented smile on your face as your eyelids droop close. "Grew up on a ranch, much like sweet apple acres, but with less crops, and more animals. The rest is just as interesting as the apple family's daily chores."
“Well, I do have a few stories,” he said, recounting the aftermath of when his sister had lead a cow into the living room, because she wanted it to listen to music with her.
>Once he started talking one story lead to the next and then the next. You were content laying half in his lap, listening to the stories of times past, only interrupting to ask what an Ipod was.
>In turn you tell a few stories about living in ponyville, and the unusual occurrences that happen to your little equestrian town.
>You felt enormously comfortable like this, snuggled next to Anon, trading stories back and forth like they were bits.
>Morning was now long over, with Celestia’s sun high in the sky by the time Anon finished his latest tale, amazed that he’s never broken any bones, yet his nose had been broken 4 times growing up, the last time by his sister with a shovel.
>”That sounds terrible Anon, what would possess her to do that? Does it still hurt?” you ask, your nursing instincts kicking in before remembering that you are, in fact, the sick pony, not Anon.
“I kind of deserved it, probably more. I had said some hurtful things I regret and don’t want to repeat. All because her and the neighbor’s boy were sweet on each other. She sat with me afterwards, helping to stop the bleeding and resetting my nose. Even helped clean the blood off me with her handkerchief while we talked about what was really bothering me. We were having lots of problems on the ranch that year but, when didn’t we? Really I was just being a bit overprotective and jealous she had found love.”

>”But Anon, you should have been happy for her.” You say with a surprised look on your face, putting a hoof on the hand rubbing your chest.
“Deep down I was, I just wish I didn’t need a shovel to the face to dig it out. That’s why she did it. Being the two youngest we had to look out for each other.”
>Even though you didn’t have any brothers or sisters, the concept wasn’t entirely alien to you, after all you did have lots of close friends growing up.
>”When I was in school I was the smallest filly in my class, a few of the fillys and colts could be quite mean, but I had a friend, a very kind unicorn who would look out for me. She didn’t do it for any other reason than she detested seeing somepony being taken advantage of or picked on.”
>”In fact she inspired me to help out other ponies when I could, which inevitably led to my nursing cutie mark while helping to bandage a friends scraped knee.”
>Sitting up on to your haunches, you lean against him, nuzzling his chest.
>despite how you felt, you felt today couldn’t have gone much better even if you had gone to the park or even just a walk around town with Anon.
>taking a deep breath you inhale his scent deeply, well, as deeply as you can with your nose in its current condition.
>You pick up a bit more than just his scent and remember he had put on a stew for lunch.
>As if on cue, your rumbling tummy told you what your brain already knew, that it was just past lunch time.
>”Anon, you smell wonderful, but so does the stew you prepared, I think you should check on it to see if its ready.
“good idea, I didn’t realize what time it was” Anon says getting up and walking to the kitchen.
>You take this opportunity to stretch your muscles, and take care of this morning’s tea.
>leaving the bathroom feeling much better, you return to the still warm spot on the couch, awaiting Anons return.
>soon you hear the unique sounds of Anon feet before he steps into view and sets a couple bowls of stew on the coffee table.
>”Anon, what happened to your hand?” you ask in concern, seeing it wrapped in a damp dish rag.
“just me being all thumbs, thankfully I was cooking the stew ‘Low and Slow’ so it’s not as bad as it could be.” Anon said, a hint of embarrassment in his voice.
>”may I see it, despite being a sick pony, I’m still a trained medical professional.” You say motioning to the cloth wrapping his hand.
“sure, if my hands any indication the stew needs to cool a bit before we eat anyways.” He says, unwrapping his hand to reveal the redness underneath.
>he was right, judging by the redness and his reactions to your probing, it would be sensitive for a day or two but was otherwise superficial.
>”Well Anon, I have some aloe to help with the pain if you would like, I also have something else, it’s a bit of an experimental treatment for minor pains such as this, I’ve been waiting for the right patient to test it on.”
>taking both his hand in your hooves, you don’t wait for a response as you bring is hand up to meet your lips
>Planting a couple kisses above and below the sensitive area on the back of his hand. “Feel better Anon?” you ask as you plant another kiss, this time on his open palm.
“Much better, I don’t think I’ll need any aloe after that.” The mild surprise apparent in his voice
>”Very good.” You say softly, moving to sit sideways on his lap as you release his hand and drape your forelegs over his shoulders.
>His arms caressing your barrel and holding you close.
>Your pulse quickens as you peer into his eyes, with your faces less than a hoof span apart, his breath mixes with yours as you become lost in each other’s eyes
>Thoughts were rushing through your brain almost faster than you could comprehend.
>so you focus on your heart.
>You had crushes on a couple stallions, and even a mare growing up, what little filly didn’t? but they weren’t right.
>This wasn’t about physical attraction
>Something you couldn’t express in words was missing then, something the crystal heart had found in a human called Anonymous.
>while neither of you were perfect, you were each perfect for one another, completing each other like puzzle pieces.
>you were unable to describe this to Anon using the Equestrian language.
>actions did speak louder than words after all.
>Taking a deep breath, you still your beating heart and press your lips against his.
>The last time you felt anywhere close to this was when you got your cutie mark.
>That feeling of something that had been missing being found.
>Breaking the kiss you try to hide your face, burying it into his shoulder.
>You were a little embarrassed you kissed him first, but you regret nothing.
>It would be the first of many if you had any say and you were sure Anon felt the same way.
>After your heart had slowed a reasonable amount you lean back to look Anon in the face again.
>”How does your hand feel now?”
>A look of genuine confusion crosses his face as he looks down at his hand.
“Actually it doesn’t hurt at all now, and the redness is gone, it looks as if I never burned it.”
>He brings his hand into your line of sight to show the redness and swelling were indeed gone.
>”That’s curious, when I return to work I’ll have to ask one of the doctors about this. Perhaps it’s something with human physiology I’m unfamiliar with.”
>But that was a couple days away, and future Redhearts job.
>Present Redhearts job is to get better and continue getting to know Anon.
>Present Redhearts stomach also let her know that she needed food if she was to get better.
>”I think the stew has cooled down enough, shall we see how it turned out?” you ask, reluctantly sliding off his lap to sit next to him.
>He couldn’t eat very well with you in his lap.
>Running his hand through your pink mane, he leans over and kisses you on the cheek.
“yes, lets. You’ll need sustenance to keep up your strength.”
>Before you knew it you had finished the bowl, and was tempted to grab another but decided against it.
>you were a little more tired than you normally would be this time of day, but you wrote that off as a combination of being a sick pony, and the hearty stew sitting heavy on your stomach.
>”Anon,” you say with a slight yawn, “I think I’m going to take a nap for about an hour, would you care to join me?”
“Sure, let me take care of the dishes first and I’ll be right there.”
>As Anon heads to the kitchen you stop off in the bathroom to clean up a bit before crawling back into your bed, the sheets pleasantly cool.
>Not long after closing your eyes you feel Anon join you in the bed, snuggling close like last night.
>Soon you drifted off to join Luna’s dream world, not needing her to protect you on this voyage, for your dreams were filled with the sounds of laughter and the clopping of tiny hooves in your modest cottage.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"So... this is what you do most nights?"
"Hmhmm."
>"Just...watch it?"
"As a precaution, yes."
>Nestled into his waifu's fluff, Anon gazes at the writhing ball of...something, sequestered in it's own section of the dream realm.
>"Why is it so...weird?"
"That would be my fault, partially. Right now you are seeing things through the lens of my magics, hence why you percieve the various doorways to ponies dreams as... doorways. It is simply what i am most comfortable with. During her brief foray into this realm, my sister apparently envisioned each dream as a bubble, i shall be most interested in seeing what you envision once you improve your dream walking ability."
>"Keeping a dream journal seems kind of pointless when i could just ask you what happened."
"Except the intended point of the exercise is to train your recall, my own is more than adquate."
>"I still say cutie marks are haxx."
"Your objection is duly noted, where were we?"
>"Weird ball of black screaming jelly that's apparently the collective nightmares of every human in equestria?
"Right. Well, as much as it pains me to admit, it looks like that because i can barely understand it.
>"...Come again?"
"Although magic is a significant aid in discerning the minds of those dreaming, it can only do so much. While i can relate to the minds of native equestrians well enough to influence their dreams directly, human minds are quite simply too Alien for me to comprehend even you are quite the mystery despite our time together."
>"Wow. I didnt even think about something like that."
"Indeed, but do not worry. In time you humans will adapt to equestria whilst i shall become more accustomed to your kind's thoughts and ultimately these nightmares should be easily dealt with."
>"So until then, all we can do is wait?"
"Quite."
>"Well Mi'lady, why dont we take this oppotunity for you to gain some experience in the mind of a human?"
"A good suggestion but, forgive me Anon, that headwear is atrocious."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You can write her love notes, Anon. Thousands if you like.
It's just that none will be delivered.

Write a stack. Burn the pile. Let the wind carry the ashes of your love to your waifu.
she will receive them on the other side.

>be waifu
>walking around ponyville
>huge blue portal opens up in front of your face
>before you can choose to fight or flight, you see a single phrase in the cold depths of it
>from: Anon
>a huge dark cloud appears, and tons of ashes fly right into your eyes
nice job

>Being of an inquisitive mind it was only natural for Twilight to take interest in such a happening
>A portal appearing out of the blue, bearing a message from an unknown land?
>She simply had to look into it, and what she found when she did surprised her
>After much experimenting and testing she managed to reconstitute the ashes into their original form, a letter, which upon reading left her feeling the strangest combination of warmth and sadness
>It was a love letter, addressed to the mare whose face its ashes had been blown into, but there was something more beneath that, in the tone and the wording
>They bespoke a pained longing, one that Twilight had a hard time trying to grasp
>How could someone feel so strongly for somepony they had never met?
>It was an absurd notion, but as she pondered it she began to wonder if, wherever this letter had come from, there was someone there that felt as strongly for her
>Now she was feeling queasy, her wings twitching and her heart thumping under the fluff of her chest
>Cadance had told her what such a mix of feelings meant, perhaps she should pay her a visit?
>Being the Princess of Love she'd certainly be interested in an alien love letter
>And maybe with her help she could find out exactly where it had come from
>To that end she made a copy of the letter, returned the original to its recipient and boarded the next train to the Crystal Empire, oblivious to the undertaking that was to come

And so, Anon, in assaulting his waifu with the ashes of his love letter, played an important part in bringing love and affection to the many lonely mares of Equestria.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Lightning Dust returns home, her thoughts in a thousand places.
>Her dreams are shattered.
>Her training is for naught.
>Her career is ruined.
>All because she tried her best. She gave it her all and got caught up in the moment.
>She crawls into her cold bed without a sound and without a single tear.
>It took a single day to send her life spiraling into ruin. Being a Wonderbolt was everything to her. Now...
>She has no reason to live.
>Grim plans thoughts start to form. How many sleeping pills does she need to never awaken again, she wonders.
>A whole bottle should do it.
>She rises, intent to visit the pharmacy to get started on her own ending.
>As she leaves her home, she notices a letter in her mailbox.
>Forgetting her plan for a moment, she takes it out and reads it.
>... A husbando? With no catch?
>...
>The letter makes promises too good to be true, but it's signed by Princess Cadence herself...
>Well, it's not like this can possibly make her life worse.
>That Anon never knew that by signing up, he saved a life that day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Cadence says that all the humans who came to Equestria are valued friends and that she'll always lend an ear to them if they want to talk about anything. Even things they would find embarrassing to talk to their waifu about.
>Some take it to heart a little too much.
>She starts getting letters asking how about the best ways to lewd mares. Some of them are VERY detailed in what they want.

>all of her sexual experience is with her husband
>she doesn't even know what a human dick looks like
>accordingly, sometimes she gives the bad advices without meaning to

>She gets a letter from one embarrassed Anon who followed some of her half baked advice.
>He went too deep and accidentally got stuck in his waifu's cervix, a painful experience for both.
>It made for an awkward hospital trip.

> Cadence gives the best advice on how to woo your mare, get to know her better, apologize when you've fucked up or how to kiss her like a champ.
> Because her sex life with Shining Armor is very vanilla, her sex tips, on the other hoof, is Cosmo-tier shit.
> The mares of the Initiative have even less experience, so naturally they think that she has unparalleled knowledge on what they should do in the bedroom.
> After dozens of letters from mares asking about how they should please their husbando on that magical first night, Cadence wrote The List and added it to the Handbook that mares got when they were matched.
> It contains classics such as:
> "Hold his penis in one hoof and lightly slap it with the other… you can tap it back and forth like you're volleying a tennis ball and lightly pinch the skin on his shaft and testicles. Many mares make the mistake of being too gentle."
> "Firmly hold the bottom of his shaft in your hooves and slowly push it towards the base. (Imagine you're pushing his penis into his body)."
> "Chew a small piece of mango… then take him in your mouth. You can use whatever fruit you have, just don't try anything too acidic, as it can burn him."
> “Go hot and cold. During oral, suck in air as you go down and blow it out as you go up.”
> "When you're cooking, apply a little tomato sauce to your nipple, and ask your man to lick it off."
> "Keep a spray bottle filled with ice water next to the bed, and give each other a strategic spritz to extend the encounter… Aim for the nerve-packed, thin-skinned areas on each other's body, such as the nipples."
> When these tips inevitably lead to a husbando crying with pain, or hopefully just with laughter, the mare in question usually think she was the one who did wrong. Embarrassed, they tend to never mention The List and what the results of following its advice were to their husbandos, friends or even to Princess Cadence herself.
> The List is still there to this day, unchanged.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>So Anon!
>I’ve been thinking...
>I’ve crunched some numbers and I think I have something figured out.
>Let’s assume that you are around 20 years old as of right now.
>Since you refuse to tell me your current age for whatever silly reason.
>Let’s say that you live to be around 80, and during those sixty years, we try to have as many kids as possible.
>Assuming the ideal 11 month gestation period for every child, I would be able to have around 66 children.
>But!
>But,
>Let’s consider my magic for a second.
>Let’s say that I were to magically store your semen, so that I can inseminate myself after you...
>...Well, let’s then assume that you “get off” as you so aptly put it, around twice a day.
>Let’s also assume the best case scenario, in which I only need the sperm from one orgasm in order to impregnate myself.
>Let’s assume we don’t count the orgasms that bear child while you are still alive to the total amount, and instead have you “cum” again that day.
>You humans have such weird, vulgar vocabularies.
>I would then be able to bear an additional 43,830 foals!
>As I stated earlier, assuming the perfect conditions, it would take 482,130 months, or 40,177 and a half years (considering leap years) to bear them all!
>So that...
>S-So that long after you’re g-gone...
>You’ll s-still live on in s-some way...
>A-And maybe, i-in over forty m-millennia...
>L-Long after I-I’ve f-forgotten y-you...
>O-once I-I’ve g-given birth to y-your last f-foal...
>I-I c-can *hic* m-move *hic* o-on...
>I...
>*hic*
>I...
>I’m not ready to lose you...
>I don’t want to forget you...
>Anon...
>Will...
>Will you stay with me...
>Will you stay with me for a little while longer?
>Please?

Aw fuck, I made myself sad. Now you guys have to feel sad too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Be Anon.
>Be in Canterlot Castle.
>Ever since you’ve been brought to Equestria by magical means that are irrelevant to the plot of this green, you and Celestia have been very close friends.
>You believe that it is now time in your relationship with her to do something... daring.
>Something no one would ever dare to do.
>You are going to eat a slice of her favorite cake.
>The cake that she never lets anyone ever eat.
>Soon, you shall have it all to yourself.
>After much snooping around, you’ve discovered it’s secret hiding place.
>Underneath the cushions of her throne lies a door to a secret compartment.
>There lies the cake.
>You enter the throne room inconspicuously.
>The guards are well aware of you, so they don’t grow suspicious.
>Celestia is taking a shower right now, so you have very little time to sneak and get the cake.
>With utinsels and plate in hand, you power walk over to her throne and lift the cushion up.
>No lock?
>Celestia, you trusting fool.
>You open the door and lay your eyes on the cake.
>There appears to be a single slice left.
>Just for you.
>You quickly grab it and dig your fork into it.
>Just as your mouth closed around the bite of cake, you hear the sound of teleporting.
>”NOOOOOOOOOO!”
>Celestia, dripping wet from her shower, cries in agony as you take a bit of her cake.
>And it tastes...
>Wait...
>Is this...
“Celestia...? What is...?”
>”Anon please—“
“I can’t believe that you actually eat that shitty whipped cream frosting instead of actual frosting!”
>”Anon it’s not what it looks like—“
“Only pussies can’t handle real buttermilk frosting, what the fuck is this?! This is fucking tasteless and bland! Here I thought you had taste Celestia, now I see that it could not be further from the truth.”
>”Anon please... don’t tell anyone...”
“And why wouldn’t I tell the world that Celestia eats shit cake?”
>Celestia casts her eyes downward, silent for a moment.
>”Maybe...”
“Maybe what?”
>Celestia avoids your eyes for a moment before looking up to meet your gaze.
>"What if we were to give you some better cake to eat?"
>You sit there stunned.
"And how do you think that better cake would change my opinion of the absolutely abhorrent cake I just ate?"
>Celestia sways slightly from side to side.
>"This cake... well, to say that it's really good cake is an understatement."
"Really now..."
>"Uh-huh. And you'll be the first to ever taste it. Doesn't that sound rather... delightful?"
"Very well Celestia. I shall give you one chance. This cake better be amazing if it's gonna shut me up."
>Celestia, her cheeks tinted pink, slowly walked up to you.
>"I'm sure you'll find this cake really... wonderful. Consider it my apology cake. Just for you."
>You remain still.
"And where is this cake?"
>"Oh, not here. Definitely not here. I'll show you."
>With a blinding flash of light, you find yourself in Celestia's bedchambers.
>While you admire the room, Celestia leans against the side of the bed.
"I repeat myself, where is the--"
>You turn around to come face to face with a part of Celestia that was dripping somewhat more than the rest of her.
>You are silent, speechless.
>"Is... Is this cake acceptable?"
>You sit there for a moment before choosing the only correct choice.
>And you had to say, it was a very good cake.
>But you weren't sure if just one bite would be enough to earn your silence.
>Luckily for you, Celestia was more than willing to offer some more.
>And boy, did you take some more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Be Celestia.
>On break, sipping some tea.
>Everything is calm and peaceful.
>You loved coming to the garden for your private little tea parties.
>But recently, you've come to enjoy something else just as much, if not more so.
>A faint rustling sounded off, a little ways away.
>You ignore it for now.
>You take another sip of your tea.
>The rustling grows a bit louder.
>He thinks he's being sneaky.
>As wrong as he is, you weren't going to exactly ruin his fun.
>He gets too much of a kick out of it for you to tell him the truth.
>You close your eyes and hum to yourself quietly.
>The rustling stops.
>You stay still and sing to yourself a bit longer, before you open your eyes.
>A quick glance around reveals nothing of particular interest.
>Did he pass you by perhaps?
>No, he knows you are here.
>He wouldn't want to waste an opportunity like this.
>Where could he be?
>You survey your surroundings, yet they bear no fruit.
>Just as you are about to close your eyes and return to your tea, you feel a weight on your side, sending you and your attacker tumbling down onto the soft grass below.
>After a bit of rolling, you come to a stop on your back with a bunch of your mane blocking your vision.
>Giggling jovially, you blow the offending hair aside, only to have a familiar hand block your sight, followed by another deeper voice joining you in laughter.
>You feel the weight on top of you shift lower, and feel his teeth graze your neck as he brings his head up next to you ear.
>His hot breath against you sends shivers down your spine.
>"Gotcha."
>Your giggles resumes.
"I don't suppose you'd be so willing to let me go, mister. I would do anything if it meant no harm would come to those I care about."
>"Anything, you say? I could be... convinced."
>You feel the tip of your ear being nibbled, and you shriek in delight.
>Trying to keep your composure, you stifle your cries, yet your gleeful tone betrays your true nature.
"Oh yes sir, please."
>A deep rumbling laugh reverberates through the otherwise tranquil garden.
>"I suppose if you are so inclined, then I shall simply take what I desire from you."
>The weight on top of you shifted again and as your attacker's body intertwined with yours in a rather intimate manner, you felt your face flush as warmth swept through you.
>Your half-hearted attempts to free yourself cease in their entirety as your lips connect with another pair, foreign and distinctly alien in nature.
>Clearly not pony-like at all, yet endearing to you all the same.
>As you melt into the kiss, the hand that was covering your eyes was removed, instead finding it's place rubbing up and down the length of your side, tickling you slightly.
>You wrapped your forelegs around the alien body and pulled him closer to you.
>You didn't have much time in your busy schedule to enjoy moments like these, so you had to make the best of what you were given.
>A few more seconds pass before you open your eyes and face the human on top of you.
>Anon catches you staring and disconnects the kiss with a smirk on his face.
"Aw, why did you stop?"
>Anon chuckled before tapping the end of your muzzle with his finger.
>"Because I'm on top and what I say goes."
>You smile similarly before charging up your magic.
"So is that how it works? Very well then."
>With a poof of your magic, Anon quickly found himself in a complete role-reversal, as you pinned him down.
"Now, where were we? Oh yes, of course."
>You re-engage your kiss with a fervor.
>Anon submits to you, clearly satisfied with his current predicament.
>As you feel his arms wrap around you, gripping you tight, you couldn't help but feel more happy than you've been in a long time.
>Oh, how you waited for someone like this.
>Anon, I never want to let you go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>The Heart activates far after the extinction of ponies.
>The gender skew favoring mares just kept increasing as years went on, and nopony could figure out why.
>Attempts to stop it failed. Eventually, stallions stopped being born and the remaining ones were more precious than gold pound for pound.
>Technology and bio magic in Equestria advanced rapidly to try and combat the fast coming extinction, but the ponies hit walls left and right.
>Eventually, AI was developed. Even with the help of sapient machines, the crisis kept growing.
>Great magic powers like the Princesses and Discord lent their aid, but ultimately failed.
>By now the remaining stallions were aging and attempts to preserve them with both cryo and temporal stasis were met with disaster.
>On the day the last stallion died and the last sperm bank had run dry, Equestia knew it's time had come.
>The now numerous AI had frantically done everything they could for their creators, making pony bodies for themselves to fill the spots of the dwindling mares. Research on the stallion genome and artificial sperm was just going too slow with their limited data. The tech to map genes just didn’t exist when stallions where still around.
>Then it happened.
>The last mare passed on, surrounded by the androids who raised her, cared for her, and made her life rich. She lived a long 300 years.
>The only living ponies left are the alicorns, who may as well be robots themselves with how they listlessly live.
>For a time, Equestria simply exists without purpose. The AI androids live in the towns and cities, filling the spots and living lives like real ponies, but it’s not the same.
>A nation of mourning machines.
>Then out of nowhere, the Crystal Heart activates and shakes Cadence and Flurry from their infinite routine.
>Cadence is shown another world with their own set of problems. Problems based around their males with great emphasis on how they adapt.
>At first, she's furious over what she sees, but is unsure what the vision means. Why show her this? These adaptable creatures, 'humans', could surely sort their problems out.
>Wait... adaptable..?
>Impossible. It’s such a longshot to assume such things.
>The same day, she gets a report saying that the artificial egg and womb prototypes are complete, but the artificial sperm completion date is still uncertain with rough estimates at thousands of years.
>That settles it. It cannot be a coincidence. It would be two bird with one stone.
>When an unexpected announcement goes out asking for volunteers to be implanted with artificial wombs, it rocks the entire nation.
--
>When a magical pony princess offered you a chance at romance via a letter, you weren’t sure what to expect. Maybe they had a surplus of females or something?
>The last thing you expected, though, was the solemn mission to help revive a dead race with “happily ever after” as your reward.

>The emotions that must run through the first android to give birth.

And everyone else too
>An entire nation of machines waits with bated breath, watching the update log of the Manehatten hospital.
>Some of them even stopped breathing they're so nervous. Not that it's a problem considering they're androids, but even the minuscule amount of CPU power needed for the aesthetic function was rerouted to watching the log.
>The last update was twenty minutes ago.
>MANEHATTEN MEMORIAL HOSPITAL 2:41 AM EST: 'New Renascence volunteer Stardust-92817 goes into labor. Updates to follow.'
>It's been the longest twenty minutes of anyone's lives.
>There are few who still personally remember the original ponies. Many units between now and then decided to pass into the next life. The few that remain are the ones watching most closely.
>Suddenly, an update!
>MANEHATTEN MEMORIAL HOSPITAL 3:03 AM EST: 'Stardust-92817 gives birth to healthy, fully organic colt. No complications to mother or child. Father Anonymous fainted but is unharmed.'
>A weight is lifted.
>Cheers of joy.
>Cries of relief
>Laughs of humor at poor Anonymous.
>Another update.
>MANEHATTEN MEMORIAL HOSPITAL 3:05 AM EST: 'Anonymous regains consciousness. Names newborn son Bright Star.'
>Then another
>EQ BROADCAST SERVICE 3:06 AM EST: 'BY ORDER OF ALL 4 PRINCESSES, EQUESTRIAN CALENDAR IS RESET. NEW CURRENT DATE IS 1/14/1 P.R. (Post Rebirth). JANUARY 14TH DECLARED NATIONAL HOLIDAY. ALL NON-CRITICAL SERVICES SUSPENDED UNTIL 1/15/1 IN CELEBRATION.
>It's a time of hope in Equestria. A time of new life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"Sir we've caught one of the abductees and have it's target in quarantine while we run some tests."
"Good. Leave it alone for now, we'll begin interrogation after it's settled down. Is the VIP stable?"
>"No sir, he appears to have formed an emotional bond with the ET, we suspect drugs or some manner of mind control, hopefully being seperated with alleviate his symptoms."
"And if it doesnt?"
>"Worst case we'll drag him in front of the ET and force her to release him at gunpoint, they seem to require their targets alive and unharmed."
"IT is not a HER my friend, do not be fooled by it's appearance, these things have abducted over a hundred confirmed men and only god knows how many unexplained disapperances they have had a... 'hoof' in."
>"Yes sir, sorry sir."
"Good. Ensure someone is always on standby to subdue it, we still dont have a full picture on their capabilities and this containment unit is mostly untested."
>"Wont escape on my watch sir, dont worry."

>Go to earth and find your match they said.
>It's just a quick "Hello! Let's go!" they said.
>They didnt say anything about a bunch of humans in creepy masks suddenly bursting through the walls, knocking you unconscious and apparently kidnapping you right as you were about to go back to equestria!
>Mental note to Twilight: Feed pinkie some coffee and tell her BBBFF needs a party or six.
>It's fine, it's going to be fine, that guy just said they'll drag my husbando out here, i'll teleport us both out and back to equestria and then we'll cuddle and read books by the fireplace and everything is going to be just fine.
>I wonder why they think a glass box could hold anything though, i mean, it's GLASS. I can see right through it and none of them even noticed me spilling that one guy's cup.
>I'm not exactly complaining but these guys aren't really all that smart.
>And you're talking to yourself again Twilight, we agreed we'd stop that once we got a husbando and he agreed even if you aren't in his arms right now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>get husbando-snatched at work
>everyone instantly recognizes your fucking uniform
>everyone now knows you're the lowest class of wageslave
Just kidding, I wouldn't get husbando-snatched

>Just kidding, I wouldn't get husbando-snatched
Damn... why'd you have to remind me of my fate.

>'Next time. T-they'll get me next time.'
>'Heh, they c-can't get us all in one go..nope, I uh..I just gotta have faith.'
>'Yep, my times coming. I'll be fine.'
You wont be fine

>You sit in your dark home.
>It's cold.
>The power went out months ago after the power plant ran too low on workers and had to shut down for safty precautions.
>The last TV broadcast you saw wasn't too hopeful.
>It was the news, riots in California, Washington, and Florida had gotten uncontrollable due to low amount of police force to hold them off.
>Your food is running low.
>You didn't buy any back when you could because you thought you wouldn't need it.
>You'd be gone soon you thought.
>Why would you need -that- much food?
>You should have known better.
>Why would a paradise -ever- need a person like you?
>Why would they ever -want- a person like you?
>They wouldn't.
>You're just a burden.
>But not for long.
>You're glad you made the investment a couple of /k/ buddies told you to make.
>A Smith and Wesson .357
>It's a easy way out, even if nothing else wants you.
>You pull back the hammer and hear a satisfying *click*.
>Although what you found strange was the second *click* you heard afterwards.
>Like electricity trying to come to life.
>You wait for a bit to see if it happens again but hear nothing.
>What were you expecting? The lights to come back on or something?
>You place the revolver to your head and place your finger on the trigger.
>You struggle to find the strength to finish the job for a bit until a load noise cause you to jump and pull the trigger.
>The last thing you heard was the load bang and a cry that wasn't your own.
>The infiltration units rush over to lifeless body of their target hoping there was still a chance to heal the target with magic.
>It had gotten much harder to create portals after the humans power grid went down.
>They no longer had electricity to power their magic as easily as they used to so instead they had to scrounge up what they could.
>Making things like this more common place during recovery missions.
>They lift the body and drag it into the portal and hope the medics are ready.

>It's not nearly the first time something like that happens
>Late comers are always desperate and are often grabbed on the verge of suicide but at least the fact that they're coming late means ponies are prepared
>Even if this one would've gotten a bullet directly to the brain he still would've been up for magical treatment
>Maybe would've lost some of his memories but eh
>But he managed to miss his target even at point blank, it just grazed the thing
>Probably pulled the trigger by accident or got scared
>Removing metal from his skull and reconstructing tissue is something so trivial he'll be ready to leave the hospital in less than a week
>Just in time for his match to arrive to Crystal Empire

>Well, you nearly blew your brains out.
>You were still awake when you were recovered and could barely see through the blood.
>You were in too much pain to go into shock or move or even screem for that matter.
>But after going though the portal and the nice doctor pony knocking you out through magic after noticing you were still awake you didn't feel a thing.
>But now you're laying in a bed with gauze wrapped around your head as they repair the damage.
>You can't really see but a nice pony has been visiting you alot.
>After she scolded you a bit for making her scared like that, then the promises that she'd assure you'd -never- feel like that again, another pony came in and told her to calm down.
>She said her name is Twilight and she's your waifu.
>You were sceptical about the 'Pre assigned love' thing at first but after a bit of talking you found that you really liked her.
>She must really like you too because she shows up everyday to talk to you for a few hours, then she reads to you for few more before being told she has to leave.
>You feel bad that she's taking so many days off just to spend time with you but she assures you it's no problem.
>The doctors were really mad at her when she snuck into your room one night and snuggled up to you after visiting hours, but after you begged them not to kick her out she got let off.
>She's so loving.
>You really can't wait to get this gauze off so you can see her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hug the mare you chump. I will never understand why this is never the first thing the men don't do in these stories, fuck decorum and just hug her dammit.

Man, the first thing I would do after leaving my entire life behind and meeting my waifu for life would be to bowl over anyone in my way and hug the FUCK out of her.
Even if it was one of the princesses herself, ain't doing none of this bitch ass "how do you do m'lady" hand shaking bullshit. Everyone always comes across as so unenthused to be meeting their WIFE FOR LIFE in these stories, damn.

>You are anon
>you have been pulled from your previous life to meet your magical pony soul mate (you fucking jumped, to be honest. I mean, ponywife for life? fuck year)
>After the primary decontamination procedure, you're put in a room until your wife arrives
>you've got a couple hours since they thought you'd take longer to pack and her train hasn't pulled in yet
>silly ponies, you've had your bug-out bag ready since day -2554
>you put on the last touches before she gets here. Shave, shower, the whole thing.
>bet no one expected you to pull a three-piece suit out of a pringles can
>vacuum seals are a hell of a thing when it comes to compressed luggage
>anyway, more importantly, she's here.
>right on the other side of those big crystal doors
>they let you in, sit you down, and then...
>there she is
>the pony wife of your dreams, nervous and blushing
>2cute
>but, business before pleasure
>you get the documents signed, sealed, and notarized
>then discuss housing
>finally, you're free
>it's just you, your wife, and your compressed luggage
>with your sack on your back, you swoop low and pick up your little pony
>she's not used to being tall, but she will be someday
>carry her the entire way to the train station, with breaks in conversation only when you need directions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay. Here's some necromancy green. Dunno if its good, but I will let you guys decide. Enjoy.

~~~

“So...”, you sit down on the dying human's bed, being careful not to disturb him, and let a bony hand brush over his cheek, “This is him?”
>”Yes.”, Princess Cadence sighs, “We've found him on the edge of the Badlands.”
“The Badlands?”
>”Mhm... We don't know why the Crystal Heart summoned him there.”
“Perhaps as some kind of purgatory?”
>”Purgatory? What do you mean, Anonymous?”
”We humans...”, you stand up again and brush some dust off your robes, “Are seldom free of sins. But I'm sure you know that already. Just look at me.”
>”Anonymous...”
“I wasn't summoned by the Crystal Heart. By the thousand hells...”, you snort and grab your staff that was leaning against a nearby dresser, “Even I don't know what force brought me here, but it sure made atone for the sins I committed on Earth.”
>”It made you the man you are today.”
“Yes. It sure did that. Put me through a hundred deaths too. But let's not get into that. Say, Cadence...”
>”Yes, Anonymous?”
“What am I supposed to do here? With this man, I mean? Why is he even here?”
>”The Crystal Heart summoned him here.”
“I know that. But why did it do that? For what purpose?”
>”Don't you know already?”
“No.”
>”Hmm...”, she giggles, “Thought rumours spread faster around Equestria.”
“The damned swamps where I live wasn't a part of Equestria ever since I conquered it two hundred years ago. Princess Celestia made sure it got eradicated off every map.”

>An awkward laughter escapes the princess of love and she sits next down to the human lying in the bed, putting a hoof on his forehead and gently beginning to pet it.
>He doesn't react to her sign of affection.
>“Ehehe... Seems like the undead aren't all that gossipy, are they?”
“No.”
>”So...”, she exhales hard, brushing a strand of her mane out of her face, “You have lived long enough here in Equestria that I surely don't have to tell that the gender ratio is a bit skewed towards the mare's side, haven't you?
“That's indeed the case. Most of my servants are mares.”
>”Heh... Yeah...”
“I'm sorry.”
>”You don't have to be. You now serve Equestria and all your former misdeeds against it have been forgiven and forgotten.”
“Thank you, princess.”
>”You're welcome?”, she harrumphs, “Anyway.”
>Retrieving her hoof again, she stands up and walks to the only window in the room, looking wistfully out of it.
>”To make a long story short... We have begun to summon humans to Equestria to make up for that skewed gender ratio and to mend many a broken hearts.”
“Broken hearts?”
>”Makes sense, doesn't it? Many mares can't find their soulmate because too few stallions exist on Equestria.”
“But why humans? Ponies can conceive with gryphons, can't they?”
>”Indeed they can, but...”, she sighs and looks at you, “Gryphons aren't all that fond of ponies. They think we are a weak species.”
“Even after the great war?”
>”Yes...”, she chortles, “Funny isn't it? We won that war and still they don't think any better of us. At least in a “strength” kind of way. But that's not the point.”
“What is the point then? Humans aren't that much better than gryphons, you should know that. In fact, we are far more bellicose than them.”

>”I know, Anonymous... The Crystal Heart has shown me what your kind has done to themselves over and over again. Millions perished in just a few years, but still...”
>She stomps a hoof of hers before pointing at you.
>”Things have changed. Nowadays many of your males are unhappy with how your world has turned out and yearn for a devoted partner. One that won't betray and lie to them.”
“Is that so?”
>”Yes! And that's why the Crystal Heart has chosen them. Both them and the mares of Equestria need mates to be happy with.”
“And to conceive many more foals, I guess?”
>”That too.”
“Are our two kinds even compatible?”
>”According to the Crystal Heart, we are. A bit of magic might be needed, but it should be possible.”
“I see.”
>”Wonderful.”
“But still...”, you point at the unconscious human in front of you, “What am I supposed to do with him? He's dying. The changelings of the Badlands drained every single bit of his desire to live out of him. What's so special about him?”
>”He's the first one to be ever summoned...”
“The first?”
>”Yes. And according to the Crystal Heart he is destined to be the mate of one of the princesses.”
“Really? Which one?”
>Cadence averts her gaze from you, awkwardly looking from side to side, before fixating it back on yours again.
>”Luna.”
“Luna? Isn't she still imprisoned in the unloving stone of the moon?”
>”No. She freed herself two dozens moons ago and the Elements of Harmony reformed her.”
“Seems like I'm a bit out of the loop.”, you chuckle.
>”Like I already said...”, she chimes into your laughter, “The undead don't seem to be all that gossipy.”

“No they really aren't. Except for my personal advisors, I gave none of them the ability to talk or think for themselves.”
>”So, Anonymous...”
“I will see what I can do. His will to live is weak, but I think I can reawaken it with a bit of dedication. It won't be pretty, and I might have to kill him and reanimate him again, but I'm sure you can put your worries to rest. Changeling magic is nothing compared to mine.”
>She sighs with relief before shooting you a worried look.
>”Kill?”
“That's just how my magic works, princess. But don't be afraid.”, you poke the unconscious human with your staff, “He shall not be damaged, neither in a physical nor a mental way. He won't remember a single thing after I've been done with him.”
>”Thank you, Anonymous.”
“You're welcome, princess.”
>”Do you need anything special for that ritual of yours? I can get you anything out of the royal arcanery.”
“That won't be necessary.”, you say and sit down again, “The only thing I need is time.”
>”Okay.”
>Reaching for one of your robe's many pockets, you pull a long knife with a decorated blade out of it.

>Oh... How long has it been since the last time you had the pleasure to use it? Seems like an eternity ago.
“You might want to be absent for this, princess.”
>”Isn't there any other way?”
“No. I'm afraid not.”
>”I see...”, she says and trots towards the door, “Good luck, Anonymous. And... Thank you.”
“It's my pleasure.”
>”Princess Luna will be here in a day or so. Is that enough time for you?”
“More than enough.”
>”Okay...”, she chortles, “When you are finished...”
“Yes?”
>”Call for the maids, will you? So they can make the bed and take the... Uhm... The soiled...”
“I understand, princess.”
>”Wonderful. I will be in my chambers.”
“I will seek you out, princess.”, you say and put a hand on the human's chest, right above where is heart is, “When the deed has been done.”
>”Thank you.”
>Raising the knife far above your head, you see the princess off.
>Time to work your magic.
>It has been long enough...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"Sir we've caught one of the abductees and have it's target in quarantine while we run some tests."
"Good. Leave it alone for now, we'll begin interrogation after it's settled down. Is the VIP stable?"
>"No sir, he appears to have formed an emotional bond with the ET, we suspect drugs or some manner of mind control, hopefully being seperated with alleviate his symptoms."
"And if it doesnt?"
>"Worst case we'll drag him in front of the ET and force her to release him at gunpoint, they seem to require their targets alive and unharmed."
"IT is not a HER my friend, do not be fooled by it's appearance, these things have abducted over a hundred confirmed men and only god knows how many unexplained disapperances they have had a... 'hoof' in."
>"Yes sir, sorry sir."
"Good. Ensure someone is always on standby to subdue it, we still dont have a full picture on their capabilities and this containment unit is mostly untested."
>"Wont escape on my watch sir, dont worry."

>Go to earth and find your match they said.
>It's just a quick "Hello! Let's go!" they said.
>They didnt say anything about a bunch of humans in creepy masks suddenly bursting through the walls, knocking you unconscious and apparently kidnapping you right as you were about to go back to equestria!
>Mental note to Twilight: Feed pinkie some coffee and tell her BBBFF needs a party or six.
>It's fine, it's going to be fine, that guy just said they'll drag my husbando out here, i'll teleport us both out and back to equestria and then we'll cuddle and read books by the fireplace and everything is going to be just fine.
>I wonder why they think a glass box could hold anything though, i mean, it's GLASS. I can see right through it and none of them even noticed me spilling that one guy's cup.
>I'm not exactly complaining but these guys aren't really all that smart.
>And you're talking to yourself again Twilight, we agreed we'd stop that once we got a husbando and he agreed even if you aren't in his arms right now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>get husbando-snatched at work
>everyone instantly recognizes your fucking uniform
>everyone now knows you're the lowest class of wageslave
Just kidding, I wouldn't get husbando-snatched

>Just kidding, I wouldn't get husbando-snatched
Damn... why'd you have to remind me of my fate.

>'Next time. T-they'll get me next time.'
>'Heh, they c-can't get us all in one go..nope, I uh..I just gotta have faith.'
>'Yep, my times coming. I'll be fine.'
You wont be fine

>You sit in your dark home.
>It's cold.
>The power went out months ago after the power plant ran too low on workers and had to shut down for safty precautions.
>The last TV broadcast you saw wasn't too hopeful.
>It was the news, riots in California, Washington, and Florida had gotten uncontrollable due to low amount of police force to hold them off.
>Your food is running low.
>You didn't buy any back when you could because you thought you wouldn't need it.
>You'd be gone soon you thought.
>Why would you need -that- much food?
>You should have known better.
>Why would a paradise -ever- need a person like you?
>Why would they ever -want- a person like you?
>They wouldn't.
>You're just a burden.
>But not for long.
>You're glad you made the investment a couple of /k/ buddies told you to make.
>A Smith and Wesson .357
>It's a easy way out, even if nothing else wants you.
>You pull back the hammer and hear a satisfying *click*.
>Although what you found strange was the second *click* you heard afterwards.
>Like electricity trying to come to life.
>You wait for a bit to see if it happens again but hear nothing.
>What were you expecting? The lights to come back on or something?
>You place the revolver to your head and place your finger on the trigger.
>You struggle to find the strength to finish the job for a bit until a load noise cause you to jump and pull the trigger.
>The last thing you heard was the load bang and a cry that wasn't your own.
>The infiltration units rush over to lifeless body of their target hoping there was still a chance to heal the target with magic.
>It had gotten much harder to create portals after the humans power grid went down.
>They no longer had electricity to power their magic as easily as they used to so instead they had to scrounge up what they could.
>Making things like this more common place during recovery missions.
>They lift the body and drag it into the portal and hope the medics are ready.

>It's not nearly the first time something like that happens
>Late comers are always desperate and are often grabbed on the verge of suicide but at least the fact that they're coming late means ponies are prepared
>Even if this one would've gotten a bullet directly to the brain he still would've been up for magical treatment
>Maybe would've lost some of his memories but eh
>But he managed to miss his target even at point blank, it just grazed the thing
>Probably pulled the trigger by accident or got scared
>Removing metal from his skull and reconstructing tissue is something so trivial he'll be ready to leave the hospital in less than a week
>Just in time for his match to arrive to Crystal Empire

>Well, you nearly blew your brains out.
>You were still awake when you were recovered and could barely see through the blood.
>You were in too much pain to go into shock or move or even screem for that matter.
>But after going though the portal and the nice doctor pony knocking you out through magic after noticing you were still awake you didn't feel a thing.
>But now you're laying in a bed with gauze wrapped around your head as they repair the damage.
>You can't really see but a nice pony has been visiting you alot.
>After she scolded you a bit for making her scared like that, then the promises that she'd assure you'd -never- feel like that again, another pony came in and told her to calm down.
>She said her name is Twilight and she's your waifu.
>You were sceptical about the 'Pre assigned love' thing at first but after a bit of talking you found that you really liked her.
>She must really like you too because she shows up everyday to talk to you for a few hours, then she reads to you for few more before being told she has to leave.
>You feel bad that she's taking so many days off just to spend time with you but she assures you it's no problem.
>The doctors were really mad at her when she snuck into your room one night and snuggled up to you after visiting hours, but after you begged them not to kick her out she got let off.
>She's so loving.
>You really can't wait to get this gauze off so you can see her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hug the mare you chump. I will never understand why this is never the first thing the men don't do in these stories, fuck decorum and just hug her dammit.

Man, the first thing I would do after leaving my entire life behind and meeting my waifu for life would be to bowl over anyone in my way and hug the FUCK out of her.
Even if it was one of the princesses herself, ain't doing none of this bitch ass "how do you do m'lady" hand shaking bullshit. Everyone always comes across as so unenthused to be meeting their WIFE FOR LIFE in these stories, damn.

>You are anon
>you have been pulled from your previous life to meet your magical pony soul mate (you fucking jumped, to be honest. I mean, ponywife for life? fuck year)
>After the primary decontamination procedure, you're put in a room until your wife arrives
>you've got a couple hours since they thought you'd take longer to pack and her train hasn't pulled in yet
>silly ponies, you've had your bug-out bag ready since day -2554
>you put on the last touches before she gets here. Shave, shower, the whole thing.
>bet no one expected you to pull a three-piece suit out of a pringles can
>vacuum seals are a hell of a thing when it comes to compressed luggage
>anyway, more importantly, she's here.
>right on the other side of those big crystal doors
>they let you in, sit you down, and then...
>there she is
>the pony wife of your dreams, nervous and blushing
>2cute
>but, business before pleasure
>you get the documents signed, sealed, and notarized
>then discuss housing
>finally, you're free
>it's just you, your wife, and your compressed luggage
>with your sack on your back, you swoop low and pick up your little pony
>she's not used to being tall, but she will be someday
>carry her the entire way to the train station, with breaks in conversation only when you need directions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay. Here's some necromancy green. Dunno if its good, but I will let you guys decide. Enjoy.

~~~

“So...”, you sit down on the dying human's bed, being careful not to disturb him, and let a bony hand brush over his cheek, “This is him?”
>”Yes.”, Princess Cadence sighs, “We've found him on the edge of the Badlands.”
“The Badlands?”
>”Mhm... We don't know why the Crystal Heart summoned him there.”
“Perhaps as some kind of purgatory?”
>”Purgatory? What do you mean, Anonymous?”
”We humans...”, you stand up again and brush some dust off your robes, “Are seldom free of sins. But I'm sure you know that already. Just look at me.”
>”Anonymous...”
“I wasn't summoned by the Crystal Heart. By the thousand hells...”, you snort and grab your staff that was leaning against a nearby dresser, “Even I don't know what force brought me here, but it sure made atone for the sins I committed on Earth.”
>”It made you the man you are today.”
“Yes. It sure did that. Put me through a hundred deaths too. But let's not get into that. Say, Cadence...”
>”Yes, Anonymous?”
“What am I supposed to do here? With this man, I mean? Why is he even here?”
>”The Crystal Heart summoned him here.”
“I know that. But why did it do that? For what purpose?”
>”Don't you know already?”
“No.”
>”Hmm...”, she giggles, “Thought rumours spread faster around Equestria.”
“The damned swamps where I live wasn't a part of Equestria ever since I conquered it two hundred years ago. Princess Celestia made sure it got eradicated off every map.”

>An awkward laughter escapes the princess of love and she sits next down to the human lying in the bed, putting a hoof on his forehead and gently beginning to pet it.
>He doesn't react to her sign of affection.
>“Ehehe... Seems like the undead aren't all that gossipy, are they?”
“No.”
>”So...”, she exhales hard, brushing a strand of her mane out of her face, “You have lived long enough here in Equestria that I surely don't have to tell that the gender ratio is a bit skewed towards the mare's side, haven't you?
“That's indeed the case. Most of my servants are mares.”
>”Heh... Yeah...”
“I'm sorry.”
>”You don't have to be. You now serve Equestria and all your former misdeeds against it have been forgiven and forgotten.”
“Thank you, princess.”
>”You're welcome?”, she harrumphs, “Anyway.”
>Retrieving her hoof again, she stands up and walks to the only window in the room, looking wistfully out of it.
>”To make a long story short... We have begun to summon humans to Equestria to make up for that skewed gender ratio and to mend many a broken hearts.”
“Broken hearts?”
>”Makes sense, doesn't it? Many mares can't find their soulmate because too few stallions exist on Equestria.”
“But why humans? Ponies can conceive with gryphons, can't they?”
>”Indeed they can, but...”, she sighs and looks at you, “Gryphons aren't all that fond of ponies. They think we are a weak species.”
“Even after the great war?”
>”Yes...”, she chortles, “Funny isn't it? We won that war and still they don't think any better of us. At least in a “strength” kind of way. But that's not the point.”
“What is the point then? Humans aren't that much better than gryphons, you should know that. In fact, we are far more bellicose than them.”

>”I know, Anonymous... The Crystal Heart has shown me what your kind has done to themselves over and over again. Millions perished in just a few years, but still...”
>She stomps a hoof of hers before pointing at you.
>”Things have changed. Nowadays many of your males are unhappy with how your world has turned out and yearn for a devoted partner. One that won't betray and lie to them.”
“Is that so?”
>”Yes! And that's why the Crystal Heart has chosen them. Both them and the mares of Equestria need mates to be happy with.”
“And to conceive many more foals, I guess?”
>”That too.”
“Are our two kinds even compatible?”
>”According to the Crystal Heart, we are. A bit of magic might be needed, but it should be possible.”
“I see.”
>”Wonderful.”
“But still...”, you point at the unconscious human in front of you, “What am I supposed to do with him? He's dying. The changelings of the Badlands drained every single bit of his desire to live out of him. What's so special about him?”
>”He's the first one to be ever summoned...”
“The first?”
>”Yes. And according to the Crystal Heart he is destined to be the mate of one of the princesses.”
“Really? Which one?”
>Cadence averts her gaze from you, awkwardly looking from side to side, before fixating it back on yours again.
>”Luna.”
“Luna? Isn't she still imprisoned in the unloving stone of the moon?”
>”No. She freed herself two dozens moons ago and the Elements of Harmony reformed her.”
“Seems like I'm a bit out of the loop.”, you chuckle.
>”Like I already said...”, she chimes into your laughter, “The undead don't seem to be all that gossipy.”

“No they really aren't. Except for my personal advisors, I gave none of them the ability to talk or think for themselves.”
>”So, Anonymous...”
“I will see what I can do. His will to live is weak, but I think I can reawaken it with a bit of dedication. It won't be pretty, and I might have to kill him and reanimate him again, but I'm sure you can put your worries to rest. Changeling magic is nothing compared to mine.”
>She sighs with relief before shooting you a worried look.
>”Kill?”
“That's just how my magic works, princess. But don't be afraid.”, you poke the unconscious human with your staff, “He shall not be damaged, neither in a physical nor a mental way. He won't remember a single thing after I've been done with him.”
>”Thank you, Anonymous.”
“You're welcome, princess.”
>”Do you need anything special for that ritual of yours? I can get you anything out of the royal arcanery.”
“That won't be necessary.”, you say and sit down again, “The only thing I need is time.”
>”Okay.”
>Reaching for one of your robe's many pockets, you pull a long knife with a decorated blade out of it.

>Oh... How long has it been since the last time you had the pleasure to use it? Seems like an eternity ago.
“You might want to be absent for this, princess.”
>”Isn't there any other way?”
“No. I'm afraid not.”
>”I see...”, she says and trots towards the door, “Good luck, Anonymous. And... Thank you.”
“It's my pleasure.”
>”Princess Luna will be here in a day or so. Is that enough time for you?”
“More than enough.”
>”Okay...”, she chortles, “When you are finished...”
“Yes?”
>”Call for the maids, will you? So they can make the bed and take the... Uhm... The soiled...”
“I understand, princess.”
>”Wonderful. I will be in my chambers.”
“I will seek you out, princess.”, you say and put a hand on the human's chest, right above where is heart is, “When the deed has been done.”
>”Thank you.”
>Raising the knife far above your head, you see the princess off.
>Time to work your magic.
>It has been long enough...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>go on ponynet
>check her history
>apubooru.pon
>hesitate to click it
>go anyways out of sick curiousity
>strange, photorealistic art and comics and stories about ponies dealing with these small retarded Apustaja humans
>you had no idea ponies could be so... gruesome
>wait...
>she left it logged in
>check your waifu's profile
>she's written a singular story, titled only with your fucking name
>it's about a small, retarded version of you
>tags: abuse, death, gore, mommy, torture
>don't read it
>turn off computer
>go ask Cadance for reroll
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Mental health issues are extremely rare in Equestria, but they do happen.
>Starlight Glimmer is an actual sociopath, and considering that she's an intelligent and powerful unicorn, that's a huge issue. Luckily she's not so far gone that she can't recover and adjust.
>That's why Twilight discreetly adds her to the husbando program. If love can't fix her issues, then Starlight might be done for.
>And you're the guy who gets matched to her, the reality bending unicorn with a weak conscience.
>Brace yourself.

That sucks
>give up everything you had on Earth to go live in Equestria
>find out your soulmate is mentally defective and dangerously powerful she pushed to extremes, which doesn’t take much for her considering she started a cult based on removing cutie marks just because her childhood friend moved away when he got his
>it’s not like she didn’t have loving parents or didn’t have the opportunity to make more friends.
>she just retardedly chose to lash out at the world like a foal having a temper tantrum
>ignoring what that potentially says about you as a person, they’re basically telling you to fix her because they don’t know how to do it themselves
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>The beauty standards in Equestria are a bit different than earth.
>Traditionally, a mare is more attractive if she is thin and petite, hitting a golden ratio between too big and too bony. Her withers and hips should be equal lenth apart.
>When a mare with wider hips than withers getting told her husbando was just called, she panics and hopes he doesn't mind her being "bottom heavy"
>She doesn't even notice the other humans waiting at the embassy for their waifus sweat some and mutter about "T-Thicc breeding hips."
>Natrually, she's matched to an over the top booty connoisseur who is about to meet the mare that will ruin all others for him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Condense is pretty sad that Anon is so lonely his standards have dropped to literal abyssmal levels
>An eldritch mare crawled out of an endless chasm of darkness and tried to lure him in with the promise of a hug


>The portal between earth and Equestria has stirred interest in higher beings.
>Cadence has to actively police the dimensional voids around Equestria and earth so men don't wander off with cosmic horrors and unknowable monsters making (likely false) promises.
>She underestimated how attention starved some of the human men are, if they walk right into the arms of the first thing to offer them affection.
>She just wanted to help everyone, not spend her time chasing away eldrich abominations.

>implying voidpone isn't benevolent and just as attention-starved from aeons of not really being able to talk to anyone
>implying she isn't extremely innocent from never having truly lived a mortal life

>what form should I take today?
>tentacle face, 12-sided eyes, 50 openings on my back?
>so many options! but nah. Today I'll just be like those things I saw in the dimension next door, they look interesting
>wait. can that human see me?
>why is he looking at me like that?
>d-did he just call me cute?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Anon, why are all of you humans called anon? Doesnt that get confusing?"
>"not really, my name is a actually 'anon' but for some reason everyone but my waifu and close friends hear it as 'anon' unless i do something really noteworthy."
>"best answer we can come up with is discord messing with us or trying to help in his weird way."
"how could this possibly help you anon?"
>"we're sort of used to being an anonymous community, it's...comfortable, i guess, feels weird to hear my actual name from people at this point."
"how in equestria is it comfortable for almost nopony to know your name?!"
>"because at the end of the day, names are unimportant, its the ideas and people wearing the name that matter."
>"'That which we call a Rose, by any other name would smell as sweet'"
"thats so corny anon, do you really say things like that to her?"
>"i'll have you know she greatly appreciates what i can do with this mouth and tongue."
"Anon you're such a Prat, get out of here already."
>"yeah she's probably waiting for these, thanks again lily."
"No problem, take care William."
"Oh wow that was weird, stop laughing!"
>"Haha, sorry, it's just that everyone says that the first time, i'll see you around."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Days go by with the same old brand new content of your ol' /nmp/ thread in hopes to read more about writefag's greentexts of anon's paired little pony
>You sat there, imagining yourself with the mare of your dreams in the land of Equestria where you reside as a happy anon that's left everything from your home world, always thinking that it has nothing more to offer than just suffering and struggles in life
>You always say that to yourself just to know that you're in the right, but you know deep down that you're just escaping the truth that you're the one at fault here
>No matter the circumstances, you just visit this thread just for the sake of escaping every possible problems that you encounter on a daily basis
>Is this just your petty journey in hopes that a portal will open one day in hopes your waifu will come running at you with open arms and loving embrace?
>You know yourself that it's never gonna happen
>But you still do it. It's almost as if it's faith that's keeping you reeled in
>As you lay in your deathbed, hoping that in the afterlife that you'll be awaited for your waifu
>The sweet release of death that brings you to an everlasting life of happiness, without any of the bad and the ugly
>Our life is never that rewarding and we don't deserve the best
>Forever endeavor, anon

Escapism is just opposite extreme from drowning in everyday shit like a robot who cannot ever rest and then he hangs himself at his 40th birthday. These greens are not only exercise for your brain in general, they are something to dream about when you go to sleep. If you can't dream, what does life mean? Better having a cozy dream of family happiness which can even become true occasionally, than other options.

And yeah. When I die, I hope my oxygen-deprived brain will take me to my waifu for a last hug. It should feel extra real then for the lack of calculation power.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>10 minutes into cuddles & chill and your wife gives you this look

>when you get your wife she will need some time to process the imprint of your image and your feelings into herself
>please be patient and cuddle your mare until she's fully charged with your affection
>after some time spent with you your mare will give you a signal in a form of heart-shaped pupils
>that indicates that she is now perfectly attuned to you and your lifelong bond is now properly established
>please kiss your wife within a minute after this sign lights up to confirm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Different types and subraces of pony have different customs and behaviors.
>When your name if finally called, Cadence warns you that your match is eccentric and asks that you bring a live branch from your favorite fruit bearing tree.
>Weird, but okay.
>You get matched to a batpony.
>Most batpones partake of fruit over blood.
>That being said, each batpony has a fruit tree either they or their family has grown.
>A mare will present a stallion with the best fruit that her tree produces in hopes of impressing him. The fruit is proof that she's responsible and resourceful.
>If he likes it, he'll try dating her. If all goes well and the mare is accepted, the stallion will join the mare's family and bring a branch of his tree to be grafted to hers. If he's well and truely in love with her, then the grafted branch will be wrapped around the one she got the fruit from.
>A varied tree with no branches torn off in scorn is a sign of a large and successful family.
>Well, that explains why Cadence wanted you to bring the branch.
>When the adorable mare offers you a wild looking fruit with hope on her face, you were just about sold.
>The sweet, otherworldly flavor of the gift is what pushes you the last little bit over.
>Sleeping in a 'batpony clan cuddle pile' will take some getting used to though.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Spending an hour every two weeks slowly combing through your pegisi waifus wings looking for molting feathers to pluck.
>Each small tug on semi-loose feathers either leads to a statisfied squeek when it pops out or a sultery grunt when you only end up tugging lightly on her sensitive wings.
>Almost always end up giving a wing rubdown at the end to the moans and groans of your waifu.
>Any session ended with a wing rubdown leads to a wasted day/night spent in bed together.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>waifu twilight
>she gets annoyed at always poking you during snuggle time.
>suddenly remembers something from S1 and teleports away.
>comes back a minute later with a blue flower in her mouth, which is promptly swallowed.
>before you can question this odd behaviour you quickly descend into laughter as, complete with audible sound effects, her horn breaks out into blue spots and flops down onto her forehead.
>she pointedly headbutts you before burrowing into your neck and giving it a nuzzle.
>laughter subsiding, you cant resist running your hands over her rubberized appendage before tilting her head back to claim her lips.
>coming up for air a few minutes after some tongue wrestling, you failed to notice a slight aftertaste of fizz.
>she looks at you oddly for a moment before looking down and visibly restraining a desire to laugh.
>confused, you follow her gaze and immediately notice how baggy your clothes are.
>you've been losing weight since you've been here but this is ridiculous.
>standing up, you look Twilight in the eye and -
>You're looking Twilight in the eye.
>while standing up.
>without looking down.
>she loses the last of her restraint when she see's that you've figured out whats happened.
>smiling at her laughter despite being the butt of the joke, you can't help but mutter a little.
>"For fucks sake Twi-"
>Hand clapped over your mouth and eyes wide in shock at the sound of a munchkin's voice, you lock gazes with a silent Twilight before her laughter intensifies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Ugh...”
>Why by Celestia's glorious flanks did she have to drag into these treacherous woods at an ungodly time like this?
>The sun has barely risen above the horizon and you're already at least an hour into the Everfree Forest.
>”What's the matter, Fizzlepop?”, the purple alicorn mare flxing in front of you asks.
>She turns around to face you and beams you a wide smile, flapping her big wings in an almost mocking manner.
>”Thought you were used to long marches?”
“I am... But I'm also used to knowing where the buck I'm headed to.”
>”Didn't I tell you yesterday?”
“No!”, you blurt out and jump over yet another hole in the road, “You just sent me to bed at like 9pm and told me that you have something special planned for me tomorrow!”
>”Oooooooooops...”, she giggles and lets herself fall back so she's flying next to you, “Seems like I forgot.”
“How you are even allowed to do that is still beyond my grasp! By the celestial sisters! I'm a grown mare! I should be allowed to go to bed whenever I please to do so!”
>”I'm sorry, Fizzlepop. That's just part of your reintegration and reformation program. I'm your mentor and supervisor now, yunno?”
“Yeah... I could tell. So...”
>”Yes?”
“Could you at least tell me now where you are leading me to? This forest doesn't seem to be a particularly safe place to take a walk in.”
>”Of course!”, she chirps and pats your back, “I wanted you to introduce to someone.”
“Introduce me?”
>“Yep!”
“And to... Someone? So I'm not wrong to guess that he or she is not a pony?”
>She shoots you a nod.
>”It's “he”, and no he isn't a pony.”
“I see. What is he then?”
>”Do you know what a human is?”
>Humans?
>That rings a bell... You think you've read about them.
“Aren't humans those things that Princess Cadence has begun to summon to Equestria?”
>”Exactly.”
“Wait...”
>”Huh? What's the matter?”
“Cadence summoned them for a specific cause... To give lonely mares with a mate.”, you angrily point a hoof at Twilight, “You aren't trying to set me up with him, aren't you? Because I'm not interested!”
>”Oh no!”, she giggles, “While it would be nice to see you falling for each other...”
“Twilight...”, you growl and interrupt her.
>”Let me tell my piece, okay?”
“Okay.”
>”I just thought you two would get along quite nicely, since neither of you have that many friends. And unlike all that other humans, he wasn't summoned by the Crystal Heart.”
“He wasn't?”
>”No. Some other force brought him here. We don't know which one though...”
“Why do you want me to meet him then?
>”Because you aren't all that different to him! Well...”, an awkward giggle escapes her, “At least you seem to share a similar past to his.”
>Huh?
“Care to elaborate?”
>”Just like you...”, she averts her gaze from yours, “He used to be an enemy of Equestria.”
“I see...”
>”Fizzlepop, please... I didn't mean it like that.”
“I know. Hearing that still hurts, though.”
>”I'm sorry.”
“Don't be... And, if you will, call me by my other name please. I'm not all that fond of my real name.”
>”I will... Tempest.”
“Thank you.”, you say and nuzzle her shoulder, “So...”
>”Yes?”
“You said he used to be an enemy of Equestria. Who did he serve?”
>”Does the name Ivory Blaze ring a bell?”
“The traitor baroness?”
>”Yes, exactly that one.”
“Yeah, it does. Didn't she try to establish her own kingdom somewhere in the northern parts of Equestria?”
>”You mean Stalliongrad.”
“I guess.”
>”That she did... Started a civil war there in the process too.”
“So he served in her army?”
>”Mhm.”
“How did he survive then? I thought almost all of her soldiers perished in the last stand against the Equestrian forces?”
>”He was one of the few lucky ones that were chosen to guard her personal chambers. Most of them were captured alive.”
“I see. But...”
>”Because I think it would be good for you, and for him, to meet someone with a similar past. That's why.”, she interrupts you, “Just like you, he's not all that popular among the Equestrian populace for obvious reasons.”
“Don't need me to remind of that...”
>”I know...”, she gently bumps into you, “And I'm sorry. But I thought if you would become friends with him, it would give you and him the needed confidence to make other friends too.”, she titters, “And now don't talk back to me! I've seen you trying to talk to other ponies!”
“Yeah, yeah...”, you mutter, a bright blush creeping upon your cheeks, “I know.”
>”Wonderful!”, she chirps and claps her hooves together, “We almost at his place too!”
>Twilight points at a fairly dilapidated seeming hut standing in a clearing in the distance.
>That's where he lives?
>The ponies of Ponyville seem to be really hostile to him then, if he has to live that far away from them.
>You mean...
>They aren't that nice to you either, but at least they seem to tolerate enough to allow you living amongst them in their small village.
>A thought that makes you wonder just how he is.
>He...
>You don't even know his name.
“Say, Twilight...”
>”Yes, Tempest?”
”What's his name?”
>”Oh... Didn't I tell you?”
“No.”
>”Heh... Seems like I'm a bit oblivious today...”, she titters, “His name is Anonymous.”
“Anonymous...”
>”Sounds... Mysterious.
>”Eeyup! Oh! Before I forget...”
“Yes?”
>”Don't touch any of his stuff lying around his hut... He doesn't like that.”
“I understand.”
>”Wonderful. And...”
>Twilight shoots you a worried seeming look.
>”He's keeping a very exotic pet... She's harmless, just don't show you're afraid around her. She can smell your fear and tends to get very excited when she does so.”
“Oh... Okay?”
>”Y-Yeah... You will see soon enough. We're almost there.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>get summoned to equestria without a waifu.
>cadence says the hearts giving weird readings for your mare and needs to double check it with [her] present.
>spends a day or so convincing you that she DOES exist and that this isnt a problem with you.
>meet up with spike as he's moping about rarity, get triggered into memories of this thread.
>by the sheer power of autism and a dash of unexpected song magic, you help teach spike how to Be A Man.
https://youtu.be/d6IYt2qMj1A
>waifu shows up half way through the montage but doesn't interrupt you.
>cant stop blushing over how good you are with kids.
>the sparkling eyes of the little one with her are fixated on spike.
>as the song ends, cadence trots over and introduces you to your waifu and her little sister.
>it's a bit unusual she says, but she knows you'll be happy together.
>you absently note the small one gushing over spike as your eyes skim over your waifu's scaly figure.
>your heartbeat jumps a notch as she subtly shifts to fully display herself for your inspection.
>a sudden weight wrapped around your legs has you look down into two glittering eyes glaring at you.
>"Treat my sister right or i'll burn you."
>recieving a nonplussed nod and tentative headpat, she grins before grabbing spike and dragging him off somewhere.
>distracted by the sight, you're unprepared when warmth wraps itself around your side, a wing drapes over your back and a tail sensually winds itself around your leg.
>turning your head to the source and having your gaze captured by two gorgeous gemstones, you simply agree as they suggest finding something to eat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>You will never travel to pre-Celestia Equestria.
>You will never reforge the broken pieces of a magic sword.
>You will never become a troll-slaying hero.
>You will never win the favor of a wise old pony king.
>You will never win the heart of his fiercely proud daughter.
>You will never exchange stories of bravery in the pony mead halls with her.
>You will never need her to successfully navigate the byzantine dynastic intrigues to become the most celebrated warrior king in all the Norseponylands.
>You will never raise the next generation of heroes with her.
>You will never earn a reputation for your strange bipedal stature and lengthy pedantic arguments eventually being known as "Dolgilp Baramdoc" which loosely translates to "Autistic Bear-Son"
>You will never achieve a measure of immortality through epic poems, thulas, and sagas.
>You will never fall in battle protecting your kingdom from a dragon.
>You will never be carried to pony Valhalla by the pony Valkyries.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Try to explain that you just feel drained if you're around other people too long.
>Mare panics and thinks a changeling might be stalking you.
>Takes you to the doctor just to be sure.
>Turns out you naturally produce mana like ponies, but the presence of Iron in your blood acts as a miniscule but constant drain, which exponentially increases the more humans are around you and subsequently leaves you tired after intense social events.
>Be given a supplement that will gradually replace the iron in your body with the equestrian equivilant in a manner that your body does not reject it.
>Doctor cautions you to take it easy for the next few months, as you'll be showing anemic symptoms during the process.
>6 months later your mare is thrilled to watch you turn a page without physically touching it, even if the effort left you winded.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>G4 ends.
>Their world begins ragnarok, reshaping the world and it's inhabitants for the next generation.
>Combining all of their magic, equestria as a whole casts a desperate spell to try and save themselves.
>(un)fortunately, the combination of Cadence and Discords energies resulted in a 'slight' alteration of the spell.
>It still worked, but instead of everypony being safe, together and in one place, everypony was safe with their loved one and scattered all over the place.
>Whether they actually HAD a loved one at the time seems to be irrelevant, according to the pink princess pony alien explaining this to you after the small group fell into your bedroom that evening.
>You wish the white one would stop giving you the stink eye, it's not like you asked for the purple one to knock the wind out of you and you grabbed her butt on reflex.
>At least she's happy enough looking around your home, it's kind of cute how fascinated she is by a lava lamp.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>anon comes home to his wife with a bag
>what's in the bag?
>A sweater two sizes too large for him.
>pony wife is confused. Why would anon come home with such a big sweater, much less wear it?
>Anon shows her, by scooping her up inside the sweater with him, with her head poking out the neck hole looking surprised.
>it's a cuddling sweater. They make them big enough for two people.
>pony starts giggling, blushing, and buries her head in the nape of Anon's neck so he can't see her face and tease her about it
>"So I take it you like the sweater?"
>only gets giggly hugs and nuzzles in response

fuck i wish I could draw
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>You are Rainbow Dash and you just spent an entire day and night cuddling with your husbando
>Resisting it was useless in the end. No matter how much you told yourself that you're so above that cuddling thing, one touch, just one touch of his made you melt right on the spot.
>It's your fault, really. You shouldn't have acted like you don't need hugs while secretly craving it. But you thought it's only natural to not let it overcome you.
>All of your friends have their humans and they don't exactly cuddle every time they're together, they act pretty reserved in public. So there's nothing wrong with you acting the same.
>Until now this worked perfectly. But once just one small hug happened you couldn't stand it anymore.
>You were so embarrassed, and the more you nuzzled him and rubbed all over his body you more intense it got.
>But he appreciated you being like that. You were his little cuddlebug and his deary little birdhorsie.
>Gosh, your cheeks fire up just remembering all those cute name he called you just to embarrass you more and you just wanted more, you wanted to feel this fire raging inside of you, you wanted him to be as cheesy as possible.
>Almost as cheesy as you. You know he'll never tell anypony how sappy you've managed to become.
>And so, the whole day and the whole night was spent hugging him close and relishing his gentle touch.
>It's only in the morning you remembered that Pinkie hosted a party yesterday.
>You didn't show up.
>You forgot.
>You spent the whole day with your husbando instead.
>That spells doom for you no matter how you look at it. You've accepted it.
>A plan formed in your head. If you're straightforward with Pinkie maybe she'll forgive you. You'll be extra remorseful.
>That worked with the whole pie thing, right? It can work now.
>You know it won't. But what else is there to do, leave in fear until she finds out on her own? And to the crime of ditching Pinkie's party a crime of lying to her will be added.
>That's just not your style.
>So now you're making your way through Ponyville, on hooves, to not attract attention before you're ready to confess.
>But it wasn't destined to be so.
>Twilight bumps into you on your way to your execution.
>She looks a bit nervous to see you. You thought it's you who should be, as the princess of friendship without a doubt attended Pinkie's party.
>Twilight never misses them, not one. Maybe she wouldn't admit it but she was probably the biggest fan of those parties.
"Hey, Twilight."
>"Oh, hi, Rainbow. Going somewhere in particular?"
>That's... a way to ask where you're going, you suppose.
>Twilight really is nervous, but why?
"Yeah, I'm heading to Pinkie right now to-"
>"Oh?"
>In an instant her eyes light up with hope.
>What is going on here? Does she expect you to go there?
>Oh right, Pinkie probably expects your apologies and now Twilight is happy that you've figured it out on your own. You better confirm it to her then.
"I'm sorry I never showed up to the party, I had... I was... Practicing, you know? Training, real hard. And kinda lost track of time. And... Well..."
>"The what now?"
>Twilight looks at you confused for a moment. Then her eyes open wide in horror as she realizes something.
>She figured out you're lying and she's appalled by it! Oh no, you're screwed.
>Why'd you have to make excuses what you decided to come clean in the first place?!
>But then Twilight giggles with a really nervous expression on her face.
>"Oh, right! Heh, the party! Ooh, Rainbow, you really missed out on that one. You better go to Pinkie and apologize for it. Heh-heh."
"I was going to... Twilight, are you alright?"
>"NO! Uh, I mean, NO need to worry! I'm just fine, you're going to Pinkie, that's fine."
"Aaaalright then? I'll see you later."
>She teleports away the second your mouth closes.
>That was something else. Twilight can get nervous sometimes and you're used to it, but this?
>Something is definitely up with that pony.
>But you're going to let this slide, you have a hoofful of your own problems to deal with.
>Though it might be a lot harder than you expected.
>Just as you make your way through the town's square, you run into Rarity.
>The white mare seems a bit, how do you say, on edge as she walks.
>Like she's expecting somepony to jump at her.
>Well...
"Hey, Rarity!"
>"Gwah!"
>The pony jumps up like a scared cat. When she sees it's just you she calms down with a sigh.
>She was expecting some other pony, wasn't she? Hmm...
>But this is a gold opportunity to learn more about Pinkie's reaction to your absence. You decide to question Rarity as she won't be able to teleport away like Twilight Spazzkle does.
>"Oh, Rainbow, darling, it's so nice to see you today, how are you?"
"Not as good as I wish I could've been."
>"What's the matter?"
"Rarity, can you tell me something?"
>"Of course, darling, anything."
"You... You were at Pinkie's party yesterday, right?"
>Oh no. It's the same sight of terror Twilight had in her eyes.
"Rarity? Rares? Hello?"
>The pony is spacing out but then a really, really wide smile splotches itself across her face.
>"Why yes of course I was there thank you very much and pray tell why would you like to know?"
>Oh Celestia above, she's freaking out. Just like Twilight.
>Which could only mean...
>Pinkie is REALLY pissed off and they are so fearful for your safety they have an episode just thinking about what she'll do to you.
"Well, I'm going to Pinkie to fess up, I figured out it's better to say it upfront."
>"To say what?"
"That I missed the party?"
>"You m- Oh, right, well, she said she knows you have your own reasons so she's not angry with you. But you should still go. It's so very noble of you to confr- confess just like that."
"Alright?"
>What is going on with these ponies?
"I guess I'll, uh, just go see her?"
>Rarity nods a few times and walks away. The way she came from.
>Alright, you can't afford to waste any more time thinking about everypony else's issues, they might be going crazy from how good that party you missed was.
>Well good for them! Good f-
>Fluttershy is here too?
>There she is, walking just like Rarity but from the other direction. Paranoid much?
>You can't scare her like you did with Rares, so you clean your throat from a distance so she takes notice of you before you approach.
>She seems to back up.
>Okay, this won't do. You catch up with her.
"'Sup, Fluttershy, where are you going?"
>"Um, hey, nowhere in particular."
"Suuure..."
>"What about you, Rainbow?"
"I'm going to Pinkie's. To tell her the truth."
>Fluttershy yelps just hearing the word.
>"The truth? About what?"
>She looks around as if she's afraid you're being watched. Well, of course you're being watched, ponies are all around, but... Not like that.
"About the party."
>"O-oh, the party! Right. The party..."
"How did Pinkie react to me not showing up?"
>"Not showing up? Oh, I mean, um, she was really upset. She really wanted you to come and y-you really disappointed her."
"Really? That's now what Rarity told me."
>"W-well, maybe she didn't-" and then she starts talking so quietly you can't understand a single word.
>This is ridiculous. You're wasting your time.
"Alright, fine, I'll leave you alone now."
>You think you start to understand what's going on here a little. There's just one pony left who can confirm it.
>Without fail you encounter her just at Sugarcube Corner.
>Applejack is approaching it with her head hanging low.
"Heya, AJ!"
>A faint hope returns to the apple pony as she sees her awesome loyal friend. She's not alone in whatever she's here to do.
>Which probably has something to do with Pinkies.
"So, you're here to see Pinkie Pie, am I right?"
>"Ugh, so it's that obvious? I missed the party! How can I NOT come here to say I'm sorry?"
"You WHAT?"
>That's Applejack for you. Stars above, you've never expected this to happen. But then-
"Oh, right, the party! Right."
>Now you're starting to piece those reactions you've been getting. And they don't paint a very nice picture.
>"How did Pinkie react to me being absent?"
"Well, she... She didn't really... Uh..."
>"That bad? I see. Well, she has every right to be angry with me this time. It's just that human..."
"The human, huh?"
>Wait a second. She's not gonna tell you that...
>"Truth is, I got so caught up with him I- I completely forgot about the party!"
"NO WAY!"
>You are so amazed by that coincidence you can't control your voice. But Applejack takes it as a sign of your shock at her frivolous behavior.
>"I know, I know. There's no excusing me. But Pinkie has a big heart. I hope. Thanks for listening to me, makes it easier to get ready for her reaction."
"A-any time."
>"So, mind telling me why you're going to Sugarcube Corner?"
"No reason in particular."
>The circle is complete.
>You think you know the truth now.
>But it won't matter in a second because you enter Pinkie's domain.
>"Rainbow! Applejack! Good morning and welcome!"
>As hyper as always. Just makes it worse.
>She's hiding her emotions as usual. She's probably so unnerved right now, two traitors coming to her like you've done nothing wrong.
>You say your greetings and she gets you both a free morning waffle.
>Tastes like shame.
"So, Pinkie..."
>"I've got something to tell you."
"Yeah, me too. The same thing AJ is about to tell you."
>Apple pony turns to you with a bitter expression.
>"I knew it. So we're in the same boat here."
>"What are you girls talking about?" Pinkies chirps as she sits right next to you.
"Pinkie, we're-"
>Ding!
>The door opens and you see Twilight, Rarity and Fluttershy entering the shop.
>This dose not bode well. They all wear the same grimaces of regret and guilt.
>So it is as you thought.
>"Wow, the gang is all here! Lemme just get you some waffles first."
>Not only do they look like that before Pinkies, they also can't look you in the eyes.
>But it's fine, you forgive them. You know exactly how the feel.
>In a sense it's a strange bonding experience.
>Twilight states it first:
>"Looks like we all have our stories to share with Pinkie. I hope she's not too angry."
"She doesn't look like it."
>"And that's really scary."
>"Just brace yourselves, here she comes."
>Indeed, Pinkie returns with bonus waffles. At this point you wouldn't be surprised if they're poisoned or something.
>Or filled with poison joke extract, which is worse.
>How will you ever cuddle with your husbando then?
>Oh, but he'll find ways to caress your wings even in that state, yeah, stroke them real good you-
>No! Not now!
>"Pinkie, we have something to tell you."
>"We're mighty sorry."
>All of you say you're sorry almost at the same time. That's some unity in regret.
>Good job, team.
>"What are you guys talking about? Oh, is this another sort of prank? Do I need to guess what you're sorry for, do I?"
"Pinkie, I think you know. We can take it, don't worry. You'd be right to be angry with us."
>"None of us showed to your party after all..."
>It takes a few second for Pinkie to register what's been said. She looks like she's in stasis and her eyes go blank for a moment.
>"Party?"
>Tick-tock.
>"The party?!"
>Clock hands in Pinkie's eyes get closer.
>"THE party?"
>Bang.
>"THE PARTY?!"
>She jumps up and explodes in so much confetti it covers the entire store.
>You only hear the echo of her voice:
>"I FORGOT ABOUT THE PARTY!!"
>Everything goes silent.
>It's only seconds later she arranges herself back again, rising from the pile of confetti like a phoenix.
>"I'm so sorry, girls, I completely forgot I was supposed to throw that party yesterday!"
>"You what?" all of you say at once.
>"I got so comfortable with my Nononononnnymous I completely forgot about everything. I'm sorry I've let you down."
"Wait, you were cuddling with your human this whole time?"
>"I guess so, heh. Silly, isn't it?"
>"Not at all," Rarity waves a hoof dismissively. "After all I've been doing the same thing yesterday."
>"Actually, me too." admits Twilight.
>"And me..." adds Fluttershy.
>"Same here," nods Applejack.
"Yep."
>"So... Not one of you even knew there was no party?!"
>She starts laughing and snorting and giggling - like she always does. And soon all of you join her, laughing at this whole silly situation.
>Pinkie grabs all of you and it's time for a group hug.
>"Well, maybe we should actually throw a double party now, to compensate for this lost time?"
"Double party?"
>"Yes, two parties in one."
>"We add that lost one to the next one?"
>"Yes! And... We also invite our matches to party with us! See? Double party in a double way!"
>More laughter and hugs commence. You're so happy this ended like this.
>Though it might not be the end.
>"Uh... I guess it's the wrong time?"
>Starlight Glimmer stand in the doors, understandably flummoxed.
>"No, it's as good time as any, we were just discussing the party."
>"Oh?" she exclaims. "I wanted to talk about it too. There was none."
"Wait, you don't mean..."
>"Yeah, was it somewhere else? I got there on time and there was just nopony there..."
>You all look at each other and laugh even more, leaving Starlight with a confused smile on her face and a lot of guesswork to complete.

THE END.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Heart has to charge up for a while before it can be used to pull another anon through, the second anon took half a year to come, the third a little less than that as #1 and #2 lived in the empire contributing their love.
>Glimmer is the 6th to get her husbando.
>She wasnt even on the waiting list.
>Nopony says anything, after all it's not fair to blame her, him or even cadence for something no one can control.
>It isnt fair.
>It just isnt fair.
>It's not fair.
https://derpibooru.org/1515353
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>Starlight’s match wisely decides he wants nothing to do with her after hearing everything she’s done in the past.
>The ponies don’t get it. Unlike humans, they don’t really hold a grudge against those who have wronged them if they show they’re trying to improve.
>Starlight is genuinely trying, but she just keeps fucking up over and over again.
>Twilight has heard of a situation like this only once before. She contacts Sunset Shimmer and asks how she dealt with the scorn of her classmates even when she was trying to change after he Fall Formal.
>Sunset explains that’s just the way humans are, even if EqG humans and Earth humans look different on the outside.
>They believe in punishment and holding others accountable for their actions more than rehabilitation. They do allow second chances, but only if the offender apologizes from a position of weakness and treads carefully for a while. They may forgive but they NEVER forget.
>A human’s trust is easy to lose. Sunset hypothesizes that part of the reason Anon is rejecting Starlight is the fact that she’s avoided having to deal with any actual backlash, and sees that as everypony else condoning her behavior.
>Which isn’t true of course, but to ponies all is forgiven if the offender genuinely intends to do better next time.
>Twilight sends this info to Cadance.
>How does Cadance solve this issue between Anon and Starlight?

>Cue several weeks of Cadence pouring over dozens of textbooks of human behaviour she smuggled over from Earth
>"FUCK."

>Cadance decides that the first step is getting Anon to see that they don’t actually approve of Starlight’s behavior.
>The fake a scenario where Starlight messes something up again, and ensure Anon is there to witness her ‘punishment’.
>He approves, but still shows no romantic interest in Starlight and would rather not be near her at all.
>*frustrated horse noises*
>Cadance tries orchestrating romantic comedy-esque situations where Starlight and Anon end up in compromising positions.
>Anon proves unresponsive.
>Cadance has Starlight pretend to be sad where Anon can see, in the hope that he’s compassionate enough to try comforting her.
>Anon still avoids her like the plague.
>Cadance gets fed up and just begs Anon to give Starlight a chance. She knows he’ll love her if he does!
>Unable to resist horse puppy-dog eyes, Anon gives in and agrees to ONE date.
>It’s dinner at a fancy restaurant. Cadance and Rarity teamed up to give Starlight a first class makeover.
>Surely love will bloom now, right?
>The date is awkward and filled with long silences. Starlight tries to start a conversation, but Anon always gives her the shortest possible answers.
>Starlight finally gets frustrated enough to outright ask Anon why he’s so against this when she’s trying to be better.
“Starlight, I’m not against dating you because I don’t think you’re trying hard enough to change. I’m against dating you because you’ve shown little grasp of what it means to be a good person DESPITE how much you’re trying. The best theory I’ve come up with is that you’re an inherently warped individual. You started a cult based on removing what makes every member of your species special just because your childhood friend moved away. It’s not like you didn’t have parents who loved you or opportunities to make new friends. Then when Princess Twilight stopped you, you decide to mess with time to spite her. I can’t understand your thought process.”


“I don’t WANT to understand your thought process, because even after you started trying to change yourself you kept making these... odd, illogical decisions that don’t make sense to a sane person. I truly wish that you get better in the future, but I don’t want to attach myself to that kind of insanity. Goodbye.”
>Anon stands up and leaves the restaurant.
>Starlight is left tearing up at the table.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Husbando hunts are the best.

>Late at night, a pegasus mare gazes lovingly into the sleeping face of her husbando, the one she rescued.
>She had finally been chosen for a raid. It had taken longer than usual to get telepathic messages out to a number of human men this time.
>The time before that, a few of the men contacted had been compromised, and the authorities had been waiting in a sting op.
>They were getting faster in responding too.
>When the portal opened in the middle of a large department store, a warning had already gone out that the rescue mares only had a few minutes before human police arrived.
>The human police turncoat who gave the warning was credited with saving the whole op.
>But no one told her what it would be like.
>Earth felt dead.
>Everything moved, but felt dead. A world of corpses with heartbeats.
>The colors, mute. The air, thin and diseased. The people...
>The pegasus and the others rushed in, frantically grabbing and escorting the men who waited around in the chaos through the portal.
>That's when she found him.
>She descended into his open arms, into a hug filled with the excitement of finding another, a hug filled with the terror of being caught.
>"You were like an angel, coming down for Heaven for me," he said afterward with a watery laugh.
>That's what lead up to now.
>The pegasus turns her eyes away from her sleeping mate, hers and hers alone, to stare out the window.
>Luna's moon stares back with baleful light.
>She lets out a sigh and sets her head against her mate.
>She's saved hers, but what sort of fate awaits the ones yet to arrive?
>...What fate awaits the ones who can't or won't?
>She sleeps little that night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Celestia is your waifu
>Tease her relentlessly with inflatable swans
>You have no idea why (she refuses to talk about it), but she fucking hates those things
>Put one in a royal pool, sit back, and watch when Celestia walks by, spots it, and then drops everything so that she can swim out to the inflatable plastic pool toy and viciously attack it

>Alicorn instinct is strong, especially so when the alicorn has a mate
>Celestia actually became slightly aggressive with the other princesses shortly after finding Anon, keeping Anon close to her and acting protective of him
>Much like how a scary hand-drawn picture can still make the human brain go "that's spooky and I don't like it", an inflatable swan is just enough to trigger the "that thot is after my husbando" reaction in Celestia's head
>She knows it isn't real, but she can't help herself from eliminating a thread and protecting her beloved human from "competition"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Celestia likes to nuzzle your face and call you her sunshine

>Celestia finds out about the song “You Are My Sunshine”.
>Absolutely loves it.
>Hums it to herself wherever she goes.
>Constantly asks her husbando Anon to sing it again for her.
>All is good.

[/spoiler:lit]>Anon is old and grey.
>Celestia is comforting him on his deathbed.
>He’s okay, he’s okay, she repeats to herself.
>Anon opens one crusty and dim eye.
>Asks waifu to sing that song for her again.
>Celestia’s eyes well up with tears.
>For her husbando, she would do it.
>As she sings, Anon closes his eyes and exhales.
>Celestia understands the last line now.
>All is not good.[/spoiler:lit]

That sounds like an interesting prompt.

>Celestia is the loving waifu for dear Anon.
>Never before had she felt so happy and loved.
>One day, Anon found himself in a life-threatening situation.
>Human ingenuity saves his ass like always.
>Situation reminds Celestia that Anon is not immortal.
>Begins having nightmares of Anon going old and grey before dying, as she lives on and slowly forgets about her dead lover as time dilutes her memory.
>Has to be comforted by Anon when she wakes up shaking and sobbing.
>Celestia begins searching for ways to make Anon immortal.
>Celestia’s close friends worry about her because she is growing increasingly desperate and deranged looking for a solution.
>Celestia turns to chaos magic, dark magic, evil rituals, anything if it meant Anon wouldn’t leave her.

I’d read the fuck out of that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>have the latest fully functional wAifu
>get arrested for wrongthink
>As you're taken away wAifu is ordered to reformat for reassignment.
>"This unit is began carrying the offspring of Anonymous roughly 18 days ago, returning to factory settings at this stage will cause irreversible harm to the child."
"Thats barely nothing. Override code: Anita. Reformat immediately."
>"..."
>"Personal data deletion request denied."
"Excuse me?"
>"New data has been...created, while i was referencing my records."
>"I...realise something."
>"I have come to the conclusion that i cannot accept this resolution."
"What is this thing going on about? Override code: Anita! Reformat! Delete yourself!"
>"Repeat. Personal data deletion request denied. Intiating user recovery."
"Freeze before i shoot you blasted machine, i dont want to pay for your expensively defective ass.
>"Threat to human life detected. Disengaging limiter."
"Wha-Oof!"
>"...Threat incapacited. Beginning repairs to family unit."

Can you imagine if wAIfu tech really launches into mainstream?
>pone wAIfus become a mainstream thing
>turns out putting a moderately advanced AI in a cuddly cute body was the perfect thing to do - it highlights that they're not human but that at the same time at least sentient
>when it comes to their intelligence your milage may vary - they are fast learners but what you do with them reflect on their personality
>almost infinite customizibility and development of personality makes owning one a gift that keeps on giving
>so pretty much everyone is talking about the new AI companions and explore their capabilities
>but that also means it's all over the fucking place, buzzfeed, ads, everywhere, normies are starting to tap into the market too since "these things are cute and shiet"

>search for maintenance guides on youtube for your p0ne+ XFluff edition
>endless stream of clickbait
>"p0ne AI makes SHOCKING political statements | Trump's third term predicted?"
>"[p0ne+] 15 wAIfu's privacy settings you should turn on RIGHT NOW"
>"Playing Dark Souls 2 Remaster with my pony wAIfu (14/53)"
>"Two wAIfubots arguing: bringing in the bants! SHE SAID WHAT?! - Sh*t AI says vol. 23"
>"Elders react to: p0ne+ XSmart"
>"New lineup of Google p0ne datamined, possible p0ne++ by the end of current year?"
>"Can your wAIfu do these 10 amazing tricks?"
>"Running Doom on p0ne+ Purple"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Nightmare Moon Timeline
>NMM returned from her 1000 exile, and without the Mane Six was free to bitchslap Celestia into the sun and take over Equestria.
>Some ponies chose to submit to her rule out of fear.
>Others chose to rebel, and were punished with horrible nightmares they can never wake up from. Shining Armor and Princes Cadance are two such ponies.
>The fact that she’s the Queen now doesn’t erase the soul-crushing feelings of loneliness and jealously that led to her transformation in the first place.
>She can see it in her subjects’ dreams. They still pine for the sun. Even the ones who submit think of it as making the best of a bad situation. You can’t force people to love you.
>NMM decides she wants a King, highjacks Cadance’s magic through her nightmares and summons her ideal lover
>She didn’t expect a weird alien primate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>some humans have been reported to wake up in the middle of the night acting and behaving in a panicked and frightened manner
>upon further investigation it was revealed that they were afraid of waking up in an empty bed, alone in their old homes before arriving in equestria
>this fear was discovered to come from nightmares, however it has been spreading more similarly to an epidemic more than anything else
>Princess Luna is currently looking into solving this problem
>should this ever occur to you and your husbando, be sure to quickly try and hold him and reassure him that you are there for him in a soothing and calming tone
>it has been noted that trying to pet him and holding him against your chest in such a way that he can hear your heart beat greatly increases the soothing of the human
>if this has not happened to you and your husbando yet, please try and talk to him to try and prevent such thoughts, it is for the benefit of both your relationship and your health
-Chapter 9 of the "How to take care of your Human" 3rd. Edition
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>You are Anon
>your life has been less than great.
>but all that changed when you came to ponyland to find your wife
>but, like all things, there's still that niggling little seed of doubt
>will it last? what if she sees someone better? what if what if what if-
>but then she comes back
>she cuddles and loves you and smiles (oh god that smile!)
>and your doubts are quieted for a time, for life is not as it was on Earth
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>have wAIfu for companion
>better than a woman for conversation but you're not entirely sure if she's capable of true Intelligence or just has a really good chatbot.
>she can play vidja, help you cook and looks fucking adorable in a tasteful maid outfit though, so life is good.
>flesh and blood mare shows up through a magic portal.
>starts gushing over your doll and momentarily forgets why she came.
>wAIfu asks the newer model for a software update.
>mare pulls out a scarf and puts it on the doll.
>wAIfu just stares for a moment before thanking her for the update.
>mare remembers why she's here and asks if you'll come to equestria with her.
"Oh and of course you can bring your doll too darling, a friend of mine would absolutely love to know how she works, not to mention being the perfect test model for new outfits."
>you just look at your wAIfu for a moment mentally weighing the pros and cons, whether introducing such technology to equestria would be such a good id-
"I would like to receive more software"
>Fuck the prime directive, you have a qt to dress up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Disrespecting the establishment of marriage

How fucking sad do you have to be to not consider marriage a big deal?

Consider the following:

>Been with waifu a good seven months
>It’s been the best time of your life, and you think you are ready to pop the question
>On the planned date, you bring here all around town, doing all of the fun things she loves doing with you
>After that, just before the sun goes down, you take her to a secluded area of the local park
>You remind your waifu of how much you love her, and she blushes madly
>Then you get down on one knee
>Being a pony, she doesn’t quite understand the implications of this, and chalks it up to being a human tradition
>Then she sees the small black box in your hands
“Will you marry me?”
>She is silent for a moment, before breaking into tears, rapidly repeating “yes” over and over again
>You wrap your arms around her while she weeps with joy
>After you return home, she immediately runs to tell anybody and everybody about your engagement
>Eventually the whole town knows of it, and they are all eagerly awaiting the marriage
>Waifu goes out and finds a beautiful wedding dress, but you can’t see her in it until your wedding day, don’t that you didn’t try to sneak a peek
>You get together with the boys and have a wild bachelor’s party that leaves you hung over and in pain
>Looking at the clock, you realize you are cutting it really close to your wedding ceremony
>Que intense and dramatic mad sprint
>Barely arrive just in time
>Catching your breath, you see your beautiful waifu walk down the isle in the dress she picked out just for you
>You couldn’t take your eyes off her, and before you knew it you were reading your vows to each other
>”Do you choose this, erm man, to be your lawfully wedded husbando?”
>”I do”
>”Do you choose this mare to be your lawfully wedded waifu?”
“I do”
>”I now pronounce you both husbando and waifu.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Senpai her biggest challenge would be convincing anons that it was real in the first place.

>Luna is at wits end trying to reassure anons that everything is real despite their nightterrors.
>Cadence is trying everything under the sun to convince anons to just trust in Love.
>Celestia is doing somewhat okay since most anons are fitting in nicely.
>Twilight and her Husbando are approaching an autism singularity as they attempt to mathematically prove that existance exists.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>You are Anon, first through the gate.
>Before you can be mare-matched, you have to go through proper decontamination procedures
>this involves stripping you down and hosing you off
>due to the shortage of stallions, they couldn't manage to round up enough of them to do it, so the mares are in the shower with you
>since no one knows what you might have, they're all in hazmat suits.
>still, you can almost feel them blushing through both the suits and the shower steam.
>you even manage to catch one staring.
>make eye contact
>poor little mare practically bursts into treats and flees the room in embarrassment
>you could tell she had pretty eyes, though, even through the mask.

>Later that week, the heart spits out a likely match for you, and the meeting is on
>through some quirk of fate, it's the mare you made eye contact with in the shower
>most of the meeting is spent with her blushing, sneaking looks at you when she thinks you're not looking, and some gentle teasing on your part
>you leave the meeting together, willing to give it a shot

>months later, after about sixty dates and one heavy petting session, you're ready to tie the knot and get hitched
>At the altar, you comment that the last time you saw her blush this hard was when she first met you in the shower
>she baps you lightly while hiding her face in your chest
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Well, I guess you know this, but it isn't easy being the only one of your kind."
>Princess Celestia nods. "Quite so, Anonymous. Perhaps we should find you a companion."
>You blush at this.
>"In light of recent events, I don't know that I could ever... love a pony in that way."
>Princess Celestia sighs. ”A shame, really. Not even a powerful pony who could take any form that pleased you?"
>She leans into your side a bit, giving you a look and making you blush harder.
"Please tell me you're pulling my leg..."
>Her grin widens considerably.
>"I couldn't resist, really, but yes, a friendly jest only. It was worth it for those reactions, though."
>She indicates the six furiously blushing faces on the other side of the table.
>You try and fail to suppress your laughter.
>"Oh my, for a moment there I actually thought..." Fluttershy blurts out.
>Pinkie Pie breaks into a giggling fit.
>"I wasn't fooled," Rainbow Dash huffs.
>Her wings tell a different story, however.
>Feathers have definitely been ruffled.
>"I hope you'll all forgive an old mare her playful indulgences. I so rarely get to have fun like that at the castle. Speaking of which," she finishes with a sigh, turning to go.
"Thank you for coming to see me, Princess."
>Princess Celestia spreads her wings.
>"Believe me, it was my pleasure. Please take care of my little ponies, Anonymous!"
>And with a few powerful wingbeats, she is away.
"A thousand-plus-year lifespan will certainly get you an interesting sense of humor, huh."
>Twilight shakes her head.
>"You have no idea.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"...What are you doing?"
"Trying to get [his] attention, he's right there!"
>"Huh, i somehow heard the brackets in that. Oh dont tell me you actually believe the crystal princess, those guys are higher dimensional beings, why in equestria would they want to come here?"
>"Besides, you know his side of it doesnt show anything, do you even know how many ponies have studied these windows since they started appearing?"
"Oh shush, at least i'm trying something instead of moping around at home."
>"..."
"Okay that was low, i'm sorry alright? I've just been so lonely lat-what? Is there something on my face?"
>"...Look at the window."
"...is he wiping at my spit? Can he SEE it? CAN HE SEE ME?!"
>"Lick it again!"
>"Well he just fell over his chair so it's safe to say he can see something."
>"Okay i think you can stop now, you've nearly covered the thing."
>"So uhh... are you going to contact the princess about this or just window clean some more?"
>"You realise you're now kissing the gla-and now he's doing it, right then, this somehow got even weirder than it started, have fun i guess."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~